Chapter 16 #2
Candara pursed her lips. “And you wonder why everyone hates a shifter.” She exposed the underside of her tongue.
“Oh, I know why we’re hated. Don’t blame you a bit.
Shifters don’t like shifters either. It destroys your ability to trust anyone or anything.
It’s why we don’t have our own country. You’d never know if your ruler was the actual ruler…
and anyone could pretend to be them. It’s really unnerving when there are a bunch of us together. ”
It was also why there weren’t that many of them. Most had been hunted down and executed by the other races. Those who remained, kept to themselves and lived remotely. Or like her, were assassins or mercenaries.
She’d never considered before how lonely it must be for them. “You really don’t have a community?”
“We implode whenever we try to live together. For whatever reason, shifters just can’t get along.”
How awful. Even the undead had their own country.
“Have you any siblings?” she asked him.
He inclined his head to Xaydin. “The Outlaws are my family.”
“Ronan’s mother was the last queen of Lygaria.”
Gisela winced at Candara’s words. Lygaria had fallen while Ronan would have been in captivity.
The Fourteenth Kingdom. It’d been located in the southeastern tip of Sagaria, the southwestern tip of Dythnal and the northwestern part of her mother’s kingdom.
When the queen’s army had fallen to the Sagarians, their kingdom had been absorbed by all three. Gisela wasn’t sure why or how.
She only remembered her mother’s jubilance over it. Mostly because Meara had hated the shifters so much. And even though it’d been the fey kingdom that defeated them, her mother had taken the largest share of Lygaria’s land.
“I’m sorry, Ronan.”
“Thank you.” Clearing his throat, he went back to their prisoner. “I’ll keep watch on him while you take Xaydin back to bed and let him rest.”
Xaydin started to protest.
“Don’t even,” Ronan snapped. “You look like shite and you need to heal. Don’t go troll on me when I know you better. Rest for a day and you can pummel whatever tomorrow.” His gaze went to Masakage. “You as well.”
Rob led them toward the door. “We’ll stay the night to make sure none of you are disturbed.” He smirked at Masakage. “And to make sure they rent a room to you.”
Which was easier said than done. The innkeeper wasn’t happy at all when Rob demanded a room for Masakage and Candara. But after a show of coin and a little bit of force, he acquiesced.
Gisela returned to the room she shared with Xaydin and made sure he went straight to bed.
“I can’t stand to lie about. There’s too much we need to do.”
“And you won’t be of any use to us if you fall…because none of us are strong enough to pick you up.”
Xaydin rolled his eyes at her attempt at humor. “Candara can pick me up with her pinkie.”
“What?”
“Her magic’s that strong. A sneeze and she can portal me anywhere.”
“I doubt your sister would portal you in your current condition. Now lay down and go to sleep.”
He pouted. “Can’t sleep in my clothes.”
Gisela caught the note in his voice. “You’re incorrigible.”
“No. I’m encourageable.” He sat on the bed and cast the most adorable look at her that she’d ever seen. “And I like being encouraged.”
Which he was doing as he opened the neck of his shirt and gave her a puppy look that begged for assistance.
“I stand by what I said. You’re awful.” Forcing herself to show no emotions, she pulled the shirt over his head.
Then she had to bite her lip at how scrumptious he appeared. He was far too handsome for his own good.
And for hers.
What was she going to do with him?
Well, she knew what she wanted to do with him…if he were able. But there was a paleness to his skin that told her how much pain he was in.
He might be willing, but there was no way she’d put that strain on him.
“You rest and I’ll rest with you.”
The hope in his eyes was quite charming and at odds with his stern demeanor.
She continued to strip the clothes from him. “Be a good boy.”
“I’m yours to command.”
Sure, he was. She doubted if anyone had ever really commanded him. Indeed, the scars on his body told the story of just how rebellious her proud troll could be. She pulled off the last stitch of clothing. “Lie down.”
Xaydin did as she bade him. And he was instantly awarded with the sight of her slowly removing her own clothes. “Are you trying to torture me?”
