56. Caelia
It was too easy.I don’t think I’ll get very far, but the look on his face was worth it. Closing the door behind me, I quickly run down the corridor, not knowing where I’m going or where we are. The adrenaline pumps through my veins as I search for an exit. It doesn’t take long for Kaz to shout his cousin’s name. There’s a window at the end of the hallway, and I go that way. You’d think I’ve learned my lesson by now: to stay away from windows. My heart is beating too fast. I’m making too much noise as I run. And when I peek through the window, I understand that there’s nowhere to go. I can see at least six men from where I’m standing, all dressed in black, with machine guns resting in their hands. Panic grips me, and I realize there’s nowhere to run. My breath becomes shallow, and I struggle to take in enough air.
Kaz’s voice echoes through the corridor, calling for reinforcements. I don’t know how many people are in this house, but I must keep trying. I open every door I come across, hoping for an escape route, but they all lead to dead ends. Footsteps draw nearer as they climb the stairs, and I duck into a dark bedroom, hiding and waiting for them to pass. Peeking through the frame, I spot Vanya entering the bedroom I just left. It’s my chance to make a run for it. I sprint down the stairs, every muscle protesting with each movement. Russian shouts fill the air, but I push forward, desperation driving me. I reach the front door, only to find it locked. Frustration surges through me as I race through the living room, searching for a window, but none is open.
I dash into an office, spotting a window at the end. Determination fuels me as I grab a nearby chair and smash it against the window, not caring if it gives away my location. I’ve come farther than I expected. As I try to crawl through the shattered glass, I cut my foot on a shard.
Half in and half out of the window, I freeze when I see one of Kaz’s men approaching. My heart nearly stops as I notice the machine gun aimed directly at me. He barks something in Russian, his tone rough and menacing. Fear grips me as I raise my hands in surrender, praying he won’t shoot me. I thought I was done with this life, but I still have a will to live, apparently.
“Не стреляйте!” Kaz’s voice comes from behind me.
I turn my head to see Kaz stepping into the office, Vanya following closely behind. I’m in so much trouble. I purse my lips, waiting to see what happens next. Kaz’s cousin wears a grin, finding entertainment in the situation. It would almost be funny if my heel wasn’t bleeding and my heart wasn’t threatening to explode. Kaz put his jeans back on, but his muscles and tattoos are distracting. He’s been hurt, and I don’t want to know how. I don’t want to ask. I don’t want to care. Despite everything, I laugh. Vanya looks at Kaz, wondering if I’ve lost my mind. I might have.
I stare at his face, my heart pounding in my chest.
Kaz makes a come here motion with his fingers, a mix of anger and amusement in his eyes. I shake my head, refusing to comply.
“No?” He lowers his voice, making his tone more threatening.
Vanya says something in Russian, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s purposely trying to provoke Kaz or me.
“Does your cousin not know English, or is he doing it on purpose to piss me off?” I lock my eyes with Vanya’s, refusing to be intimidated by him—a lazy smirk curls on his lips, an enigmatic glint in his eyes.
“I have very mixed feelings about you, Mrs. Benedetti. Is that clear enough for you?” Vanya’s words catch me off guard.
“Do I look like I care what any of you think about me?” I meet his gaze, refusing to be intimidated.
It seems like I have a death wish. I should know better by now. My life has always been ruled by powerful men who treated me like a toy. A doll. A pretty face to parade around. I was ready to end my own life to avoid being sold into slavery. That didn’t change. I’d rather die than go on like this. I didn’t consider Kaz’s reaction, but there is a cocky smile on his face and a sparkle in his eyes.
“Try to run again, and I’m going to?—”
Kaz interrupts him, drawing his hand back and taking a gun out. I swallow as he points it at his cousin. His voice is rough, and his tone is angry. There’s no beauty in his native language as he gives his cousin a piece of his mind. Vanya’s face betrays nothing as he stares at the gun.
