Chapter 8
EIGHT
Benji tried to hide his disappointment over Van’s abrupt departure with a movie joke that Joshua didn’t even hear, because Joshua wasn’t looking at him. He was staring at the closed hotel room door with an expression that Benji could only describe as devastated.
And why wouldn’t he be? Van’s turned him down twice. That’ll bruise anyone’s ego.
But Benji knew Joshua too well to dismiss the reaction that easily.
His ego wasn’t bruised. He was genuinely hurt, because he was genuinely attracted to Van in a way that Benji simply did not understand.
Yes, Van was gorgeous. Yes, Van was funny and interesting and incredibly kind to two drunken fools, going so far as to bring them food to nurse their hangovers.
Yes, he was someone Benji wouldn’t have minded getting to know better, had he stuck around.
And if he asked, he knew deep down that Joshua felt the same way about Van.
The thing Joshua felt though, the thing Benji didn’t feel, was a different kind of desire for Van.
A physical desire that showed clearly in his wounded expression.
A desire so strong it stabbed Benji in the gut.
Joshua had turned that intense sexual desire onto Benji numerous times, to the great delight of them both, and Benji regretted nothing.
No, that wasn’t true. Benji’s biggest regret now was also his greatest joy.
His selfish insistence on closing their relationship had helped put that expression on Joshua’s face.
Yes, the idea of a threesome with Van sounded hot and probably would have probably ended with several amazing orgasms, but Van had seemed terrified by the idea of being with them both. It didn’t hurt Benji’s feelings.
He hurt for Joshua. In trying to prove to himself that he was enough for Joshua, Benji had also hurt him by denying him a chance to be with someone he so clearly wanted.
The entire thing was just too fucking complicated, and it made Benji want to scream.
He needed so badly to be enough for Joshua, but what if he weren’t?
What if he never truly would be? What if Benji’s insistence on exclusivity was what broke them in the end?
“Go after him,” Benji said, chest tight and eyes hot.
Joshua’s head swiveled in his direction, his devastation melting into owl-eyed shock. “Do what?”
“Go after Van, Josh. I can see how much you want to.”
“But . . .” He frowned, his confusion both heartbreaking and intensely adorable. “I don’t understand. He left. He doesn’t want us.”
“You’re right. Us is too much. But he clearly wants you, and don’t patronize me by saying you don’t want him right back. A lot.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Joshua stood and crossed the few feet of space between them. He rested his hands on Benji’s waist and squeezed. “It’s you and me from now on, remember?”
“But I’m giving you permission. With Van.”
Joshua blinked hard several times, leaving his lashes damp but his eyes clear. “God, I love you so fucking much right now, Ben. But no. I’m not going after him.”
Relief broke inside Benji’s chest, and he sagged against Joshua, looping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. Holding him tighter.
One of Joshua’s hands slid up to press between his shoulder blades, while the other blatantly palmed his ass.
Benji pressed a kiss to the side of Joshua’s neck, encouraging him to take what he wanted.
They hadn’t been together in months, and yesterday’s blow job wasn’t nearly enough for the gift Joshua had just given him.
“We don’t have to check out for another hour,” Benji said, nibbling at the spot behind Joshua’s ear that always got him going.
“You sure you want to?”
Benji pinched his ass, which got him a sharp yelp. “Yes, damn it.”
“Sorry.” Joshua pressed a contrite kiss to his mouth. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I embarrassed you in front of Van, and I’m sorry I keep doubting what you want.”
“I understand, believe me.” Benji nuzzled at Joshua’s neck more, very aware of the erection pressing into his hip.
“When I started wondering if I was ace, I took a long, hard look at our past together, and I can say now and however many times you need to hear it that you never forced me. I love giving you pleasure, and I love watching you come. You look so . . . innocent. It’s beautiful. ”
Joshua caught him in a hard, claiming kiss then, growling softly as Benji surrendered.
A hot tongue thrust into his mouth, seeking, licking, tangling with Benji’s.
Hands slipped below the waist of Benji’s shorts and squeezed his ass, groping and kneading.
The urgency clued him in that this was going to be hard and dirty, and Benji was very much okay with that.
Whatever Josh wants.
“Please tell me you have something,” Benji said when they both came up for air. Because of the open relationship, they’d never ditched condoms. That was very much a thing Benji looked forward to doing in the near future, despite the extra mess.
