Chapter 30
THIRTY
brIGHTON
The Father
Two days later, Vic greeted a smiling Joti at Brighton train station, both wearing flowing summer dresses and flip-flops.
‘Look at you, all summery and gorgeous.’ Vic kissed her friend on the cheek.
‘I’m making the most of the sunshine and being by the sea.’ Joti grinned as, on cue, a seagull squawked overhead. ‘It’s so good to see you, Vicki.’
Vic smiled to herself: it was too late for correction. To Joti Adams-Johnson-now-Turner, she would always be Vicki, and that was just fine.
They were soon sitting in a café overlooking the shingle beach, with long glasses of orange juice and lemonade in front of them. It being Sunday, the beach and pier were rammed with day trippers and locals alike, making for a buzzy, fun atmosphere.
‘Your text sounded very ominous.’ Vic took a sip of her fruity drink and, hoping that she’d got the right end of the stick, asked tentatively, ‘I’m guessing you’ve spoken to Jake? ’
Joti took a big glug of her drink. ‘I don’t know how to thank you enough, but what a shocker!’
‘I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to you. I just didn’t feel it was my place to. I really hope you understand that.’ Vic looked awkward for a second. ‘You could do a whole lot worse than Jake Turner, though. Tell me what happened. He must have been so overwhelmed. Actually, the pair of you must have been.’
‘Totally. He had to want to come to me and, well, without you telling him about my letter, I would never have found him. I mean, Jake, in Windsor, of no real fixed abode. It would have been like trying to find a needle in a houseboat.’ They both laughed. ‘Honestly, a scene from EastEnders couldn’t have been more dramatic.’ Joti was wide-eyed.
Vic shook her head, agog. ‘I can’t even imagine.’
‘He showed me a photo of them together. They looked so happy and in love.’
‘So terribly sad, that you lost her so young,’ Vic said softly.
‘Yes.’ Joti sighed. ‘I’m not sure if it’s worse that I didn’t know her, and I have nothing at all to miss about her, or the fact that I never got to know her and now she will never get to share my life with me. It was so nice for Jake to be able to relay everything about her personality when she was a young woman.’
‘Isn’t he just the coolest and sweetest person?’
Vic nodded. ‘He really is.’
‘Not unlike you,’ Joti added.
Vic blushed. ‘Oh stop it.’
‘I mean it. You are such a solid woman, and I’m so glad that I’ve met you.’ Joti put her hand on her new friend’s. ‘I feel such an affinity with you in such a short space of time.’
‘Despite Chandler pooing on your lawn and me being a moody bitch when we first met?’ Vic gave an awkward giggle.
‘You were struggling with your mum. I get it.’
And that was before I found out I had HIV , Vic thought, but she couldn’t tell Joti – not yet – even though Joti was a nurse and probably wouldn’t blink an eye. But defintely not until she had told her mum and brother – and she wasn’t sure when that would be.
‘What I can’t quite get my head around is how you know Jake, though,’ Joti said.
‘Basically, Mum and Dad were unhappy, and one day, Mum tells me, she was walking along the river, he was on the deck of his boat and they started chatting. She tells me he was a great confidant and friend. I have fond memories of me and Albie playing on his boat whilst Mum and he would talk and laugh together. We would also sometimes go for walks with him on the Brocas – that’s the large meadow on the Eton side of the river – with whichever dogs were around at the time.’
‘Sounds idyllic. I have had two fathers all my life – how mad is that.’ Joti drained her glass.
‘Beats having half a one, like me and Albie did growing up.’
‘Aww. Saying that, Mister Adams – my, umm, other dad – was always so busy with his work, he was an absent party a lot of the time, too.’
‘Ah, OK. Did you get on with your stepmother?’
‘Yes. I knew no different. She was always very lovely to me. Never had children of her own so I never felt like I wasn’t number one.’
‘That’s good, then. And dare I ask how Albie is?’ Vic gave a wry smile. ‘Or should I say, you and Albie?’
‘He’s all right.’ Joti couldn’t keep the grin off her face.
‘I’m not saying anything else about my dear brother, except that in there somewhere is a heart of gold.’ Vic swirled the ice around in her glass.
‘I’m not proud of the fact he was living with someone when, well… it happened… And I wouldn’t have carried on if he had stayed with her. It’s just the feeling was strong and…’
Vic closed her eyes as her thoughts sprang to Jerico. ‘You don’t have to explain. And I would love it to all work out for you both. But I might have to remind you that it wasn’t long ago that you were saying – and I quote: “If I never have a man again, it will be too soon.”’
