Chapter 6 #2
Benji stepped around Andy, who was on the floor fiddling with his drum set.
The guy was a perfectionist when it came to his equipment, worse than Lincoln had ever been, and Lincoln had been a task-master.
Lincoln’s intense focus on making everyone in XYZ the best they could be was why they’d won the Unbound regional competition two summers ago.
That same intensity had them playing again this past summer as an opening act—Linc’s first public performance since the car accident.
And Benji’s first major musical moment without Joshua by his side.
Benji met the object of his affection’s intense gaze from the wings, stupidly happy to realize that Joshua was staring at him.
The adoration in Joshua’s expression made Benji’s insides wobble with relief and joy.
He didn’t doubt that Joshua loved him. But with Van standing so close to Joshua, and both men so clearly attracted to each other, Benji began to doubt himself.
Nothing to be done about it now, so he put all of his mental energy into preparing for the performance.
He sipped room temperature water, and then began to warm up his vocal chords.
A singer since he was a child, he’d found solace in music during the worst of the school bullying.
Music had kept the darkness at bay during sleepless nights, nightmares, and a long, terrifying hospital stay.
He taught himself to play keyboard so he always had music to sing to, and then music lessons followed when his parents realized how serious he was about performing.
Music had been part of his soul for most of his life, and Joshua always understood that.
He’d given Benji freedom to fuck around while they were apart, without knowing Benji didn’t need anyone else.
The core of his relationship with Joshua had never been built on sex, though intellectually he understood Joshua’s need for those hookups.
He found himself staring at Van again, at his barely hidden interest in Joshua, and couldn’t fight a hint of jealousy.
Maybe I’m the selfish one for closing the relationship.
“Dude, you with us?” Danielle asked, waving a hand in front his face.
Benji jerked his head. “Yeah, I’m here.”
“I hate to ask which one you’re staring at, but hot damn, Van is one sexy motherfucker.”
He chuckled. “You aren’t wrong about that.”
“Don’t tell me you’re regretting closing the relationship. Or are you contemplating a one-time threesome with a hot bartender?”
Picturing Joshua and Van together as a couple was one thing, but Benji in the same room while Joshua and Van had sex? Watching it happen?
His brain broke a little bit.
Danielle giggled. “Well, whatever you’re planning, I’d pay money to see it happen. Three hot gay dudes in bed is like homemade porn.”
“Joshua’s bi.” He also hadn’t told anyone except Joshua about thinking he was asexual, not even his band mates. He’d wanted to tell Joshua first, and since then he hadn’t had time to come out to the others. Not that it was their business.
“I get that Joshua’s bi,” Danielle said, “but he’s with a guy, so doesn’t that make him gay?”
Benji resisted the urge to bang his head off one of one Andy’s drums. “That is so not how it works. Doesn’t matter if he’s with a dude or a chick, he’s still bisexual. Dating a girl doesn’t make him straight, anymore than being with me makes him gay.”
“Oh.” She glanced at Joshua, her expression thoughtful. “Okay. That makes sense.”
Benji made a mental note to send her a couple of memes better explaining what bi meant. He’d seen a great one about werewolves recently.
The bar manager got them together for a quick chat, and then it was about time to get started. Benji’s stomach twisted with nerves. He always tensed right before the curtain went up, but as soon as he sang the first lyric, he’d relax. Fall into the music and let it roll around him.
And he did, for the full twenty minute set.
He and Danielle put their all into the lyrics, while Bobby and Andy backed them up.
Benji played keyboard for two of the songs, then gave Danielle the spotlight for a solo Trey had written for her as a birthday present.
The packed house ate it up, and by the time they reached their first break, Benji was vibrating with excitement and adrenaline.
Joshua met him backstage with a fierce hug and claiming kiss. “You were amazing, baby,” he said.
“Thanks.” Sweaty, thirsty, and very pleased with himself, Benji accepted a bottle of warm water from a stagehand, “It’s always such a rush going out there.”
“I know. I see it in your eyes.”
Van lingered nearby, seeming uncertain whether he should approach, so Benji waved him over. “I’ve never heard you sing live before,” Van said, oddly tentative now.
“Well, you’re still here so I guess I didn’t suck.” Benji caught the double entendre too late.
Heat flared in Van’s eyes, which he quickly shuttered by keeping his attention somewhere on Benji’s neck, instead of his face. “You sounded amazing.”
Benji preened at the compliment, but he was still confused by Van’s behavior. “Thank you. I’m glad you came to the show. It’s nice having more than one groupie.”
Joshua feigned offense. “I will always be your number one groupie, Mr. Moore.”
“Yes, you will.” He kissed Joshua’s cheek. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“You guys want anything from the bar?” Van asked. “Cap and Coke, Joshua?”
Benji frowned at Van knowing Joshua’s go-to drink, until he remembered Off Beat. And Joshua’s hungover state when he arrived at the hotel.
“Plain Coke is fine,” Joshua said. “My stomach is still a little unhappy with how much I had this afternoon.”
Van nodded. “Benji?”
He held up his bottle. “I stick to water until I’m done singing for the night. But after our next set, I wouldn’t mind a Long Island Iced Tea.”
“I’ll remember that.” Van disappeared.
Benji tugged Joshua into a corner of the backstage area, away from everyone else. “Was inviting Van here a mistake?”
Joshua let go of his waist and shoved both hands into his pockets. “What do you mean? He seems to be enjoying himself.”
“I mean you.” Maybe this wasn’t the time or place, but they’d promised each other to always be honest. “You are clearly attracted to Van, and he wants you. Anyone watching the pair of you can see it.”
Joshua’s eyes widened and his lips parted. “I’m not intentionally flirting with him, I swear.”
“I’m not accusing you of that. It’s just . . . you’re attracted to each other, and I invited him here to hang out with us, and now I feel like the asshole who put a fun new toy in front of a kid, then said he couldn’t play with it.”
“You aren’t an asshole. You were trying to say thank you to Van for helping us get back on track.”
“Except I ended up torturing you both.”
Joshua looked like he wanted to deny it; instead, he shrugged. “A little bit. But you and me are committed to each other, and Van understands that. Maybe he’s attracted to me, but he won’t try anything.”
“You trust him?”
“Yes.” Joshua’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t trust myself.”
Those words hurt Benji’s heart. “I trust you. You made a promise to me today, and I trust you. I trust in us.”
And deep, deep down, Benji still needed Joshua to prove to him that their relationship was enough. That their love was strong enough to see them through any obstacle.
Even an obstacle as sexy and beautiful as Van Holt.