Chapter 27
Twenty-Seven
Iwas weak.
That was what all my problems came down to: I was weak, and when Rhylan opened his arms, I gave in without a murmur of protest.
Wrapped in them now, with my leg flung over his hips, I wondered if it would ever be possible to rip that weakness out of me by the root, because I could not resist this.
I could handle the sleeplessness, the fear that took small bites out of me all night and left me a husk in the morning, the heaviness in my chest. I could handle uncertainty, and being alone.
I could not handle this desire. The knowledge that I wanted him so intensely, and that I could not have him beyond sex. Not in the only way that mattered for a draga.
Kirana’s words had burrowed into me and fed me the truth. Rhylan was in this for revenge, because he would never rest until Tidas was dead.
And if he kept his enemies close…he kept his allies closer. He only wanted me in his bed because I was his path to Tidas. So long as he had me, he had someone guaranteed to stand as the driving force against Yura and her mate.
What better way to keep your allies close than to make them feel wanted? To give them the affection they craved, the touch that my skin had ached for?
It was a special kind of pain, to crave physical touch so deeply it became a need, the agony of never feeling a loving caress.
It was my weakness.
Rhylan stirred, pulling me closer so that my face nestled in the hollow of his throat. I wanted to kiss him there, to feel his pulse under my lips…but I couldn’t allow it. Sex was one thing; allowing myself to perform any tiny, tender motions towards him would set me on a course that could never be undone.
Not in the way of a mate bond, no; but with or without a bond, if I allowed myself to feel anything more, I would never be able to disentangle Rhylan from my soul.
I had to hold myself back from now on. Or I would lose myself, and when I finally gained the throne…I didn’t want to sit atop it alone, feeling all the emptiness of a hollow victory.
He stirred again, his lashes fluttering before his eyes opened, and he gave me a sleepy smile. “I could get used to waking up to you.”
I felt exactly the same way about him, but admitting as such was giving into the weakness. Yet I didn’t have the heart to let cruelty take over, the venomous sarcasm I’d taken refuge in before.
“Good morning.” I sat up, carefully wriggling so we were no longer quite touching. “We should probably get up and…make plans. Give Kirana’s mission a fighting chance.”
His smile faded, and he reached for me to drag me back to bed, but I slipped out of his grasp and began searching the floor for the useless little nightgown.
“We can spare five minutes, can’t we?” he asked, stretching out so the ridges of his stomach were in full view and folding his arms behind his head. The sheets just covered the belt of muscle that made me salivate…
I found the nightgown under the bed, and yanked it over my head, obscuring the view. “Not right now, we can’t. We’ve taken pretty heavy blows to our plan, Rhylan. We need to approach the Jade Leaves and see if they can be convinced to join us without the Shadowed Stars.”
“Is that it? Or are you just running away from vulnerability again?” He arched a dark brow at me as he climbed out of the bed.
I glared at him, clutching a pillow like a shield. “What vulnerability? We had…a fun diversion. That’s all.”
“A diversion,” he repeated, coming closer. The pillow was pulled out of my hands and the wall of dragon encircled me, hands at my waist and in my hair. He gripped a solid handful of my messy locks, gently pulling my head back so he could kiss my throat. “Is that what you think it is?”
The warmth of lips under my jaw, against my neck… “That’s what I know. You brought me here to kill Tidas, not lay in bed all day. We don’t have a mate bond, Rhylan.”
I was about to brace my hands against his chest, determined to keep from melting into his embrace, not wanting to give in to that godsdamned weakness yet again…but Rhylan beat me to it.
He released me so quickly I stumbled back a step. A bitter smile graced his lips. “Because a mate bond will never happen for you, right?”
I gazed at him narrowly. “Nor for you, isn’t that true? You already picked out the perfect little draga, didn’t you? So that means all of this is just a diversion.”
“Is that jealousy I hear?” he asked, almost purring as he leaned in close.
“Jealousy over what?” I snapped. “Why would I be jealous of anyone? You know the deal we made, and diversions are not a part of it.”
“Sera, sometimes I just…” Rhylan held up his hands, throttling the air. “Want to do this to you.”
“The feeling is mutual!” I kicked another pillow out of my way, seething that I’d let myself get roped into this pointless argument. “I’m abiding by our agreement so you can finish this and go find—”
I cut myself off abruptly, before I could call his mystery draga something that would surely get me accused of jealousy again, and with great accuracy.
