Chapter Ten
Ten
The one where he brought me a gift
I met Adam in those early months of the year when the rain is thick, the winter grey and endless.
He felt like a beam of light pushing through it all.
This handsome, funny man with longish, dark hair, tanned skin and light eyes, who liked me.
Me. He liked me. And I was a sucker for that.
He chased me down, always asking about me, messaging to meet up for coffee or breakfast and never just as a hook-up.
He felt like mine right away.
That’s what the romance books I was obsessed with trained me to believe. They trained me to look for the knight waving me down. The one who would fight for me. To run away with the one who is kind and caring and wants to be part of your life.
At nineteen, that’s all I had to go with, and so I did.
Sometimes, I wonder if he knew I was green.
I wonder if I wore it around like a stamp on my head.
Could they all tell? Did it put some boys off and entice others?
I was all legs and long cardigans that year.
I gave up trying to train my hair to be something it wasn’t and enjoyed wearing it down. Loose and wild.
After a few weeks, I was so swept up in Adam, we made it official. He became part of my world, and I his. But I never lost touch with Sam. Our friendship never really became a problem because we were so casual with it.
Sam grew into himself at university. He didn’t have Freddie’s height, but he had the glint in his eye and the humour that drew girls towards him.
Sam, much like Freddie, has never been one for a long-term relationship.
He feels suffocated by them and retreats before they do.
I suspect much of that is to do with his own parents’ strained relationship.
That year, for our twentieth birthdays, we threw our party at the student house on Butt Lane.
We all decided to go back to university a few days early to celebrate in style without the fear of parents shutting us down.
We started off in the city for drinks then towed our arses home to finish the evening, mostly due to budgets and the fact all the clubs charged a small fortune to get in on New Year’s Eve.
A little before eleven in the evening, I was surprised when there was a knock on the door. I thought it might be a neighbour yelling at us to keep it down, but our neighbours knew this was a student house and mostly let these sorts of things go.
I opened the door, a whisk of icy sea air brushing across my face, to find Freddie leant against the porch wall.
“Oh,” I said. “I mean, hey,” I added, remembering I was cool now. I’d had a boyfriend for eight months. I’d had sex. Lots of sex! I was a woman. And he was just my best friend’s older brother. No need to panic.
And yet my body still experienced that familiar surge of heat whenever I was near him.
He was taller than Adam and it showed in the way he took up most of the doorframe. Just looming there with all his sexy, green-eyed energy.
He grinned. “Hello, Harriet.”
“Why you calling me that?”
He frowned. “Because that’s your name.”
“It’s not, though.”
“Harriet isn’t your birth name?”
I shook my head. “No, it’s just Hattie.”
Freddie shifted, quirking his head. “No, seriously? Your parents actually registered you as Hattie at birth.”
I nodded. “Yes. Is that a problem?”
“No. I suppose not. I’ll call you Hattie then, I guess.”
“I don’t actually care what you call me.” Why were we discussing my name?!
I think I just liked picking fights with him. Sometimes, I disguised it as sticking up for Sam, but this hadn’t been about Sam at all. I paused, still holding the door open. Why was he here? What did he want? I blinked at him.
He looked over my shoulder to the bustling kitchen at the back of the house. “Can I come in?”
I considered him. “Why are you here?”
“To see my baby brother and wish him a happy birthday.”
“Does he know you’re coming?”
Freddie shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Have you at least bought him a present?” I asked, feeling protective.
“Of course, I have. I’ve got you one too.” There was that glint in his eye again that made me want to cross my thighs.
“Fuck off. You haven’t!” I tried to lean around him to see what was in the bag he was hiding but he dodged me.
“I’ll give it to you if you let me in.”
“I’m not letting you in until you prove it. Also, it might be a shit present and then I wouldn’t want to let you in.”
“Hattie, if you don’t let me in, I will be forced to call my brother, and I was really hoping to surprise him. So, if you don’t mind.”
I fidgeted on my feet. He really was gorgeous. Since he’d moved into his long, double-breasted trench coat era, he seemed even more grown-up. Even more untouchable. So why did it always feel like he was flirting with me? Or at least having fun with me?
Which reminded me. “I have a boyfriend, by the way.”
Freddie frowned, then looked around mockingly as if there was someone else I was talking to. “Why you telling me that?”
Good question. “I’m just saying.”
“It’s not Sam, is it? That would be weird.”
