Chapter Six
S pence ignored his phone as he laid out the chalk line for the corrals. He had a good idea who it was, and sure enough, when he took a break and fished his phone out of the jacket lying on the tailgate of his truck, Millie’s name was on the screen. Missed call. Missed call. Missed call.
Spence hit her name and, a few seconds later, she answered. “Finally,” she said, instead of hello.
“What’s up?”
“I have a job. A quick one.”
“My dad’s surgery is in a few weeks.”
“You’ll be back by then. I have a guy out and need a replacement, pronto.”
Spence shifted his jaw sideways. With the exception of working on Hayley’s corrals, and keeping an eye on her place in case Hunt did anything stupid, which no one expected him to do now that the water was flowing on the Keller Ranch, he was at loose ends until after the surgery. He was supposed to take Henry’s place when he returned to the ranch, allowing the old man to retire, but Henry wasn’t easing toward the door, and frankly, with both he and Henry in one job, there wasn’t enough to do. And, in Millie’s defense, he usually went where she needed him. That said, they’d had a discussion in which she’d promised to only call if she were desperate.
Or thought she was desperate. Since Millie was a touch reactionary, so it was hard to tell which it was.
With the exception of Hayley’s corrals, which he’d finish before leaving in October, he was in a good place to take the short contract... but he didn’t want to.
When had that ever happened before?
He’d had contracts that he knew going in would be pains in the butt, but he took them. And completed them efficiently and on time, just as he should take this contract and finish it efficiently and on time, then return to the ranch to help Reed and Henry as the hay harvest got underway.
He had a sneaking suspicion that the reason he didn’t want to take this contract was because of Hayley and some misguided protective instinct.
Her crew was young, but seemed to know what they were doing, and other than one desperate phone call from Hunt (probably), there’d been no repercussions to her leasing water to his family. What could Hunt do about that now?
Spence was certain that the man would channel his energy into other venues, so...
“I’ll let you know tomorrow.”
“Not a second later,” Millie said.
“Check with Dawson. He might be the man for the job.”
Millie let out a sigh. Dawson was an excellent welder, but something of a loose cannon. If he made it to the jobsite, then all was well. It was getting him there that was the problem. “Don’t wish that on me.”
When he ended the call, he turned to see Hayley standing a few yards behind him.
“Yes, this is me. Eavesdropping,” she said as she casually leaned a shoulder against the heavy bay door beam.
He pushed his hat back, grappling again with the change in the woman. Confidence was sexy and, in Hayley’s case, also intriguing. He’d gotten a glimpse of the steel beneath her shy exterior years ago, but after the incident, she’d gone back to keeping her gaze down as she negotiated the hallways of the high school and walking as if she didn’t want to be noticed. Come to find out, she had, and he’d fallen down on the job. But he’d been eighteen and pretty focused on himself, so he gave himself a pass for that. It was the present that interested him.
The woman standing near the door did not have her gaze down. She seemed to be assessing him. No. She was definitely assessing him. He met her gaze with a quizzical look, and her cheeks went red.
“Sorry,” she said. “I was just thinking what a difference ten years makes.”
“You’re saying I’ve changed?”
She gave him a surprisingly sassy smile. “You still have the same devil-may-care attitude.”
“But . . .”
She gave an innocent shrug. “But nothing.”
“Uh-huh.”
She continued to hold his gaze, but the color in her cheeks had deepened, and he took a swaggering step forward. “What’s changed, Hayley?”
She tilted her head, pretended to consider, and he wondered if her heart rate had amped up as they faced off as his had.
“I’m having a hard time reconciling this you with the lanky kid I drove to the basketball finals.” He lifted an eyebrow and she said simply, “You’ve filled out.”
Spence made his mouth a hard line to keep from laughing, but he flexed an arm. “I’ve been working on my guns.”
“Me too.”
“Let’s see.”
Hayley gamely rolled up her sleeve and flexed. Yes, she had been working on her guns, or daily life on the ranch had done it for her.
“It didn’t sound like you want to take the job.”
“Yeah. But I should. It’s short and I’d be back before the surgery. Unless things go sideways.”
“So you’re not taking it in case things go sideways?”
“I want to be here when the folks need me. Henry was supposed to retire a few months ago, but he isn’t. He just keeps working, and even my dad, the guy who bulldozes his way through any situation, hasn’t had a sit-down with him. They just keep paying his monthly salary, and he just keeps earning it.”
