Chapter 22 #2
Danielle and Andy both looked contrite; only Bobby was glaring at him with open hostility that he didn’t understand. Even Joshua was frozen by the accusation—but not exactly surprised.
“What aren’t you guys telling me?” Benji snapped.
“Our vacation last week wasn’t Eddie being generous,” Andy replied, giving the silent Bobby a cutting look. “He got a bunch of cancellations after those photos of you and that guy got out, so he needed time to readjust our travel schedule and bookings.”
Benji stared at Andy, who looked genuinely upset and apologetic. But Benji really didn’t give a damn. They all knew. Bobby, Andy, Danielle, all of them had known and kept it from him. Anger burned in his chest, sending his heart racing.
“They cancelled because I’m gay?” Benji asked. “That’s bullshit. I’ve never hidden my sexuality. I was in XYZ for fuck’s sake.”
“Knowing something,” Bobby said, “and having it rubbed in your face are two different things. Venues didn’t want to risk attracting”—he made air quotes with his fingers—“ ‘unwanted guests’.”
“Oh, I get it. They didn’t want gay fans of a gay singer showing up at their straight place with goddamn gay cooties.
” Benji’s voice rose a bit, attracting stares, but he didn’t care.
His band mates had lied to him, and that hurt.
But it was the sad, resigned look on Joshua’s face that broke his heart. “You knew.”
Joshua nodded. Benji got to his feet and strode toward the exit.
He needed air. He needed space away from people he cared about and had trusted, and who’d fucking lied to him.
For over a month! And Joshua. That betrayal was the worst of all.
His boyfriend had known this whole time, and he hadn’t said anything.
The cold November air reminded him that he’d left his jacket draped over the back of his chair. Didn’t matter. It cooled his heated skin and helped fizzle some of his anger. Joshua wouldn’t have kept this from him unless pressured by the others, but that was still no excuse for going along with it.
He paced the parking lot, threading between cars, lost in his own tumbling thoughts until someone called his name. His parents were walking toward him, Mom carrying a small wrapped gift. They’d texted earlier about getting caught behind an accident and running late to the party.
“What’s wrong?” Dad asked.
“Oh the usual. Taking bullshit because I wasn’t born straight like the majority of the world.” Benji hated how whiny that sounded, but whatever. He deserved to wallow for a while.
“Erin, why don’t you go inside and get warm? I’m going to take Benji out to talk. We’ll be back before the party is over.”
“Of course.” Mom hugged them both, and then took her gift inside.
Benji didn’t protest his dad leading him to the car, or driving away from the building that still held his two boyfriends—one of whom he’d planned to introduce to his parents today.
Joke’s on me.
Dad drove a few miles away to small pizza joint with beer signs in the windows.
They went straight to the bar, where he ordered them both Yuenglings.
The thick, yeasty lager wasn’t Benji’s favorite, but if his dad was paying, he’d drink whatever.
Once the bartender brought their uncapped bottles, Dad took a long pull. “Spill it.”
Benji explained what little he knew, including Joshua being in on it. “I hate that they couldn’t be honest with me. I’m not some nervous Nellie who’s going to freak out over a bunch of bigots not wanting me to get my queer germs on their stage. I could have handled it.”
“Why do you think your band mates didn’t believe you could handle it?” Dad asked. A peeler from way back, he started picking at the corner of his bottle’s label.
Benji bit back an instinctive I don’t know and thought harder.
“These past few months, I know I’ve been struggling with my sexuality.
Maybe I’ve been taking things more personally than I should.
” Especially before he and Joshua had finally managed to fold Van into their relationship.
Benji had been a mess, constantly second-guessing his decisions, unsure if anything he did was right.
If he’d been told about the vacation today, he probably would have brushed it off.
Five weeks ago? Not so much. And the band had seen that.
“Okay, I can kind of understand it back then,” Benji said. “But it still hurts.”
“Son, what’s been your driving passion since you were twelve years old?”
“Music.”
“And what do you have a career in right now?”
“Music.” Benji adored his career, the same way his band mates did.
Bobby had been developing Fading Daze as a group for years, and they’d accepted him into it as Trey’s replacement with open arms. But Bobby was as fiercely protective of Fading Daze as Dom and Lincoln had been about XYZ.
He’d do whatever was necessary to keep the group alive and intact, in the same way that Benji would always do what was best for the group. “Well, shit.”
