Chapter Four Shelby #3
I cut my steak, and the knife squeaks against the plate.
I may have pushed harder than necessary, but holding back all the words I always hold back during this conversation is harder than usual.
I shouldn’t draw out this discussion. I should leave it alone.
But I slam my knife and fork down onto the plate.
Yeah. I’m going there. “You know...taking pictures isn’t a character flaw.
Someday my pictures are all that will be left when I’m gone. ”
He nods while chewing a piece of steak. After he swallows, he says, “Okay. I’m not really a picture person. I lived it, I’m going to remember it.”
I take a deep breath, not wanting to ruin our dinner. But this is important to me.
“Pictures aren’t always for you, sometimes they are for the people that love you.
My parents weren’t picture people either.
After they died, there were hardly any pictures of them.
Only a handful of baby pictures of me. More for Phoebe since my grandparents made sure to take more pictures.
It broke my grandmother’s heart to not have many pictures of her son.
So I take pictures. Even if they don’t mean anything to anyone else, I’ll look at my picture of this dinner and remember the day an old friend was kind to me and gave me refuge. ”
It must be a trick of the waning light, but Finn’s eyes appear to glisten. It can’t be tears.
“I really am lucky to live here,” he says, picking up the thread of our prior conversation.
“Being from Oregon, I’d go to the coast with my family.
It’s different from this. More rugged. But I love this.
” He gestures with a sweep of his fork to the vista before us.
“And the Pine Barrens feel like home. I like to go out there and hike. Some of it lies within refuge borders, so I cover it as part of my duties.”
Thank goodness we’re changing the subject. I can go along with that. “What is your job? Are you a ranger?”
He holds up a finger as he chews his bite of steak and washes it down with a sip of beer.
“I’m a biologist,” he answers after swallowing. “My job is to monitor the wildlife and environment, especially when it comes to any endangered or vulnerable species. Track migratory species. Sometimes I give presentations, but I prefer to stay in the background. Take water samples.”
I nod. I like hearing more about Finn’s life.
“I’m also an adjunct professor at the local university. I teach a course on wildlife management on Mondays. We do fieldwork at the refuge for our lab.”
My turn to have a furrowed brow. “Being a college professor isn’t being in the background. That’s pretty much front and center.”
With a shrug, he makes a “hmm” sound in his throat. “Well, fifteen students isn’t really a crowd. And it’s not my main job.”
“Another? Biologist, professor—” I count the titles off on my fingers. “—and...”
“Well...I’m not officially law enforcement, but I’m always alert to people who pose a threat to the wildlife.
An island north of here is protected breeding grounds for piping plovers, and beach access is restricted during breeding season.
I’m part of the patrol that makes sure people leave them alone. It’s all part of the job.”
The thought of Finn protecting baby birds makes my heart all fluttery and mushy.
Can this man be any more precious? Turns out he can be.
After we finish eating and tidying the kitchen, I get ready for bed, open my window to let the breeze in, and climb between the sheets with a sigh.
This was not how I expected my wedding day to end, but honestly, I don’t regret anything.
Not marrying Konner is probably one of the best decisions I ever made.
Who thought discovering my fiancé cheating on me would be a good thing?
It’s scary that I was about to pledge my fidelity and love until my dying day to that man, and I’m not heartbroken.
I’m pissed off I was betrayed by both my fiancé and my best friend, but I’m not hurt.
That makes me sad. I was so glad to not be alone that I was settling for so much less than I deserved.
A man who professed to love me and want a family with me didn’t want to have sex with me for three months before our wedding.
And I was okay with that. What does that say about me?
I want a marriage with desire and passion, not just the appearance of compatibility.
I deserve friends who are loyal to me. Maybe Finn is right.
Maybe it’s better to be alone than to be with the wrong person.
I wonder if I’ll ever find the right person.
And will they recognize I’m the right person for them?
I think that’s the bigger challenge...because I think I found my person a couple of years ago.
Just as I’m about to drift off to sleep, I hear the strains of a guitar through my window.
Closing my eyes with a soft smile on my lips, I prepare for sleep to take over.
My eyes pop open when I hear Finn’s deep voice singing an old song asking the listener if he told them lately that he loved them.
I’ve always loved this song. When he gets to the line about not putting anyone else above them, Marsha chirps and meows in response.
Oh my goodness, he serenades his cat. And she sings back to him!
Top-notch preciousness. Marsha is not the only pussy affected.