“Huh.”
“So I have no reason not to take a short contract.” Now he was talking more to himself than to her. Saying it out loud didn’t change the fact that it felt wrong, and Spence was a guy who followed his gut.
“Once Dad’s back on his feet, I’ll have plenty of contracts.”
“Why no roots, Spence?”
He gave her a look. “Sometimes I wonder that myself.” He had no answer other than he didn’t like being tied down. Never had.
“There’s a reason.”
“Yeah?” he asked on a softly challenging note. “Any guesses as to what that might be?”
“Middle child between the wild older brother and the adorable twins. I think you grew up going your own way and have no reason to live any other way.”
“Is that a note of approval I hear?”
“I think”—she said slowly—“that you’re being true to yourself.”
“I guess I am.” And he’d never thought about his independent streak having something to do with his birth order, but it probably did. He’d discovered the benefit of being the odd man out decades ago. While the folks were focused on whatever Reed was up to, while simultaneously being exhausted by the workload of young twins with vivid imaginations, he’d been left to his own devices. And loved it.
But it also might have made him a touch self-centered. He did what he wanted when he wanted. And he had to say that he was a smoother operator than Reed. When he and his friends had embarked on adventures that may have landed them in deep trouble, they made contingency plans. Reed had not.
“How about you?”
“What about me?”
“You’ve changed.”
“I have. Worked hard at it too.” She pushed off the doorframe. “If you take this job, the corrals will still be here when you get back. They’ve been nothing but a pile of pipe for nearly four years, so a few weeks won’t change anything.”
“Noted.”
“I’m serious, Spence.”
“So am I.”
She gave him a look that clearly said she knew something else was going on, and that she’d like to know what. He’d be happy to tell her if he knew.
“Take the job, Spence. I appreciate all your help, but it can wait.”
“I might not have the time after Dad’s surgery.”
“A chance I’ll take.”
“Are you kicking me off the Lone Tree?”
She considered. “Is that what it’ll take?”
“Did it ever occur to you that I may not want to take the job?”
“Is that true?”
Yes, but since he didn’t know why exactly, he merely shrugged. Hayley wasn’t having it. “Sidestepping, Keller?”
There was something about her challenging tone that had him narrowing his eyes. “You got a problem with that?” he growled, and Hayley laughed, a wonderful throaty laugh that made him want to make her laugh again.
“I think you should take the job.”
“I think you’ve never welded in the southwest in the early summer.”
“Probably better than in the dead of summer.”
“You have a point.” He indicated the lines he’d marked. “A good rain will take them away.”
“We’ll do them again.”
“We?”
Now she shrugged. “Why not?”
He smiled a little, enjoying the way the sunlight turned her hair aflame, but knowing better than to stare after the last time she’d called him out for commenting on her hair. “I’ll think about it. In the meantime, I’ll do this.”
“Good enough. Just one more thing.” She ambled a few steps closer, until the toes of their blunt-toed leather boots were only a few inches away from one another. “You’re not hanging around because of that late-night phone call, are you?”
One corner of his mouth tightened. “A little bit.”
“I’m good. He’s not going to do anything now that the water is flowing.”
Spence put a hand on the back of his neck and squeezed the taut muscles there as he looked down at Hayley. Her features were delicate, but there was no denying the strength in her expression. Whoever had helped her come out of her shell had done a good job.
Or maybe it had been all her.
The air between them went oddly still as they regarded one another. Spence felt as if he couldn’t—or maybe it was shouldn’t—move and thus break the spell. The moment stretched and hit the point of near awkwardness. Something was going to happen. It felt inevitable and who was Spence to defy fate?
The afternoon light slanted over them, turning Hayley’s hair to fire and warming Spence’s back. He reached out to lightly trace the back of his finger down the side of her face.
Her lips parted at the contract, but she didn’t back away.
It was odd how one night of shared adventure years ago made him feel like he knew her. Maybe he did, on a primal level. Maybe that shared experience had cut to the essence of their beings. And maybe that was why she was looking at him in a way that caused his groin to stir.
Oh, yeah. Just what he needed. He shouldn’t have touched her.
But he did, and now he was about to touch her again. He leaned in as her hands came up the front of his jacket to lightly touch his face, then brought his head down until their lips met, drew apart, then met again. Spence realized several seconds in that he could lose himself in this woman in a serious way. There were things about her that he wanted to know. Things that he wanted to discover. But, for the moment, he contented himself with exploring her mouth as he pulled her close.