Because I was jealous, and if she was standing right here in front of me, I would happily strangle her and throw her out the highest window in the eyrie. As long as she lived…there would never be a chance in all the Hells that a bond would form between Rhylan and me.
“Go find what, Sera? Come back here and finish that sentence. Don’t be a coward.”
“I’m not a coward,” I snarled, rounding on him only inches from the door. “So you can go find that other draga when we’re done. Maybe you can sleep with someone and never think of them again, but I can’t. I don’t want to be like that. And I don’t want…”
Rhylan stared at me, his blue eyes gleaming. “Don’t want what? Finish this. Say what you really think, for once.”
I raised my chin, clenched my fists. Felt my nostrils flaring as I dared to speak my mind, heart pounding so hard it ached. “I don’t want to want…what isn’t meant to be mine. I hate wanting things I can’t have. There. I said it. Now leave me alone for five minutes, for Naimah’s sake, before I lose my damn mind.”
I whirled around and pushed the door open, which didn’t slam quite as forcefully as I would’ve liked, and walked out before I could look at Rhylan again. I didn’t want to lay eyes on that dragon right now, because I was one word away from breathing fire myself.
As I dressed in new fighting leathers and pinned the thick coil of my hair to the back of my head, I managed to calm myself by taking deep breaths. I needed to present a serene face to the world when I left my room.
Rhylan’s inability to see that sleeping with him—and the dissolution of our ‘bond’ later—was only going to hurt me in the long run made me want to lay claws on him.
“Must be nice to be able to fuck them and forget them,” I growled at my reflection, dabbing more scar paste over the dark pink wound on my cheek.
Meeting the eyes of my own reflection was a little alarming. The pale silver tones gave me furious ghost eyes, not a hint of serenity to be found.
“It’s very pleasant, indeed.” Myst raised her head from the pile of pillows on my bed and stretched her mouth in a wide yawn, showing rows upon rows of sharp razor teeth. Her nostrils flared wide as she inhaled. “Oh, have you made the bond yet? It’s about ti—”
“No.” I stood up, throwing my last hairpin back on the dresser. “I’ve been diverting myself with a stubborn ass who insists I lay bare every last vulnerability until he has the means to stab me in the heart with them. I’m absolutely sure that nothing terrible can come of this mistake, which I’m likely to make again because apparently I don’t learn my lessons.”
“Ah.” Myst sniffed. “Well, I see you’re in a pet today. Isn’t rolling around in a dragon’s bed for hours supposed to cure you of that, not cause it?”
I glared at my Ascendant.
She blinked. “Oh. You did it wrong, didn’t you?”
“No, Myst.” A sigh escaped me as I buckled on my sword-belt. “It went very right, except for the part where…where I was hoping for a bond to form. I should probably thank Larivor that it didn’t. Gods know how long we’d survive each other if we were bound together.”
“‘Hoping’ isn’t enough,” she said severely. “You must impress your will on the bond to form. Honestly, child, were you paying any attention at all in your lessons?”
I couldn’t listen to this right now. “I have to go. We need to send an emissary to the Jade Leaves and hope that they’ll still have us.”
“Hope.” Myst rolled her enormous quicksilver eyes. “Hope, hope, hope. When will you stop hoping, Serafina, and start executing? Bend the world to your will! Don’t simply hope for it to work for you. No dragonblood ever won a war or a mate by hoping.”
I left without another word. I had wanted her to be here, to offer her guidance…and her guidance was exactly what I needed.
It just wasn’t what I wanted to hear.
I found Rhylan in the library, standing over the map-table, his hands clasped behind his back. He stood with military straightness, head bent as he examined the new pieces on the board…and I very much wanted to run my fingers through his thick, dark hair, to greet him with a kiss and my arms around him.
“Did any news come in?” I asked briskly, ignoring my fingers’ impulse to reach out and touch him.
He had moved a golden pawn-like piece to Everael, the eyrie of Undying Light. I picked it up and saw it was carved in the shape of a tiny wyvern.
“Kirana should be there by now,” he said quietly. I returned the wyvern-piece to Everael, examining the rest of the board.
Another golden piece had been placed on Orisien, eyrie of the Lunar Tides; we were evenly numbered with the iron pieces symbolizing Yura and Tidas, which covered Talariel, Iliador, and a small, unmarked spot on the map, well to the south.
“This is for the Bloodied Talons, right?” I asked, touching the last pawn piece. I couldn’t remember the name of the Bloodied Talons’ eyrie, if I’d ever known it to begin with.