“I do.” Joshua cupped his cheek in one palm, his dark eyes searching.
They didn’t do anal every time they managed to find a few days together.
The first time Benji bottomed had been incredibly intense, and he was too scared to top Joshua no matter how many times he offered.
Most of their sexual encounters included a lot of rubbing off together in myriad creative positions.
“I want you inside me,” Benji whispered. “Someday soon, after we’re both tested, I want you to do me bare.” He wasn’t so sure about the idea of bodily fluids in his ass, but the way Joshua’s eyes lit up sealed his decision to go there.
Joshua kissed him senseless again, all the while shifting them closer to the bed until the mattress hit the side of Benji’s leg.
His own stiffening dick pressed firmly against Joshua’s hip, excited by all of the kissing and rubbing.
He’d go soft again after penetration, but that was okay, because Joshua always took care of him once he’d climaxed, usually with his mouth.
“Take your clothes off and get on the bed, hands and knees,” Joshua said. He pressed a kiss to Benji’s nose. “Love you.”
“Love you back.” Benji did as ordered, shucking the clothes he’d only recently put on, nerves singing a steady tune that sent ripples of anxiety through his belly as he got in position facing the headboard.
Joshua pulled a condom and lube sachet out of his wallet. He squinted at the condom and chuckled. “Making sure it hadn’t expired.”
Benji’s heart turned over hard. Yes, Joshua had said he hadn’t hooked up since before the accident, but watching him double check the date on the condom drove that point home. “How much time did we make it by?”
“About a week.” Joshua’s smile dimmed into something gentler. “Even if it broke, I swear you’d be safe. I went through a bazillion tests in the hospital, and I haven’t been with anyone except you since.”
“I know.” Benji nearly said fuck the rubber, but couldn’t manage the words.
He had to mentally prepare himself for that one, the idea of being bare with Joshua.
Joshua liked to tease him about how fussy he got over bodily fluids, but there was nothing sexy to Benji about lazing around covered in cold semen. “You have too many clothes on.”
Joshua’s eyes narrowed. He tossed the condom and lube onto the bed near Benji’s knee, then shucked his clothes with alarming speed.
His beautiful uncut shaft jutted out from his gorgeous body, as if pointing right at Benji and where it wanted to be.
Joshua caught him looking and stroked himself a few times, playing with his own foreskin, sliding it around his glans.
So much desire in his eyes and all for Benji.
“You know,” Benji said, “I never did get that blow job you promised me yesterday.”
“Oh, you’ll get it, after I’ve fucked you senseless. I’ve got another job in mind right now.”
“Yeah?”
Joshua crawled up the bed behind him and used both hands to spread Benji’s cheeks, making his intentions clear.
Benji bit back instinctive objections about cleanliness—objections he’d fussed about the first time Joshua had rimmed him—because Joshua would laugh, say he loved Benji’s cautious nature, and then do it anyway.
Benji always fell the fuck apart during a rim job, and he sometimes felt a little guilty that he’d never managed to get over himself and lick Joshua there.
Van probably would.
He shook off all thoughts of Van and focused on the intense sensation of his boyfriend licking his asshole.
Blood pumped harder into Benji’s dick as Joshua’s tongue swiped over that sensitive spot, pressing and rubbing, urging all kinds of epic sounds from Benji’s throat.
Needy, desperate sounds. He went down on his elbows, unable to keep his arms locked with so many amazing sensations battering his body.
“Fuck, Josh, so good,” he whispered, the words strangled by his own straining lungs.
Joshua hummed against his hole, which made Benji cry out. Maybe Benji was the front man of an indie rock band, but this kind of music was Joshua’s specialty, and now the song was playing only for him.
For them.
Soon a single spit-slicked finger pressed inside, working him along with that talented tongue. Benji’s belly rippled with anxiety, but he stayed relaxed enough for a second finger to slide in. Joshua curled those talented fingers and nailed Benji’s gland.
“Fuck!” Benji pushed back, loving that so much, needing more. Needing Joshua.
“Please, baby, can I?”
“Yes. Yes.”
Joshua pulled away, and Benji used the freedom from sensation to gulp in several deep breaths.
Sweat slicked his face and chest, and he was panting against the coverlet.
