Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
Van had spent the last twenty-two days doing his damnedest not to think about Joshua or Benji, or about that fucking kiss.
Twenty-two days constantly pushing both men out of his thoughts, only to wake up from sexy dreams with spunk in his boxers and a lot of guilt in his heart.
He didn’t want to be the guy who got off on other people’s boyfriends.
He didn’t want to interfere in what seemed like a good thing.
He also hadn’t had sex in too fucking long, because seeking out anyone else while he was still hung up on them was too strange.
Too much like cheating. Except he wasn’t theirs and they weren’t his, and fuck it all, he’d wanted to get over them both.
And after last night’s tense phone call from Benji demanding a face-to-face chat, he’d tried hard to find someone to get off with.
No dice. And Van wasn’t used to striking out when he was on the hunt.
He blamed his long dry spell on his non-answers to some of Benji’s intensely personal questions in the living room that afternoon.
He blamed it on why he’d started getting hard the instant Benji asked to kiss him.
He blamed it on why he’d nearly fallen over when Benji gave Joshua permission to sleep with Van.
He especially blamed it on why the idea of Benji fucking watching made him ache with desire.
I am an asshole. I need to walk away. Right now.
Van couldn’t do it. He couldn’t walk away and leave behind something he wanted so badly, and something he was being given permission to take.
The entire thing was so extremely complicated, something he’d normally avoid, but he couldn’t turn off his feelings for these men.
For Benji’s quiet strength and determination, and for Joshua’s unerring loyalty.
Not to mention they were both sexy as fuck, and he loved kissing them.
He’d felt something when he kissed them, and that hadn’t happened in a long damned time.
Not since he was a lovesick teenager.
He couldn’t stop staring at Benji, who hadn’t let go of his shirt, and who glanced from him to Joshua, waiting.
“Why?” Joshua said, breaking the spell with the single croaked word.
“Because I love you,” Benji said. “And because it feels right. Deep down, all of this feels right. Like maybe staying open wasn’t really about you being scared of cheating, but knowing we were waiting for him. I don’t want to lose that because I have self-esteem issues.”
Those words cracked something open in Van’s chest, releasing so much desire and yearning he almost couldn’t breathe. He stayed quiet, though, because this moment was between the boyfriends. This decision was about them.
Joshua made a soft, broken sound. “Are you absolutely sure?”
Benji’s hand moved from Joshua’s waist to his cheek. “Baby, I was sure about this long before I called Van and insisted he come over. Believe me, this isn’t an impulse decision. But if you don’t want to—”
“I do want to.” A hand closed over Van’s wrist, the contact finally wrenching his gaze away from Benji. The desire in Joshua’s eyes shot through Van’s gut, obliterating any small, lingering chance of him saying no. “As long as Van wants to.”
“Yes,” Van said. This could be the worst decision he’d ever made, but goddammit, he’d make it worthwhile.
The tension between the three of them was already elevated, but it hit nuclear levels when Benji took each of their hands and led them down a short hallway.
To a bedroom. Van shivered as he crossed the threshold, into a smallish room with a double bed, dresser, and side table.
The décor didn’t reflect Joshua much, but Joshua was also subletting the place.
Still, this wasn’t about the room or what was in it—only about the two men standing there with him.
Benji released their hands, then shut and locked the door. “Roommates,” he said with a teasing wink. “I hope this isn’t too awkward. Try to pretend I’m not here.”
“Impossible,” Van said with a very intent look.
He kind of wished Benji would join them, but he wasn’t sure if that suggestion would get an enthusiastic yes, or a smack in the face.
On the surface, this seemed to be about Joshua and Van getting each other out of their systems, but there was something else here.
Something potentially bigger than two people.
Something Van wanted, and was terrified to find again.
Joshua rustled in the drawer of the side table and came up with lube and a few condoms. He left both on the table, and then whipped his shirt off over his head.
The motion left his dark hair adorably tousled.
Van tried not to drool over his broad, bronze chest, or the dusting of similarly dark hair around his navel.
Fit, without any distracting muscles, reminding Van that he was an IT guy used to sitting behind a desk.
He’s gorgeous.