“You’re going to do what?” I purse my lips when he’s done, determined to piss everyone off tonight. “You’re going to beat me to death? You’re going to rape me? You’re going to torture me? You’re going to do what, Ivan?” His jaw twitches. He doesn’t answer, and we stare at each other silently. “I’m here against my will. If you want to leave, be my guest. Take Kazimir with you while you’re at it.”
“Enough!” Kaz’s voice cuts through the tension. “And you,” he says to his cousin, “don’t say another fucking word.” We lock eyes in silence, the unspoken words hanging heavy in the air. “Leave!”
“Gladly,” I scoff, my tone defiant.
“Not you,” Kaz clarifies, his tone leaving no room for argument. “You’re going to climb back inside. Slowly, so my man won’t be tempted to shoot you. Bring me a first aid kit,” he snarls at Vanya, who leaves the room, closing the door behind him. “Fuck, Caelia!” he snaps, heading toward me. “What the hell am I supposed to do with you?” The only answer I can think of is that he could let me leave, but I don’t believe this is something he wants to hear. I say nothing. “Sit,” he commands, and I obey, limping to the chair while he paces left and right.
A minute later, Vanya returns with a first-aid kit, placing it on the desk before leaving us alone. The situation feels surreal, and I’m aware of the uncertainty ahead. I obediently sit on the chair as Kaz crouches in front of me, his gun pointed at my chest.
“Is this what you want, Wildfire?” He keeps a steady finger on the trigger, his tattooed hand wrapped around the metal. I lick my lips, trying to come up with an answer. “Why are you doing everything to try and get yourself killed? You’re driving me mad, Caelia.”
His beautiful eyes are tormented. All of this seems to be physically painful for him.
I stare at him, then at the barrel of the gun, and back into his eyes again.
“You won’t pull the trigger.”
“You think I won’t?”
“I know you won’t.”
He didn’t go through all that trouble to save my life so that he could pull a bullet into my head. I’m not sure what he wants just yet, but it’s not to see me dead. I place my hand on top of his, curling my fingers. Shifting on the chair, I bring my chest closer, pulling the barrel closer between my breasts. His nostrils flare, and every muscle in his body tenses. He locks his other hand on top of mine, twisting the wrist of his right hand, the one he’s holding the gun with. I watch in terror as he points it at him.
“What the hell are you doing?” I want to fight against this and tell him to put the gun down, but I’m afraid that I might accidentally kill him. It’s not something I can live with. “Please, Kaz. Let go of my hand. Put down the gun.” Panic rises in my throat.
“Go on, Wildfire. Pull the trigger.” My finger twitches on top of his. “If you can,” he challenges me, a teasing edge in his voice.
“I can’t,” I admit, my voice barely a whisper. I’ve realized that, despite everything, I don’t hate him. I can’t. He saved me in more ways than one. “Was any of it real?”
“All of it was real,” he replies without skipping a beat, not even asking me what I’m talking about. I’m not sure what this means. “You can hate me if you must. That’s something I know how to deal with. Just stop hurting yourself.”
“No more lies,” I remind myself. “And I don’t hate you. I tried, but I can’t.” I admit.
There it is. The truth that’s going to bury me alive. Even after everything that happened to me, I can’t bring myself to hate him now that I know the truth. He gave me more than anyone else in my life ever did. Even when he bound me by his side, I was still more free than in my entire life. It’s sad, really. I’ve been married to Mattia for so long and felt nothing for him. I didn’t fall in love with him. I didn’t start caring about him as a coping mechanism to deal with the trauma. I didn’t lie to myself, trying to be obedient and in his good graces, hoping he’d treat me right. Kaz stayed with me in the hospital when he had no reason to. He came back. He saved me.
“I’m sorry for everything I’ve done that hurt you. I’m sorry I’ve lied to you, Caelia. I’m sorry I acted like him when I didn’t know what else to do. But you need to stop trying to run away from me.”
He apologized countless times for things he didn’t even do. For everything that Mattia did to me. It couldn’t have been easy. He wasn’t even aware of what happened to me. He knew nothing about what I’ve accused him of and didn’t do any of those things. And he apologized anyway. He put up with me when he didn’t need to. I understand now that I wasn’t essential to his plan. He could’ve just locked me away or killed me. He had countless opportunities to do so, like now. He has all the reasons.