When their lips finally parted, Hayley dropped her gaze and eased back a step, her hands falling away from his upper arms. It was the first time he’d seen her revert to her old self, but almost as quickly as her gaze went down, it came back up again.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” she said, her eyes wide as she regarded him. He hoped they weren’t wide with horror.
“It was kind of a joint effort.”
A short laugh escaped her lips. “I don’t want to send the wrong vibe, that’s all.”
“What vibe is that, Hayley?”
Her color started rising, but her expression was businesslike when she said, “The vibe where I’m looking for...” She gestured. Spence didn’t guess at what she meant because he wanted to know exactly where they stood.
“I’m all about sailing my ship alone,” she finally replied after the silence had stretched to the point of being uncomfortable.
“If you’re telling me not to read too much into things, I get it.”
“You do?”
“I’m not looking for anything either.”
The look of relief on her face might have been ego-denting, if she hadn’t kissed him so enthusiastically a few minutes ago.
Her smile was just crooked enough to convey both gratitude and a touch of rueful honesty. “I have to tell you that I haven’t partaken in too many casual kisses, so maybe I panicked?”
“Exactly the response I intend when I kiss someone.”
The smile became more genuine at the wry comment, then she let out a breath that made her shoulders drop. “I guess I didn’t need to say anything.”
“About what?”
“Not looking for anything. A guy who spends as much time on the road as you do... well, you’ve probably made a choice not to get tied down.”
He hadn’t made that choice, but he did not correct her, because she was right in a way. He loved his life right now, traveling, being his own boss. But was he going to love it forever, as in never put down roots? When he thought of his distant future, he kind of visualized himself settled somewhere. But that was fodder for a long think on another day.
“Then I guess we understand each other. No worries.” And probably no more kissing, because he could still feel the soft pressure of her lips and the way his body stirred as her tongue had gently teased his.
“I have something on the stove.” She gave him a wry look, obviously thinking he thought she was making an excuse to escape. “I honestly do.”
“Then you better go check on it.”
“Right.” She turned and headed into the barn and a moment later he heard the door at the front of the building open and shut.
All righty then. Spence rubbed his hand over the back of his neck again and regarded the pipe. Maybe it would be best if he took the job Millie was offering. He’d never been one to run away from a situation and this thing with Hayley was starting to feel like a situation.
It also felt different that anything he’d experienced before and maybe some time away would allow him to get his head on straight. And maybe Henry would stop coming to work by the time he got back?
Time would tell.
*
You need to kiss Spence Keller more often.
The thought cartwheeled through Hayley’s head time and again as she went about her business that day, along with snippets of the conversation that had followed. She loved how he’d simply accepted that she was happy with her life as it was, probably assuming that she and he were similar in that regard.
Were they?
Maybe, but she didn’t think it was for the same reasons. She had a pretty clear vison as to why Spence was a rolling stone—she might be off base, but she didn’t think so—and it wasn’t the same as the reason she wasn’t looking for a partner in her life. Even if their reasons were different, the result was the same, and the knowledge that they were on the same page in that regard had a crazy thought pushing its way into her head.
Crazy, yet . . . not.
It would solve a lot of problems . . .
Or cause more.
Hayley did not back away from the debate—if anything, she embraced it. What if, what if, what if?
“Hayley?”
She looked up to see Andie’s head poke through the doorway. “Yeah?”
“You’ve got some serious fence issues in the north pasture. A tree came down and wiped out a good section. It’s going to take chainsaws and manpower.”
Hayley was glad that she wasn’t putting any animals in that pasture for the next six weeks. She wiped her palms down her pants. “It must have come down in that windstorm we had a couple weeks ago.”
Andie nodded, then said, “What do you want to do about it?”
“I’ll ride out and take a look, let you know.”
“Great.” She nodded, then said, “Are you okay with me taking off after work?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I just wanted to make sure. The Hunts were more about the staff not leaving until their official days off. We were ‘on call,’ which usually meant cleaning up some mess.”
“On this ranch, you’re free as soon as you’re off the clock. Big plans?”
“You remember that guy we met at the horse sale? Brandon Grady.”
“The one you thought you had class with?”
“Yes. That one. He called me and asked if I wanted to have a drink, and... I do.” She smiled.
“How did he get your number?”
