Chapter Thirty-Five
Thirty-Five
In the end, I didn’t call in sick. Who was I calling anyway?
I run the place. The owners rarely answered their phone.
I spent the day planning the events calendar for the year ahead, drafting Fliss an email with messy ideas that I hoped she would organise for me.
When I get home that evening, I’m working hard not to stress about the lack of texts from Freddie and the fact Sam still hates me.
I tell Alexa to play ‘The Black Parade’ and dance around my flat like I’m fifteen again, just without the thick eyeliner and Impulse spray all over me.
Alexa uses her magical powers to play more classics from the era and the volume is so loud, I almost don’t hear the knock at my door.
“Alexa! Shut the hell up!” I shout.
There are only three people who can get up to the main door without calling first.
My mum, who has a key for emergencies, but she wouldn’t knock on my door; that would be too respectful. She simply walks in like she owns the place.
Sara has one too, but whenever she visits now, she calls up and I’m sure it’s because she secretly lost the key. She would never admit it, though.
And then there’s Sam. Sam just took a set one day because he doesn’t like waiting outside. But the same as Mum, he wouldn’t knock.
I stand stock-still, wondering if maybe it’s Adam. But no. I don’t think he cares enough to chase me down again. It would be too much effort. And besides, I hope I embarrassed him.
“Hattie, let me in. I’m worried you’re dancing naked again.”
Sam.
I bolt across the room and throw the door open. He’s pouting, his eyes narrowed like he’s here but he’s still mad.
I hold my hand up, pointing at him. “It was one time, ten years ago. It was the middle of summer. And the lyrics were literally about liking your body better when you’re naked.”
“I still haven’t recovered.”
“Is that what you came to talk about?”
He frowns. “No.”
“Do you want to come in?”
“Not really.”
“Then why you here?”
Sam sighs, shaking his head. “Because sometimes, I like to be the bigger person.”
“Oh yeah?” I work really hard to hide my smile. “Sam, I’m really sorry. Please can we talk?”
He sighs again, this time with comedic exaggeration. “He’s not here, is he?” Sam mutters as he follows me in and shuts the door, before lounging on my sofa, which he’s so used to doing.
“Listening to emo music?”
“Good point.” He nods. “He’s too cool for us.”
“Have you spoken to him?”
He shakes his head. “I’m conflicted.”
“Then why are you here?” I bring him a glass of squash because that’s what we usually do whenever he comes over. It’s like we never grew up sometimes. Maybe that’s the problem.
“I thought about it some more. Turns out Dylan’s a good sounding board. And I know you’re going through things right now. I don’t know if I approve of you using my brother as a rebound but if that’s all it was…”
“Is that what Dylan told you?”
He glances at me. “He said he felt responsible. That he’d encouraged it.”
I roll my eyes to the ceiling, throwing my head back.
“I think everyone needs to stop treating me like I’m this vulnerable, susceptible person.
Everything that happened with Freddie this weekend was my doing, Sam.
It was completely on me. I made that decision.
Nobody tricked me. Nobody seduced me. Nobody encouraged me to do anything. ”
“Right.” Sam blows out a breath.
“If you’re going to be mad at anyone, it’s me. Be mad at me.”
“Fine. I’m mad at you. What the hell, Hattie?”
“I know.”
“You’re the worst!” he says, but I can see from his expression that he’s trying not to laugh. “You’re such a hussy.”
I snort. “A hussy?!”
“How could you? My brother!” But then he laughs, covering his face with his hands, which makes me crack up because this doesn’t feel anywhere near as serious as it did this morning.
“I’m sorry. It’s not as sudden and random as it seems.”
“Ugh. Is this going to make me even more angry with you? How long has it been going on?”
“It hasn’t! It’s not like that. It’s just… well, you know I always said I didn’t like him. And that he was an idiot.”
Sam nods, eyeing me suspiciously.
“That wasn’t always true.”
“No shit.” He smirks. “I knew you fancied him. What happened? What did he do?”
I huff. “When are you going to accept that I’m part of the problem? He didn’t do anything. It was all me. Remember that night I went out in Brighton alone because your girlfriend was mean?”
“Yeah?”
“Freddie found me. He took care of me. And I needed taking care of. Trust me. Then he brought me home. And when you fell out of the window…”
“You saw him in the hospital?”
“You were asleep, and he walked me home.”
“What a dick!”
“Sam…”
“He was flirting! That’s flirting.”
“It’s being nice.”
“So na?ve,” he mutters.
I faux-punch his arm.
“Ok, ok. Whatever. Fine, so he’s not always a total arsehole.”
I sober up, sitting back into the sofa beside him. “How you feeling about the thing with your dad?”
He shrugs. “I didn’t know any of that went down. He shouldn’t have shielded me from it like he did. If I’d known, I would’ve… I don’t really know. I was very angry at him back then.”
“You should go see him. Your relationship means the world to Freddie. You know, we’re not going to pursue this, Sam, if it’s going to hurt you.”
Sam blows out a breath, watching me with surprise. “What do I say to him?”
“He’s your brother. You’ll figure it out.”
There’s a beat of silence as Sam absorbs this and I can see he’s considering it. I’m desperate for them to get along.
“Are we ok?”
Sam picks up my TV remote and turns it on. “Anything new on Netflix?”
“Erm? Probably.”
“Get me some snacks and I’ll think about forgiving you.”
I nod, getting up and heading towards the kitchen. The snack cupboard in my flat is regularly replenished. “Hey, you have to admit that childish rule was a little redundant though, right? You can’t be annoyed at me for breaking that. We’re nearly thirty.”
“Bring that up again and I’m leaving.”
“The rule or nearly being thirty?”
“Nearly being thirty.”
I press my lips together. And just like that, I have my friend back. He never was one to hold a grudge, really.
My phone chimes to tell me someone is at the door downstairs, and I get that familiar rush. Is it him? But when I answer, it’s Sara. “Please let me in. It’s bloody freezing out here.”
“Er, ok…”
Once she reaches my floor, she strides in with two bottles of wine. I groan. “No. Take them away. I’m done. I’m not drinking for at least a month.”
“Me neither. That’s why I brought them. I don’t even want to look at them.” She eyes Sam. “So, you guys made up?”
“We’re still mortal enemies,” he says. “But we’re talking again.”
“Obviously.” She turns back to me. “I’m here because Adam messaged Mike to say something happened. And that’s all I know. Are you ok? Was he horrible?”
“You saw Adam?” Sam’s ears prick.
“He kept calling me. And he texted me at midnight on my birthday.”
Sara gasps. “Why didn’t you say? Is that why you tried to jump Freddie?”
“Hey! Brother’s present!” Sam yells.
“Ok, I’m done talking about this. I’m knackered. I’m somehow still horribly hungover and I just want to bum around with snacks and a film. You can join or you can go. No more inquisitions. For anyone. Agreed?”
Sara relents, joining Sam on the sofa. We snuggle up to watch a shitty film that Sam picked, I bring some blankets in to cover us and the next thing I know, my morning alarm is bleeping from the coffee table.
I sit up, alert. We’ve all fallen asleep right there.
“Get up. Work,” is all I manage to mumble as I clamber off to the shower to get ready to open the gallery.
The sun is shining bright through the big windows in my bedroom.
I hear shuffling so assume Sam and Sara are off to work too.
When I come back out to my deserted flat, I find a tea already made on the side.
I practically inhale it before heading to work.