Joti laughed. ‘At the moment, it’s amazing. Albie is amazing. And after finding out about what happened with my mum and Jake, well, I intend to live in the moment.’
‘Yes, your parents’ sad love story is worthy of a film,’ Vic said wistfully.
‘It really is.’ Joti took off her sunglasses and turned her face up to the strong lunchtime rays. ‘Jake said something odd as I was leaving, though.’
‘Go on.’
‘He said that he had always dreamt of having a family, and it was like a miracle that they were now living right next to each other.’
Vic frowned. ‘Did you tell him you were seeing Albie, by any chance?’
‘No. We didn’t get down to any detail, really.’
Vic sat upright in her seat. ‘Fuck!’
‘What is it?’ Joti looked alarmed at Vic’s reaction.
Barry Sharpe’s insinuations of Albie not being his suddenly echoed around Vic’s mind as if they were yesterday.
‘I take it you have slept with my brother?’
‘Err… umm… what sort of question is that… Why?’
‘Fuck!’ Vic reached for her phone and, realising it was out of battery, leapt up. ‘I have to call Mum.’
Joti screwed her face up. ‘You’re being odd. What is it?’
‘Wait there – I won’t be long.’
Victoria started running towards the main road. Then, as if she was in some kind of weird dream sequence, to the sound of an incessant bike bell, a scream, then a thud, she hit the pavement with force and went out like a light .
She woke up in a hospital bed to five pairs of worry-filled eyes staring down at her. Thinking she was in the midst of some terrible nightmare, or even that she may be dead, she shut her eyes again. Why on earth would her mum, brother, Joti, Orla and Mandy all be here with her? And why was she here in the first place?
‘You had an accident,’ Joti said calmly. ‘A cyclist knocked you down, but you’re OK.’
‘Oh, my darling’ – Kath Sharpe squeezed her daughter’s hand – ‘Albie scared the life out of me when he told me you were in hospital.’
‘I’m not dying, am I? I don’t feel like I’m dying. Saying that, what does that even feel like? Did I bleed a lot?’ Vic suddenly panicked. ‘And if I’m not dying, why are you all here?’
‘No. You bled hardly at all,’ Joti added gently. ‘You were knocked right out, luckily, with just a bump on your head and a few bruises, but nothing broken. They’re keeping you in tonight in case of concussion.’
‘And we are all here,’ Albie interjected, ‘because I didn’t give Joti a chance to explain what had happened. You know what I’m like: the minute she said you were in hospital, I immediately hung up, called everyone, bundled Mum in my van and got on the motorway.’
Vic put her hand to where a manageable pain in her head was coming from. It was tightly bandaged. ‘The painkillers must be strong,’ she said woozily.
‘We were worried that it was something else.’ Orla grimaced as she said it. Mandy poked her in the ribs. ‘You know – just something else connected to something else.’
‘The HIV, you mean,’ Albie said boldly.
Victoria took a sharp intake of breath at her brother’s unexpected revelation.
‘HIV?’ Joti questioned. ‘Oh, Vic, bless you.’
‘Yes, that awful virus thing she’s got,’ Kath Sharpe repeated, causing Victoria’s face to screw up in futher confusion and shock at how her family knew. Tears started to run slowly down her mother’s face. ‘I’m so worried about you dying, darling, about this awful thing inside of you. When Albie told me, I didn’t know what to do. He clearly knew you didn’t want anyone to know, so we’ve been looking out for you, darling. I even researched it at the library and got a leaflet for a drop-in centre in Slough and popped it on my doormat for you to find.’
Vic couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She eased herself to sitting with tears in her eyes. ‘Oh, Mum, you did all that for me?’
‘I promise you, my darling, I am here for you every step of the way.’
‘I’m not going to die, Mum. Not if I can help it. I am being regularly monitored in a top London hospital and as soon as I need to, I will start on drugs that will keep me alive. I promise.’
Joti spoke up. ‘Vic’s right. The treatments are getting better every day. There is so much research around HIV and it’s not the death sentence it once was – or just a “gay virus”.’ She bracketed the words. ‘We all need to spread the awareness and not be frightened of it, like so many people seem to be.’
‘I want to know everything,’ Albie added. ‘So we can support you. OK?’
Everybody nodded. Orla added, ‘We all feel that way. The more we understand, the more we can be there for you.’
