Chapter Twenty-Four #3
I reach for my drink and curl my fingers around the mug, letting the steam rise to warm the bridge of my nose. “I know it sounds like I’m one of those girls who stick around when the man is bad because they tell themselves he can change.”
Miss Deveroux shrugs.
“It’s not like that,” I maintain. “And, yeah, I also know what that sounds like, but he’s different with me.”
I’ve seen snippets of the man lurking beneath, and I can’t turn away.
How do you think this is going to pan out? You’ll honor the contract and hope you change Mason in the meantime? Come on, don’t be na?ve.
I lie awake at night, imagining him in bed next to me, his long and capable fingers doing all sorts of things to me, and when I close my eyes, I see his mouth on mine.
I want what he has to offer.
My problem is that no matter how many people tell me I shouldn’t, I also want more.
I’m an idiot.
As if getting involved with a guy like Mason isn’t bad enough, why does my heart have to get involved?
Because you don’t know how to do things halfway, and you definitely don’t know how to keep your feelings out of things.
“I know that look,” Miss Deveroux says. “It’s what I was afraid of when I first saw you. London, you need to be careful. Not just because I don’t think Mason can change. I don’t think he wants to.”
“What if he does, and he just doesn’t know how? Or what if he wants to, but he thinks he can’t?”
Miss Deveroux sighs. “London…”
“I know. I know what you’re going to say, but I am not wasting my time. There is something there…”
We both know I’m probably wrong.
Mason didn’t get to where he is without cutting down people in his way.
Pretending otherwise is insane.
I can’t even begin to imagine what it takes to build an empire like the Payne one, and the more I think about it, the less I want to know.
What good will it do me?
Miss Deveroux’s eyes stay on my face as she sips her tea. “I can see you’ve made up your mind. Just remember that it’s not just your life that’s going to be impacted. Whatever you decide will have a ripple effect.”
Without Noah around to mitigate the damage, there’s no telling how it’ll affect my father.
I go to sleep every night with my father’s words in my head, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to abandon him to his fate.
Noah can walk away, but my father is as much a part of this as I am.
So long as I stay on Mason’s good side, I know he’ll spare my father.
So why are you still having this conversation? You know you’re not going to leave. Whether it’s because of Mason, the contract, or your father. You’re staying. That’s all there is to it.
Miss Deveroux downs the rest of her drink and exhales loudly. “Have I ever told you how I wound up working for the club?”
I sit up straighter and shake my head. “No, you haven’t.”
I haven’t had the heart to bring it up.
She makes a face. “When my parents got divorced, my father acted like we didn’t exist. My mother got depressed, and my sisters and I… we had to rely on each other to see things through. For a while, I thought things were going to be okay.”
I frown. “What happened?”
Miss Deveroux’s expression darkens. “Our mother died, and our father swooped back into the picture, convinced she had left money behind.”
I grip my mug tighter and don’t say anything.
“At first, I wasn’t worried because we’d been through enough together.” Miss Deveroux’s voice is surprisingly soft. “But when he started pitting us against each other, I realized how dangerous he was.”
My mouth is dry, and I swallow a few times before I respond. “What happened?”
Miss Deveroux squares her shoulders and looks at me. “He turned us against each other. Had my sisters convinced I was hiding money that my mom left. It didn’t take him long to convince them to kick me out.”
My hands fly to my mouth, and a gasp falls from my lips. “No.”
She nods. “I’ve had years to make my peace with it, but it still hurts. Anyway, I took on a few odd jobs here and there, and slept in abandoned warehouses and apartments until someone took pity on me and brought me here.”
“So, you made a deal with them, too.”
“I did, but my contract ended a long time ago, and I decided to stay. When everyone else turned their backs on me, this was the only place I could count on. Besides, I did go through a bit of Mason phase myself.”
My eyes widen. “You and Mason?”
“Briefly,” she smiles. “But enough to know the man can’t change. Believe me, I thought he could, too. But no.”
“You stayed anyway, though?”
“I know the ins and outs. I know how to make sure the girls do their jobs, and I keep my mouth shut.”
I release my cup and exhale. “Don’t you ever wonder what kind of life you could’ve had?”
Miss Deveroux’s expression softens. “Sometimes, but there’s no point in wondering, is there? We make the best choices we can with what we have, and we do our best to survive.”
“What if I don’t want to just survive?”
“Then I’d think very, very carefully about what to do next. I know you didn’t have much of a choice when you made the deal to save your father, but there’s a difference between serving out your contract and forgetting why you’re here.”
I search her face. “I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
Miss Deveroux’s laugh cuts through some of the tension. “Honey, I’ve been around a long time. Longer than you might think. I’m not telling you anything you don’t know.”
I blow out a breath. “Are you sure?”
She reaches across the counter and pats my hand. “Don’t you worry about me. I can handle myself.”
I give her hand a quick squeeze. “Thank you.”
After a brief pause, Miss Deveroux withdraws her hand. “Don’t thank me yet. I’m not sure I’ve done you any good by telling you any of this.”
I nod a little too quickly. “But you have. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
The older woman pushes herself off the counter and sighs. “We definitely need something stronger than tea. Hold on.”
She disappears under the sink and returns with a bottle of vodka. “You’re going to need this; trust me.”
I begin to protest but stop when I see the look on her face.
She’s right.
I need something strong enough to burn away the memories.
I tip back the glass and catch the look on Miss Deveroux’s face.
She knows the fate I’ve chosen.
As the night wears on and my head grows fuzzier, I realize she might be right.
I’ve doomed myself by doing the one thing I swore I wouldn’t do by allowing myself to get attached to Mason Payne.
And I’m not even sure I want to go back.