Chapter 16 Killian
Killian
“Ireally appreciate you meeting with me.”
Killian grunted out something that might have sounded like “no problem” if his jaw had been a little less tense.
He was getting too close to his rut, and he really should have been spending as much time home as possible, not out in public. But he’d needed to take care of something first. Or he’d thought he’d needed to. It was possible he hadn’t been thinking quite clearly when he’d arranged this meeting.
Eli Miller looked the same as ever. Short and slender and fine-featured—an ideal omega in the old-fashioned sense of it, if one ignored that he was whip-smart and clearly professionally ambitious, seeing as how he had locked down tenure by the age of thirty-four.
He was sipping the coffee Killian had given him and pretending not to be confused as to why Killian had summoned him to meet in person.
Killian was possibly wondering the same thing. It had been a last-minute decision he was now regretting. He’d just … wanted to see. Wanted to know.
Although, what he’d wanted to know wasn’t coming to mind at the moment.
Eli sniffed the air, blanched noticeably, and set down his cup.
He cleared his throat, leaning forward in a way that seemed to imply he was getting down to business.
“You know, I was wondering why you didn’t just make this an email, but then my boyfriend told me this morning that we actually have a mutual acquaintance. ”
It took a moment for that to register. Killian sat back in his chair. “Chase told Noah about us?”
Eli cocked his head. “You seem surprised.”
“I am.”
“But not upset.”
“No.”
Killian was anything but upset, even though he hadn’t known that Chase had spoken to his roommates. Killian was fighting not to immediately read too much into it, actually.
Something had shifted for him when it came to their relationship, that night he’d picked up Chase from the restaurant, when Chase had finally shared some of that pain inside him and where it came from. And Killian’s impending rut was only stirring it all up that much more.
Killian was done with restraint, with secrecy, with playing it safe. He wanted to claim his beta. Officially. Publicly. He was fairly certain with the slightest bit of encouragement he’d be ready to move Chase into his home this very day.
But even with his hormones raging and impatience running through his veins, Killian knew Chase wasn’t ready.
He wasn’t ready, and it was driving Killian crazy.
Chase was just too … far away. Not physically—although, with his rut so close, Killian did very much want Chase right here, right now, at all times—but emotionally.
For all that Chase melted like putty in Killian’s hands during sex, and for all that he put up with all Killian’s demanding, bossy care afterward, there was still a wall there.
Something practically solid and opaque standing between them and a future together.
The most clear sign of it was how quickly Chase changed the goddamn subject anytime Killian tried to talk to him about anything surrounding their relationship.
It was a new habit of his, as if he sensed how desperate Killian was getting and was managing to sidestep the issue entirely.
And Killian didn’t know how to break through that wall without scaring Chase away.
Chase was too self-possessed and too self-contained, and Killian could too easily picture him walking away, keeping everything they’d shared together tucked deep inside and never letting it out again.
But why Killian had thought meeting with Professor Miller was the key to his problem, Killian didn’t quite know.
Except that Eli had done it—he’d had a relationship with a student, kept it secret and safe, and now was integrating their lives like any other couple, if the things Chase had told Killian were true.
Surely the omega had some sort of insight?
The look Eli was giving Killian bordered on pitying.
He’d obviously realized Killian had no interest in discussing work today.
He gave him a small smile. “You know, I really don’t know him that well yet.
We’ve only spent a few evenings together.
Although, he did come over for a little pool party a bit ago. ”
Oh, Killian knew all about the goddamn pool party.
He’d been seething with something remarkably close to jealousy at the thought of a sun-soaked, water-slicked Chase lounging about completely out of Killian’s reach, and he’d left a massive, indiscreet hickey on Chase’s neck.
Killian hadn’t even had an impending rut to blame then.
It hadn’t been his finest hour.
He could make up for it now. He could say something reasonable and polite to Eli and get back to the business at hand—helping Eli navigate the publishing industry.
Instead, Killian found himself asking, “How did it fall apart with you and your ex?”
“Richard?” Eli’s eyes widened with shock, then narrowed in indignation. “Is that really any of your business?”
“No.” Killian sighed. “It isn’t.”
Eli stared at him for a moment. Then he sat back in his chair, mirroring Killian’s posture.
“He was selfish, and he tried to make me something I wasn’t,” he eventually said, and Killian must have been looking truly pathetic for the favor Eli was doing him in his honesty. “That and the rampant cheating.”
Well, that wasn’t helpful. Killian was selfish with everyone but Chase; he liked Chase exactly as he was, and he had absolutely no desire to fuck another non-Chase person for as long as he lived.
Eli propped his chin on his hand. He had warm eyes. Kind eyes. A direct contrast to Killian’s gaze, which he’d been told more than once was steely. “You know, if he wants you to go slow, just go slow. Although, I know that’s … challenging for alphas.”
Killian cursed quietly, swiping a hand over his face.
In terms of advice, it was the opposite of what he’d been looking for.
“I apologize for … today. This. I’ll email you all the details of how I got my book out there.
I can even get you in touch with my agent.
She’d be thrilled. Your reputation precedes you. ”
“Thank you.” Eli was still studying him. “Can I say something indelicate?”
