Chapter 16 #2
“Growing up an Army brat, we moved a lot,” Benji said.
“And I was always shy, so I had trouble making friends. I was shorter than the other kids, generally smaller, kind of effeminate, so I got picked on. When I was thirteen, it turned into flat-out bullying. We’d moved to North Carolina, and from day one I was called queer, fag, and homo.
They’d stalk my MySpace account and send hateful messages, so I ended up unplugging completely.
People tripped me in the halls and drew pictures of dicks and balls on my locker.
One day after gym, I found my clean clothes in a full sink, soaked through. ”
Benji glanced at Van, unsurprised to see the intense anger in his eyes, but the rest of his face controlled. Benji had made peace with these things years ago, but the effects of the bullying still lingered in a shadow that moved too fast, or a guy who tried to surprise him with a kiss.
“My freshman year of high school was both a revelation and pure torture. The revelation was playing in the band. I found people I could relate to, and it’s probably why I glommed on so hard to Glee after a classmate mentioned it.
But I was still being bullied, and it got physical some days.
I’d come home limping from being tripped or kicked, and my dad would try to get me to talk to him about it, but I wouldn’t.
“Then this one day, a few weeks into the school year, I was being harassed in the hallway between classes, and this other kid, a sophomore, steps in to defend me. Ritchie. He was on the JV football team and kind of big, so the other guys backed off. Ritchie and I started hanging around together after school, sometimes on weekends. I had my first real friend in a long time. Sometimes I wasn’t sure if he was flirting with me or not, because I had no experience with it, I only knew I preferred guys, you know? And he was nice to me.”
His stomach quivered with nerves. He didn’t want to see Van’s quiet anger or Joshua’s calm understanding, so he told the rest to the remnants of his mango smoothie.
“This one Sunday, we’re at his house watching a movie.
It was a low-budget, soft-core kind of movie, and at one point, I see he’s rubbing himself.
I was shocked and intrigued, because he was so blatant about it.
Not even caring I was right there. He was rubbing at what looked like a big package.
“He notices me looking and asks, ‘You ever seen a hard dick up close before?’ And I say no, I haven’t.
So he says, ‘It’s okay if you want to look at it.
I like you, Benji. Really like you.’ I was thrilled to know someone liked me, and I liked him back, of course, and for one instant, I really, genuinely thought he meant it.
Even back then I knew I had an inclination toward guys, so I told him I liked him too, and I’d like to see his prick. ”
Benji’s throat tightened, and he blinked hard several times to clear his stinging eyes.
“Ritchie opened his pants, and he pulled out a big pink dildo. He smacked me in the face with it hard enough to make my eyes water, then shouted, ‘Here’s a dick for you, you fucking faggot.’ A bunch of his friends ran into the room, some of them recording us on their phones.
Another guy had an actual camcorder. I tried to bolt, but Richie shoved me down on the floor, and the other kids held me down while Ritchie shoved that dildo into my mouth, telling me to ‘suck it, faggot.’ ”
A shiver lanced down his spine as those awful moments came back like they were happening all over again.
The overwhelming terror of being helpless, of being weak and unable to stop whatever they were going to do.
Remembering stories of other gay kids who’d been killed, wondering if he was going to die too.
Warm hands cupped his cheeks, gently tilting his head to the side. Van knelt in front of him, so concerned it broke Benji’s heart a little bit. “We’re right here,” Van whispered. “Both of us are here for you.”
He sensed Joshua behind him before another hand clasped the back of his neck, softly kneading the tense muscles.
Benji leaned into that touch, while he held Van’s gaze and finished his horror story.
“Ritchie kept choking me with the dildo, telling me get it nice and wet for when he stuffed it up my ass.
Other guys pulled off my jeans and underwear, and I about pissed myself I was so scared.
They tied my arms and ankles, then gagged and blindfolded me.
Carried me out of the house and into a car.
I could barely breathe around the gag, and my nose was stuffed from crying.
I started praying, positive I was going to die soon.
“The car ride lasted forever, and someone kept smacking me with the dildo, on the backs of my legs or my ass, then threatening to fuck me with it. When the car finally stopped, I remembering thinking this is it, I’m going to die now.
