30. Beckett
Beckett
I ’m losing my mind. Not once in eighteen years has going without sex been an issue for me.
Not even as a teenager—when hormones are at their highest—was I consumed with the thought of sex the way I have been in the last twelve hours.
It’s all I’ve thought about.
I don’t remember wanting it this sharply when I was having sex either.
When I was with Whit’s mom she always initiated, always took the lead, gave directions, and with the lust scorching my veins since I kissed Cam last night, I know I never truly desired Catrina physically.
The sensations and emotions I’ve experienced with Cam are real in a way they never were with Whit’s mom even though I thought I was in love with her.
I’m sure I should see a therapist, probably look into it for Whit as well as myself, especially in the future when I tell her about her mom.
Meeting Cami, developing feelings for her, emotional and physical, has shone a light on my previous relationship like nothing else ever has .
It was all a lie.
To an extent I knew that, accepted Catrina didn’t love me the way I loved her, but now…
Now I know I didn’t love her at all. I loved the attention, the validation her perceived affection gave me. For someone starved of that for most of my life, it was addicting.
Except it was all fake.
From the moment she singled me out and offered to pay for my lunch, to the last time we were together only hours before I heard her make the appointment to abort our baby. All of it an act to suit her own needs.
And while I thought I understood why I was referred to as a victim, in the last twelve hours I’ve come to accept I was one.
I was preyed upon by a woman who’d gotten away with it before. A woman who would have done it again if I hadn’t wanted to protect my child.
A child who’s now a young woman and about to leave me alone in the house with the woman I can’t stop thinking about having sex with.
“Are you sure it’s okay?” Whit asks as she shoves a sweater in her bag.
“Yes, of course.” I’ve never wanted to push Whit away before, but right now I’m on the verge of shoving her out the door.
Her gaze flickers over mine. “You’re not worried about me?”
“Always. But I trust Chase and Natalie to look after you and I know you aren’t stupid. You won’t put yourself in a dangerous situation and if you find yourself in one, you’ll do everything you can to get out of it.”
“Huh.” Whit tilts her head and studies me like I’m a puzzle to be solved.
For a second I wonder if she can see right through me, if she can see the reason I’m letting her out of my sight so soon after the incidents with Kenneth Dupre and Herman Draper is so I can be alone with Cami.
The doorbell interrupts her scrutiny and with a smile and quick kiss to my cheek, she dashes for the door. “If you need me to come home, just call.”
“I won’t.”
“But if you do, I’m okay with it.”
“Whitbee, go, enjoy the day and I’ll see you tonight.”
“Will you tell Cami I said goodbye?” she tosses over her shoulder.
“Of course.”
“And make sure she takes it easy. I know she seemed normal last night, but she still needs to rest,” she tells me like I’ve never taken care of anyone before.
“Whit?”
With her hand on the front door, she looks back at me. “Yeah?”
“I’ve taken care of you multiple times over the years, I think I can handle making sure Cami doesn’t overdo it today.”
With a sheepish grin, she says, “Yeah, okay. I just feel bad that I get to have fun today and you two are stuck inside the house.”
If only she knew the fun I plan to have while stuck inside this house.
On second thought, no, I don’t ever want to think of her knowing the very adult fun you can have inside all day.
“We’ll be fine. Go before they leave without you.”
“Okay. See ya.”
She’s out the door before the last word is out of her mouth. With a chuckle, I check the door is shut and the lock engaged before I set the alarm.
The new security system is another reason I want Cam here. I know her father probably has one that rivals mine but knowing she’s safe and seeing she’s safe are two different things.
Satisfied no one is getting in without my knowledge, I head for the kitchen. Time to make some breakfast. I’ve been up a few hours, spent an hour of that in the gym and taken a shower.
Two showers.
Cold showers .
One at five when I woke sporting the biggest morning erection of my life beside a sound asleep Cam. And the second after an hour of physically punishing my body in various ways failed to extinguish the heat burning through me.
I’ve never experienced lust.
Sex has never been something I wanted or needed.
Until now.
Until Cami.
It’s almost like my libido has been in hibernation and now that it’s emerged from its dormant state, it’s ravenous.
Just the thought of Cam has fire blazing along my nerves, stripping the endings bare and leaving them raw—oversensitive.
Last night when she went to bed, I breathed a sigh of relief only to discover my mistake a few hours later when I joined her in my bedroom.
Where she or I would sleep never came up in conversation. And with us having slept in the same bed a couple of times now, I didn’t think twice about climbing the stairs to my room.
I didn’t think twice until I crawled under the covers and Cam wiggled her way across the mattress and wrapped herself around me.
I’ve never slept with a woman before her. Never seen one naked.
I may as well be a virgin.
With my lack of experience, I should be nervous about pursuing a relationship with Cam but all I feel is excitement, pleasure, rightness.
How can someone I barely know feel so right?
And why does it feel like I know her?
I can’t get a handle on the feelings Cam inspires.
Caution and fear should take precedence except they’re not. In fact, they’re nowhere near what’s rolling around inside me.
