31. Nat
Nat
“I’m pregnant.”
The last time I stood in a bathroom saying words out loud in a vain attempt to make myself feel better didn’t work either.
Not sure why I thought it would this time.
With another glance at the stick proclaiming me ‘pregnant’, I sigh.
I knew what the answer would be. After the night—and morning—in Vegas, I came home and checked my calendar. I’m not on birth control, never have been. I’ve spent my entire sexual life with one mantra and one only.
If it’s not on, it’s not on.
The one and only time I don’t follow that, I get knocked up.
With my husband’s baby.
At least I won’t be a single mother.
“Crap.” I dump the stick into the trash can to rest beside the other three.
Four tests can’t be wrong, right?
Not that I need to see the results. I knew I stood a good chance of getting pregnant from my night and morning with Chase the second I looked at my calendar.
Add in sore boobs, upset stomach…
Yeah, time to admit it and talk to the man of the hour.
We’ve been so busy since winning the Cup that Chase and I have barely had five minutes together. And not all at the same time.
Things should settle down now. And by settle, I mean not so many media requests. Or celebration parties. Or parades.
The last is scheduled for tomorrow.
The Rogues will be driven through the streets of Baton Rouge before being deposited at Rogue Arena where a huge carnival party is to take place for fans and players.
I’m tempted to leave it and tell Chase after the parade.
Tempted. So so tempted.
But he’s already questioning my nausea. Worried I’m sick and not taking care of myself.
No. There’s no putting it off now I’ve got irrefutable proof, not just suspicion.
The twins are at school; they slotted right back in after the last game of the season. Candace is in Rogue Arena’s daycare with her second favorite mother figure, Deanne Harper.
Since I brought Deanne down for the playoffs, she’s stayed. Melody mentioned her dad was no longer in the picture, but I haven’t pushed Deanne on the subject.
She’ll talk to me if she wants. In the meantime, I’ve got her helping with the arena daycare and preparation for the one set to open in the new mall.
I think Chase is in the basement working out. He hasn’t left the house since he got back from dropping Cassidy and Crystal off this morning. I thought he’d come looking for me when he saw my car in the garage, but I haven’t seen him.
We’ve been like ships passing in the night these last few weeks and if we are near each other for an extended period, there’s a million other people around too.
It’s why I decided to take the pregnancy test without him.
Then again, maybe I’ve got a yellow belly again.
I don’t know, can’t even imagine, how he’s going to react to this news.
Honestly, I’m not sure how I feel about adding another member to the household.
Especially when Chase and I haven’t hashed out what Vegas meant—means.
Guess I know what it means now. Baby Hawkins arriving in under nine months.
I’m only a few weeks along. Too early to announce the impending arrival, even to the closest to us. The first trimester is always a risk…maybe I should wait to tell Chase?—
“Dammit, no. He deserves to know. Just get it over with, Natalie.”
Pulling my shoulders back, I hold my head up and leave my bathroom. I can hear things banging around in the kitchen. He must have finished his workout.
When I get to the end of the short hallway that leads to my suite, I stop short.
He’s finished his workout all right.
Shirtless, with a pair of Rogue compression shorts spanning his hips, sweat clinging to his skin, he’s standing in front of the open fridge, head back, a bottle of water at his mouth.
His Adam’s apple bobs with every swallow. And he swallows a lot. The entire bottle to be exact.
I have the urge to lick the sweat from his chest.
And I’m not even sure I like sweaty men.
Although I have to admit, I like Chase.
“Hey.”
My gaze snaps from his defined torso to his face. “Ah, hi.”
He lifts one eyebrow. “You okay? Still feeling sick?”
“Um, about that.”
“What? Did you go see the doctor? Do you have the flu? A couple of the guys mentioned their wives have had it.”
“No. Not the flu. And I didn’t go to the doctor.”
“Oh, okay.” His puzzled expression doesn’t change, and I know I need to explain myself.
“I found out why I’ve been feeling sick.”
He turns to face me fully. “And?”
“Remember that thing we were leaving in Vegas for later?” God, why am I beating around the bush?
Chase remains perfectly still, as though waiting for the next word to decide how to react.
