Chapter 10
Calvin
Coming to him had been initially humiliating, but now I feel better than ever that I did. He’s been amazing and accepting. I hadn’t expected that.
Is it weird to eat dinner at Seth’s place with four kids? Yep, but not because of the kids as much as the scene keeps reminding me of what a shittastic neighbor I’ve been. Regardless, he’s been a champ, welcoming me despite it all.
Emily, the little gremlin, is quiet for a change as she shoves her face full of food, and now there’s cheese all over her face. Gross.
After taking a bite of my salad, I glance at Braeden, who’s picking at his food, but at least he’s eating a little. He needs to eat more. He looks too skinny.
“So, Braeden, you’re starting high school this year?” Seth asks.
The boy looks up with wide blue eyes and nods.
“You like music, right?” I speak up, following Seth’s lead.
Braeden nods again.
“I like music!” Seth’s older son says. That’s Harrison, right?
Seth smiles softly in acknowledgement. It lights up his entire face with that stupid little dimple at the corner of his mouth.
I already know what Braeden likes to play, or used to, two years ago, but I ask anyway. “What instrument do you play?”
He glances at me and frowns. God, I hope this kid doesn’t end up hating me. The only thing I know about parenting is how not to be my mother… I hope.
“Uhm, the flute, piano, and guitar.”
Seth’s smile is broad. “Wow, that’s impressive.”
“All I can play is the music on my phone,” I say to lighten the mood more. It makes Seth and Harrison laugh, but it falls flat on everyone else. I’m sure they’re only humoring me.
After dinner, Seth has all the kids clean up their mess at the table while he loads the dishwasher. I help with taking out the garbage to feel useful. I don’t want to be the only schmuck just sitting there.
As he dries his hands, he turns to look at me. “Let me get the kids ready for bed. I have to make sure they’re bathed, and then I need to read to them. You and Braeden can hang out here, then you and I can talk.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
Braeden pulls out his phone and earbuds, sits on the floor with his knees drawn up, and scrolls through it, essentially shutting me out.
I’m so out of my element here. Everything is awkward as hell with the shock of being a guardian out of the blue, and hanging out at Seth’s place. With a deep breath and hands shoved into my pockets, I explore his house.
His place is comfortable in a chaotic way. There are toys fucking everywhere. How much shit do kids need? Seth tries to keep up with it, storing most in bins tucked under tables and such.
There are pictures of his kids all over the place; some are current, and most are from when they were a couple of years younger, when Emily was an infant.
They all look so happy. How could they not be?
They were adopted by a devoted man. I may poke fun at him a lot, but I’m certain he’s a good father.
If I didn’t believe that, I wouldn’t be here right now, seeking help.
An hour later, I’m on the couch, surfing through my phone. Braeden seems content to be watching videos in silence. Not once did he talk to me, ask me a question, or acknowledge my presence. It’s starting to get weird, at least for me.
“Hey,” Seth says, handing me a glass of red wine this time.
“Thanks.”
I pluck the drink from his fingers and take a sip as he sets his glass down, squats in front of Braeden, and points to his ear. When the boy removes one of his earbuds, Seth asks him if he needs anything to eat or drink. Braeden shakes his head and plugs his earbud back into his ear.
I inwardly roll my eyes at myself. God, this shows how inept I am at parenting. I didn’t even think of approaching the boy and making him talk to me like that. Here, I thought it was better to let him have his own space.
Seth comes to sit next to me, crosses his legs, and takes a sip of his wine. He’s relaxed, or appears that way. Usually, when I see him, he’s uptight as hell, but that could’ve been my fault, I suppose. Probably. Definitely.
“You’re a natural at this. I don’t even know what to say to him.”
“I’ve had a lot more practice. Let me tell you, it hasn’t always been easy. Sawyer and Emily were easier, but Harrison? He was older when he came to us.”
“Us?”
Seth frowns as he watches Braeden or avoids looking at me.
“Yeah, my ex-husband. That’s a story for another day.
Anyway, Harrison still remembers his parents.
Like Braeden here, they lost them. Malcolm, my ex, and I did everything we could to bring all the siblings home with us.
Harrison still hasn’t called me dad, and I’ll never make him.
He’s a great kid, but sometimes he hurts and grieves.
He’s not as old as Braeden, but he still remembers. ”
“I can’t imagine.” I’m not sure what else to say. Fuck, I need to work on my social skills.
“Most days are amazing. Sometimes the stars align, and Em has a calm day, like today.”
I chuckle at that. “Well, I’m going to have to take a crash course in parenting, along with setting Braeden up with school, finding him a pediatrician, getting him into a music program, and…
God, it’s a lot. On top of that, I have some important work projects coming up.
I’m doing all I can here not to freak the hell out. ”
“Are you holding it together for you or for him?”
I suppose I deserve that. “For both of us. I have no intention of letting down my friends and Braeden. I owe them that much, but…”
“That’s a great start, Cal. Your willingness to take care of him is everything. He may not see it now, or even for a while, but he will. I promise you. He’ll never stop hurting, but the days will get better.”
I take another sip of wine and sigh, watching Seth still watching Braeden as if he’s afraid to look at me or something.
“I don’t want to fuck up… I mean fudge up,” I say after a prolonged silence.
Seth turns to look at me, smiling brightly. “At least you’re trying with the language. I’ll turn you into a good boy before you know it.”
I throw back my head and laugh, feeling better already. “You did not just say that. How naughty of you.”
He blushes, but doesn’t take it back, then he chuckles, too, before growing serious.
“Try to remember that Braeden not only lost his parents, but his home, friends, and music. His life has been completely uprooted, and he’s been forced to live with a man he doesn’t even know.
He may have heard about you or your name floating around, but he has no idea what kind of man you are, or if he can trust you.
He may not be talking to you, but he’s already clinging, which may stem more from his trauma. ”
“You know so much about kids, I’ve gotta say.”
“To be fair, I took some courses back in college on child psychology. Then my ex and I took some parenting courses before the kids moved in with us. I’m no expert, but I got an idea of what’s going on in his head.
Harrison has taught me a lot about childhood grief and trauma.
However, I think Braeden here will have it a bit worse since he’s older. ”
“I’ve put a reminder on my list to set him up with a therapist soon.”
“He’s going to need it. So will you. You’re on the right path, Cal. I truly think you’ll be okay.”
“Good thing I have my own business. I can work from home until Braeden gets adjusted.”
“Even better.”
When I finish off my wine, the boy yawns and rubs his eyes. “I guess that’s my cue to get him home and into bed.”
I stand and take my glass to the sink before returning to the living room. “Thanks for this.”
Seth shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs. “It’s my pleasure. Come by any time if you have more questions or need help. In fact…” Seth jots something down on a sticky note he pulled out of a junk drawer. “My number.”
I take the note and write mine down on the pad. “Thanks.” Yep, a big batch of chocolate chip cookies is in order.
I step up to Braeden, squat, and tap my ear as Seth had done. He removes an earbud and looks up at me with huge, lost blue eyes. “Time to get home.”
Without a word or sound, he stands, puts his earbuds into his charging case, and his phone into his back pocket. With a quick wave to Seth, he heads toward the front door.
“Thanks again,” I say because I can never say it enough.
“You’re welcome.”
Now, I head back home and toward a new life.