“Put down the gun,” I beg him.
I shouldn’t be near him. I’ll fight against him in the next minute, but all I need right now is for him to hold me and tell me that nothing bad will happen to me, even if it is a lie. There have already been so many between us. One more wouldn’t make any difference. I’m sure there are other things he needs to do. He’s just choosing to spend his time here with my crazy ass. I almost told him I loved him. Is that still the case? Is that still real? Did I ever know the real him, or did I fall for an illusion? My confusion drives me mad, and he’s not helping either—hot in one second and cold in the next. Threatening me, he pulls a gun at me so he can later apologize for everything and promise me he’ll destroy whoever hurt me.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been a pain in the ass. I’m sorry I yelled so much at you. I’m sorry that I’ve stabbed you.”
The air coming through the smashed window is chilly. I shiver, but it might be just a consequence of being so close to him. I place my free hand on his face, staring into his eyes. I pull my body closer to his. He falls on his knees when I press my lips against his, closing my eyes. The touch alone is enough to bury me alive. I need him so much; it hurts worse than everything I’ve endured. Slipping from the chair, I take the gun from his hand, falling on my knees. Kaz lets go, and I place it on the floor. I know I shouldn’t do this. Deep down, I know he’s not better than the men who hurt me, but he’s always been good to me. Almost.
A tear runs down my cheek as he wraps his hand around my waist, moving his lips like he’s afraid I’m going to break if he’s going to apply more pressure. Every inch of my skin hurts where he’s touching me, but I don’t want him to stop. I’m scared of my feelings. I was willing to stay even when I didn’t know the truth, all because I’d fallen for him. I almost changed my mind. I nearly didn’t run away. And I can’t help but wonder how things might have been different now if I had just stayed. Suppose he had told me the truth a little sooner.
God, why does he have to be like this? Even now, after I’ve handcuffed him to the bed and tried to run away, he’s not saying anything about it. I’d prefer for him to threaten to destroy my life again instead of wrapping me in his arms.
Tell me where it hurts, so I can help you heal.
He’s doing it even without me telling him. No one ever touched me the way he does it. The way he’s always done it. He might be angry, but I don’t feel it in his touch as he pulls me closer. It’s gentle and careful, although I don’t deserve it.
He stops suddenly, arching an eyebrow, madness sparking in his eyes. He’s mad at me, but he keeps everything inside. Understanding blooms in the pit that lives in my stomach now.
I’m damaged goods. I know how men like him think.
“I understand,” I whisper.
“Do you? Please enlighten me.”
“I disgraced my family. Even if I were in a happy marriage, not in the disaster I was in, my husband would never touch me again. I understand if you don’t want to. If you’re not going to.”
Although I need him to. I want him to.
“You’re going to be a widow soon,” he reminds me. “Shame? The only shame here is upon your husband’s family, moya solnyshko.”
I don’t know what the words mean. I’m more focused on the fact that he knows what happened. He guessed, or Vanya told him everything I spilled during our car ride. I can’t be mad about that. I needed to vent, and he was there. Maybe I secretly hoped his cousin would tell him everything I couldn’t. I took the easy way out.
“You understand nothing. I’ve told you that you don’t know me,” he says before kissing me like he used to. One of his hands presses the back of my neck, pulling me closer; the other leaves me breathless as he circles my wrist like he never wants to let go. I run my fingers through his hair.
I still trust him. And it breaks my heart. Kaz moves his hand on my thigh. My body goes soft under his touch. I spread my legs, landing on my ass. He follows, towering above me as I lie back on the floor. He kisses my jaw, burying his face in the crook of my neck, returning to my lips a second later. What a fool I’ve been, thinking that Mattia could ever kiss me the way he does. I can try to sell him all the poisonous lies I can think of, but I can’t lie right now. He owns me. He will always do so. I’m so lost in him that I don’t realize what’s happening until I feel the cold metal of the handcuffs on my right wrist again. The distinctive click as he tightens it around my wrist. He could do anything to me now, and I wouldn’t care.
