32. 32
T he line to the ride is quick since it’s the end of the season. Within ten minutes, we are getting loaded into our seats, but part of me wishes the line was a little longer because there weren’t cameras on us. I could hold her hand and no one would be dissecting it in the morning. I could give her a kiss or put my arm around her, and a talk show wouldn’t spend five minutes talking about all the other women I did that with and which one is the most important.
I could just be Parker.
On a date with my girlfriend.
And I sure don’t think I’ll get tired of thinking about how Anastasia is mine.
We get loaded into the front car, pulling the overhead harness down around our chests. Our feet are currently touching the ground, but once everyone is loaded, the floor will drop away.
“Are you a screamer?” Anya asks me, and all I do is raise my eyebrow. I know she didn’t mean that how it sounded, right? “I love screaming.”
“Could have fooled me,” I said, laughing as she blushes and looks forward.
I reach out, touching her hand as the employee comes by, testing our restraints in an automatic fashion then sticking their thumb up to the one across the ride from him.
“Clear,” the one in the booth says, monotone, and the floor drops away.
As we start making our accent, the chain click, click, clicking pulling us up the hill, Anya turns this way and that, looking at the lights of the park below us.
“It’s so beautiful up here,” she says, not paying attention to the ride.
We hit the top and crest. Turning to our right, we gain momentum and go through the first roll and that’s where the scream is pulled from my throat.
I tried to hold it in, but it is no use.
Anastasia laughs and screams with glee as we are flung around, my head bouncing off the restraint like a ping pong ball between paddles. Our legs fling around through the corkscrew and after only sixty-four seconds, we slow, coming into the first pit stop on our way back into the loading area.
“I might be a screamer,” I tell her and she throws her head back, laughing like a little kid.
Since the day I met her, this is the most unbridled joy I have seen on her.
No stress .
No cares.
Nothing.
I feel a spark of what could be an all consuming fire light in my chest. Despite the threat of possible rejection, I’m glad I took the chance to ask Anya to be mine.
“That was amazing. Do you want to go again?” Anya asks.
My brain feels bruised, but with her eyes shining so bright as we are released from our seats, I know I can’t say no to anything she wants.
“Let’s do it,” I say, grabbing her hand and we run down the stairs and back through the queue, getting in line once more.
“I haven’t been to an amusement park in maybe ten years. Thank you for bringing me.”
She wraps her arms around my middle, hugging me tight. I hold her to me, planting a kiss on the top of her head.
“Maybe we should get season passes,” I say, looking down at her. The offer was nonchalant, but I pray she can hear the promise in the words.
That I want her around long enough to even need a season pass somewhere.
“Sounds perfect.” She stands on her tippy toes, pressing a soft kiss to my lips.
“Hey, the line’s moving. Stop making out,” the guy says behind us. Anya snorts and steps away from me, pulling me forward, but I glare at the guy who holds up both hands and doesn’t say a word to us again.
We make our way through four more roller coasters before my stomach grumbles and I can’t ignore my hunger any longer .
“Do you want to get something to eat?” I ask, knowing we are close to the food court.
“As long as I can get a funnel cake.”
“I don’t think it’d be a trip to the park without a funnel cake,” I say, linking our hands together as we stroll to the food vendors. “You mentioned a big job when I stopped by the other day, but I didn’t get a chance to ask about the details. What’s the job?”
She pulls me to a stop, her eyes going big.
“ Ryan Jade wants me to do her parents’ anniversary party. For five hundred people! Lorelei sent some goodies to Alec. I’m assuming she was on a set with him or something? I didn’t really ask, I was trying not to fawn all over her, but I guess she tried some of the desserts and the rest is history. I have to deliver it the morning of our wrap party.”
The wrap party is going to be the bane of my existence. All the ladies from the season will arrive and we will have a group interview. Everyone wanting to know the status of my love life. Hopefully, I can tell them my heart belongs to the woman next to me.
“Who’s Ryan Jade?”
Her mouth drops open and I rub my hand over my mouth hiding my smile.