Andie glanced down. “I have ads up at the feedstore and Big Z’s, offering to start and train colts. I put them up the day you hired me and never took them down. I’ll take them down when I meet Brandon.”
“Or leave them up. If you want to train in your spare time, I’m okay with that.”
“No offense,” Andie said, “but I don’t see having a lot of spare time.”
She was right. They had tons to do, and what had she done? She’d encouraged a guy that could help them out to take another job.
“You have a point, but maybe in the fall?”
“Maybe.”
Hayley pressed her lips together as she followed Andie out of the barn. Fencing issues were normal, especially after a stormy winter, but she would have appreciated not having a major repair facing her down when she was shorthanded. She’d told Spence that she and Andie and her high school crew could handle matters—and they could—but they didn’t need extra work on top of the seasonal chores.
Andie headed to her bunk and Hayley to the greenhouse to check the temperature there.
Spence would be back, and she imagined that unless things got crazy on the Keller Ranch, he’d lend a hand where needed. She appreciated that, and she wondered if they’d cozy up to one another again.
Probably not. Cozying would muddy waters that she wanted to be crystal clear—if she was brave enough to follow through with her crazy idea.
Time, it seemed, would tell just how brave she was able to be.
*
Spence took the contract. It was either that or block Millie’s calls. But he made it clear that this was the last contract until fall. He and Henry and Daniel had a heart-to-heart prior to him accepting the job, during which time Spence realized just how frightened the older man was of the huge life change. What would he do with his time, having no family to speak of?
“You’ll stay here on the ranch,” Daniel said. “But Henry, no offense, you’re slowing down.”
The old man let out a sigh. “I know. But I can’t stay if I don’t earn my keep.”
“You’ve already done that. If you don’t stay in your trailer, the mice will move in.”
The old man cocked an eyebrow.
“You’re family, Henry. Stay in the trailer. Work when we need an extra pair of hands, but for Pete’s sake, set a retirement date.”
“End of the month.”
Daniel cocked an eyebrow at Spence. “Does that work for you?”
“I can take that contract Millie’s been hounding me about.”
“Can I still work?” Henry asked. “I mean after I retire. Like let’s say you need someone to swath a field.”
“Only after you take off three months. Then, if you want to work, we’ll discuss.”
“Three months?”
Spence nodded at his dad. “That works for me. After this contract, I’ll make certain Millie understands that I’m unavailable until the end of September.”
“Cade’s coming back during his hiatus, and who knows, maybe he’ll stay.” Daniel gave Henry the eye. “Because this one won’t.”
“I’ll be back on the road come October,” Spence affirmed to Henry. “This is Mom’s best shot at getting another kid closer to home.” He gave his dad a look. “I do visit frequently.”
“And we appreciate that, son.”
Once the Henry retirement business was seemingly settled—seemingly, because Spence wasn’t convinced that Henry was going to quit voluntarily when the time came—Spence called Millie, who in turn let out a grateful woot .
“Last time until October.”
“I promise.”
“I’m blocking your number until then.”
“Spence... fine. Block me. Just take this contract.”
So he did, leaving early Sunday morning to drive to southern Nevada, with plans to return eight days later—unless something went sideways. As it always did.
*
Andie Landry was a woman who put her head down and worked at a task until it was not only done, but done well. Carter Hunt’s loss was Hayley’s gain, which was why Hayley came to a dead stop outside the barn she’d been about to enter when she heard Andie say, “I appreciate the offer, but I made a commitment.”
Andie had an offer? And judging from the regret in her voice, it was one she would like to take. Hayley walked through the barn door. Andie’s head came up. She said a quick goodbye, then pocketed her phone.
“Ready to go,” she said, hoisting the saddle next to her.
“Great. Uh... I overheard your conversation.” Which was kind of becoming a habit with her. First Spence, now Andie. “Do you have a job offer?”
Andie’s cheeks went rosy, a response that was probably not all that common for the woman. “That was Brandon Grady’s boss on the Marvell Ranch. Their horse trainer is pregnant and just got ordered to scale back because she’s expecting twins. They’re looking for someone.”
“And he called you.”
Andie nodded. “Brandon recommended me. But don’t worry. You need me, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Hayley considered this as she went into the tack area and collected her own saddle. “Maybe you should.”
“Excuse me?”
This was not a wise business decision, but Hayley couldn’t help herself. “You signed onto the Hunt Ranch to work with horses, and they put you in a housekeeping position. Here you’re a jack of all trades. I think that if this job involves horse training, you should take it.”