“Yes. I don’t believe they’ve returned to their ancestral eyrie, though.” Rhylan frowned at the piece. “Viros had a few reports from the wyvern-riders. It looks like Kalros took exile to heart; his dragons seem to be operating as vagabonds, going wherever Yura needs them the most. I don’t like them not having a home we can count on. They could be anywhere.”
I sighed. “I wish I’d had the foresight to make allies of them first.”
Rhylan glanced at me from under dark lashes. “Make allies with the dragon who wanted to force you into a mate bond?”
My mouth twisted in a sneer. “Better that they die in my service than hers.”
Surprisingly, Rhylan let out a quick, harsh laugh. “Myst was right. You are in a foul mood today.”
I scowled. Of course my Ascendant had warned him in advance. How very loyal of her.
“I’d volunteer myself to cheer you up,” he murmured, leaning in to speak in my ear, “But I think you’d claw my eyes out if I suggested what I had in mind.”
The feel of his lips against the shell of my ear was…distracting. I remembered all the other places his lips had been recently, and I felt a blush rise that I was powerless to halt.
“Like I can’t keep my own claws in check,” I scoffed.
“Not to mention we’d ruin the map.” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and he ran a finger over the rim of my now-pink ear. “You’re glowing.”
“Stop that this instant.” I pushed his hand away, not wanting to be drawn back into his playfulness, which would lead me right back to his bed.
“I don’t think so,” he growled, slipping an arm around my waist and pinning me against him, my back to his chest. “I gave you your five minutes, Sera, but now you’re back in my territory. And I want…” He nipped my ear. “To watch you…” His lips moved over my cheekbone, down to my throat, drawing an involuntary gasp from me. “Squirm while you know you can’t escape me.”
I felt him harden against me, his hands tangled in my hair to pull my head back. His lips moved over my neck, nipping just hard enough to make me pant for breath, holding back the cry I wanted to let loose.
He had trained me well last night: when he demanded sound, he meant it.
“And now that I’ve got you right where I want you, you’re going to godsdamn listen.”
He pushed me forward over the table, hand still fisted in my hair, thick shaft pushed up against my ass. He leaned with me, covering my body and pinning me to the table.
“You are that other draga,” he breathed in my ear. “You always have been. So let’s stop playing games and pretending neither of us knows where this is leading.”
Was it fire or ice that spilled through me? I would be lying if I said I hadn’t suspected, but to hear it out loud, my wildest hopes confirmed…
“Rhylan, we can’t.”
“By whose decree?” His hips slowly thrust up against me and I bit my lip. “Who says I can’t claim you? Who would dare to stop us?”
He released my hair, gripping my wrist and holding me down.
“I’ve wanted you for years and now you’re fucking mine,” he growled. A stifled moan of assent escaped me, my hips moving against him, inviting him to take me now, to make his claim, leave his mark…
He wrapped claws around my other wrist, his teeth grazing over my neck, pawns sweeping from the map as it shook under our weight—
A soft gasp in the door halted everything.
I heard the metal pawns ringing as they hit the floor, my own panting, Rhylan’s growling breaths…and we both looked up to see Nilsa standing in the door, clutching a letter in both hands, her face…utterly twisted with an emotion I recognized all too well.
Hate. She hated me, with a venom so fierce it seemed to ooze from her in a solid wall.
At that moment, I appreciated her hatred, because it cleared my mind of the cloud of lust, the bright spark of meaningless hope…
The terrible mistake I had been about to make.
Rhylan brought me upright with one smooth motion, but he didn’t push me away or hide what he’d been doing. Instead he tucked a loosened lock of hair behind my ear. “What is it, Nilsa?”
The Bloodless girl swallowed so hard I heard the click in her throat from across the room. “We’ve received a letter from Doric, your highness.”
Both Rhylan and I looked at her sharply. “What is it?” I asked, striding forward to take the letter from her.
Nilsa held it tight for a few seconds, refusing to relinquish it, and I met her blue gaze. The hatred still burned there, but I didn’t care about that.
I cared that she would disrespect me so blatantly, when I could sink my claws into her and draw blood for that insolence. Only my feelings for Rhylan and respect for the people of his eyrie kept me from making such a move.
And it was cruel of me to feel that way. I wouldn’t be surprised if she despised me because she was in love with Rhylan herself.