He leans back, and my wrist is yanked forward as he moves. I lower my gaze, only now noticing that Kaz handcuffed me to himself, making sure that I won’t be able to escape. I don’t know if it’s a long-term plan.
“What the hell, Kazimir?”
“I’m just making sure you won’t try to run away again.”
“How long are you planning on keeping those on?”
“As long as I have to.”
That’s a vague answer, but he will be by my side as long as the handcuffs are on. Before I can stop myself, I shift to a sitting position, knees parted, placing my hands on his chest. I trace his tattoos with the tips of my fingers, stopping them on the button of his jeans. Tilting my head back, I watch him. Kaz arches an eyebrow, his Adam’s apple bobbing as my palm slides down on his erection.
“I meant it,” I whisper. “I want you to make me forget.”
I need him to help me forget. He healed me before, almost making me forget everything Mattia did to me. He can do it again.
“I’m not falling for this again, Caelia.”
“It’s not a trick,” I promise. It isn’t.
He was willing to give me this, but that was minutes ago before I tricked him and ran away. He might have changed his mind. He might want to kill me now. I need this more than anything else at the moment. I’m aware it’s not a normal response. I’ve been through a lot recently. I need to eliminate the memories of other hands on my body. Thinking Ludovic was the last person inside me makes my stomach recoil. I need to erase his touch from my memory.
He doesn’t stop me when I unbutton his jeans and lower the zip. He watches me with an arched eyebrow, trying to find the catch. There isn’t one. As messed up as it is, he’s the only person who can make me forget what happened. Slipping the jeans and his boxers past his thighs, I stare at his cock, waiting for panic to take over my body and for warning signals to go off in my brain, but nothing happens. I wrap my hand around it and rub it up and down, getting used to feeling like I’m doing this for the first time. I swallow, trying to push myself through it, remembering how it felt when we were together. All I see when I close my eyes is the warehouse, and I can’t live like this. I refuse to, and I know it’s a stupid move. I should allow myself time to deal with the trauma and face it, but if I lift the lid on that box, I’ll never be able to fit it back in. I won’t do it until it’s overflowing.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” he warns me.
I wonder the same thing he does. How far am I going to take this? Until the end. Leaning forward, I bring my mouth to his crown, circling it with my tongue. His body goes tense, a hiss escaping his lips.
“Do you know that I’ve never sucked my husband’s cock, and you were the first one?”
I don’t know what possesses me, but the words are out, and I can’t take them back.
“Fuck, baby,” he growls. “Tell me what other things you didn’t do for him.”
I look up at him. His eyes glint like they’re trying to contain all the madness and desire inside him. Kaz brings his hand closer, trying to allow me more movement. I move it slowly, tracing every vein with my fingertips. The skin feels like velvet, and I smile as he throbs into my hand.
“I’ve never fucked him willingly,” I admit. “I never enjoyed it.”
I never cared about him.
I don’t tell him this, though. Kaz holds enough power over me as it is. I watch our bound hands as I take him into my mouth, taking my time. I try to take as much of him as I can. He moans, saying something in his native language. He rests his hand on my head, holding it still. I try to sync my hand and mouth but can’t focus. I ignore the pain thundering through my body. I ignore the flashbacks trying to surface. It’s just us in this room, and I know how he may be the greatest danger, but it certainly doesn’t feel like it. Wrapping a hand in my hair, he moves his hips, sliding in and out of my mouth too slowly. He’s trying to contain himself.
“Don’t.” I pull back, looking up. “Please don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Don’t treat me like I’m going to break.” I shake my head. “If you still want to glue my broken pieces back together, don’t do it. I need you to be you. Please, if you’re going to do this, do it right.”
I get it. I do. I understand why he acts like he does, but I don’t want this. I don’t need this. I wouldn’t stand to be treated with gloves. I wouldn’t stand for him to walk on his tiptoes around me. I know it’s not a healthy way of healing, but I need it.
“I’m so proud of you.” I swallow, taken aback by the change in his demeanor. I stare at his dimples when he smirks. He cups my cheeks. “You make me so hard, you have no fucking idea. Open your mouth.”
