Briar
Iknock on Blake’s door.
“It’s me. Can I come in?”
He answers immediately. When I see the pained look on his face, my chest cracks in half.
I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight.
“I’m sorry. I know you wanted to be alone, but I wanted to check on you,” I say.
He slides his big, muscled arms around me, pulling me into his body. “You don’t need to be sorry. I should be sorry.”
I lean back to look at him. “Why?”
“I shouldn’t have just walked away like that. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t want you around. I do.”
“Blake, it’s okay. If you need to be alone to process everything, that’s fine.”
I start to pull away, but he holds me tighter.
“Don’t go. Please.”
My heart shatters. I reach up and cup his face in my hand. He closes his eyes and hums softly.
“The only person I want to be around right now is you,” he says.
Something hooks behind my ribcage. Something tight and warm.
I step into his bedroom, and he closes the door. He sits down on the bed and pulls me onto his lap. I straddle him, holding his face in my hands.
I’m not used to seeing Blake like this—sad and stressed. He’s always in a good mood. Always happy and joking.
As awful as everything is right now, I’m glad he’s not shutting me out. I’m glad he’s letting me see this vulnerable side of him.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” he says.
“What do you need from me?”
I know I can’t make any of this better. I know I can’t make it all go away.
“I’d do anything for you, Blake. Anything in the world.”
He’s quiet as he looks at me, emotion flickering in his ocean-blue eyes.
“Don’t leave me.” His voice is strained and broken.
It feels like I’ve been punched in the gut. “You think I’d leave you?”
He hesitates for a second. “No, but…Look, I know how pathetic I must look right now. I’m a college hockey star who had everything going for him.
And I’m on the verge of losing it all—college, hockey, career, everything.
I’m sure there’s going to be a ton of comments online insulting me for what I do in my personal life.
So I’d understand if you don’t want to be exposed to that. ”
“I don’t care about any of that,” I say.
I hold his gaze. “Blake, I don’t care what anyone says about you.
I know the kind of person you are. I know your heart.
I’ve seen the kind of son you are. The teammate you are.
The friend you are. Yeah, you’re great at hockey.
And yeah, you make a fantastic thirst trap. ”
The corner of his mouth tips up in an almost smile.
“But what matters more is that you’re a good person.” I press a soft kiss to his mouth. “You’re the best person I know.”
An intensity I don’t recognize flashes in his gaze. “You mean that?”
“I mean it, Blake. With everything in me.”
Emotion surges in my chest as I look at Blake. My boyfriend. My best friend.
That pressure behind my ribcage expands, climbing higher the longer I gaze at him.
This feeling…it’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt before for anyone.
I feel like my heart is too big for my body. I feel like my lungs are aching with each breath I take.
Seeing him in pain makes me ache. I want to take it away. I want to protect him and keep him safe, just like he’s done for me countless times.
I want to hold him in my arms forever. I want to be by his side through all the bad things and good things that will ever happen to him.
I can’t picture ever leaving him. No matter what, I’m his. Forever.
Because I love him.
My breath catches as the words bounce around in my head, as I let the realization wash over me.
Of course I love Blake. I’ve loved him as my friend when I was fourteen.
And now that we’re together—now that he’s my boyfriend—I’m so in love with him, it hurts.
He’s always held a piece of my heart. I’ve always wanted him.
And now I have him.
I never want him to question my feelings for him. I never want him to doubt that I’ll stay by his side.
I need to tell him how I feel about him.
I take a slow, quiet breath to steady myself.
“Blake, there’s something I need to tell you.”
His eyes widen, like he’s bracing himself for more bad news.
“I love you.”
I say it quickly, so he can’t spend another second worrying or speculating.
His mouth parts open, and I hold my breath. I’ve never told a guy that I love him. I’ve only ever said it to my family.
But I’m in love with Blake, and I want him to know that no matter what happens, I’ll be with him. I’ll be his forever.
I watch his brow hit his hairline, his mouth hanging open at what I’ve just said.
My nerves are firing off like cannonballs. He’s probably freaked out. It’s way, way too soon for me to say this to him. We’ve just barely started our relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. This must feel like a bomb being dropped on him with everything else he’s going through right now.
“You don’t have to say it back,” I say quickly. “I just wanted to tell you how I feel because… well, it’s how I feel.”
I let out a flustered laugh. A second later, I’m serious again. I rest my hands on his shoulders and take a breath.
“For so long, I held in how I’ve felt about you, and I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to say how I feel. I don’t ever want you to doubt me or whether I’ll be by your side. I’ll always stand with you, Blake. Because I love you.”
His mouth crashes against mine. He grabs my face, kissing me harder and sweeter than he ever has.
When we break apart, I’m dizzy and panting.
“I love you too,” he says.
My breath catches. “You do?”
His handsome face breaks into a grin. “Of course I do. Briar, I’ve been in love with you since we were in high school.”
Emotion bubbles up in my chest, making everything feel tight and warm. Happy tears prick at my eyes.
“You have?”
His ocean-blue eyes glitter as he nods. “Yes. Briar, I’ve always wanted you.
Always.” His thick, stubbled throat bobs as he swallows.
“For the longest time, I thought we’d just be friends.
And that was good enough for me because I still got to be in your life.
But then, you transferred to Hollis, and everything started changing between us. In the best way.”
I think about the moment when I told Blake I was a virgin, and how embarrassed I was. How, in the moment, I wished I could take it back. But I’m so glad I didn’t. Because that’s what kicked everything off for us.
Yeah, it was awkward, but it was honest. I was honest about my inexperience in the bedroom and how I wanted him to be the one to teach me. He was honest about his feelings for me.
I run my fingers through his hair. He makes that soft, low, moaning sound that always makes me shiver.
“I can’t believe this whole time we both loved each other,” I say.
“It’s perfect.” He kisses me. “Together, we’re perfect.”
Tingles race across my entire body. He’s right. We really are perfect. The way we make each other laugh. The way we can tell each other everything. How comfortable we feel around each other.
It’s been this way since we were clueless teenagers who had no idea what we were doing in life.
But now, we’re older. Life is harder. But it’s better with Blake. Everything is better with Blake.
He kisses me again. “You are perfect, Briar.”
I gaze down at my best friend. My boyfriend. My heart.
I cup my hands over his stubbled cheeks. “I’m so not perfect.”
“To me, you are.”
His words tug at my heart.
“You’re kind and smart and thoughtful and loyal.” He brushes a chunk of hair behind my ear. “And one hell of a beer pong partner.”
I burst out laughing. He smiles and winks at me.
“You’re my dream guy, Blake. Every other guy I dated paled in comparison to you. You were always kinder, funnier, more thoughtful. I never felt like I could be totally comfortable with them. And then every time I was with you, it felt like home.”
Warmth flashes in his eyes.
A sting of regret hits me. “Can you believe we spent this many years denying our feelings?”
He shakes his head. “All that matters is that we’re here now.”
I press my mouth to hiss and kiss him slow and tender and teasing.
“I’m so fucking in love with you, Briar,” he says between kisses. “I don’t care about anything else. As long as you love me, I’ll be the happiest guy on the planet.”
My breath gets stuck in my throat.
He trails soft kisses down my throat. I feel warm and lightheaded. My heart beats faster and harder.
“Blake?”
“Yeah, babe?”
“Will you make love to me?”