But I would not tolerate it from Nilsa. She seemed to read that in my eyes; her lips twisted, but she finally released the letter.
I turned my back on her, slitting it open with a sharp thumbnail and pulling the parchment out.
My blood ran cold at the words on the page.
“You’re right about the exiles,” I said, handing it to Rhylan. “They’ve moved in on the outer edges of Orisien territory, a town called Zerhaln. We’re needed.”
He took the letter, scanned it quickly, and dropped it on the map. “You’re not coming.”
“I— excuse me?” I stared up at him. “Yes, I am. I’m your mate, Rhylan, you can’t go alone.”
“Viros removed all the safety precautions from the harnesses last night. I can’t fight Kalros and worry about keeping you on my back at the same time. And for the record, no, I am not your mate—not yet.” His blue gaze speared me, as sharp as a physical wound. “Which means I’m not obligated to take you into the thick of battle. Not so long as we don’t have the mind-speech.”
I was breathless, as though he’d sunk his fist into my gut. It cost me precious seconds to respond, and he’d already turned on his heel and started striding away when I spoke. “What do you want me to do, force the bond to happen? Our agreement was that we go together, as a pair.”
He glanced down at me when I caught up to him, but his long strides were carrying him quickly. “That’s not in the agreement at all.”
“It might as well be,” I snarled. “What’s it going to look like if you show up and I don’t?”
If he truly left without me…he would crush what little reputation I had left to bank on.
I would look like a coward, too frightened to fight battles alongside my mate, too arrogant to believe I would be needed. I refused to let my House be looked down upon as cowards as well as murderers.
He stopped abruptly. Closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. “Sera. If Kalros is there, I cannot keep you on my back safely. Not without being able to speak mind to mind.”
“I can fight on the ground if you bring me.” I gripped my sword, the handle comfortingly solid in my hand. “Or I’ll saddle a wyvern and catch up. One way or another, Rhylan—I’m coming with you, and that’s final.”
He made a low growling sound under his breath, dragging his hands through his hair. “Sera, for the love of the gods…you drive me to madness.”
“We’re going together, then?” I put a hand on his arm, drawing it down from his face. Forcing him to look at me. “They’ll need support when the battle is over. They’ll need the extra set of hands. Don’t make me look like a coward, Rhylan.”
His lips were set in a thin white line. “I don’t give a damn if you look like a coward, so long as you’re alive at the end of it.”
“I’ll live through this. Just bring me in close and leave me on the ground.”
Rhylan exhaled, the flames in his eyes guttering. “Don’t forget the tap-code. You’ll have to keep a lookout behind us on the way. Watch my flanks; they’re my blind spots.”
I rose up on my tiptoes and tucked a kiss in the corner of his mouth.
In the eyrie, Viros practically threw the newly-restored saddle onto Rhylan, buckling it as I leapt onto his back. The lack of safety straps made my stomach churn—but it had been my idea to remove them, to turn the tables on Chantrelle and restore what semblance of legitimacy we had.
I was comfortable enough with him that I wouldn’t back out now. Not while our fledgling alliance with the Lunar Tides counted on our support in this very moment.
I wrapped the reins around my wrists for insurance, and patted him twice. Rhylan didn’t even wait until I’d pulled my hand back before launching himself through the dragon door.
The letter had directed us to the outskirts of Orisien’s territory, a stretch of smaller mountains and rough hills that bordered a corner of Jhazra’s domain.
Pushing himself to his limits, exhaling smoke with every breath, it took Rhylan two hours to push over the mountains, his wings beating like thunder.
I leaned low over the saddle, my head on a swivel. There was open sky behind us—but the flanks made me nervous. The craggy peaks of the southern Krysiens were as deadly as the northern ones, able to hide more than one furtive dragon lying in wait.
There was no sign of anyone. Nothing but clear blue sky, thin white wisps of cloud hanging overhead. Empty, deadly peaks below us.
That made me more nervous than the telltale signs of inhabitants.
As the mountains gave way to the rugged foothills of Orisien’s territory, we saw the first sign of others. I squinted over Rhylan’s spiraling horns, catching a glimpse of brilliant ice blue against black plumes of smoke rising from the earth.
“Dragons ahead!” I shouted, knowing that he’d already seen them, and that was the first mistake I made.
The hills below us shifted, stones rustling and shifting—a great set of umber wings, unfurling to reveal the dragon curled beneath and his bronze-scaled body. Burning yellow eyes tracked us across the sky.
