Chapter 29 #2
“Not because I had to. Because I want to. Look, I never intended to have kids, but you’re here now, and I’m doing the best that I can.
We’re both still adapting to our new living arrangements.
I get it. I know you miss your parents, friends, and home.
I also never thought I’d have a boyfriend again, but then here comes this cute little preppy father, and he just sucked me right into his life.
I promised myself I would live alone and be a bachelor, but you know what? ”
He chokes back a sob, his body still stiff against me. “W-what?”
“I like having you around, Brae. I want you to have a happy and healthy life. You’re a part of two people I cared deeply about.”
A sob escapes him, but he doesn’t move his head from between his knees.
“I don’t have a clue what I’m doing, not gonna lie.
Do you have any idea how many times I’ve reached out to Seth for help?
If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have bothered, kiddo.
One thing I do know is that I truly believe you can be happy here.
It’s going to take a while. I get that, but I’m certain that one day, perhaps you’ll kind of like me back.
Maybe… just maybe, one day, you’ll even love me like a father. ”
He’s still crying, not saying a word. I continue to hold him and run my fingers through his hair in a soothing motion.
We sit in silence for who knows how long. The clouds are getting thicker and darker, and the wind is picking up. We need to wrap this up so I can get him home.
“You left me,” he finally says.
Well, shit. There it is. The real reason Braeden’s so upset. I know I’m not the cause of his problems in school, but I am the cause of why he’s sitting here, miserable as fuck.
“You mean when I left for Houston?”
He nods his head on his knees. “I wanted to go home, and you left me behind. I asked you, and you said ‘no.’”
“Because you had school, Brae. And I thought—”
He sits up, scowls at me, his eyes red and swollen. “So! Who cares? I hate it there! I-I wanted to see them.”
“Fuck me,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry, kiddo. I got so wrapped up in my mother’s death that I didn’t even think about bringing you to see your parents.”
“But you left me.”
I’m confused now because he’d already said that. “What do you mean?”
“W-what if you died, too? What’s going to happen to me if you do?”
And now everything clicks into place. It’s not that he hates me.
He was afraid for me. Afraid I’d die as his parents did.
My heart bursts wide open, and I blink back the welling tears.
For the first time since he came into my life, and right at that second with his words, I know I’m not an utter failure.
He’d miss me, too, if something happened.
But god, I really need to get a better grasp on trauma. I’ll ask my therapist the next time I see him.
“I’m so sorry,” I say again. “If it’s not during school, I promise to take you wherever I go. I have to go back to Houston in a couple of weeks for the funeral. I’ll take you with me, okay?”
I remove my arm and wiggle my fingers at him, palm up. “Give me your phone.”
“Are you punishing me?”
I soften and smile. “No, kiddo. I’m not going to punish you. You did nothing wrong. What I am going to do is set you up with my phone’s location like I have yours. If you’re ever worried about where I am, you can look me up on the map to find me.”
He wipes his nose on his inner wrist and hands me his phone after he swipes it open. Once I’ve set it up, I hand it back to him.
I pull him into a hug, and this time, he doesn’t resist me. In fact, he rests his head on my shoulder.
“Do you want to know what I’m upset about?”
“My grades. The school said they were going to call you.”
I huff a laugh. “Yeah, we need to deal with that, but that’s not the only thing.
I’m kind of hurt you haven’t decorated your room yet.
You feel temporary, Brae, but I want you to be a permanent fixture in my life.
” And I really do. “I’m going to fuck up as a parent.
I won’t always get it right, but I’ll always try my best with you. ”
“And I won’t be a perfect kid, either.”
I laugh at that. “We can be imperfect together.”
He chuckles. “I like that.”
“You know what we should do? Only if you want to…”
“What?”
“I think you and I should go grab a pizza, then go see a movie. Just you and me.”
“I-I thought you and Mr. Seth had a date tonight.”
“There will be other dates.”
“Okay. Can we see Predator: Badlands?”
“I don’t see why not.”
I stand, wipe my ass of dirt, and reach for Braeden.
He takes my hand, and I help him to stand.
Suddenly, my eyes pop wide at him as he lunges at me and wraps those spindly arms around my waist. I hold him as tightly as I can without hurting him.
We stand like that for a while. I hope that things will start to look up for him. He deserves it.
“Can we go shopping for stuff for my room this weekend?”
Okay, now I’m the one who’s going to cry, dammit. “Sure, kiddo. Anything you want. That doesn’t get you out of trouble with school, though. We need to get that sorted out.”
“Yeah, okay. Can you spray those boys again? They haven’t stopped picking on me.”
I snort a laugh. “Not this time. Perhaps I should do it the right way and talk to their parents. I swear to god, if anyone picks on you again, they’re going to have me to contend with, one way or another. That’s a promise.”
As soon as we get to my car, the skies open up on us. We get a little wet, but we miss the worst of it. Then I carefully drive us home.
When we get there, we quickly dry off, and I direct him to the box sitting in my office. I think now’s a good time to give this to him.
“I don’t know if you like this sort of thing, but I brought them back from Houston for you. You don’t have to keep them. I’ll give them to Seth’s kids, if not.”
Braeden looks at me before opening the bin. He pulls out a bubble-wrapped car and gently pulls it away, exposing a 1996 Z28 Camaro in teal blue. He holds it up and turns it around to inspect all sides. “You made this?”
“Yeah, when I was a kid, I used to love making them. Eventually, I gravitated toward drawing, but I did these cars from when I was about Harrison’s age until about your age.”
Braeden unwraps another, revealing a 1990 Porsche 911 in lime green. “This one’s so cool. They’re all good.”
“So, you want to keep them, or should we hand them off to the kids next door?”
He clutches the Porsche against his chest and shakes his head. “No way. I’ll definitely keep them. Can we get some shelves for them?”
I ruffle his hair, smiling, and feeling the first tingles of love for a kid who’s now mine. “Sure, kiddo.”
I pull out the new sheets and comforter from the dryer and haul them upstairs to Braeden’s room. We spent the past week putting together furniture and painting his room, giving my wrists and arms a fucking workout. Today we’ve been spending the day putting his room together.
I step into his room, watching Braeden put one of my model cars on the wooden floating shelves I hung up. What is it about this moment that gets my eyes all misty? It’s like a sign that he’s settling in and he’s now mine. Yes, on paper he is, but symbolically? It’s this moment.
I cough away my emotions and put on a big smile. “It looks amazing in here.”
He and I designed it together. I let Braeden pick out the colors on his walls, the bedding, and such.
I picked out the furniture, which is mid-century inspired.
The walls are a rich forest green with white trim.
There are framed posters of his favorite bands, a section where his instruments are displayed, and I’ve set up a gaming computer for him.
I set the bedding on his bed and stand back to watch him as he makes it. In the short time that Braeden has lived here, he’s always been neat and organized, so watching him make his bed perfectly and tossing on throw pillows doesn’t surprise me.
“Your room looks amazing, kiddo.”
He comes and stands next to me to check it out. “I love it. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. And, ah, I’m glad you decided to make this your home. I hope we have some good years here.”
God, the emotion. I sniffle and cough again, but I don’t fool Braeden.
He smiles up at me and bangs his shoulder against me. “I know I will.”