I choked out a laugh. “Oh, yeah, no, don’t be gross.”
“Sounds like you’ve put that one to the test…”
“His name’s Adam,” I said, changing that subject. “He’s here.”
Now that news made Freddie smile. “Oh, well now you have to let me in. I need to see this man in the flesh. To have won the heart of Hattie Tycer, he must be a true phenomenon.”
I narrowed my eyes at his strange reaction but quickly moved aside to let him in.
It felt sort of like I was a little piggy and had forgotten the tale of the big bad wolf.
He had a natural sort of swagger about him, like when he walked into parties, he knew he’d catch people’s gazes.
He took his coat off and hung it on the stairs, heading back towards the kitchen.
I tried to grab at the bag he brought with him, but he was too quick, holding it out of reach, smirking.
He tutted. “Come on now, Hattie. We don’t want to ruin the surprise, do we?”
“You’re hyping it up, so it better be good.”
He just winked, turning my core to liquid silver.
I followed him into the kitchen. To my surprise, hardly anyone flinched that he’d joined the party. In fact, the only person who’d noticed was Adam; he flicked his grey eyes from Freddie to me and then back again as if he was making a calculation.
“Hey, everyone. This is Freddie, Sam’s brother,” I said, but again, everyone was too drunk to really care.
Sam finally looked up, his eyes wide. They had their usual stunted brotherly style of half-hug, half-handshake. I took a seat next to Sara.
“Is that really Sam’s brother?” she asked, eyeing him from top to bottom. She clearly hadn’t seen him the previous year, because she wouldn’t have forgotten.
I wondered if Freddie’s girlfriend, from last year, was still in the picture. Silly thought. Why did I care?
“Yes. It really is.”
“Wow.”
I gave her a sharp look. Was she into Freddie?
Something about my reaction made Sara laugh, but she didn’t have time to dwell on it because Adam had joined us at the dining table, taking my spare hand that wasn’t wrapped around a bottle of beer, and started to fidget with my fingers.
It wasn’t unusual for him to be affectionate, but it was a random, very obvious, sign of ownership.
Part of me liked it.
I wanted to be someone’s. I wanted to be wanted.
Sam introduced Freddie to everyone for a second time, like he hadn’t heard me do it thirty seconds ago, before they went for a chat in the hall.
I watched the door, wondering if I should referee.
Why did I feel like that was my responsibility?
Especially considering they were both adults by this point.
It was something about knowing them since children that made me feel involved. I’d seen enough of their fights.
The voices in the hall started to rise, albeit muffled by the door. I looked at Sara, who had noticed too. She gave me a ‘what the fuck?’ look, like I should do something about it.
When there was a bang, I jumped to my feet, shaking Adam off my arm and stepping into the hall.
“What the hell was that?” I demanded.
Sam was red-faced, Freddie the picture of calm as he said, “It’s nothing, don’t worry.”
I tried to shut the door, but Adam squeezed through to join me. I frowned at him, but he didn’t look my way, too busy staring Freddie down.
“This is a party, mate,” he said, direct to Freddie. “Maybe you should leave if you only want to bring the mood down.”
Freddie smirked, before rubbing his chin. “Maybe mind your own business, bud. What was your name again?”
“Ok, I think we should all just de-escalate,” I said, trying to cool the mood. Because if Freddie had come in here like an earthquake, looking for trouble, Adam was a volcano already boiling over with lava.
“You should go,” Adam said again, his jaw ticking.
I watched Sam for a moment; he was biting his lip as if holding back tears. He needed space. I could tell. This wasn’t like him at all, and he didn’t need Adam stirring up shit from the sidelines. “Adam, it’s fine. I’ve got this,” I told him.
He didn’t budge. “I’m not leaving you with him,” he said without looking at me.
“Do you mean me?” Freddie almost choked. “You think I’d hurt Hattie?”
“I don’t know you. But you’ve come in here, hit a wall and caused a problem. So forgive me for thinking you should go.”
Freddie laughed bitterly. “Hattie, please can you tell your boyfriend to butt out? I’m having a conversation with my brother.” He looked at me, the softer version of him pressing the button on my heart. “Please. Can we just have a moment?”
Something was wrong; I could taste it. I knew Sam well enough to know him not saying anything was a very bad sign. Was it about their dad? Freddie was calm though, his eyes sincere as he implored me to leave them.
“No hitting walls though, yeah?”