Gripping it with both hands. He listened to the sounds of the condom being opened and rolled down, then the slick squelch of the lube.
Those fingers were back, pushing more lube inside his body, taking such good care of him.
Sometimes sharing this with Joshua felt like sharing a part of his soul. It left Benji flayed open, his heart on display, his love laid bare. And Joshua was always, always so tender with him. Treating Benji’s surrender as the incredible gift that it was.
“Love you so much, Ben,” Joshua said.
“Me too.”
Intense pressure made Benji cry out and shut his eyes.
He hated this part, every time, but endured because he knew it would get better.
Joshua held his hip with one hand, probably steadying his dick with the other, that loving touch keeping Benji grounded and breathing.
The stretch became a sting, and then Joshua popped inside his rim on a gasp.
The sting eased into an intense fullness that made Benji want to sob.
Joshua gave a few shallow, tentative thrusts, allowing Benji a chance to adjust. But for some reason, Benji didn’t want that chance. He wanted Joshua to fuck him. To take his pleasure, use Benji’s body until he came.
“Go, baby, please move,” Benji said on a whine. “Want to feel you.” He needed to know for sure Joshua was his. Needed to be claimed by his boyfriend and partner.
“Christ.” Joshua’s hips slammed against Benji’s ass, and Benji swallowed a cry. Both hands on Benji’s hips now, Joshua set a brutal pace that would have sent the headboard slamming had it not already been bolted to the wall. The mattress bounced, and Benji held on.
He fell into the sensations battering his body, from the thick slide of Joshua’s cock to the burn in his own thighs as he stayed braced on his knees.
His fingers ached from being twisted in the coverlet, but he couldn’t let go.
His soft tackle slapped against his lower abdomen with each hard thrust of Joshua’s hips.
The desperate, needy sounds ripping from Joshua’s throat was the most beautiful kind of music.
“Close,” Joshua gasped. “Fuck!”
He pushed in deep and held tight, his dick pulsing his release.
Joshua dropped kisses to the back of Benji’s neck and top of his spine as he came down off the high of his orgasm.
Too soon and not fast enough, Joshua pulled out, and Benji flopped onto his side, limbs trembling, heart pounding.
Joshua turned him onto his back and smothered him with kisses all over his mouth and face, his neck and chest. Working his way lower.
A hand clasped Benji’s dick, stroking gently, waking him back up.
Benji let Joshua play, a little worried the ache in his backside would keep him from getting hard—he did not need Joshua feeling guilty over that.
But Joshua knew how to play Benji’s body, and soon his hot mouth engulfed Benji’s fresh erection.
Benji cried out at the stimulation, at once too much and not enough.
Fingers squeezed and caressed his balls with their expert touch.
His blood hummed, heated, and when he began thrusting his hips, Joshua held still and let Benji take his own pleasure by fucking deep into his throat. Submitting to his partner.
“Joshua!” It was all the warning he could manage before erupting deep in Joshua’s throat. Joshua milked him through it, licking up every stray drop that escaped, and then set about licking Benji’s balls for fun until Benji begged him to stop.
Joshua kissed the tip of his softening dick, and then began those long, slow kisses back up Benji’s belly, his chest, his shoulder, and throat.
He pressed his body down on Benji’s, and Benji raised his legs to cradle Joshua between his thighs.
They fit so perfectly together, and they’d almost lost this.
Grief squeezed his throat, and Benji tried to hide it behind a kiss. Joshua, damn him, knew him too fucking well to be fooled. He pulled back and cupped Benji’s cheek with a damp hand, his dark eyes curious. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Benji swallowed hard. “So grateful to still have you.”
“Me too.” Joshua closed his eyes and pressed their foreheads together, and for a while, they simply breathed each other in.
Until Benji’s hip started to cramp, and Joshua expressed the urgent need to pee.
They both laughed as they untangled themselves, and then went into the bathroom together to clean up.
Benji hopped in the shower again, because no way was he meeting up with his band smelling like ass.
Joshua joined him a moment later, and Benji surrendered to his boyfriend’s need to keep touching him.
Allowing Joshua to soap up a washcloth and thoroughly clean, then rinse him off.
The attentiveness Joshua always showed him after sex, the aftercare even when things never went farther than rubbing off, never stopped amazing him.
And every single time, it made Benji love Joshua a little bit more.