“Hey.”
Spinning around, I find Cam, hair rumpled, my t-shirt brushing the tops of her thighs, standing a few feet away, and the hard-on I’ve spent most of the morning trying to tame is back with a vengeance.
I don’t think, just react.
Hands on her waist, I lift her onto the counter and step between her legs.
Mouth and hands on her, I barely give either of us time to breathe.
I’m rough, reckless, ravenous.
I’m not holding back. I can’t.
The desire I feel, the fire burning bright, is marrow deep and if I don’t quench my thirst, it will take us both down in a blaze so hot there will be nothing left but ashes.
Her hands are on my head, her fingers tangled in my hair, tugging as though she’s trying to keep me close.
She needn’t worry. I’m not going anywhere until we’ve doused the flames burning my bones, licking at my skin.
I might not know from experience what to do, but I know what I want to do.
And it’s not Cam on my kitchen counter.
“Fuck.” Tearing my mouth from hers, I gasp for breath, my whole body vibrating with need. “We have to move this to the bedroom.”
She looks at me like I’m crazy. “I’m good here.” To prove her point she uses her grip on my hair to yank me closer again.
“I haven’t had sex in eighteen years. I’m not breaking that run by fucking you on my kitchen counter,” I growl as I pull her against me and lift. “I want you in my bed. Spread out so I can touch every inch of you.”
“Oh, okay.” Her fingers slip from my hair as she lowers her arms and wraps them around my neck. “I’m good with that too.”
Turning with her in my arms, I head for the stairs only to be brought up short when she leans back.
“Wait. Wait? Eighteen years?” She looks at me incredulously. “You were serious about that? I thought?—”
“I’d never lie about something like that. ”
“No.” She shakes her head. “You wouldn’t lie about that.”
“If you don’t want to do this…” I can’t believe I’m saying this, giving her time to rethink her decision, but we can’t keep going if she’s not fully onboard. I’d never force myself on anyone.
“Beckett, you cannot honestly believe I would want to stop after that kiss. After last night’s kiss.”
“I… Well.” I shrug. “I might not be any good at this.”
“Oh, you’re plenty good at this and we’ve barely started. Take me wherever you want as long as it means you’ll kiss me again.”
“I hope you’ll let me do more than kiss you.”
“Beckett, you better do more than kiss me. I want you to fuck me.”
My dick throbs and it’s all I can do to keep us on track. Laughing, I get us moving again and when I reach the stairs, I take them two at a time.
“Pretty sure I’m going to embarrass myself the second I get inside you, especially when you say things like that. But I need to make it worth it for you before we get to that.”
“But—”
“Yeah, I’m practically a virgin. Doesn’t mean I don’t know how to make it good for you.”
“You already have.”
“Not enough. I’d prefer to strip you out of my shirt and indulge everything I can think of but never done.”
“I’m sure you did a lot with…”
“No. And that’s another ugly story I’d rather not get into right now. I want us to be the only two people in my bed when I get you there.”
“We will be.”
“Good. Because I’ve got a lifetime of sexual exploration to do.”
As we reach my bedroom door, Cam whispers, “Stop.”
Not about to do anything she’s not up for, I stop. “What?” I lower my voice to match hers.
“Where’s Whitney? ”
“Out.”
“Out?”
“Yes, out. For the day. With Chase and Natalie and the kids,” I explain.
“Oh. When did she leave?”
“About five minutes ago. She said to say goodbye.”
“And she’ll be gone all day?”
“Cam.”
“We have the house to ourselves?”
“Yes. Now can we—” The look she gives me, the curve of her mouth, has me losing all thoughts.
The smile curling her lips is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. Then again, it could be because she’s in my arms and I know what we’re going to spend the day doing that’s making me think that.
“What are you thinking?” I ask when she continues to smile at me.
“How do you feel about a bubble bath?”
Frowning, I ask, “Hip still hurting?”
“No. My hip is fine.” To demonstrate she squeezes my waist with her legs. “I’ve always fantasized about having sex in a big tub overflowing with bubbles like the one in your bathroom.”
“You’re never done it?” Why does the thought of sharing a first with Cam have a burst of satisfaction filling my chest and my cock twitching?
“Nope. Never dated a guy with one big enough.” She rocks against me. “Not big enough in more ways than one.”
“As much as I’d like to experience that with you, and we will before the end of the day, I need you on my bed. I want to explore every inch of you, find every spot that makes you shiver, every spot that makes you sigh. I want to learn everything that pleases you, how you taste, what your skin smells like, how soft it is.”
“This is sounding very one-sided.”
I move into the bedroom. “It is. Because I’m going to embarrass myself in two seconds once I get inside you or if you touch me. ”
“I doubt that.”
I chuckle. “You’ll see.”
“Yes, we will.”
I’m not sure how, but it sounds like I’ve laid down a challenge. I’m up for anything with this woman. If she needs me to prove I’m on a very short fuse, I will.
But first I’m going to light her fuse and send her soaring.