“Hmm?” Dad tapped his bottle’s neck. “An epiphany, I take it?”
Benji gulped from his beer, the thick liquid gurgling in his mostly empty stomach.
He hadn’t eaten much off his plate once he came out of his fog of fear and realized he’d chosen a lot of stuff he didn’t really like.
Then he groaned, because he still needed to clear the air with Bobby over being with Van.
“They didn’t lie to be cruel,” Benji said. “They were trying to protect me.”
“Why do you think so?”
“Because I’ll do whatever it takes to see Fading Daze succeed, even leave the band if my sexuality and relationship creates too much negative backlash. I can’t even imagine what will happen when it gets around that I’m in a poly relationship with two other men.”
“It will definitely draw attention to the band. Juicy gossip has a way of doing that.”
“So do you think Bobby, in his own inept way, was actually protecting me?”
“I think that’s more likely than him doing it out of spite or anger. You’re a gifted singer, Benji, anyone with ears knows that. Bobby would be a fool to let you quit for any reason, especially one as irrelevant to making music as who you choose to love.”
“Eddie might not agree with you.”
Dad grunted. “Do you honestly believe that if Eddie tried to fire you, the others would stay with him? Or would they find a new manager?”
“A new manager, I hope.” Benji blew out a long, slow breath. “Did I overreact by walking out?”
“No. You needed space to process this away from the others, even Joshua. You aren’t an impulsive person, so you withdrew in order to figure out how to react to the situation.”
“The beer isn’t hurting.” Benji sipped from his longneck again. “Bobby knows about us seeing Van.”
Dad’s eyebrows rose. “You told him?”
“No. He, uh, kind of saw me kissing Van in the parking lot.” He ducked his head. “I haven’t seen him in person in weeks.”
“You don’t have to explain to me, son.” Dad clapped a hand on Benji’s shoulder and squeezed. “When your mother was overseas for two years, I was very, very lonely.”
“Okay, TMI. No details needed. Got it.”
Dad chuckled. “All I’m saying is I understand how hard a long-distance relationship can be. How did Bobby react?”
“Honestly? He seemed pissed, but I think it was maybe because he thought I was stepping out on Joshua. I haven’t told the band about the threesome.”
“At this point, that conversation seems inevitable, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah. I didn’t want to do it at the anniversary party, though, you know? I didn’t want the drama there.”
“How can you be sure there will be drama? When we get back to the senior center, ask to speak to them outside. In private.”
He makes it sound so simple.
Except, it wasn’t all that difficult. Benji was making more out of it than was necessary. All he had to do was tell them, and then let them see him, Joshua, and Van together. The way they acted as a trio, the obvious affection that existed between them. It should be enough to—Van.
“Shit.” Benji nearly knocked his beer over. “I shouldn’t have left.”
“Why not?”
“Dominic gave a speech to his parents, and something about it upset Van. He was adopted, too, like Dom, but his parents were jerks, and he left home as soon as he turned eighteen. Van rushed out of the auditorium right after Dom finished speaking. Joshua and I were discussing whether or not to follow him when Bobby started harassing me about having a second boyfriend, and it all kind of spiraled from there.”
Dad tilted his bottle back to drain the last of his beer. “Then let’s get back so you can make sure Van’s all right.” He plunked cash on the bar.
Benji shoved his beer away, not caring to finish it. He had multiple relationships to fix, and he needed a clear head when he did.
Van wouldn’t admit that he was hiding in one of the men’s room stalls.
Nope. Not even a little bit. He was merely using the enclosure as a safe space to quietly pull himself back together.
He’d agreed to come to the anniversary party knowing full well he’d be affected by the love showered upon the Boundses, but Dominic’s speech had ripped Van’s heart out, stomped it to bloody pieces, and then laughed at the mess it had made.
Looking at the four siblings on stage, happy and healthy and so grateful to their parents, had stirred so much jealousy and hate he almost couldn’t see straight.
He’d banged his shin on the bathroom door going in, and then his knee on the toilet after entering the stall.
Emotional outbursts were rare, and not his favorite thing, so he kept it between himself, the throne, and three metal stall walls.
The door opened and closed multiple times, and he constantly braced for Joshua or Benji’s concerned voices. They didn’t come, though, which kind of surprised him. He adored them both even more for giving him space.