“You know Ryan Jade. You have to. She is only the most famous pop singer in the world.”
“Oh, yeah, I do know her,” I admit. “My brother always thought she was super hot.”
“She is even more stunning in person. If you broke up with me for her, I’d understand.” She grabs my hand and tries to pull me toward the food again, but I don’t let her budge me. Turning around, she looks at me, a question on her face .
“I wouldn’t break up with you for her,” I assure her
“It was just a joke, Parker. Come on, I can smell the funnel cakes and I’m starting to salivate.”
Her dismissal is not enough for me.
“No. You need to hear me. I want you . No one else.” I squeeze her hand, emphasizing my point. She drops my hand and then grabs my face. She pulls me down and gives me a loud, smacking kiss.
“Good,” she says with a giggle.
“Let’s go get you a funnel cake,” I say, happier than I have been in years.
“Woohoo!” she says, pumping her arms in the air.
After the food, we go play some of the arcade games, letting our stomachs settle before getting on even more roller coasters. We run around the park like a pair of kids until the final announcement is made, kicking us out.
“Do you want me to carry your elephant?” I ask Anya. The stuffed animal is almost as tall as her. I was surprised when she won, not because I didn’t believe she was capable, but because I know those games are rigged. But to get the big prize, she had to win three out of four times.
She won all four, just to prove she could.
“No, I’m bonding with it. Trying to get a feel for what it should be named. Do you have any suggestions?”
“Oh, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. If it was mine, I probably would have named it Elephant.”
“Not very creative.”
I shrug my shoulders as I open the truck door so she can put the elephant in the back. She seat belts it into its seat and I shake my head in genuine affection before opening her door. As she steps up, she gives me a kiss. I’ll never get tired of her quick little kisses.
“That was a fun date,” she tells me. She shifts in her seat for a moment with a pretty blush staining her cheeks. “Will you take me home with you?”
The question is shy, but I immediately have to adjust my pants, immediately going to half staff.
“Hell, yeah,” I say, giving her another kiss, and then closing her door. I hustle to my side, eager to get back to my place.
We drive the forty minutes back to my place in companionable silence. Anya looks out the window as my hand rests on her thigh. The casual intimacy of the gesture, and the fact she’s letting me touch her in such a way, makes my eyes go misty.
I didn’t realize how much I missed this. Hugging someone. Kissing them.
Touching .
But it’s not just the physical things. It’s everything. Mundane things. Even picking what’s for dinner can be better with a partner.
There is a freedom in not having to check in with someone and being able to do anything you’d like whenever you want. But having someone care enough to wait up for you after a long day? To hold you through sadness? Stand beside you in your triumph? Someone who lets you be a witness to all the joy and pain in their life?
That’s love.
And I realize I’ve missed having love in my life. Loving my friends and family and letting them love me. I’ve carried the burden of being alone for so long, not wanting to drag someone down with the weight of me around their neck. But I didn’t give them what they needed, either .
In taking away their opportunity to be close to me, I took away their chance to fully love me and for me to fully love them.
And maybe we were lesser people for the loss.
The lessons Sharon has been drilling into my head week after week are starting to click. That just because Brittany left, doesn’t mean I’m unloveable or undeserving of love. Her choices didn’t determine my worth.
I squeeze Anya’s thigh. Her beautiful eyes find mine in the dim lighting.
“I’m glad you’re here with me,” I tell her. She grasps my hand, holding it, without removing it from her leg.
“I’m glad you asked me to be.”
We pull into my driveway and I park the truck, turning off the engine. “Let me get your door,” I say, getting out and trotting around.
“Thank you,” she says, squeezing my bicep as she gets out.
“Would you like anything to drink?” I ask, unlocking my door.
A car door opens and shuts out on the street, but right as I’m about to close my front door, I hear my name.
“Parker,” the voice says, and my head snaps up, disbelief waring with shock inside me. “It’s been a long time.”
“Brittany.” I pull the door open wider. “What are you doing here?”