Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Houston stared at Josie, a step away from the living room carpet where he had stripped her and made her come, and wondered what the hell he was supposed to say now.
This was why he didn’t have relationships with co-workers. It seemed like people didn’t understand that work and play were two different things, and that you didn’t bring up the one while engaged in the other.
Of course, he had pursued Josie at the hospital, breaking his own rules. And she had a valid point, which pissed him off even more.
“Josie.” Agitated, he thought about the patient waiting for him at the hospital. Thought about how Josie had looked minutes earlier, lying beneath him, calling out his name in ecstasy.
The tank top she’d pulled on covered nothing and her breasts were lifting, taunting him, the fabric caught on one plump nipple, her navel showing. The lip print panties were bulging in his pocket, reminding him that she was deliciously naked beneath those shorts.
He wanted to spread her again, to taste her pussy, open her before him and see her wet desire.
He wanted her open all night for him, every night, like a twenty-four-hour convenience store.
Damn it. He squeezed his hands into fists before reaching over and yanking her shirt down lower, his knuckles brushing her nipple.
She gasped. His cock started to swell again, but he ignored it.
Reminding himself that she was a colleague, a doctor, and that she hadn’t been put on earth for his sexual pleasure, he collected his thoughts and spoke in as controlled a voice as he could manage.
“Fine. This isn’t really the time for this discussion, but since you insist. The problem is that you have no confidence in your ability.
I’m not going to be comfortable with you conducting surgery without me until I see that you’re ready. ”
Given the grip of her knuckles on the hem of her shirt, and the narrowing of her eyes, he figured she wasn’t pleased with his answer. But he’d been honest with her, and now he wanted her to drop it.
“How do I prove I’m ready?”
He paced back and forth in front of her. Josie being ready wasn’t a tangible thing, and he wasn’t sure he could define it for her. When she just was, taking charge without hesitating. When she didn’t wait to ask him for permission, but called a patient her own and didn’t doubt herself.
“I don’t know. Stop hesitating. Stop fluttering around like a damn bird.”
Okay, so that probably wasn’t the best choice of words.
Her eyebrows shot up. “Fluttering? You think I’m fucking fluttering? I suppose you think I should be doing something more whimsical as well instead of being a doctor.” The words spat out of her mouth.
Anger coming from Josie startled him, as did swearing. He pulled back from her a little, not sure what the hell to say, his brain not functioning at top capacity. Too much blood diverted to his dick for the last hour.
Yet he managed, “You asked. I’m sorry you don’t like my answer, or the way I said it. But it’s the truth.”
“You’ve gone too far.” Her finger stabbed the air. “Forget it, Houston. I’m not quitting. I’m not going to walk away from medicine and I refuse to join the circus.”
Join the circus? As what? He was very confused. “Uh, I wasn’t implying you were laughable. If that’s what you meant.”
Josie made little huffing sounds and skittered her eyes away from his. “I want to be tall and dimple free so people will take me seriously.”
Houston pictured Josie like she’d described and decided he wouldn’t be the least bit interested in her if she was cool and controlled and never showed her teeth. He liked Josie’s spark, her smile, her energy, and her big heart.
Plus, her ass was a thing of beauty. Jesus.
But he didn’t know how to reassure her, and he didn’t know words that made women happy, and he was a workaholic. Sex he could handle. Sex was good. But the rest of this was over his head, and he had just known that being with Josie would sink him into relationship quicksand.
They had blurred the lines between work and pleasure so much. So. Damn. Much.
All he could do now was tell her the truth. “Josie, you’re not tall, and you’ve got dimples, and that’s who you are and you’re damned sexy. If you want people to take you seriously, you’ve got to be the one to do it first.”
“What do you mean?” she said, kicking at the carpet.
“I mean, get the doctor attitude. Stroll into that OR like you own the place. Confident, arrogant.”
She didn’t say anything, just worked her toes back and forth, collecting a little pile of gray carpet fuzz.
“When you doubt yourself, so does everyone else.”
The look on her face was killing him—that sad little resigned expression, green eyes wide and moist. He had to get the hell out of there, away from her and her needs and wants, away from his needs and wants, back to the hospital where it was all simple and everything made sense.
And where he didn’t have to feel anything, but just did his job with a cool detachment that made him a stellar surgeon.
“Why don’t we discuss this on Monday? We can schedule an appointment to talk in my office, and we can plan the rest of your residency. We’ll call in Dr. Sheinberg for a little strategy session.”
So he could avoid doing this here, now, when he felt strangely vulnerable and she looked so fuckable.
Josie gave a nod. “Fine.”
Houston studied her, running his eyes up and down the luscious length of her body, aware this was probably the last time he could look at her with frank appreciation. “I had an incredible time, Josie. I’m sorry things got interrupted.”
But... Josie waited for the but that never came. No let’s do this again, let’s pick up where we left off. Nothing.
He chucked her chin.
Her chin. Like a kid at an autograph signing. Like a wannabe surgeon who he was trying to dismiss.
Then he said, “Thanks.”
If he had said “Thanks for the fuck on my living room floor,” it might have actually made her feel better. But, nope. Just a tepid thanks. Praying for sophisticated words to miraculously leave her mouth, she forced a shrug.
“No problem.” The problem was there wasn’t a single sophisticated bone in her body, and while he wanted to distance himself, she suddenly wanted to adhere to him. “You’re welcome. And anytime you want a repeat, just call me,” she added, and instantly hated herself for it.
The smile fell off his face. His lips pursed together. “We can’t...” he started to say, but she cut him off by brushing past him towards the door.
She was an intelligent woman, with a medical degree, who was cute and upbeat, damn it.
She didn’t need his repeat sex. She had gone into this with her eyes wide open knowing exactly what he wanted, and she would walk away with her head held as high as possible from the height disadvantage of five-foot-one.
“The hospital’s going to wonder what happened to you.” She jammed her feet into her rubber flip-flops with hands that only shook slightly. “Don’t worry, Houston, tonight never happened.”