Chapter 8 #2
And sadly, too many enjoyed stealing it from others. She wasn’t one of them. If she could, she’d preserve that happiness and make sure everyone had as much of it as they could tolerate for the whole of their lives.
Xaydin cocked his head. “Are you all right?”
“Light-headed from the blood loss,” she quipped. “You?”
He turned back to their ataswere. “I still want information. Where’s Saress?”
“Not far. On the north shore. For one more contract, I’ll show you to his home, personally.”
Masakage leaned toward Xaydin so that he could whisper loudly in his ear. “We have the tracking potion. Do we really need him?”
Xaydin seemed to consider it. Until his gaze went to the boy. “We’ll use our ataswere guide.”
“You’re too soft-hearted. I hope we don’t regret this.”
She caught the glint in Xaydin’s eyes that said he agreed, and yet he ignored his brother’s warning.
“What’s your name, lad?” Xaydin asked.
“Fenrys.”
“Then lead us to the North Shore. But be warned. If this is a trap…”
“Understood.” Humming to himself, Fenrys spread his wings, then took flight. He circled above them before he headed off in what she assumed was the correct direction.
Gisela wanted to change into her preferred mode of transportation, until she remembered that Xaydin hated shifters and if he ever saw her true form…
Who knew how he’d react?
They walked in silence for a couple of minutes with Fenrys flying just above them. In her mind, she considered what it would take to look like an ataswere. It wouldn’t be hard. She even had the power to mimic the contract words written on their flesh.
A grand illusion.
One that made her curious about Xaydin.
“Why do you hate shape shifters so much?” The question was out before she could stop it.
His face emotionless, Xaydin slowed to ride beside her. “What?”
“I was just wondering what you have against…” She barely caught herself before she said me. “Shape shifters.”
He didn’t hesitate with the answer. “One killed my father, and others of their ilk used to spy on us for your mother when we were in captivity. Were you one of them?”
“No!” She was insulted that he’d even ask. But to be fair, it made sense that he would. She was her mother’s daughter, and she knew firsthand that her mother resorted to those tactics.
And worse. Her mother loved using such information against others, as well as allowing it to stoke her into a furious rage so that she felt justified in abusing those she targeted as enemies.
How many times had her mother used her for a scapegoat? Or beaten an innocent servant who made the mistake of being in a room when her mother received bad news.
Why?
Because her mother believed everyone was scheming against her. She couldn’t enjoy a single moment for fear of what was being plotted.
Gisela couldn’t imagine living that way. She was suspicious enough, but she didn’t believe every single person in the world was out to cause her harm.
Maybe you should have treated people better, Mum. Honestly, she believed it was the guilt of her mother’s actions that had made the queen insane. Because at the end of the day, Meara had to know that she brutalized others, which fostered the hatred she was trying to stamp out.
“I’m well aware of the fact that my mother has no soul and will do whatever she must to maintain her throne. I’m sorry for what happened to you and your friends.”
Xaydin had to stop his jaw from going slack. No one had ever apologized for what had happened to them. Not even his father. He was completely speechless. Especially given the fact that it was obvious she meant those words.
Truly meant them. He’d never expected sincerity from anyone and especially not from the daughter of a bitch-queen.
Damn.
Clearing her throat, she gave him a hard stare. “I understand, Xaydin. We can never trust each other. It’s the only way to guard against betrayal.”
Those words cut through him. Not just because they were true, but because he understood her need to protect herself. It was why he preferred solitude. Since he couldn’t reach his back to put a dagger in it, he didn’t have to watch himself all the time.
With others…
He couldn’t help his suspicious mind. He’d spent too many years bleeding internally because of troublemakers whose only pleasure came from hurting others.
Or worse, those who sought scapegoats to distract them from their own dubious actions.
He’d never been able to decide which group deserved an eternity in hell the most.
But as he looked at her, he wanted to believe that she wasn’t related to her mother. That maybe, just maybe there was someone who was decent.
Someone who had a soul.
His past said it wasn’t likely. Experience laughed at him for even thinking it. Yet there was some tiny little ember deep inside that sparked whenever she was near.
It made no sense. The troll in his blood scoffed at the thought of ever being with a shifter who had a human base form. They were fragile and weak. But even as that thought went through him, he knew there was nothing weak about her. She had a core of steel.