An insidious smile curved her lips. “Maybe…”
No maybe to it. She was in rare, tortuous form as she bared her flesh, piece by slow, excruciating piece.
Damn, he’d never realized before how many layers of clothing she wore. Eternity seemed to have passed before she stood naked before him.
He let out a slow breath in silent appreciation for the soft curves of her body. Especially when she slid that body beneath the covers and pressed it up against his uninjured side.
Letting out a sigh, she placed her head on his shoulder and gently brushed her hand over his ribs, above the stab wounds. “You’ll have new scars now.”
“Not like they’ll stand out.”
Gisela winced at the truth. Like her, he was covered with them. The scars from wounds were horrible. But the ones that wrung her heart were from lashes.
Because she understood how much those cost in terms of his soul. There was no greater pain than to be tied down and unable to defend yourself. To be at the mercy of those who lacked any whatsoever.
Physical pain was easy to counter. Mental anguish left scars that no one could see. Scars that burned long after the injuries healed.
She ached for everything he’d been put through.
Wanting to make it better, she lifted herself up to kiss one particular nasty lash mark that ran from his arm across his stomach.
“You keep doing that, princess, and I will not sleep.”
“Sorry.” But she wasn’t even a little bit.
She moved her hand only to have him capture it in his. He brought it to his lips to place a sweet kiss across her knuckles before he placed their entwined hands over his heart.
Gisela couldn’t breathe as she felt his heart beating and felt that strong grip on her hand. For this one moment, she felt loved.
No…
She felt cherished.
And if she could, she’d will herself to death in this moment because she was terrified it wouldn’t last. If she died right now, at least she’d know what it felt like to be with someone.
It can’t last.
Nothing ever did and she didn’t want to be here when he broke her heart.
She’d had enough pain in her life. Enough of her mother and others lamenting all her shortcomings.
I don’t want to be here anymore.
It was an anguished cry her soul made because she was so tired of fighting. Tired of being alone.
Tired of everything.
“How do you do it?” The question was out of her mouth before she could stop it.
“Do what?”
“Keep going through all the pain?”
His grip tightened on her hand. “I don’t think about it.”
“Ever?”
“I’d be lying if I said my demons didn’t roost at times.
But I won’t let them defeat me. I had no say in the past, only in my future.
The way I look at it, princess, is that we have two options.
Either we let the pain of our past drag us under or we keep our gaze on the horizon and what we’re after.
I’m too stubborn a bastard to let anyone win, including the past. Or my demons. ”
She liked the way he saw things. “I wish I was that strong.”
“Lady, you’re stronger than you know.” He stroked her fingers with his. “I’ve never met anyone with your courage or heart. Never let anyone tell you differently.”
“I love the lies you believe about me.”
He shook his head. “I wish you could see the beauty I do. One day, you’ll learn your true nature. Not the daughter of an awful queen, but a great lady who outshines all others.”
She pushed herself up to look down at him. “Did that really come from you?”
“I’m not always a brooding jackass.”
“Apparently.” She gave him a light kiss.
“You are determined to keep me awake, aren’t you?”
She laughed. “No. Sleep! Rest. Or else I’ll leave.”
Xaydin immediately closed his eyes.
Gisela returned to her spot and forced herself not to stroke or bother him. But it was exceptionally difficult.
Instead, she took a moment to savor the quiet.
Don’t break my heart. It was a silent prayer she wanted the courage to speak out loud.
So much had happened in such a short time. Her mother wanted a war.
For the first time in her life, Gisela wanted peace. She wanted a future.
And she wanted Xaydin to be part of it.
You’re an idiot.
It was an impossible dream. He would never give up his cause. And in spite of what her mother said, she knew Meara wouldn’t let her go.
She’d kill her first.
But here for a moment, she had the peace she craved. She was living a dream, and her only hope was to enjoy these fleeting heartbeats. Because every one signaled the coming end she could feel in her bones.