17. Jenson
17
Jenson
My body vibrates with anger as I carry my sleeping daughter into the house. At no point did I even consider Leah would do the dirty. I was so swept away by her beauty and dirty mouth and now I feel like a total fucking fool that I didn’t see it coming. I should have seen the signs. Just like I did with my ex.
Lowering Amelia to her bed, she immediately turns over and grabs onto her closest teddy.
I stand for a few minutes and allow my mind to run back over the last few days. That place really was what dreams are made of. It was everything. So much more than I expected it to be. I thought my heart was going to explode that first time we drove up towards the castle. Amelia’s nose was smashed against the glass window trying to take it all in.
I was on such a high all the way home, even the delay didn’t dampen my spirits. We’d had an incredible time, but now Amelia was exhausted and I was desperate to see Leah. I never could have expected to walk into what I just did. I’d even texted her to say we were in a taxi. What fucking game is she playing at?
My teeth grind and the need to break something gets too much. Dropping a kiss on Amelia’s cheek, I quickly leave her room and head out for our abandoned cases.
She’s still there, standing by her front door. I can feel her stare, but I refuse to look over. I will not allow her to see how much she’s just ripped me apart.
I knew falling for her so damn fast would only get me in trouble, but I never thought it would be like this.
Throwing our cases down in the hallway, I close the front door behind me. What I really want to do is slam it so I feel the reverberations of my anger through my feet but with Amelia sleeping soundly above my head I can hardly do that.
So I do the next best thing. I march into the kitchen and grab the expensive bottle of whiskey my dad bought me for Christmas a few years ago and twist the top.
The golden liquid sloshes in the glass as my hand shakes. The second I’ve got the bottle on the counter, I lift the tumbler to my lips and down the entire measure in one. It burns, a lot more than I ever remember it doing when I used to drink it regularly, but the second the warmth hits my stomach, I know it’s exactly what I need.
* * *
“Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,” Amelia squeals as the bed bounces. Rolling over, I groan, the pounding in my head increasing as I become more conscious. “Can we look at the photos now?”
“Uh…” I clear my throat when nothing but a hoarse groan comes out. “In a bit, yeah? Why don’t you go and put the TV on and I’ll be down soon?”
I feel her stare for a few seconds, but I refuse to open my eyes, already aware that it’s too bright for me to have thought about shutting the curtains when I eventually stumbled up here last night—or early this morning.
“Daddy, are you okay?”
“Yeah, baby. Just a bit tired from chasing you around.” Even the sound of my own voice makes my head hurt more. This is exactly why I don’t usually drink when in charge of a child.
“We can just have a quiet day then, Daddy. I’ll go and make us a den to hang out in.”
“Sounds good.”
It’s not until she’s safely downstairs that I attempt to pry my eyes open. I regret it the moment the sunlight hit my irises, but I know I can’t hide in here in the dark all day, even as much as I’d like to.
I manage a quick shower and to brush my teeth before stumbling my way down the stairs. Thank fuck I had the hindsight to book today off work, although I thought I’d be struggling from exhaustion not heartbreak.
The thought of Leah with another man has pain shooting out from my chest. The faster she gets that house sold and gets the hell out of my life the better.
Kick-starting the coffee machine, I pour Amelia a milk and fix us both a bowl of cereal. The last thing I want to do right now is eat, but I can only hope it’ll soak up some of last night’s alcohol.
“Amelia, breakfast,” I call seconds before her footsteps run this way. I’ve no idea how she’s running around after the crazy few days we’ve had. She must be exhausted. Just as I think that, she comes haring around the corner dragging a blanket behind her that gets caught on the sideboard in the corner and I just about manage to catch her flying little body as she heads my way.
“Whoa, you need to slow down.” Her eyes are wide as she looks up at me in shock before she nods. “I think a quiet day is definitely in order. I might even allow you to put a princess film on.”
“Yesss, I know which one I want first.”
First?
* * *
Our plans for a quiet day last about two hours before Amelia insists that she wants to go out and play in the garden, seeing as the sun’s now broken through the clouds. I manage to put an end to her idea of going to knock for Leah to see if she wants to come over for another water fight.
I’m covering her arms with suntan lotion when banging comes from outside.
“What’s that, Daddy?”
Climbing to my feet, I find another man at Leah’s house, only this one is hammering a ‘For Sale’ sign into the front lawn. The sight is like a baseball bat to the chest and I stumble back from the window.
“What’s he doing?” Amelia asks innocently.
“He’s putting a ‘For Sale’ sign in front of Leah’s house.”
“Is she moving?”
“Yeah she is, baby.”
Amelia’s chin starts to wobble. “Can’t she move in here?”
Rubbing my hand over my face and up into my hair, I raise my eyes to the ceiling to pray for the answer to hit me.
“She can’t, Amelia.”
“But why?” she whines.
My frustration grows and I snap. “She just can’t okay. Go and play outside.”
Tears fill her eyes before she turns and runs from the house. The sound of her cries fills the air, making me feel like the worst dad on the planet.
Rubbing at the pain in my chest that won’t abate, I watch through the open French doors as she runs right to the end of the garden and starts climbing up the ladder to her tree house.
Knowing that I need to allow us both a minute to breathe, I turn back to the coffee machine to get another mug when the worst sound in the world hits my ears.Amelia’s bloodcurdling scream. Dropping the mug in my hand, it falls and shatters on the tiled floor as I turn on my heels and run towards where she is.
I run barefoot, dressed in only a pair of shorts, to the end of the garden where I can see my baby’s lifeless body laid out on the wood chippings below her tree house.
“Amelia,” I cry, hoping it’ll be enough to bring her around, but when I get to her and fall down on my knees at her side, she’s still out cold.
The tears that she was crying because I snapped at her are still wet on her cheeks.
“No,” I cry. “Wake up. Wake up, please, baby.”
My eyes run over her small body looking for any injuries, but I see no blood.
I run my thumb over her cheek, drying her tears and praying to whoever the fuck will listen to me that she’ll open her eyes.
“It’s okay, Daddy’s here. Come on, just open your eyes. Show me you’re o- okay.” The last few words fall from my lips on a sob. I’m totally useless right now.
Then a warm hand lands on my shoulder. I didn’t even hear anyone approaching.
“Ambulance, please.” Just the sound of her calm, soothing voice settles something inside me. I don’t hear the rest of her conversation. I’m too lost in the relief that I’m not alone right now, and in the panic coursing around my body.
“The ambulance will be here any minute. Everything will be okay.”
I can’t drag my eyes away from my daughter to look at her. I’m not sure I really want to because amongst everything I’m still too angry and disappointed with her. But then her arm wraps around my shoulder and she joins me on the floor and my entire body sags in relief.
“Come on, we need to get her in the recovery position. Do you think she’s hurt herself aside from bumping her head?”
“No, I... I don’t think so. Fuck,” I bark, standing and shoving my hands into my hair and pulling as hard as I can. “This is all my fucking fault. What have I done to her?”
“This is not your fault, Jenson. Now get back down here and support her until the experts arrive.”
The wood chippings dig into my knees as I drop back down beside my daughter. Reaching out, I place my hand on her shoulder. I’m powerless but look up when Leah’s delicate warm palm covers mine.
My breath catches when I take in her face because although she may sound calm right now and like she knows what she’s doing, her eyes are wide in panic and she’s got tears streaming down her face.
“It’ll be okay,” she whispers as the sound of a siren fills the air around us before paramedics run down the garden.