6. Josie
“How could you do this, Phil?” Mom’s shrill voice tears through our house. “We spent months getting you out of your last hole. Don’t you have any sense?”
I’m in my room, ear pressed against the door to hear what they’re talking about. It’s not needed with mom screaming, but they were more reserved in their conversation when I started eavesdropping.
I’ve listened in for years. All their secrets, fights, mercies, and fears echo into our walls like an insidious disease. But our home doesn’t make it very hard to hear. Thin walls and doors don’t mitigate sound well, so it isn’t as much a feat as I like to pretend.
Over the years, I’ve heard it all. How I was conceived by accident on a drunken New Year’s Eve in the bathroom of some cheap diner. Mom being a wild child who used to drink, smoke, and enjoy the occasional hit from the bong. How Dad got caught slacking off and got the ax at his job on the docks. Worse, I suppose, is Dad’s gambling.
“Mary, please keep your voice down. Josie’s going to hear,” Dad responds.
He’s a good dad in his own way. Doing his best to shield me from the horrors the world can offer. Sometimes, I have to wonder if his help is more harmful than good.
“She doesn’t need to be involved in this.” Panic floods Dad’s voice as if me knowing what’s happening will change his predicament. It’s more likely that his hysteria comes from the situation more than my involvement. But Dad has always leaned into me as a crutch. As their daughter, I’m a get-out-of-jail-free card during their arguments.
“She isn’t a child anymore. I won’t keep tiptoeing around subjects when she’s home because you’re afraid she’s going to see you as a failure.” Poison laces Mom’s words.
“It’s a couple grand. I’ll clear the debt by the end of the week,” Dad says.
“With your zero dollar-a-year salary?” Mom’s not holding back. I’ve never heard her so angry.
“I did it for us. If it paid out?—”
“But it didn’t. It never does, and you never learn. How many more holes are you going to dig for this family?”
“Mary, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Maxwell said the pony was a surefire. How was I supposed to know it would keel over and die?” Dad says defeatedly.
“You took a deal with a bookie on his surefire bet?” Mom hisses.
Dad’s in deep with another loan shark. The news isn’t surprising. We just cleared the last debt he struck up.
“Maxwell Lauren is a monster. He rigged your race to get you back in his pocket.” Mom stops screaming. She sounds disappointed, the same way she would when I came home from school with a bad grade on a paper. “How long do we have until the first payment is due?”
“I… I….” Dad stutters. “I’m already late on the first. But it’s okay. I spoke to him. He’s a reasonable man and isn’t pressing it.”
“Oh, Phillip, when will you learn?” Mom says before going to her room. She shuts the door, but it doesn’t hide the muffled purring of her forthcoming tears.
Now’s as good a time as any to get out of here.
I break away from the door and grab my coat. Work waits for no one, and I can’t be late. Not that I want to be here instead. These are real-world problems, and I’m still drifting in fantasy land with Luca Palermo. The Sunken Sailor might be a dump with grubby clientele, but it’s much better with Luca around.
My pulse quickens, and my heart flutters in my chest. After last night’s adventure outside, I feel like I’m floating in a dream. Luca’s odd way of ending our session didn’t deter me. It stoked a fire that needed him as the kindling.
But what if he doesn’t feel the same way? What if his seat is empty tonight? My protector abandoning me because I pushed too hard?
There’s one way to find out.
I slip out of my room, and the place is empty. Passing Mom and Dad’s room, I can hear them talking inside. The harsh tones are replaced with sympathetic mewling from Dad while Mom sobs quietly.
“I’m heading out. I’ll see you later,” I shout as if I didn’t hear anything.
“Okay, honey. Have a good night at work,” Dad says. Mom doesn’t reply.
The short walk in the late afternoon sun is pleasant, but it doesn’t do much for my nerves. They tense and pulse with every step carrying me to my destination. The intrusive thought from home returns. What if Luca doesn’t come around?
I’d try to block the thought, but I’d stress about Luca over Dad’s gambling debts any day. At least the fantasy can continue. My mind can play out the insane adventures we’ll go on as the world around me melts into rainbows, butterflies, and all those sweet things they sell in romantic comedies.
I get to the Sailor, and my head shoots to Luca’s booth. It’s occupied, but it isn’t Luca nursing a glass of aged scotch. It’s a young couple cozying up to one another for a late afternoon drink.
Scanning the bar doesn’t yield any solace. The usual Saturday afternoon crowd has shuffled in, enjoying toasted cheese sandwiches and their last pint of whatever before heading home. Smoke floods the room from the tables to the edge of the bar where Oscar sets the last few clean glasses in place for the night shift rush.
But there is no Luca, and without him, my happiness walks straight back out the door I entered.
“Hey, Josie.” He waves at me with a bottle of rum firmly in his grasp. “You ready for tonight?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” I muster what little enthusiasm I can without my behemoth watching over me.
“Good, it’s going to be a busy one. Sunken Saturday’s kicking off with a bang. Half-price shots and buy-one-get-one specials are on.”
At least I’ll be running around all night instead of listlessly wondering if I scared Luca off.