64. Caelia
You’re goingto hurt him.
Vanya’s words echo as I try to decipher their meaning. Does he believe I will physically harm Kaz? I can’t blame him, considering that I stabbed him. Or does he think Kaz feels something for me, and I will hurt him when I leave? I didn’t see Vanya since I asked him if he could bring me some books to learn Russian, and he refused. Part of me prefers it this way. It’s strange how everything has changed, yet some things have remained the same. I spent the last week in Kaz’s home. I’ve also encountered a couple of employees who didn’t pay me too much attention. The men outside work in shifts, but there’s no discernible pattern to their changes. It’s random, with different hours each time.
I can’t decide if I’m angry at Kaz or myself for agreeing. I know it’s better than being kidnapped and locked away, but on some level, it isn’t. It still feels like a prison. It’s my old life all over again. And I have a bodyguard, a tall, muscular Russian man who follows me everywhere but treats me like I’m invisible. I don’t even know his name. He doesn’t seem to sleep, eat, or do anything.
Over the past hour, I’ve been sitting on a bench in the garden. The weather is chilly, but I’m tired of being cooped inside the house. I explored the house and found a massive library—my favorite place. The walls are lined with floor-to-ceiling shelves, and I discovered some books in English. It’s too dark to read now, so I sit here with a closed book on my lap, questioning all my decisions. I might have preferred plan A. Why did I agree to this?
I find a partial answer when I see Kaz stepping through the back patio door. I can’t live with this feeling inside me. I have to get rid of whatever makes my palms sweaty, my stomach flutter, and my throat dry. Despite being angry about trading one prison for another, I still smile when I see him. I tell myself that I’m his wife, and we need to sell this charade, so I have to pretend to be happy when I see him. The worst part is when he returns my smile, his eyes fixated on mine. I can’t tell if he’s pretending or not. Why do we even bother with this fa?ade? My bodyguard nods at Kaz, saying something as he approaches. It takes Kaz less than five seconds to dismiss him, leaving us alone.
“You need to teach me how to do that,” I say, rolling my eyes.
He stops in front of me, so close that the tips of our shoes touch. He’s dressed in a black suit and tie, with his unbuttoned jacket revealing the shirt underneath. All it takes is inhaling his cologne for my body to react. I hope he doesn’t notice how I squeeze my thighs together. If he does, he doesn’t mention it. He cups my cheeks in his hands, leaning in to claim my mouth. I wrap my fingers around his wrists, closing my eyes. There’s nothing wrong with getting lost in him. It’s what I’m supposed to do. Kaz is my husband.
“I’ve missed you so fucking much,” he whispers, his forehead resting against it.
His words don’t sound like a lie.
“Then maybe you shouldn’t have left,” I respond, taking the easy way out.
Admitting that I’ve missed him too would be too damning.
“I doubted my decision every second.”
We agreed that there would be no more secrets or lies between us, but I hesitated to ask him what was happening. Where has he been? I remember all too well what happened when I asked him to trust me in the past. Kaz sits next to me on the bench, wrapping his arms around my waist and burying his face in my neck.
“What are you doing?” I ask, taken aback. He tightens his embrace, pulling me closer until there’s no space between us. “Are you sure this is what you want your employees to see?”
“That I am obsessed with my wife? That I am willing to fall on my knees to please her? Yes.” God, the things he says sometimes make no sense. “What did I miss?”
“Not much,” I sigh. “Ivan is a prick. I don’t think any of your employees speak English. And there’s the intimidating guy who follows me everywhere.”
“What did Vanya do?” Kaz straightens his back, grabbing my chin to turn my head.
“It’s not his fault; it’s mine. I thought ... I don’t even know what I was thinking. I tried to talk to him to find a compromise, thinking that maybe if he got to know me, he would hate me less. But it didn’t work.” I let out a dry laugh. “I’ve?—”
I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to tell Kaz about this, but I’ve tried to handle it independently, and I’ve gotten nowhere with his cousin. Kaz releases his grip on my chin.
