27. STRONG ENOUGH
27
STRONG ENOUGH
JACK
T here she was. Penelope Rose Mayfield. Looking down at him from the steps of this big house like the sun shining on the world. She was so brilliant and beautiful it almost hurt to look at her.
He’d never been so furious with anyone in his life.
He’d never needed anyone as much as he needed her.
Every muscle, every fiber, every cell in his body was revived to see her again after this month or more without her. It didn’t stop him from resenting the fuck out of her for leaving the way she had. For leaving him with that yawning emptiness. There were no roses and dinner planned for this meeting. He wasn’t there to woo her or impress her. He was going to tell her the fuck off and demand his rightful place in his baby’s life even if their love affair or whatever it had been was over. That was all.
Who the fuck was he kidding? He’d tracked her down because he finally couldn’t stop himself. This was a compulsion. Whether she knew it or not, she was still calling to him across cities, across mountains, even a goddamned ocean. He had no choice but to come looking for her, whether she wanted him to or not.
And the fact that he couldn’t stay away made him even angrier.
Penny’s eyes ran over him, a soft chocolate brown in the sunlight. A mix of pain and need shone in them. Good. That matched the sensations that were pummeling him from the inside out.
“You didn’t answer your phone,” she said after clearing her throat.
Jack’s own throat unlocked, and his tongue somehow untied itself. “I didn’t know you called.” His insides softened, just for a moment. He pulled his phone out of his pocket. Sure enough, she’d just left a message. Before he could fucking unravel at the tiny hope she still wanted to be with him, and that’s why she’d called, he held himself together, holding onto his towering anger.
“How did you find me?”
“I figured you’d come here. My cousin Matt spent a few years in Owenville. He told me where to find the Mayfield’s part of town.”
Penny smirked with a head nod. As if wary of him, she moved behind the railing while he slowly came up the stairs toward her. She needed to create distance from him even now? After the separation that had nearly destroyed him, she still needed her space ?
Taking a deep breath, then blowing it out, he tried not to let what was left of his ravaged, bloody heart shut down before he said what he came to say.
“That’s kind of a big coincidence.” She wasn’t smiling. Impulsively Jack wanted to kiss her until a smile reappeared, the smile he’d become addicted to seeing every morning when he woke up.
“Yeah, sure. But with you…” He paused. “I don’t think anything is a coincidence when it comes to you.” She didn’t respond, only stood there staring at him. “How’s the baby?”
“Good. Moving more. I’m doing an ultrasound next week. I’ll find out what gender it is then.” In a protective gesture, she placed a hand on her stomach. “I thought I’d wait and be surprised like we discussed, but my mom and Jade are pushing to know, like, yesterday.”
Even though he couldn’t quite see a difference due to the winter layers she had on, he itched to touch her there, to feel that little miracle for himself. He needed that like he needed air.
But if he touched her now, he’d never stop. She might not want him touching her in the first place. And she’d said, “I’ll find out.” Not “we.” It was another stab to the heart.
“Is that what you called to talk about? The baby?” he ground out. “Not an apology?”
Penny looked taken aback by the hostile tone, but her eyes were searching his face and his body almost tenderly.
“Maybe. Since I’ve been back, I’ve had a lot to think about. About Brendan —”
“Of course. Brendan.” With a sarcastic laugh, he looked away from her. “The real man in this relationship.”
She took a deep breath and expelled it slowly. “It looks like you haven’t traded blows with La Roque yet, so I guess it’s my turn first. Shouldn’t you be training or resting? I’m sorry, I don’t know what you’re supposed to do before an epic battle between good and evil.”
He huffed a short laugh. “It’s cold out here. You should be inside.” The words were spoken harshly, despite the caring intent.
“Oh great. You want to yell at me in the warmth of my parent’s house. Okay, come on in.”
Penny opened the door and held it for him. Once inside, she calmly took his coat and hung it on the rack/bench combo. When she took off her own coat, he finally saw the faintly rounder stomach, and he swallowed down the lump that formed in his throat. It was all he could do not to fold her into his arms right then and there and touch that roundness, kiss the full glossy bottom lip that was caught between her teeth as she stared at him.
“Damn, you’re fit,” she said with a breathless laugh. “Are you up to twenty-four-seven workouts now?”
His face heating, he shrugged. “I still take Saturdays off.”
The air between their bodies was humming with electrical energy. High voltage. Pent-up desire for her was stirring in him. For a moment, as she stared at him with eyes that said she was feeling this too, he had the urge to push her against the wall and pull off every stitch she wore. Lavish love on her changing body, sink into her soft heat, and forget his rage. Forget the world.
He resisted. He was going to stay strong.
As if coming out of a trance, Penny refocused. She wiped her boots off on the mat and sat down to pull them off. “You can leave yours on if you want. I’ll make us some tea.”
Jack followed her through the living room, furnished comfortably but a little old-fashioned. Aside from the giant flat-screen TV, it looked like the newest piece of furniture had been bought in the 90s. The only sounds were a ticking clock and a bird warbling outside. He’d been to New York before, but to the city, not a town like this one. This quiet was unexpected.
