Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Josie was enjoying her conversation with Kori, but she’d be a lot happier if was alone with Houston. She was filled with tension, wanting to talk to him, yet he seemed at ease, relaxed. Sara was laughing, soft and throaty, at something Houston had said.
God, what had he said? The guy wasn’t known for stand-up, so what exactly was so funny? And what was the matter with her that she was totally jealous of her friend, who in no way was flirting with him? They were just having a polite conversation, clearly.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Sara bump against Houston’s knee. It looked like an accident—she was sure it was an accident—but hell if she was going to watch anyone else touch his knee while she was sitting there.
She was too far gone. She needed to get a grip on her emotions.
And since there was no way to nudge Sara out of the way and plop herself next to Houston without having Houston and his family think she was a lunatic, she stood up. “I’m getting really hot sitting here. I think I’ll just jump in the water for a minute.”
Houston’s niece stopped piling sand on her father’s feet and looked up. “I want to go in the water, too.”
Christian sighed. “We just got out, Miranda. Let Daddy have a three minute break.”
“I can take her,” Josie offered, anxious to get away, and not really sure what she’d do in the water by herself anyway. Swim laps back and forth and be irrationally jealous for no reason? “If she’ll go with me, that is.”
Miranda didn’t strike Josie as a shy child, and her response confirmed it. She stood up, kicking sand over both her parents and her sister and grabbed Josie by the hand.
“I’m ready. I can swim really good. I’m in the Trout group at swimming. If you sink I’ll save you.”
The adults all laughed. Christian grinned. “She gets her modesty from Houston.”
Houston watched Josie and Miranda jump a wave, holding hands, laughing, and he was sorry he had come to the beach in the first place. Sorry that he hadn’t been able to leave Josie alone, had pulled her back into his life after he had shoved her out.
Larry was bouncing Kori’s other daughter, Abby, on his hip, announcing that he was taking her for her own little dip in the water. Abby looked perfectly at ease with Larry, and Kori didn’t blink at Larry’s announcement. Like she was used to Larry being around.
Houston sighed, pulling forward to unstick his back from the nylon beach chair. Kori was probing Sara for free medical advice, asking for the early signs of meningitis.
His mother was still sitting next to him and they sat in silence for a minute, watching Josie run back and forth in the surf, chasing Miranda.
It was painful to watch.
Josie was adorable. She was intelligent and kind, pretty and outgoing.
She was six years younger than him, and shared none of the cynicism he had acquired in the last few years.
He was jaded.
She was still enthusiastic and optimistic.
There were a million and one reasons why he shouldn’t get further involved with her. Starting with the fact that they worked together and ending with the sad truth that he had nothing to offer her.
He shifted in his chair again and pushed up his sunglasses with his left hand. That was the biggest reason of all to stay away from Josie. He was in for a rough road ahead with his injured hand.
Two more weeks in the splint, then months of physical therapy. And still no guarantee that he would even be able to bend his thumb and finger ever again. His career would be gone.
Anger started to churn inside him. Hell, not only would his career be gone, but everything would be a nightmare. Without sensation or movement, he would have to do everything left-handed, including eating and writing.
He couldn’t think about it. His hand had to heal. There just wasn’t any other option.
Without his career, there was nothing left.
Surfing, his only other solace, was beyond his abilities right now as well.
All he was capable of was sitting here and watching the water. Watching Josie.
Miranda splashed Josie, who shrieked and covered her face.
Josie was still wearing her bulky T-shirt but the water had drenched it until it clung to her, outlining a bikini top hugging those lush breasts. He knew her breasts, had tasted them, touched them, and he wanted her the way he always did. Fierce and demanding and unrelenting.
His mother waved her hand in front of her face. “Whew, it’s hot.”
He grunted. He didn’t want to talk to his mother. He just wanted to be left alone to brood and feel sorry for himself.
She patted his arm. “Why are you frowning? It ruins your pretty face.”
He raised his eyebrow. Only his mother would think pretty was a compliment to a man. “I want to be in the water and I’m stuck on the beach.”
That was the truth. Part of it, anyway. No need to mention the rest. That he was warring with himself and his desire for Josie.
“Ah. I see. The cute little Josie plays in the water without you. You’d rather play with her than sit with your mother.”