I do it without thinking about it, my body coming alive like I didn’t know it was possible. Something I thought was long gone awakens inside me as he slides his erection into my mouth, forcing me to stay still. I remain in place until I can’t get enough air. My eyes are watery from the pressure. He’s not even all in when he hits the back of my throat. I almost gag, but I do my best to fight it, focusing on the sounds he makes, my eyes locked on his stomach muscles that tighten with each thrust.
“You look so beautiful with your mouth wrapped around my cock.” Looking up at him, I blink as he moves his hips. “I wish you could see yourself right now. So fucking perfect,” he moans. I let him use me how he wants. My mind is at peace. I’m burning from the inside. “You’re doing so well. I trust you to tell me if this gets too much at any point, Caelia.” The way he whispers my name melts my insides.
Saliva drips down my chin. Kaz fucks my mouth, his cock throbbing. I rub my thighs together, hoping to find some release.
“You’re such a good girl for me.” I feel him at the back of my throat, choking on it. He places a hand on my chin, drawing my head back suddenly, just when I thought it was getting too much, although I didn’t want to stop him. He just knew. Leaning forward, his hand grabs my face. He stares right into my soul before his tongue invades my mouth. “Stand up,” he whispers against my lips.
I stand, my feet weak and trembling. Still on his knees, he wraps the cuffed hand around my waist, dragging my shorts down with the other. He waits until I’ve stepped out of them before he turns me around. “Bend over. Lift your leg.”
My body obeys. My rationality has left the building. I bend my knee, resting my tiptoes on the chair. “Your smell is enough to drive me wild. Show me what’s mine, Caelia. Show me your beautiful pussy,” he stresses out.
I bite my tongue as he buries his face between my legs, his hot breath making me tremble. My cuffed hand dangles at my side, bound to his.
“You’re already glistening for me.” I don’t want to. I’d give anything not to be attracted to him. To be powerful enough to stop him from touching me. “You taste so fucking good, solnyshko. Is your clit aching for my tongue?”
I’ve started all this.
No more lies.
“Yes,” I admit.
“Such a good girl.”
He licks my clit, making me whimper. My body shivers, and my brain is confused by my emotional state. I crave him so badly. The smell of my arousal fills the air. Kaz makes me feel higher than the pain medications I’ve been given in the hospital. His fingers dig into my thighs, keeping my legs spread.
“Oh, God! Fuck?—”
“You’re at my will, moya Solnyshko, not God’s. I’m the one fucking you, and I intend to do it until you learn to replace God’s name in your prayers with mine.”
I feel him in every nerve. He pointed a gun at me no longer than twenty minutes ago, and now he’s making me see stars. I can’t stop shaking. Wetness drips between my legs. I push my hips back, gripping the chair until my hand goes numb.
“That’s it. Keep doing that. Ride my face.” I bend my hand at a weird angle, threading my fingers in his soft hair and riding his face. I must have lost all my shame somewhere along the way. “Don’t come, Caelia. Not until my cock is buried deep inside you.”
“You might want to hurry then.” I laugh, feeling like I’m going to faint.
My heart skips a beat when Kaz laughs, lifting my T-shirt as he stands up. He places a kiss on my spine as he teases my entrance with the crown of his cock. They’ve tested me for STDs and pregnancy in the hospital. Mattia didn’t screw me up completely. I arch my spine. The chair wobbles under me. My skin is sensitive to touch. I might explode any second. His hand comes up to my neck, and I panic.
“It’s just me,” he reminds me.
I take a deep breath. I don’t know how he guesses what I’m thinking about, but he knows exactly what to say to relax my body.
“Tell me a poisonous lie, solnyshko.” He drags my bottom lip with his thumb. “Tell me how much you hate me.” He slips the tip inside me. “Tell me how you don’t want this because I’ve messed everything up.” He sinks inside me, and we both moan at the same time. “Tell me that you’ll never be mine. You don’t want to be mine.”
I try to lie to him, but no words come out.
Nothing but the truth is left, and I will give him that.