It was obvious from Andie’s expression how badly she wanted to. “I made a commitment.”
“Andie . . . I can get someone else.”
Andie studied her, obviously torn. “Liar.”
“No. Really. I have the names of some guys who can help temporarily until Spence gets back.”
“Spence is coming back?”
“Yes.” She spoke as if she was surprised that Andie didn’t know. “Call back. Tell them you talked to your employer, and she understands.”
“Really?” Andie asked softly.
“Yes. For heaven’s sake, how many horse training jobs are out there?”
“Not that many.”
“Exactly. If you can do what you love full time, then do. I really appreciate the fact that you were going to let it go because I hired you, but... don’t. This is a rare opportunity.”
“It really is.”
“You and Greta will have a great time on the Marvell Ranch. And who knows, maybe it’ll lead to something full time.”
As could her job here on the Lone Tree, but taking care of fences and cattle was not where Andie’s love lay.
“Are you sure?”
“I am.” She was sure that Andie should take the job and equally sure that she was setting herself up for some hardship, but she had to do the right thing. “If things don’t work out, you can have this job back.”
“That’s really generous.” Andie looked like she was going to hug herself, and Hayley suspected that she was trying not to smile too broadly.
“Make the call, then we’ll ride out to see that fence damage.”
“I will. And . . . thank you!”
“No problem.”
She hoped.
*
The wind was rising, and dark, blueish-gray clouds welled over the mountains when Hayley emerged from her greenhouse, feeling frazzled. Tomorrow would be busy, as would the following day and the day after that. Connor and Ash were good at what they did, but without Andie, who’d been on the Marvell Ranch for over a week, the day-to-day of the ranch was going to fill her hours until she hired someone else. She’d never had manpower problems before.
You never crossed Carter Hunt before.
But honestly, as much as she loved a good conspiracy theory, she didn’t think he was responsible for the missed interview that day. It was harder to find day labor, and until now, she’d been fortunate. The people her dad had hired came back year after year, but this particular crew was aging out. The high school boys would soon be college boys, and after completing their freshman year at U of M, Hayley didn’t think they’d return.
Get through this summer and worry about that later.
Right. But in the meantime, she had cattle to move on Saturday, and the next time she moved them, it would be to the pasture where the tree had destroyed the fence. She hoped that Spence would help her, but there was a good chance that he wouldn’t return to her ranch after she put her plan into action and dropped her bombshell.
Should she wait to drop it until after the fence was fixed?
That was manipulative, and she wouldn’t go there. She was going to be straightforward and honest. And she would look him in the eye while she was doing it.
In the meantime, she wouldn’t be able to partake in the Farmer’s Market that week due to moving the cattle. She was allowed two no-shows per summer, with notice, so that the organizers could find a fill-in before she lost her spot and had to start the application process again.
If she got dumped, she’d roll with it. The ranch was her livelihood. The greenhouses and gardens were her side gig. And when she had her baby, she’d have to cut back her work schedule, and there was a good chance that she wouldn’t be indulging in gardening and such for a while. Time would tell on that matter, but the ranch supported her and got first priority.
Hayley ducked her head against the wind and headed to the barn. The hoes needed sharpening, and there was no time like the blustery present. She had just opened the main door when she heard an engine over the wind. Her heart jumped at the sight of Spence’s truck.
You’re not ready. Not even remotely ready.
But she didn’t need to tackle the matter just yet. She didn’t even need to do it today. She could make an appointment with him so that they could discuss the matter in a neutral environment.
She stood in the open doorway as Spence pulled to a stop, holding onto her hair to keep it from blowing around her face. He jumped out of his truck and headed toward her, following her into the barn, then shutting the door after himself.
“Some weather.”
“Probably different than where you were.”
“Nope. Thunderstorms every night.”
“How was the job?”
“Hot. Short. Lucrative.”
“Are you glad you took it?”
“It helped Millie get out of a bind, so yes. It kind of flummoxed her when I decided to come home for the summer.”
“You don’t actually work for them? I mean—”
“I’m a subcontractor. In theory, which allows me to pick my jobs. In reality, I never turn them down.”
“You like all the travel?”
She sounded like she was trying to reassure herself on the point, and Spence picked up on it, shooting her a frown as he said, “Freedom is good. I get edgy when I feel tied down.”