Now how had his mom figured that out?
“I meant surfing.”
His mother, who looked incredible for her sixty-two years, adjusted the strap on her black bathing suit and gave him a look. The don’t-give-me-that-load-of-you-know-what look. “Don’t lie to your mother, Houston, it’s a sin.”
It wouldn’t be a wise idea to delve into all the ways he might have sinned with Josie.
He turned and studied his mother. “So what’s the story with you and Larry?”
The question got quite a reaction. She bit her lip, adjusted her hat, took a deep breath, then put her hand on his arm again. That hand scared him.
“Honey, I’m going to marry Larry.”
“What?” He sat up straighter and gaped at her. “But you said you’d never get married again after my father.”
That hand stroked softly and he felt something way beyond alarm. This was not what he wanted to hear, not when everything in his life was changing, morphing, shaking him up and twisting his realities around.
“I thought that I wouldn’t, but that was a long time ago. I’ve forgiven your father, moved on.”
“You shouldn’t forgive him. He doesn’t deserve it. He treated you like shit, every single day you were married, and he can never make that up to you,” he said in a harsh whisper, conscious of Josie’s friend three feet away from him.
But his mother just shook her head under her big-ass floppy hat that made him feel like he was talking to a 1950s film star. Or an Italian Joan Collins. He’d never seen her wear anything like that before and it bothered him that everything was changing.
“What your father did to me was wrong and I was glad when he finally left. But I decided years ago it’s not worth carrying anger around with me over it.
I feel sorry for Hal. He’s bitter, alone, full of hate, and I’m happy, with the greatest children and grandchildren a woman could ask for.
My life is full of love, and Larry has added to that. ”
She pinned him with a stare, her dark eyes just a touch vulnerable. “I want you to be happy for me.”
That hit him in the gut. “Of course I’m happy for you. Mom, if this is what you want.” Even if it was a guy named Larry.
“I want you to let go of all that anger, too, Houston. Until you do, your father still controls your life.” She leaned closer to him and cupped his cheek.
He remembered being so short he only came up to her waist, how she would hug him to her hard, tell him how much she loved him. How she’d apologize for his father’s behavior, let him know that she loved him too much to ever let him walk in his father’s footsteps. That he was better.
And here, on the beach, with her familiar rose scent wrapping around him, he still saw the worry in her eyes. It made shame cling to him like the sticky beach chair.
“You grew up too soon, Houston. You became a man way before other boys did, because you had to. You took care of me and your sister, and I’m grateful to you for that. You’re the best son a mother could ask for, and I love you.”
Houston felt his throat close up and he swallowed hard. He’d tried to take care of his mom and Kori, had hoped he’d done all right, but he hadn’t been much more than a determined kid when his father had left.
“But you don’t need to take care of us anymore. Kori and I are fine. It’s time for you to take care of yourself.” Her head swung towards the surf and she smiled. “And maybe take care of someone else.”
“What do you mean?” He forced the words past his lips, which felt frozen despite the pounding sun.
“She’s in love with you, you know.”
“Bullshit.” The word flew off his tongue, the pain in his chest more pronounced as he looked out again at Josie, who had Miranda on her shoulders in the water.
He wasn’t deserving of love from Josie. He hadn’t done anything to earn it, and she was sweet and kind and he was just going through the motions in life.
“So many swear words from you lately, it’s ugly,” his mother reprimanded. “And don’t bother arguing, you know it’s true. And I know if you think about it, you’ll recognize you feel the same way.”
Did he? No. He liked Josie, he cared about her. He wanted to have sex with her for seventeen consecutive days, but he did not love her.
He didn’t think. Hell, maybe he did. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t stop thinking about her. He didn’t know a damn thing about loving a woman.
“She’d be good for you. Help you relax. You were always so serious, and that’s my mother’s guilt. It’s my fault.”
“It’s not your fault, don’t say that! And there’s nothing wrong with the way I am.” Nothing wrong with being a lonely workaholic.
Houston wiped sweat off his upper lip, cursing again that he couldn’t go in the water to cool off, and shook his head. “Just because you’re suddenly in love with Larry doesn’t mean the whole world needs to be paired off. There’s nothing serious between Josie and I.”
And if he said it out loud, maybe he’d believe it.