Van took all of the baggage, all of his anxieties over doing this, and pitched them out of the room. All that mattered was the sexy man next to him, and making sure he screamed Van’s name when he came.
He tugged Joshua against him, enjoying the way he fit there, chest-to-chest, groin-to-groin, only an inch or two shorter than Van.
Joshua’s breath panted warm against his mouth, and he grabbed Van by the belt loops.
Van clasped Joshua by the back of the neck with one hand, and used the other to palm Joshua’s ass.
Joshua thrust his erection against him, and that was it.
He devoured Joshua’s mouth, thrusting his tongue inside, getting back that familiar, intoxicating taste of the man he’d never managed to forget.
This time, Joshua kissed back with intent, easily reversing the kiss so he could lick into Van’s mouth.
That was so fucking perfect that Van shivered.
Fingers plucked at his shirt, and they stopped kissing only long enough to divest Van of the distracting fabric.
He gave Joshua a gentle shove that sprawled him across the bed, then climbed on.
Settled on top of Joshua, using his knees to push Joshua’s legs apart and give him room.
Joshua thrust up, sending small sparklers down Van’s spine as their dicks rubbed together.
Joshua was definitely packing something nice, and Van couldn’t wait to get that in his mouth.
First, he made a snack of Joshua’s neck, kissing and laving the stubbled skin, listening to gasps and sighs, following Joshua’s cues to find out what he liked.
Joshua didn’t seem like the passive type in bed.
He proved Van right by going straight for Van’s fly, getting his belt undone, his pants loose, and then reaching in to grab Van’s shaft.
The first squeeze made Van gasp, so he got revenge by pinching Joshua’s nipples. That only made Joshua tug on him harder. Van shoved his jeans lower on his hips, giving Joshua space to jack him properly.
“Please tell me you’re fucking me with this,” Joshua said on an upstroke. He stopped to press his thumb into the slit, and Van swallowed a shout.
“In as many positions as possible.” Curious, he hitched one of Joshua’s legs up around his hip, then worked a hand into the back of Joshua’s jeans, barely able to reach Joshua’s hole with his middle finger. Joshua whined once, then began sucking on Van’s collarbone. Van pressed, curious.
Jesus, he’s tight.
“How long?” Van asked, pushing harder, finally working the tip of his finger inside.
Joshua gasped. “Bottoming? Two years.”
“Fuck.” Benji’s exclamation reminded Van that they weren’t alone.
He glanced to the door, where Benji was leaning with slightly bent knees, one hand stroking his very tented cargo pants. Apparently the live porn was turning him on like crazy, because his cheeks were red, his wide-eyed gaze firmly fixed on them.
“He’s super tight,” Van said with a growl. “I’ve barely got the tip of my finger inside him.”
“Wanna see,” Benji said.
Christ, this guy is going to kill me.
He and Joshua each used a hand to get his fly open, and his pants shoved down to his knees, freeing a weeping, uncut cock that slapped against Joshua’s belly.
Hard and needing attention. Lowering the pants gave Van more room to play, so he rolled them, putting Joshua on top, then pushed in a bit more, watching Benji shift a few steps closer. Watching Van finger his boyfriend dry.
“Oh Christ, feels good,” Joshua said. He lowered his hips so his and Van’s cocks rubbed together.
“Both of you, take your pants off,” Benji said, a strange new firmness in his voice that made Van’s heart turn over.
And it made him obey. He tugged his finger out so he and Joshua could shimmy out of the rest of their clothes, and then fell back into their previous positions.
With Benji no longer a spectator and taking an active interest in their activities, Van grew bolder.
He palmed both of Joshua’s cheeks and spread him wide.
“Fuck, that’s hot,” Benji said. He popped his fly and shoved a hand inside of his own pants.
Watching Benji stroke himself while Van played with Joshua’s ass was his new favorite memory. Van squeezed and kneaded the firm flesh, alternately exposing and then hiding Joshua’s hole. “You want to watch me finger him loose?” Van asked.
Benji nodded, his Adam’s apple bobbing. Without being asked, he grabbed the lube, but he didn’t hand it to Van.
Instead, he squeezed the clear fluid onto Van’s outstretched fingers.
The active participation left Van incredibly turned on, as much as it unsettled him. But he didn’t stop. He couldn’t stop.