Chapter 18
Jamie
“So what do you want your outfit to say on the big date Friday night?” Silas asked. “Too sexy to keep my pants on?”
He pulled assless chaps off the rack at Tops and Bottoms, a local boutique. They were dyed purple and ostentatious didn’t even begin to describe them.
Maverick laughed. “That’s more your thing, babe. Jamie should look tempting but off-limits until his man has earned it. Hmm. Maybe a nice clingy silk button-down like this. Something to tease a little but still keep it classy?”
He held up a royal blue shirt with a floral pattern. It was pretty. Maybe too pretty for my tastes. I shook my head, and he returned it to the rack.
“Talk to us,” Silas said. “What’s with the pout?”
I sighed. “I don’t know if I should even go on the date. It’s probably going to be a letdown.”
No probably about it. No guy could possibly live up to Hank.
“You’ve been waiting for a good match for so long,” Maverick said. “I thought you wanted this.”
I shrugged.
“Oh shit,” Silas said. “You went and fell for the straight guy, didn’t you?”
“Hank is just a friend.”
And if I said it enough, I’d begin to believe it. I had to, because the universe wasn’t giving me much choice.
Maverick slipped an arm around my waist and guided me toward the benches outside the dressing room. Silas checked his hair in the mirror—god, he was so vain—while Maverick and I sat down.
“I’m just a friend, and you pined for me for ages,” Silas said. “But I didn’t deserve your affection.” He turned, his smile pained. “You were too good for me. And you’re too good for Hank.”
I shook my head. “I’m not. I mean, yeah, totally too good for you.”
Maverick laughed as Silas’s eyes narrowed.
“Harsh,” he muttered.
“But not Hank.” I sighed. “That’s why it’s so hard. He’s just so sweet. And confusing.”
Maverick tilted his head. “Confusing? How so?”
“He wants to spend so much time with me, you know? Just the two of us.”
“He doesn’t have a lot of friends, you said,” Maverick said.
“Right, but he takes the dogs home if I work late. He invites me to dinner. He has me stay for a movie and he—”
I stopped, biting my lip.
“What?”
“I’m imagining things.”
Silas winced. “Probably.”
“Maybe not,” Maverick said. “I never thought Damon would go for a guy, much less me. I mean, we didn’t even like each other!”
“Except you kind of did,” Silas pointed out.
“Well, still. Sometimes, people surprise us.”
I was afraid to hope for that. I already liked Hank. I was already struggling to accept reality. If I let myself look for something else…
I shook my head. “No, I have to go on the date. Even if it’s probably unfair to Marcus. I have to put Hank behind me.” I turned to Silas. “Maybe I should get the assless chaps.”
“Let’s not get crazy,” he said with a laugh. “Even I was kidding when I held those up.”
“Something else sexy then. Something that says, I’m available for the taking.”
“Desperate and needy,” Maverick murmured, “that’s a look.”
Silas waved that off. “We’ll make you look sexy and irresistible,” he said. “Marcus will be falling all over himself to take you home.”
My chest tightened, my heart longing for something else.
“Good,” I forced myself to say.
If nothing else, this date could remind me that I was still single, and Hank was not—and never would be—my boyfriend.
Even if my heart ached for him, even if my skin crackled with the urge to be against his, even if those cuddles on his couch were the closest to happiness I’d ever been, surrounded by his warmth and his strength.
I got up and marched back to the clothes rack, a man on a mission.
I wasn’t naive. This guy wouldn’t be a love match. He couldn’t be, not with my heart so full of the man I couldn’t have. But he’d be a step toward waking the hell up and moving on.
Because I had to. For my own good.
In the end, I bought a silvery button-down with a paisley pattern, dark jeans, and some new underwear that I was fairly certain would be hell on my balls but make my ass look great.
I slid my card across the check-out counter and forced a smile for Everdeen, who ran the shop.
She was a lovely lady who’d named her shop quite innocently, but once the gay jokes started flying, she’d embraced it by bringing in a line of flamboyant tops and bottoms that were mostly too risqué outside of clubbing or Pride events, but I’d heard that Kevin Rhodes kept her in the black all on his own.
He was our resident femboy and ever more famous drag queen who’d taken to traveling the western states with his trucker boyfriend Garrett Rafferty and doing shows all over the country.
His YouTube makeup channel had expanded to fashion and absolutely blown up, especially when he started mixing in drag show clips.
“You are going to look so handsome,” Everdeen said as she slid the bags over. “That date won’t know what hit him!”
I couldn’t muster the proper enthusiasm, but Silas and Maverick covered for me, teasing and jostling me about my hot new boyfriend.
“Make sure you invite the chef to my place as soon as possible,” Maverick teased. “He can cook, and maybe Damon will learn a thing or two.”
Silas laughed. “Don’t count on it. You’re lucky that man knows how to work a stove.”
“He does a decent job on the grill, but he could definitely expand his repertoire.”
“When you think about it, the world is really unfair,” Silas said. “Jamie is already pretty good in the kitchen.”
“No, it’ll be great!” Maverick insisted. “They’ll be a power chef couple and they’ll host dinner parties and we’ll eat so much good food.”
“Ooh, and they can come to the rescue when my catering falls apart on a wedding,” Silas said.
I stopped at my car and turned to them. “Okay, I draw the line there. This fantasy world you guys have is a nice gesture and all, but there’s no way in hell my fictional boyfriend is catering for your bridezillas! I get enough of that already!”
My voice rose to a high pitch, and my friends exchanged a wide-eyed look.
“Are you okay, Jamie?” Maverick asked.
“Maybe you should call off the date if—”
“I’m fine. I’m great. I’m going to go out with Marcus and forget all about my huge raging crush because I’m not a silly schoolboy who pines over someone he can’t have.”
“Okay,” Maverick said. “If you’re sure…”
“I have to be sure,” I said, suddenly tired and sad. “There’s not much point to holding on to a fantasy.”
“No,” Silas said gently. “There’s not.”
I nodded once, jerkily. “Okay, then. I’ll go on the date, and I’ll move on from Hank. Just don’t start planning any dinner parties yet. This is damage control, plain and simple.”
Maverick tugged me into a hug, squeezing me hard enough to make me wheeze. “It always hurts before it gets better.”
Silas met my gaze over his shoulder, signature smirk in place. “Go get some nookie and you’ll feel better.”
I rolled my eyes. That was typical Silas, thinking with his dick. Still, I appreciated the sentiment.
I could always count on my friends to give me what I needed, whether it was real talk or comfort or a mashup of both.
“Love you guys,” I said as I opened my car door and slipped inside.
“Love you!” Maverick called.
“Text us all the dirty details!” Silas added.
As I drove home, a smile tugged at my lips. I might not be lucky with romance, but I’d won the lottery with my friends.