Watching her from the doorway of the warm, sunlit kitchen as she prepped the kettle and the mugs, it was strange seeing Penny in her home element. Despite what she’d told him about feeling smothered growing up here, she seemed comfortable. Too comfortable.
“You can have a seat,” she said, gesturing at the kitchen table.
“If it’s alright, I’ll stand.”
He remained at the doorway, watching her, drinking in the sight of her. Every movement of her graceful arms, the way she swayed from side to side unconsciously as she waited at the stove for the water to boil. Her fingers that grasped the handle looked delicate, but he remembered the slight roughness of those fingertips caressing his jaw while she gazed at him with so much tenderness. It fucking ached to think about it.
Emotion welled in his chest, up the channel of his throat, as she poured the steaming water into the mugs. They could be any old married couple preparing to have a cuppa on a cold winter day. They weren’t. Because so many important things had gone unsaid, because he’d held back. He couldn’t anymore. Suddenly, he couldn’t keep up the anger, the resentment, the stiff armor he’d worn his whole life to protect himself.
Penny went stock still when he uttered, “I don’t want the tea. I didn’t come here to make nice and pretend that a cup of tea can fix everything that’s wrong between us.”
“Alright. Then what do you want?” Facing him, she crossed her arms and waited. Still so far away.
“I want to know why you left like that. I knew you were disappointed in me when you left the gym that day. I know I said things that hurt you. But to come home and find you gone…Do you have any idea what that did to me?” His throat was raw, his voice low and jagged.
Penny’s eyebrows drew together as anguish crossed her features. “I handled things badly, but I was angry and overwhelmed. You promised me no more fighting, and then you turned around and made this huge decision to do it anyway without talking to me first. And it wasn’t the first time you’d done that. Like taking me to the FitzGerald’s house and not telling me about Clarissa and what I might be in for. But a fight, where you could get hurt or worse…for you to not talk to me about something that important, it hurt.”
With the recitation of his faults and omissions, Jack flushed. The steam was rising again.
“Like you told me all the important shite? You didn’t. I asked, and you held back. Every time.”
“And when I finally did tell you what really happened with Brendan, you more or less said, ‘Wow, that sucks about your trauma and all, but I’m gonna go put myself in danger anyway.’ Hearing that, I felt like you didn’t care about me. Like you cared more about your pride than about our future.”
Jack laughed. The sound was humorless, strained. “Didn’t care about you? Penny, I’ve been in love with you for over five years .”
Penny stilled with her eyes widening and lips parting. “I don’t…understand. You said you were a fan of the band, but...”
He couldn’t tell if the nervous tremor in her voice was from fear as if she’d suddenly realized she was in the room with some obsessed stalker. If she only knew…
“After the fight, after I’d had the surgery, I fell into that coma. One day, I was woken up by a voice on TV. It was like an angel was singing to me. Singing for me. I opened my eyes, and it was you in some old video. You were so beautiful.” His voice was roughened. His focus was on her, the way her entire face softened as he spoke, her eyes shining with sudden tears at his words. “You were an angel. My angel. You pulled me out of that darkness, and I held onto you. In here.” Jack touched his chest. “Built this whole fantasy around you. I would have contacted you when I was strong enough, but I looked you up and found out you were married, so…I didn’t.”
Penny stared at him. “Jack…”
He forged on. The dam was breaking, the one that had held him safe in silence his entire life.
“When you showed up on that app, I thought I was hallucinating. My dream woman, in my city, living right around the corner from me? And you were free? It was everything I’d wanted, being handed to me. And being with you was better than anything I could have ever imagined.”
He knew how it sounded. Like he was definitely obsessed, out of his mind. Well, check and check. She would be justified if she excused herself, went into a room, and locked the door until her parents came to rescue her. But Penny stayed, still looking stupefied by this admission. But she stayed. And listened.
“Things were going so good. And then I failed.” He couldn’t help the fracturing of his voice or the stranglehold on his chest. “I failed to protect my woman and my baby, in my gym. My house . I felt helpless. I stood there and watched someone who meant everything to me get hurt. You know what that feels like.”
“Yes, I know. You didn’t fail me, Jack,” she whispered.
“I did.” Jack’s vision blurred, and he wiped his leaking nose quickly. Nodding, he said, “I did. After that, hurting La Roque was all I could think about. All I felt was anger. At him, at meself. The last girlfriend I had disappeared on me when I was in that coma. I wasn’t in love with her, but it made me doubt I’d ever find someone that I could count on. And after I finally had everything I’d thought I’d never have with you, for you to walk out and not even say goodbye...” His voice broke, and he had to stop speaking.
“It was wrong,” Penny confessed softly. “I shouldn’t have left like that. But I was pissed off and so scared for you and so fucking guilty. You were right, after all.”
It was his turn to be shocked. “Really? About what?”
She laughed, rubbing her arms. Her eyes were liquid. “About me not being able to let go of my guilt over Brendan. I didn’t think I deserved a new life. Being happy with you. Even this.” Penny touched her belly again. The tear that dropped onto her cheek tore his heart in two. “And that’s why the thought of losing you was too much for me to handle. So I did what I do. I ran.” Now tears were in free-fall down her face. “I’m sorry.”