“None of this is your fault, solnyshko. What did he say?”
“It’s not anything specific,” I say. “I asked him to show me around, but I think I offended him. Then I asked if I could use his phone to call you because I wanted to talk to you. I wanted books to help me learn Russian, but he said no. You know ... the little things.”
Kaz’s jaw tightens, and his eyes turn cold.
“Fuck, Caelia! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left right after we arrived. I should have been here for you to show you around and get you whatever you needed. This is not a replay of your marriage with Mattia.” He narrows his eyes. “You’re not my prisoner, and if it makes any difference, Vanya was fucking told to give you whatever you ask for. He’s just a stubborn prick.”
I wish I didn’t believe him. He always made it easy for me.
“I’m not mad,” I assure him. “I’ve been a little lonely. How did your meeting with your grandfather go?”
Kaz rubs his face.
“Not as I expected. He’s getting too old for this. I’m afraid he won’t be able to stay in charge for much longer. He also knew that Sevastyan killed my father and did nothing about it.”
“Did he give you a reason?”
“He didn’t want to lose both sons, but it’s a weak excuse.”
“Who will take over when he can no longer be in charge?”
“Everyone will want to take over,” he scoffs bitterly. “At the moment, Dedushka is the Pakhan, which means he’s in control and oversees everything in the area. He expanded the business in the ‘90s when the government auctioned assets. He bought everything he could, from shops to companies. He also holds contracts for less legal activities.”
“Do you want them?”
“After my father died, I wanted to focus on legal businesses. I let Vanya handle the rest, and Sevastyan controlled everything while I was in prison. I’ve been away for too long. There’s little stability now, especially after starting a pointless war.”
You would think that I, as his wife, would know these things about him.
“What did you go to prison for?”
“Money laundering, but most of the evidence was circumstantial.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?”
“No more lies,” he reminds me. I’m unsure how much truth I can handle before allowing myself to feel everything. I promised I wouldn’t try to run away. “And before I forget, you are officially Mrs. Mordvinova,” he says, reaching into his jacket and retrieving something from an inner pocket.
I watch as he unfolds the papers and hands them to me, along with a pen. The documents are in Russian, and I can’t understand some of the letters.
“What am I looking at?”
“A marriage license.”
“A marriage license?” I ask, surprised.
“Sign it, Caelia.” His tone leaves no room for arguing.
I take the pen, but I’m not in a hurry.
“I thought this was just a pretense, Kaz. What are you doing?”
He says it’s a marriage license, but I could sign anything.
“My grandfather will leave no stone unturned, Caelia. We need to make it look real.”
“We can make it look real without—” I stop, taking a deep breath. “I can’t sign this.” I try to reason with him. “I’m still married to Mattia.”
“Did I forget to tell you? You’re a widow as of yesterday.”
I blink rapidly, trying to make sense of his words.
“Mattia is dead?”
Kaz nods.
He’s dead. I won, but it doesn’t feel like a victory. I’m in a foreign country, in the house of a man I don’t know as well as I thought. A man who wants me to sign a document that will bind me to him, and I know that escaping him won’t be easy. I’m not even surprised he managed to pull a marriage license out of thin air. If Kaz goes back on his promise, no amount of fighting will set me free. I was imprisoned in Mattia’s manor, but Kaz’s security surpasses anything Mattia had.
“I need you to promise me something, Caelia,” Kaz states, his tone unwavering. I raise an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. “Promise me you’ll give this marriage a real chance.”
I’ve fallen into this trap before. I didn’t want to, and I fell for him anyway. I can’t fathom the extent of the damage it will cause. Knowing who he truly is, without lies or secrets.
“Why?”
“Because I will. I will give everything to make this marriage work, but if you still want to leave when the time’s up, I will give you everything you want and set you free.”
The pen trembles in my hand.
“Why are you doing all this?”
“One day, you’ll understand.”
I sign my name on the dotted line, ignoring the warning signals in my brain.