Hayley stayed silent, having learned during her invisible years that people often talk more, and she could therefore talk less, if they have time to think things through. She was about to conclude that Spence had nothing more to say when he gave a soft laugh.
“I guess it makes no sense, really. I had a great childhood. Parents were supportive. If they’d known everything I’d been up to, they might have had some things to say, but as long as the evidence didn’t hit them in the face, they let me go my own way.”
“I think Reed kept them on their toes.”
“And Em. Yes.” Spence rubbed his hands over the planes of his cheeks. “I don’t know, Hayley. I think your birth-order theory has merit, so I’ll go with it. Middle child syndrome.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
He gave her a startled look, making Hayley wish she’d eased into the matter more smoothly.
“Had one.”
“That was a personal question. Sorry.” It was also a question she needed an answer to. Not that a girlfriend would necessarily be a problem, but it would add another facet to a tricky situation.
“This isn’t a job interview, is it?”
She didn’t answer, and he gave her a questioning look. There was no easy way to approach this matter. She’d thought about scheduling an actual appointment with him in a neutral, yet private, location. This wasn’t an appointment, but they were alone in the barn, so...
She pushed back her hair. “Do you remember that pamphlet on my kitchen table the first time you came to my place?”
“I noticed the title.”
“I plan to have a baby.”
The silence that followed made Hayley shift her weight awkwardly as she watched Spence digest her bald statement.
“Alone?” he finally said.
“Yes.” She lifted her chin, refusing to give her inner shyness the upper hand.
“That’s a huge undertaking. I mean, alone and all.”
“Lots of people do it. Women and men. I have my reasons and I have the resources to raise a child.”
And didn’t she sound defensive? She cleared her throat and focused on the fingers she’d been twisting together until she realized what she was doing. She carefully placed her hands on her thighs, spreading the fingers in an effort to relax them. “I know what I want, Spence.”
“I think you’ll be a great mom.”
“Thank you.” Hayley’s gaze jerked sideways at the sound of something hitting the barn. They exchanged a look, then went to the door. Huge hailstones clattered to the ground.
“I’ll open the bay door,” she said. “Get your truck inside.”
She didn’t have to say it twice. Spence darted outside, wincing as the hailstones pelted him. He jumped into his rig, had it in gear almost as soon as the engine turned over, and drove it into the barn. Hayley swung the door closed as he turned off the engine, then got out to check for damage.
There were some small dents and dimples in the hood, but in Hayley’s opinion, nothing he couldn’t knock out. He was lucky, judging from the sounds of the hail pounding on the roof, not to have lost a windshield. She was very thankful that she always parked her truck under a roof and hoped the tractors would be okay.
He turned to face her. “So, where were we?”
“I was about to ask if you would consider being the father of my child.”
The words sounded starker stated aloud than they had in her head, and Spence looked like he’d been struck by a freeze ray.
“In a medical way,” she blurted. He continued to stare at her as if she’d grown horns. “I’m not looking for anything other than...” Her voice trailed.
“Sperm?”
She lifted her chin, wondering how she’d lost control so quickly. Perhaps because of the subject matter. “I want to know the donor, but... that’s it. There’d be no—”
“Yeah. I get it.” He glanced down, as if trying to regain equilibrium. “That’s a helluva ask, Hayley.”
She felt her cheeks light on fire, but he continued before she could form a reply, raising those cool blue eyes and locking on her gaze before saying, “We would enter into a... partnership?”
She cleared her throat and her voice sounded remarkably normal as she said, “It would be a partnership until I get pregnant.”
“Then . . .”
“That’s it. I take it from there.”
“I wouldn’t be involved in the pregnancy, or share custody or anything?”
“I’d like my child to know who their father is. That’s the point of a known donor. Medical history, like that. Also, kids wonder, and I want to have an answer, but I would have sole custody.”
“But I’d have a kid.”
Hayley sensed the no coming hard and fast, and felt the need to backtrack before it struck. In other words, she began to panic, something she’d promised herself she would not do.
“Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, Spence.”
He tilted his head as he regarded her. “You caught me off guard. I mean... short of a marriage proposal—”
“I get it,” Hayley said. She got to her feet and clapped her hands together. “Moving on.”
“I’m not sure I can,” he muttered.
This was going even worse than she’d anticipated in her worst-case scenario contemplations, and she needed to end it. Now.
“Spence, thanks for checking on me. I’m good.” Total lie, but if it got her out of this awkward situation, then she was going with it. “Sorry to hit you with the sperm donor thing. I thought, what with your vagabond ways...” She made a gesture.
