Chapter 4
Chapter
Four
PHOENIX
Jesus Christ. She’s stretching. Doing yoga. What man could resist the urge to watch?
Soft, dark hair falls in waves down her back and shimmers in the light. I imagine wrapping my fist around it and holding her in place as I…
Fuck. No. I stop the thought before my cock can respond. That way lies destruction. For both of us, even if I want to be the one to give her… feelings. Feelings besides the kind that roil in your gut, churn, and burn until there is nothing left. I want her to hunger for me. Need me. Desire my touch to the point where she can’t go a day without my presence. I want to have the power over her just as her seductive vision in the screen has the power over me.
But it’s not meant to be. It never will be. The darkness that lurks beneath my skin, the shadows that call out to me like a siren, will never let me have her. Even if I wanted to, I could never give her what she deserves.
I can’t give her anything beyond four suffocating walls.
I can feel her in my bones, calling me like a distant whisper, beckoning me with promises of something far more powerful than mere feelings. I can feel the darkness consuming me, and it won’t be long before it has taken over completely. I just hope I can keep it under control until she leaves this place.
I reach for my cock but stop myself. I can’t jack off to her lean body while she extends her limbs as if tempting me to do so. But that’s when I see it. A flicker of something in her eyes, too quick for me to make out. But in that one moment it’s like she can read my mind. Like she knows what I’m thinking and approves.
And then it’s gone, like a candle snuffed in the night. But her gaze still lingers on me—or the camera—heavy and full of something I can’t quite identify. Something that feels both dangerously exciting and ominously foreboding. Deep in my heart, I know that if I make contact with her, something will happen. Something irreversible and forever changed.
I free my cock from my pants, lick my palm, and begin stroking while I watch her body beckoning me. Calling me.
This is wrong. It’s as fucked up as can be. I’m going to cum in my hand as I watch her, and she has no idea. I can’t resist the temptation.
Up and down, I tighten my grip. I imagine her pussy wrapped around me as I can only hope that the darkness won’t consume me entirely.
I imagine my fingers finding their way inside her, exploring her depths as I feel her slick wetness. I want to push deeper, feeling her muscles contracting around my digits as I find her pleasure spot. I want to hear her gasps as I caress it, her body quivering with each stroke. I want to send wave after wave of pleasure through her body.
I want her to cry out my name. I want to hear her screams of erotic pleasure with my name woven within.
The heat in the room rises as my breathing gets heavier, and I’m close. My heart thunders as I move faster, pushing myself closer and closer to the edge. Her eyes flicker in the shadows, as if she’s watching me, and I imagine her wanting me without a word spoken.
I slide one hand down to my balls and massage them, letting out a deep groan as I do. With my other hand I continue to pump furiously, my fingers slipping through the slickness of my pre-cum. I close my eyes and imagine what it would be like to be inside her. I take my time with the vision, savoring it.
And with one final stroke, I come undone. White-hot pleasure radiates from my core as I fill my palm with my hot cum.
Lost in my carnal self-pleasure, I didn’t notice when she crawled into bed, pulling the sheets up over her head.
It’s as if she’s hiding in shame.
Shame.
I should be man enough to go into her room and fuck her like a man would a woman. Not this way. Not like a fucking monster hiding in the attic. I should be more than this. I’m a fucking Godwin.
I reach for the tissues to wipe away my signs of disgrace and knock over a bottle of Jack. Glass and booze splatter everywhere as it crashes to the ground.
“Fuck.”
When I check the screen, Ani is out of bed. Has she heard me? How can she not?
“Fuck.”
It’s a goddamn mess.
I’m a goddamn mess.