Killian waved a hand. “Go right ahead. Decorum hasn’t exactly been the theme of this meeting.”
Eli nodded, then folded his hands in his lap. “Maybe wait until your rut has passed to make any big relationship moves.”
Wise. Fucking. Words.
Killian leaned down to fish a small bottle out of his desk drawer. He shoved it in Eli’s direction. “Scent-neutralizing spray. It’s not a perfect fix, but—”
“I appreciate that.” Eli took the bottle and rose from his chair, and Killian idly wondered how long this slipup of his would take to get back to Noah, and if Noah would share it with his beta best friend.
Eli paused at the door. “I don’t know enough to know if I’m rooting for you or not, but either way, good luck.”
“Thanks.” Killian resisted the urge to slam his forehead down on his desk repeatedly. “I think I might need it.”
The drive home was a blur, Killian too frustrated with himself to pay proper attention to the road.
What had he been expecting Eli to give him, The How to Go from Fucking Your Student to Forming a Life Partnership Handbook?
Killian had made a fool of himself for no reason, and the only thing he’d gained was the reminder that he wasn’t in the right headspace for any big decisions.
Which was also bullshit, because Killian knew what he wanted. It was convincing Chase of the same thing that was the issue.
Killian stormed into his house, beelining to the coffeepot, since it was too early for whiskey.
He needed to send some emails. He was too close to his rut and clearly in no state to teach his classes for the rest of the week.
He had some prerecorded lectures to fall back on, and a TA would have to do the rest.
Killian could feel things building, could feel himself getting more aggressive, more protective over what was his.
And horny. He was getting fucking horny.
He didn’t need to be off hounding random omegas about how to woo Chase. He needed Chase here.
The thing was, Killian had a feeling that if he simply told Chase, in no uncertain terms, “We’re dating now. It’s official. You’re mine,” Chase would allow it. He’d go along with Killian as he always did, pliant and eager and a good fucking boy until the end.
But Killian couldn’t do that with everything that came their way; it couldn’t always be his decision. If they were going to build something real, Chase had to be an equal partner. He had to want it just as much as Killian.
Even half as much would be acceptable at this point.
Killian couldn’t go around ordering, “You’re moving in.”
“We’re getting married.”
“I’m claiming you.”
A claiming bite. A perfect, bite-shaped scar on the back of Chase’s perfect, unmarred neck.
Fuck. Killian’s dick was hard. Rock fucking hard.
He abandoned his coffee and went straight to the couch, undoing his buckle hurriedly. He shoved his hand into his pants and grasped his cock. Tugged it. Growled in frustration.
This wasn’t right. It wasn’t right at all.
Killian needed something hot and wet and tight around him.
Chase’s pretty pink mouth. Or Chase’s hole, spit-soaked and lubed to all hell.
Or fuck, he’d even take Chase’s thighs, muscular and firm and squeezed tight around his cock.
They hadn’t done that yet, but Killian was already planning to during his rut, when Chase needed a break from his knot.
Killian was going to lube those thighs and squeeze them together and fuck into them like a madman.
Fuck. Killian was hot. Too hot. His clothes were terrible too. He’d thought they were good quality—fucking expensive as hell—but they itched at his skin.
He took them all off.
The smell of the coffee was aggravating now too. Killian rose from the couch and strode naked into his kitchen. He turned the coffee pot off and dumped it all out in the sink.
No foreign scents, even coffee scents. Only Killian’s pheromones. And his beta, wrapped up in them so tightly everyone knew he was Killian’s.
Where was his beta?
Chase was supposed to be here. Naked. Safe.
Only Killian would get to see him wet and flushed and desperate.
Killian would make sure all the windows and doors were locked so they wouldn’t be interrupted.
Because he was going to knot his beta, and that would take time.
Killian was going to be careful. Gentle.
No hurting him. Because Chase was strong, but he was also fragile. And he was … not here?
His phone. Killian needed his phone. And lube. There needed to be lube everywhere. His bedroom. The living room. The kitchen. Because he was going to knot Chase, and he wasn’t going to hurt him. Not once.
Killian went back to the couch and gathered his clothes. He took them to his bedroom and set them on his bed. Chase might want them. He might want to be surrounded by soft things that smelled like Killian.
They needed more blankets.
Killian went to his closet and started gathering the extras he kept there, setting them with his clothes. He added his robe to the pile, the one he wore on cooler winter mornings.
There. That was good. Chase could arrange them however he wanted. He would like that, wouldn’t he? A soft pile of nice things that smelled like Killian?
Where was Chase?
Right. Killian needed his phone.
He went back to the bed and took his phone out of his pants pocket.
Killian: Come here.
Killian: Come now.
There. His beta would come.
Killian went to the kitchen. He needed to make sure he had enough food on hand for his beta.
Good things. Sweet things. Easy things. Fruit and nuts and those energy bars they made to fuel omegas during their heats.
He’d stuff his beta with his knot, and he’d feed him delicious morsels, and he’d take such good care of him that Chase would never want to come off.
After a minute Killian went back to his bedroom. He grabbed his phone again.
Killian: Rut.