This time, he had to hold her. There was no way he could last another minute without comforting her, feeling her in his arms. With a single step, with one reach of his arms, he pulled her in close. Her body gave off a full quiver and then she melted against him, into him.
How he’d missed this .
“I’m still mad at you for leaving. I’m so mad at you,” he said against her hair, closing his eyes and inhaling her. “But I need you to come home, Penny. Please.” With his ragged plea still on his lips, Jack grasped her to him, kissing her mouth. He pressed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. “Every day since you’ve been gone has been a fucking nightmare. I need you to wake me up. Wake me up, angel.”
Her arms came around him immediately, and he crushed her to him, kissing her lips again. He felt the wetness of her tears on his own face.
“Okay, Jack. Okay.” Penny touching his face and kissing his cheeks and his jaw, everywhere she could reach, felt so good it made his head spin. But she stopped and gazed into his eyes. “This might sound fucked up, but as hard as it was being apart from you, I think I needed to leave. At first, I didn’t know why I had to come back here of all places in the world I could’ve gone, but now I do. I needed to say goodbye. Not just to him but the guilt I’ve been carrying all this time.”
“Did you?” he asked softly.
“Yes. I finished the book last night.”
“Congratulations, love. That’s grand,” he said with a grin.
“Yup, my masterpiece is done after only ten years.” She grinned too, wiping her face. “I needed to be finished with a few things, so I could be free. Free to love you like you deserve.”
“Thank you for that,” he said. His heart couldn’t have held any more gratitude. He swallowed hard. “I guess it’s my turn to admit you were right, too. The fight isn’t just about you. I denied it when you called me on it but yeah, it’s about me too. Not because I want that life back. I wasn’t ready to quit. I thought I had to because of the risk. And I let people get in me head about my age and if I even belonged there anymore. But I wasn’t ready to go. There’s still something in me that needs one last round. I’m trying to be smarter about it. I went to a new doc for a second opinion. He put me through a battery of tests, and he says it might be okay if I don’t let La Roque hit me too hard.”
With a half sob, half laugh, she repeated, “ Might be okay?”
Jack chuckled, too, hugging her close. “He says the time I took off to heal did me good. And I wouldn’t get in that cage if I didn’t think I could do some damage meself, despite the odds against me knocking him out. But if you don’t want me to fight, I won’t. I’ll call it off. Anything for you, angel. I’d do anything for you if you just come home. Unless…unless you’re happier here and you want to stay in New York.”
Penny fell into a moment of silence. “It wasn’t until I came back that I realized how much I do miss it here. I miss my family. My parents should get to see their grandbaby grow up, and I want him or her to know them, too. I decided to buy out my great-grandmother’s house from my uncles and my dad.”
Jack didn’t hesitate. “Alright, then. I’ll let Charlie run the gym and move here with you and the baby.”
“You would do that?” Penny asked breathlessly.
“I told you, Penny. Wherever you go, I’ll follow. I don’t really have a choice. Just tell me you’re with me. Tell me you love me, angel.” His lips roamed over her cheek again, kissing the corner of her mouth. He gripped her, needing her to say the words that would make his whole world right. She answered only with a soft moan, and her quivering body pressed against his. “I love you, Penny. I love you so much.”
“I’m with you,” she sighed, resting her hand on his chest, right above his racing heart. “I love you, Jack. And…I trust you. If you say you know what you’re doing, I trust you.” Penny took a deep inhale and looked up at him. “If you need this one last fight, then I can’t take that from you. I don’t want either of us looking back on our lives with regrets.”
“Are you saying you’re okay with it? Really okay?” he asked, searching her face. She looked determined.
“I don’t love it. I’m sorta wishing you were a hot baker or a hot dentist or something like that, but that’s not who I fell for.” She smiled, but when she touched his face, her eyes were serious. “I fell in love with an honorable man who would do anything for the people he cares about. I fell in love with a warrior. That’s you, Jack. I can’t ask you to stop being that man. Fight the bastard. But you better win.”
He nodded, his entire body fiery with pride in her, his chest so painfully open to her. But he no longer feared everything inside him would pour out. His heart was in good hands, finally. In Penny’s hands, where it belonged. Her eyes were shining with sheer adoration for him, and he was humbled yet so full of joy.
“Say that again, angel,” he whispered.
“Which part?”
He huffed a laugh, wiping his nose again. “The part where you tell me you love me. I liked hearing it.”
“I love you. So much. I am in love with you.” Penny’s smile was watery, but this time, her voice was steady. Sure.
“Good, because now that you’ve said it, I’m going to want to hear it every day from now on, just the way I’m going to tell you how much I love you. Every day. For the rest of our lives.” Running his thumb across her lips, swollen from emotion and his kisses, Jack said, “Thank you for trusting me.” And this time, the impulse to tell her exactly what he needed felt good. It felt right. “Marry me, Penny. Let’s get married. Right now.”