They tossed me out, into some grass. I did piss myself then, which only made them all laugh harder.
Someone screamed, ‘Stay out of our school, fag!’ Then the car drove away. ”
“Jesus Christ.” Van looked ready to fly into a rage and do battle on Benji’s behalf.
“I couldn’t hear much besides birds, and I couldn’t move, didn’t know where I was.
Eventually a jogger came by, saw me, and called the police.
We were out on some remote country road, so if not for that jogger I could have been out there all night.
I was kind of incoherent when they put me in an ambulance.
By the time my dad got to the ER, I’d calmed down enough to assure them I hadn’t been raped, only beaten up and terrorized.
But I was too scared to name names, so I lied and said I didn’t see who grabbed me.
“Dad let me skip school the next day, but on Tuesday I was so terrified to face the bullies I made myself sick so I could stay home. On Wednesday, Dad was so worried for me that he nearly dragged me back to the hospital. And my dad and I have always been close. He worked from home, and it was just him and me for two years when my mom was deployed to Afghanistan. Before that incident, I used to tell him everything, and I couldn’t lie anymore, so I told the truth about Ritchie and his friends.
And since it was my word against his that I’d even been at his house that day, much less that he assaulted me, I said I didn’t want to press charges.
I wanted to make it all stop. He didn’t like the idea, but he knew that emotionally I couldn’t stand everything getting out in the public like it would if Ritchie and his friends were arrested.
“After talking to Mom about it, they agreed Dad would homeschool me from then on. No more bullies. No more fake friends. Mom retired a year later, and we moved to Philly, which was a way to start over. I had nightmares for a while, and don’t like being surprised, not even in fun.
” He reached behind to squeeze Joshua’s wrist. “I tend to have bad reactions.”
“Fuck,” Van said. “I want to squeeze that prick by the throat until his head pops off his neck. Goddammit.”
“I had about the same reaction when he first told me,” Joshua said. “Even went so far as to get online and try to find the asshole, but Benji caught on and told me to stop.”
“I didn’t want revenge.” Benji sighed, exhausted by this trip down memory lane.
“And they didn’t totally get away with it.
When my parents withdrew me, they sent a formal complaint to the principal, vice-principal, and every member of the school board, naming Ritchie and a few other people as bullies and threats to innocent children.
They cited dozens of examples of my being harassed.
Apparently the JV football coach’s son is gay, so he kicked Ritchie and two other guys off the team. ”
“That’s something, I guess.” Van still looked like he wanted to rip Ritchie apart with his bare hands.
“Anyway, that’s why I broke Joshua’s nose when he tried to kiss me.”
“Come here.” Van stood and tugged Benji to his feet, then wrapped strong, lean arms around his neck and shoulders.
Benji sagged into the warmth of Van’s embrace, enjoying the feel and scent of the man all around him.
He tucked his head beneath Van’s chin and rested there, the perfect fit.
More pressure from behind completed the amazing hug sandwich, as Joshua held them both.
With Van at his front and Joshua at his back, Benji had never felt more safe. More treasured.
More loved.
Fingers skimmed across his ribs, a ghost of a touch he guessed to be Joshua’s. Then Joshua’s lips skated over the back of his neck, sending prickles of awareness down Benji’s spine. He wasn’t much in the mood to participate in anything terribly sexy, but he wouldn’t mind watching again.
“What do you need, babe?” Joshua whispered.
“You two.” Benji reached behind to find and clasp Joshua’s hand. “I want to watch you two.”
Joshua shifted his weight, which pressed his growing erection into Benji’s backside. “Like yesterday?”
“Yeah.” He raised his head to ask Van. “Are you okay with that?”
A sexy, feral smile spread across Van’s face. “I’m am definitely okay with that. You okay if I kiss you first?”
Benji answered that silly question with his mouth.
He loved kissing Van, almost more than he loved kissing Joshua—which didn’t seem strange or disloyal at all.
There were still many lines he wasn’t ready to cross with Van, maybe ever, but kissing was good.
Van knew how to tease and entice with his lips and tongue, and he put his whole body into it.
Hands and arms and torso, everything working together to wind them both up, twist them both around, almost like they were dancing.