“I get it. I just can’t see fathering a child, then moving on.”
“And that’s one of my criteria, so”—she forced a smile—“not a match.”
Spence blew out a breath, then gave her a sidelong look, as if he could get the answers to the questions beating around in his head by reading her mind.
“Why single motherhood?”
Now she let out a breath. “I’m not partner material.”
“How so?”
“Do you know my mom?”
“By reputation only.”
“Need I say more?”
“Maybe you take after your father?”
“Who married my mother?”
“Point taken.”
“I’m twenty-eight years old. There’s a history of fertility issues in the family and according to my doctor, I’m looking at a ticking clock. I want children. I’ve thought this out, Spence.”
He lifted his palms as if warding off criticism. “I’m sure you have, Hayley. You’re a thinker.”
“Thank you?”
“It was a compliment,” he affirmed before lowering his gaze to his boots.
“The old me wants to apologize for asking. The new me says to take the hit and move on. I appreciate all the help you’ve given me, Spence.”
He met her gaze in a serious way. “You still need help on the ranch. I heard that Andie has a new job.” She didn’t answer and he said, “I may not be on board for... donating... but I’m your friend, and I won’t leave you high and dry.”
Your friend.
In spite of being on fire with embarrassment, the words touched her. She wondered if they were true.
“What about your ranch?”
“Henry’s working until the end of the month. I’ll be done by then.”
“You’d make more money taking welding contracts.”
“But I wouldn’t be close to home in case I am needed.” He settled his hands on Hayley’s shoulders.
“So, no to baby daddy. Yes, to ranch work.” No easy task to speak as if she wasn’t mortified, but all things considered, she was holding her own. Of course, she’d melt into a puddle of humiliation after Spence left.
“That sums it up.” He started to lift his hand, hesitated, then touched her, tipping up her chin with his thumb and forefinger so that their gazes met and held even after he dropped his hand. “I can’t have a child in this world that I have no say about.”
“I get it.” She did. She’d feel the exact same way. Why had she thought that Spence would feel differently? “I guess the very qualities that made you my number one choice also take you out of the running.”
“I’m honored to be your number one choice.”
She smiled gamely. “Can you go now?”
He smiled back. “Yes. I’ll go now, but I’ll be back in the morning, and it will not be awkward. Right?”
She gave him a raised brow look, and he laughed, but it sounded forced. He slid a hand around the back of her neck and bent his head close to hers. “Again, I’m honored. Tomorrow you’re the boss, I’m the day hand, and we’ll take it from there.”
“Maybe my face will be a normal color by tomorrow.”
He gave her a lopsided grin, then dropped a light kiss on her lips. She curled her hand around the back of his neck and pulled his lips back to hers for another few seconds before stepping back. The kiss made her feel better. More in control. He wasn’t rejecting her. He was rejecting her plan.
But, what if . . .
She frowned up at him as she put more space between them. “That wasn’t a mercy kiss, was it?”
The crooked grin lit her insides on fire. “Anything but. See you tomorrow, Hayley.”
The lights went out in the barn as he spoke. “Déjà vu,” she muttered. Sometimes it seemed like the power was off more than it was on.
“At least the storm seems to have passed, so the utility crews can get to work on the outage.”
“Silver lining,” she said as she moved to open the bay doors. Spence got into his truck and drove out of the barn, stopping to open the window.
“We’re good.”
It was a statement that bordered on being an order.
“Totally,” she agreed, meeting his gaze dead-on. They had to be because she needed him. “See you tomorrow, Spence.”
The driveway was covered in white hailstones. As Hayley made her way to the house, the kitchen lights came on in front of her, and the light over the man door of the barn came on behind her. The sodium light bulbs on the pole lamps would take longer to come on, but it appeared that the utility company wouldn’t need to mobilize.
Good. She needed a hot bath, and, for that, she needed power.
Her nerves were shot—but maybe in a good way. This hadn’t worked out, but she’d proven the saying that whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. She’d made her first attempt at finding a father for her kid. It hadn’t worked out, but now she knew she could ask and survive.
Although, truth be told, there had been a few moments with Spence when she’d dearly wished that the earth would just swallow her, but it hadn’t.
Now all she had to do was work with the man for the next several weeks, because he’d been correct in his assumption—she needed help on the ranch, and he was her best bet.