Chapter 6
Those words shocked Xaydin to his core. Gisela was Meara’s bastard…
“You’re shitting me?”
Gisela swam back and would have gone farther from him had the king’s guards not stopped her retreat.
Rage the likes of which he’d never known—which given his childhood said it all—descended on him. In that moment, he wanted to rip out her heart and feed it to her. To beat her until she made the same screaming sounds of every child he’d seen tortured by her mother.
Her mother.
And I actually saved her in the tavern from the same nightmare that had been so viciously given to those around me.
No, the nightmare they’d given him without any mercy. Memories he’d hidden so deep that even now he couldn’t face them. He’d spent a lifetime in denial. A lifetime trying to forget.
Pain is power. Meara’s sick and twisted belief. Either the pain swallowed you whole or the pain reshaped you into a stronger version of yourself. One who learned that they could overcome and be invincible.
It was a lesson he hadn’t needed. A lesson he doubted anyone needed.
And this was her progeny…
A daughter Meara had sent out to die so that Meara could be free of a contract she voluntarily signed.
Xaydin paused as that thought broke through his senseless anger and returned his mind to a rational state. Meara had knowingly and intentionally sent her own child on a quest that would likely end with her death.
Typical bitchtress.
And it explained so much about Gisela’s mannerisms and fear. And yet…
Meara was a centaur. Gisela wasn’t.
Fuck me.
If there was anything Meara hated, it was any race not her own. Yet she’d bred with someone else.
Something else.
Had it been voluntary?
Either way, Gisela wasn’t just her daughter. She was her deepest shame, and Meara would shit twice and die if she knew anyone had discovered this matter. No wonder Gisela had been so silent about her past.
So sympathetic about their experiences in her mother’s court. He could only imagine how much worse her childhood must have been than any of theirs.
Meara as a mother…
He shuddered. Xaydin couldn’t imagine any worse hell.
“I won’t hurt you, Gisela. No one can help the family they’re born into, and I won’t hold your mother against you.”
Gisela wanted to believe he meant those words, but it was impossible. And the worst part was that she couldn’t even blame him for hating her. Her mother was a wretched, awful creature who tortured everyone.
That was Meara’s idea of fun.
Yet he swam toward her slowly and raised his hand for her to take it. She held her watery space, even though she wanted to run. But running had never been in her nature. Or if it had been, her mother had beaten it out of her so young that she couldn’t remember a time when she’d done so.
Her breathing ragged, she met his gaze without flinching. All she saw was sincerity. But could she trust it?
Could she trust him?
While he hadn’t given her any reason not to, it still wasn’t in her to give such. Not to anyone.
Hoping she wouldn’t regret it, she took his hand.
He looked back toward the king he’d been conversing with when she arrived. “Are we done?”
“We are. I’ll have the captain return you to your boat.”
Xaydin inclined his head as a gong rang out. A few seconds later, another merman came forward. He bowed to his king before leading them from the palace.
Gisela didn’t say a word as they left. In part because she was still too impressed with the city, but mostly due to the fact that she didn’t know what to say to Xaydin.
“Did you fall overboard?” he asked her.
Heat suffused her cheeks so much that she wondered if they glowed in the water. “I did.”
Mersin snorted. “Not what I heard. She jumped in after you, threatening anyone who harmed you, my lord.”
“I did not!” she quickly snapped.
The captain smirked at Xaydin. “Did.”
Xaydin was amused by their argument. But most of all, he was strangely thrilled at the prospect of her jumping into the sea to save him. “You can’t swim.”
“Which is how you know I didn’t jump in. Who would do such?”
“Really, she did. Four of my men described it in great detail. They were quite impressed by her determination to find and free you.”
Xaydin turned to look at her.
“Liars. Troublemakers. Everyone knows you can’t trust a Ningyoan.”
“But they were right about your mother,” he reminded her.
“As I said, troublemakers.”
Now, she wouldn’t meet his gaze at all. Nor did she say another word until they broke the sea’s surface not far away from their boat.
With a relieved breath, Masakage held his hand out to Gisela to help her on board first. Xaydin pulled himself up, then turned back to Mersin. “My thanks, Captain.”
Mersin inclined his head before he vanished back under the water.
“Do I want to know?” Masakage asked.
Xaydin didn’t answer. “What I want to know is why you didn’t jump into the sea to help me?”
“After Gisela went in, I thought it best someone stay here and make sure our guide didn’t leave you to a watery grave.”
Ferris looked away sheepishly. “Not saying I’d have done that.”
“He would have done that.” Masakage gave Ferris a stern glower. “I had to threaten his life and those of every member of his family to keep him here.”
Ferris muttered something under his breath.
“And you didn’t stop our princess from diving in after me?”
“She moved too fast to be stopped. Besides, I knew she was going for you and that you’d both return.”
Xaydin arched a brow at the arrogant tone and the fact that his brother hadn’t reacted to something he’d just disclosed. “You knew she was a princess?”
“Of course. You can smell it on her. I knew the moment I met her that she was a daughter of the bitch.”
Now that really made him want to beat Masakage into shoe leather. “And you didn’t think it pertinent to tell me?”
“Given that you wanted to keep her with us, I thought you knew and intended to keep watch on her.”
“You’re such an arse.”
Masakage tsked, then held his hand out and waved over Gisela who instantly dried off. Afterward, he moved to Xaydin. “Say you’re sorry.”