“I, um, so...” Shit. Just spit it out. “I’m pregnant.”
He doesn’t move. Not a muscle. I don’t think he even breathes.
“Say something. Don’t leave me hanging out here.”
“Are you happy?”
“What?”
“Do you want a baby?”
“I... Yes. I think so.”
“You think? You’ve never mentioned children. Other than my sisters.”
“I love your sisters.”
He nods. “I know. But this is not the same. This is a baby. Your baby. My baby.” He swallows after forcing the last two words out.
My hopes sink and I didn’t even know I had any. “You don’t want the baby.”
“I didn’t say that.” He takes a step toward me. “This is not something I ever expected to hear you tell me.”
“I can do it on my own. I don’t need—” He demolishes the distance between us in three steps and palms my face in both his large hands.
“Did you not hear me say I love you in Vegas?”
A muted memory flits through my head.
“Gem.” He waits until he’s sure he has my attention. “I get that we got married for convenience, for the girls, and that this baby isn’t planned, but I love you. And before you argue about ages and sisters and teams or whatever else is rolling around in that big brain of yours, I want this baby. With you. I want our marriage to be a real one. I’ve wanted that for months. Vegas was a dream come true for me.”
“Not the Cup?” My mouth twitches with a smile.
“Yeah, the Cup too, but if I had to choose, I’d pick you and our baby. Every time. Every day. Always.”
“This isn’t what you agreed to.”
“It’s not what you offered either.” He smiles. “I like this offer better.”
“How could you? You’re only—” His thumbs press into my lips.
“Don’t say it. I don’t care how old I am, how old you are. It’s irrelevant to what’s in my heart. Gem, you saved me. I was drowning. Sure, I could do what my parents expected of me, what I expected. But you showed me I was capable. More than capable.”
“You would have been fine without me.”
He eyes me. I can see the argument and brace for it, but he surprises me.
“You’re right. We would have been fine. Eventually. But this, the life we have here, is better than fine. It’s the best. It’s given all of us Hawkinses our greatest wishes.”
“I’m glad you and your sisters?—”
“I’m talking about all of us. You’re a Hawkins too. And now you’re making one.” He drops a hand from my face and presses it against my flat belly. “There’s a part of you and me in here, growing. Do you know how awe-inspiring that is?”
He shakes his head, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears.
“Gem. You came out of nowhere and handed me a dream I thought was dead. Now I’ve given you yours.”
“What?”
“A family. I already gave you a family and this baby is building on it.”
Oh. A smile curls my lips. His words are true. For as long as I can remember, I wanted a loving family. People at my side who loved me unconditionally, stood beside me when I made choices instead of telling me what they should be.
I got more than a star goalie for my NHL team when I went to St. Paul. I got three younger sisters. I got a friend turned husband turned lover. And now I have the one thing I wanted and believed would never happen.
A baby.
I thought Candace would be the only child I’d ever raise as my own. And I will raise her like my own. But this baby, the one Chase and I made in a moment of unexpected pleasure, would be the next piece of our patched together family.
“I’m going to change my name. Before next season, I’ll be Natalie Hawkins.”
The smile my words put on Chase’s mouth is blinding. “There you go again. Making all my dreams come true.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For loving me. I never expected to have this. With anyone. With you. When we agreed to marry for the girls’ protection, I thought the family we made would be it for me. Never dreamed I’d get to experience the love of a good man or have his baby.”
“I think I loved you from the minute I let you into our house. I can’t describe it or explain it but there was something there, something pulling me toward you, holding me in your orbit.”
“Chase.”
“It was your circle. The one you keep so few people in. You let me enter that sacred space and I told you once I would never let you regret that choice. I meant it then, I mean it now. Being with you, as co-parent, friend, husband in name only, was enough. But this, being your lover, getting to love you openly and having a baby together...”
He shakes his head again.
“Fuck, Gem. Holding the Cup doesn’t compare to what you’ve given me.”
I believe him. He might be young but he’s mature beyond his years. And when he loves, he loves with his whole heart, with everything in him. He gave up on the career he worked his whole life for because of the love he has for his sisters—his parents.
If what he feels for me and this baby is only a fraction of that, we’ll be two of the luckiest people in the world.