He leapt from the hillside, beating his wings rapidly to catch us.
I gritted my teeth as Rhylan surged forward, unaware of the dragon behind us, and dug my left heel into his side.
He roared his acknowledgement, his body moving like an ocean wave as he dove and rose, generating more momentum—but the bronze dragon was thinner, lighter, and without a rider he needed to care for. He trailed us easily, an arrow arcing through the heavens just behind us.
I kept myself tucked low against Rhylan’s back, sending up a silent prayer to Larivor…and Rhylan pushed forward into Orisien’s territory, past a plume of thick, black smoke, and the ice blue dragon—Doric—came soaring by, his teeth and claws bloodied.
Elinor clung to his back, shouting something to me as Rhylan banked around the smoke, and I missed it.
The bronze dragon was there on our left, flapping hard to remain in midair—I nudged Rhylan with my left heel again, ensuring he knew the outsider was there.
But it still made no move to attack. It kept pace with us, just outside the dark columns of smoke, and Rhylan swerved to the left suddenly to put distance between us.
I held on tight, squeezing with my knees, trying to compensate for the sudden jarring force that threw me along with him. There was no sign of Kalros, even as I caught glimpses of other dragons in the fog of war—flashes of green, blue, and violet, and a silvery-scaled dragon that might’ve been a distant relative.
Wyvern-riders flitted among them, though the smaller reptiles fled from battle wherever possible.
Several dragons from Lunar Tides fought the invading force, snarling and growling, sending up spurts of icy, glittering flame.
But as Rhylan soared through a mercifully smoke-free patch of air, I glimpsed the center of Zerhaln below. Most of it was aflame, a swath of destruction already carved right through the center. A massive fountain had been boiled dry by dragonfire, the gardens around it still crackling as they burnt.
Even with my third eyelids down, my eyes watered from the acrid smoke. I coughed, trying to hold it back, but Rhylan burst through the smoke into clear air, angling for a patch of ground to touch down on—
And we nearly crashed into another dragon, the tips of Rhylan’s wings only inches from the other. I recognized Doric as he turned a barrel roll through the plumes, aiming for a scarred, pale green dragon.
Elinor moved with his motions, hooking a leg through one stirrup, her head whipping around to keep her center of balance, and to keep an eye on Doric’s surroundings.
He managed to tear past the green dragon, just below him—and Elinor whipped her sword around and upwards as he did so, slicing through the thin membrane of the dragon’s wing like a hot knife through butter.
The green dragon screamed, losing altitude. As he turned to bank, trying to save himself, Elinor and Doric flew past us again. This time I heard her shouts
“Above!” she screamed, pointing with her sword, and I realized my second mistake.
The bronze dragon had kept pace with us, always to our left, and he wasn’t there to attack Rhylan—he was simply the lookout.
I looked up. Into the black clouds spiraling into the sky.
And framed against the sun above, its fire shining through his scarlet wings like fresh blood, Kalros wheeled.
He dived, stooping towards Rhylan like a bird of prey, massive claws extended.
I screamed for Rhylan, thumping against his back with my fist. Hoping he’d hear words in the scream even as I flung myself flat against him.
The crimson dragon seemed to grin with a mouthful of knives as he swooped over us, claws catching the edge of the saddle, tearing it loose and forcing Rhylan to plummet fifty feet from his weight.
He flapped hard, the sound beating my eardrums, and the saddle lurched sickeningly, canting to the side. Kalros slashed at the back of Rhylan’s neck, sending hot spurts of blood into the air to spatter across my face and my dragon’s hide, severing the reins wrapped around my wrist.
I gripped for Rhylan’s shoulder blade, trying with everything in me to keep myself tucked between his wings, but my hands slipped over the smooth, bloody scales.
“Rhylan!” I shrieked, trying to press a hand to the gushing wound at the base of his neck. The blood was everywhere. It coated me with nauseating heat, soaked my clothes, my hair, filled my mouth…how much could he bleed and still live?
Kalros roared, a laugh tucked somewhere in the rumbling sound, and batted me with one clawed hand. The saddle ripped loose entirely, my reins dangling uselessly from one hand.
My dragon roared back to me, dark flames whispering through his fangs, and I thought I heard him say, hold on.
But I couldn’t. There was nothing left to hold onto.
On a sea of Rhylan’s blood I slipped over his side, my claws scoring his hide as I dropped, and Kalros knocked him away as I plunged through the smoky air to the earth far below.