Scoffing, Xaydin shook his head. He wasn’t about to offer an insincere apology. “I’d rather stay wet.”
“Suffer then. Sopping suits you.”
“Fuck you.”
Masakage took a seat next to Gisela. “He really is a dreadful beast. But I do so enjoy his rages.”
“You’re not quite right, are you?” Gisela asked.
“Too much time spent with your mother. How you ended up so normal makes me wonder about your father.”
She scowled at his words. “You don’t know?”
He shook his head. “That is shrouded. Not sure why, but by your current form I’m guessing he was two-legged.”
She fell instantly silent.
“Or was he?” Masakage asked.
Gisela wasn’t about to tell him anything regarding her paternal heritage. It was something that infuriated her more than anything else. “Does it matter?”
That caused Xaydin to focus his penetrating glare on her. “Shape shifter?”
The thing he hated most.
Xaydin cursed under his breath. “A fucking shape shifter! No wonder you didn’t have a horse.” He glanced to Masakage. “She didn’t need one because she can be one. No wonder horses don’t like her. Did you know about this?”
“I suspected.”
“And said nothing?”
Masakage held his hands up in surrender. “Didn’t know how you’d react to the news, as your overreaction right now is proving. Besides, with those skills, she could come in handy on your quest.”
Xaydin growled in response.
Gisela swallowed hard. “If it makes you feel better, your hatred of me is only surpassed by my mother’s.” Her voice was barely more than a whisper.
“Why would that make me feel better?”
She shrugged. “Misery loves company. Or so I’m told.”
Shaking his head, Xaydin sighed heavily. She was an Outlaw, same as them—betrayed and tortured. Broken by life. Yet she still clung to the mother who’d cruelly raised her.
He’d never understand creatures like Gisela. But then who was he to judge? He allowed his uncle to live, even though he should plunge a dagger through the bastard’s head. Life was a struggle for everyone, and it spared no one from pain and grief. Didn’t matter if they were princes or beggars.
Tragedy came. Sometimes he thought it took a particular sense of pleasure from going after those who were envied.
Like a kind of tulpa. So many wished ill on those they thought had it better that it manifested a particular kind of harm for them.
One summoned by others for no reason other than petty jealousy where they thought someone had it easier or better.
But that wasn’t how life worked. Everyone had their problems no matter how enviable their situation might appear on the surface.
It was a lesson too few learned. Because that jealousy fostered all types of evil.
Such as Meara who’d turned on her own daughter because she had abilities the queen lacked.
Sickening, truly.
“I will never hold your mother against you. I’m well aware that it’s not your fault that you come from her and to your credit, you’re not heartless or cruel.” Xaydin offered her a kind smile.
An instant later, he was dry.
Scowling, he looked at his brother.
“You’re such an arse that I sometimes forget how much heart you really have.” Masakage picked the rudder up with his powers and returned it to its place. He gestured for Ferris to return to his position.
“If you can do all that, why don’t you just poof yourselves to the shores? Why do you need a boat?”
Xaydin snorted. “And miss your charming company? Why would we do that?”
Muttering under his breath, Ferris shook his head and resumed their journey.
“So what happened?” Masakage asked Xaydin.
“Mardyth wants me to hunt down his son and bring him home.”
One finely arched brow rose. “Well, isn’t your dance card getting filled?”
“Indeed.” He glanced over to Gisela who remained silent. For reasons he definitely didn’t understand, he wanted to comfort her.
What is wrong with me?
And yet he was unable to resist her. Pulling his waterskin out, he moved to sit beside her and offered her a drink.
She scoffed. “Really? Didn’t you get enough water at their palace?”
He laughed. “It was interesting, wasn’t it?”
“You think they have games like the Thassalians?”
The mention of Meara’s favorite entertainment made him want to curse.
Her arena was filled with fights to the death…
the gorier the better. She loved it. Most of all, she loved pitting creatures against each other who were unmatched.
Those who were small and weak up against much larger and accomplished opponents.
Those who were more vicious against the meek.
His first fight, he’d been up against a stoneman. He still couldn’t believe he’d survived the fight. It was the only time in his life that he’d really been afraid. Terrified.
How he’d failed to piss his pants, he didn’t know. What Meara hadn’t known then were the gifts his mother’s genetics had provided. He didn’t need physical strength. His telekinesis helped exponentially in fights.
Sadly, they hadn’t been enough to help anyone escape. She only allowed those powers in her arena. Outside…
Meara had paid members of his mother’s nation to make sure those with similar powers in her kingdom couldn’t use them. It’d rendered him powerless, and to this day, he couldn’t stand for his powers to fail him. It was something he had a hard time dealing with.
No one would ever imprison him again.
He’d kill himself first.
But right now, those thoughts fled under the nearness of being with Gisela.
“Is it too much to ask that next time I get pulled underwater and you can’t swim that you refrain from throwing yourself in?”
“Maybe. But remember, I can turn into a fish.”
He tsked. “Being your mother’s hammer, I would have thought you’d be callous toward anyone in distress.”
“As you are?”
One would think that, given he was every bit the assassin. And she was right, he had saved her when most of his kind wouldn’t have even glanced her way. “I only kill atasweres.”
“And I only kill the ones who need it…regardless of what Meara commands.” Fury burned in her eyes as she stared at him sincerely.
She spoke the truth.
“Then we are alike, you and I.”
“Indeed.”
Except in this mission where she intended to protect what he was hellbent to kill.
This should be very interesting…