Chapter 13 #3
Hot semen hit Joshua’s chest and shoulder, and he didn’t open his eyes until the bed stopped shaking.
Van was hunched forward, face red and sweaty, panting like he’d run a marathon.
And he was grinning like the devil, with his black goatee and glimmering eyes.
Blissed out, fucked out, and so handsome Joshua wanted to cry, because he didn’t want this to be their only time.
He’d had his first sip of a fine, aged bourbon, and one wasn’t enough.
Joshua rolled onto his back and tugged Van down on top of him, smearing cum on both of their chests. They kissed lazily for a while, existing in the moment and each other.
Until the bed dipped.
Benji sat next to them, a sad smile on his face. “You two are so beautiful together.”
Van tensed. Maybe not enough for Benji to notice, but Joshua was skin-to-skin with the guy.
And he didn’t want anyone upset or regretting this.
Joshua reached out and clasped Benji’s hand.
“You are, too, Ben,” he said. “I’ve never heard you so .
. . direct about sex. It was hella sexy, you ordering us to do things. ”
“Really? It felt right in the moment, but now I kind of feel weird.”
“Please don’t.” He tugged on Benji’s hand until he got with the program. Benji stretched out next to them, on his side. He was fully clothed, but it didn’t seem odd to have him beside Joshua and Van’s naked forms.
It felt right.
“You were in your element,” Van said. “I suppose you needed the right situation to bring out your inner toppy bastard.”
Benji blinked hard once and started laughing. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Babe?” Joshua squeezed his hand. “Did you get off?” Benji shook his head and blushed. “You want one of us to suck you off?”
“No,” Benji said. “This wasn’t about me.”
“The fuck it wasn’t.” Joshua nudged at Van until he rose up, giving Joshua room to scoot closer to Benji and end up the filling in their little sandwich of bodies squished together on the small bed.
“You wanted this, too. You were part of it, even if you weren’t on the bed with us. So how do you want to get off?”
Benji pressed his face into the comforter.
“Hey,” Van said softly, one hand carding through Benji’s thick, curly hair. “Would it be easier if I wasn’t in the room?”
Benji nodded without looking up.
Joshua’s heart sank. Van kissed his shoulder before climbing to his feet. He was smiling, though, seemingly unaffected by being asked to go. “I’ll rinse off, okay? Give you guys some time.”
“All right,” Joshua said. “Towels are in the bathroom closet.”
Van gathered his clothes. Benji didn’t look up until the bedroom door opened and shut, and his face was cherry red. So embarrassed that Joshua ached for him. He pulled Benji close, despite being covered in spunk, and Benji sank into him.
“Don’t be embarrassed by anything we did today,” he whispered, stroking Benji’s back with both palms. “Please?”
“It’s not that.” Benji shifted so they were face-to-face, cheeks resting on the bed. “I’m embarrassed by how much I enjoyed all of this. Watching. Being part of it, without actually being part of it, if that makes sense.”
“Participating without touching?”
“Exactly. It’s like watching porn to jack off. I’m looking and appreciating and seeing it is appealing, but I don’t necessarily want to be doing what’s in the video. You know?”
Joshua nodded. The explanation made sense with everything he and Benji had talked about since that long ago, two a.m. confession. “Don’t be embarrassed that you like watching, Ben. I’ve been your only partner your whole life. It’s okay if you end up having a little bit of voyeur in you.”
“I guess that’s why I get so confused sometimes. From everything I’ve read online, it’s seems like more aces actively dislike or are put off by sex, and I’m not.”
“You said there are other labels, though, under the ace umbrella. Maybe you’re demisexual.
” After reuniting with Benji, Joshua had gone online and done his own research into asexuality, and sometimes thought demi fit Benji more.
Demis were more likely to feel attraction after developing a close emotional bond.
Benji shrugged. “Maybe the exact label isn’t as important as how I feel when I’m with you and Van.”
“How do you feel with us?”
“Safe. Happy.”
Two words that made Joshua’s heart sing. “Then why did you pull away at the end?”
“I don’t know. The actions were all hyper-focused on you and Van, so I got so stupidly shy when suddenly you were both looking at me. I did want you to suck me off, but I’m not ready for anyone else to see that.”
“I understand, and I love you so goddamn much for speaking up when you got overwhelmed. I don’t ever want you to regret sex, okay? Or resent me for pushing you into something.”
“I don’t resent you for anything. Thank you.”
“I haven’t even blown you yet.”
“Dork. Not that. For everything. Being you, being here with me. Being honest with me.”
Joshua’s eyes shuttered briefly, because he was keeping a secret, damn it. “You deserve the world worshipping at your feet Benji ‘Not Benjamin’ Moore.”
“I don’t need the whole world. Maybe headlining a world tour on the coattails of my first platinum album.”
“That’s reasonable.” Joshua wanted that and more for Benji and Fading Daze. “Plus all the blow jobs you could ever ask for from yours truly.” He reached between them and thrust his hand into Benji’s open pants, only to find him soft.
“How about a rain check on the BJ?” Benji asked. “It isn’t as if I won’t be sleeping with you every night for the next week.”
It was one of the longest stretches they’d had together in ages, and Joshua’s heart squeezed with how precious these next seven days were. “So you know, I plan on taking advantage of you as often as you’ll let me, but only if you’re into it. Promise me?”
“Promise.” Benji pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “I love you.”
“Love you more.”
Forever.