One that allowed her to stand up to him even in her weakest form. Maybe because she knew she could transform into something larger.
Yet she didn’t. Now that he thought about it, she didn’t shift like the others of her ilk. The shifters he knew thought nothing of switching forms whenever it suited them.
Gisela kept herself weak, even when she shouldn’t.
Interesting…
And it made him wonder why. Did she hate that part of herself? That would make sense.
“You don’t shift much, do you?”
Her eyes turned dark.
“Sorry if I overstepped. It was just an observation.”
She shook her head. “Maybe you did, but that wasn’t what made me flinch. I don’t shift forms much because it makes my mother furious. She’s always hated her equine body. Though she’d never say that to anyone else.”
“It’s why she hates the Licordians.”
Gisela nodded. “They can be human or unicorns. They aren’t trapped between the two species.”
“It’s sad to hate yourself. Hate what you can’t change. I’d feel sorry for her if she wasn’t such a…” He caught himself before he insulted her mother.
“Insane bitch?”
He arched a brow.
She smiled at him. “Don’t worry. You can’t hurt my feelings or make me angry by insulting her. I’m intimately aware of all her faults.”
“I suppose you are.” Oddly enough, he wanted to reach out and soothe her. Something completely out of character for him. The idea of comforting someone else normally repulsed him. But with Gisela…
He cherished the thought of soothing her. Of making her smile and even laugh.
She was very different. If only he knew why.
And with that thought came another… “That’s why you appear human, isn’t it?”
She scowled. “I don’t follow.”
“You choose to be human to rile your mother.”
Blushing, she looked away.
Xaydin laughed at her act of supreme rebellion. She wasn’t perfect, but she was perfectly charming. What better way to get back at her mother than to be the one thing Meara would sell her soul to become?
Masakage slowed down until he was on the other side of Xaydin. He passed a droll stare to his brother. “What?”
Tsking, Masakage passed a stare between them. “Just wondering what you two were conspiring about. You looked all intense until the laughter. I’m starting to worry.”
“Nothing to fear. Just learning more about our charming companion.”
“That scares me even more,” he muttered under his breath.
Xaydin would have asked him about it had their guide not chosen that moment to land near them.
“What is it?”
Fenrys jerked his chin toward the north. “His cottage is just over there. You can’t miss it. But I don’t want to be seen. I shouldn’t be helping you. I could get into a lot of trouble for it.”
“Because you want contracts more.” Xaydin tsked.
“No one else would help me get them.” He rubbed his hand over his bare arm. “Ready to write the next one?”
“After I make sure this is the right ataswere. As you said, you’re breaking protocol. I want to make sure you haven’t lied to us.”
Fenrys appeared insulted by his words. At least for a few seconds. “Fine. I guess some mistrust is warranted.” He went over to a large rock and sat down. “I’ll wait here.”
Xaydin started to chide him but decided to withhold his teasing. The boy was actually afraid. It was soul-aching when duty clashed with lifelong dreams. In some, it inspired to great acts of sacrifice, and in others…
They betrayed their beliefs to get what they wanted. Something hard to live with. Neither decision was easy.
Xaydin dismounted. “Chin up, Fenrys. This won’t take long.”
The boy didn’t speak.
Xaydin led his companions the short distance to the cottage that was set on a small, intimate beach.
What a strange setting for an ataswere. They normally preferred homes in the mountains or in the open where they could watch for those seeking them.
As a rule, they had greater trust issues than he did.
But not in this case. The small cottage faced the sea so that the occupants could take in and appreciate the beautiful view.
Xaydin put his hand on his sword as he slowly approached the door.
To his shock, Gisela placed her hand over his. “You know I can’t let you kill the ataswere.”
He paused to look down at her. “I don’t want to fight you, Gisela. Don’t make it come to that.”
“You know I have no choice.”
“Yes, you do. You don’t have to go back to your queen. She can’t touch you here.”
Gisela’s heart stopped at something she’d never considered before.
In that moment, she felt stupid for the fact she’d never thought of it.
But he was right. She didn’t have to go back. She was free. Her mother couldn’t touch her here.
Terror filled her. The thought of giving up what she knew…living among strangers…
You have no friends at home. No real family.
True. Her mother had killed her own brother and Gisela’s half-brother. Meara had no attachment to anyone other than herself.