Vic looked at her brother. ‘How did you find out?’
‘I listened to every word you said to that copper that night I was in trouble. It broke my heart so bad but I valued your privacy. I love you, sis. And, well, it was a gamble telling the old dear.’ He looked at Kath. ‘But it paid off. Mum, we’re so proud of you for keeping sober for this long.’ Tears began to fall down his cheeks, too.
Vic shook her head. ‘Jesus Christ, will you all stop being so maudlin? I’ve had a bump on the head, which people may say I needed anyway, to knock some sense into me.’ Orla was the only one to laugh. ‘But I feel so loved and blessed that you’ve all come to me like this.’
‘Why wouldn’t we?’ Mandy asked. ‘We love you so much.’
‘Did you let Danny know?’ Vic looked at Joti.
‘Yes, I got the number of the gallery from Directory Enquiries and phoned him whilst you were out.’ Joti looked at her phone to see how much battery she had left. ‘He sends his love and said to give him a progress report when you’re ready.’
‘He sounds lovely, Vic. Is there a chance of romance?’ Kath’s face brightened.
‘No, Mum. We are just good friends.’ Vic put her hand to her elbow that was now feeling sore. ‘Is the cyclist who hit me OK?’
‘Yes, she’s fine. She was mortified, but I ensured her it wasn’t her fault, and she gave me her number to call her later, too,’ Joti added. ‘What I want to know is, why did you shoot off so fast?’
‘I’m not sure,’ Vic lied, as the memory of Joti’s words about Jake flashed through her mind. She let out a little groan. ‘Thanks so much for coming, all of you, but do you mind if I have five minutes with Mum before you all head off? I’m suddenly feeling really quite tired.’
Orla stood up. ‘Actually, I think me and Mand will head off now. It’s Sunday and the roads out of here will get busy later. I’ve got an early start tomorrow.’
‘Yes, and I need to wee all the time, now I’m due to drop. And I can’t be doing it on the hard shoulder in my condition,’ Mandy added.
‘No, you fecking can’t.’ Orla kept her face straight. ‘Not on my watch, anyway.’
‘Too much information,’ Albie laughed, assisting the heavily pregnant woman up from her chair .
‘And too many visitors.’ A jovial nurse popped her head around the curtain.
‘They are going. Sorry,’ Vic piped up, sticking her tongue out childishly as the nurse walked away.
‘Thanks so much for coming, and I’ll call you when I’m back at the flat. OK?’ Vic blew her girls a kiss.
Joti smiled. ‘I can see it from both sides now – about visitors, I mean.’
‘I’ll wait with Joti in the café whilst you talk to Mum.’ Albie stood up, taking Joti’s hand and squeezing it. ‘I can give you a lift home too, babe, if that works.’
She squeezed it back, lovingly. ‘Do you want anything, Vic?’
‘No. I’m all right, thanks.’
Vic looked at her mum, who was clearly a different woman from the woman of six months ago. Her skin was brighter, her hair dried beautifully in its neat new style. She had dropped at least a stone. But more importantly than all these new positives, she was back to her old self.
‘What is it, love?’ Kath Sharpe took her daughter’s hand.
‘Firstly, I am so proud of you, Mum, and I can’t believe you got sober for me.’ Vic’s voice cracked.
‘I did it for all of us – myself included.’ Kath sniffed loudly. ‘I wasn’t happy. For years and years. And now I have a purpose. Which is not only you, might I add – or Albie.’
‘Jake, too,’ Vic replied knowingly.
Kath suddenly looked at peace. ‘Yes, Jake, too.’
‘Mum.’ Kath nodded at her daughter. ‘I need to ask you something serious.’
‘Go on, love.’
‘Is Albie Jake’s son?’
Kath let out a little laugh, and then looked to the ceiling for a second. She took a deep breath and faced her daughter. ‘No. Your father always thought that – and, as you know, cruelly let it be known to the world. Well, our little world, anyway. Thankfully, our Albie was too young to understand. But he’s a chip off the old block all right, your brother.’ Kath paused. ‘In fact, you’re so much more like Jake in temperament and, well, if you look closely, his eyes and nose are pretty similar to yours too.’
‘No!’ Victoria’s eyes widened. ‘No way! Why didn’t either of you tell me?’
‘When you were young, I wanted your dad to keep providing for us, and when he left when Albie was a baby, again, I didn’t want to tell you, and for you to blurt it out to your dad – or anyone else, for that matter. As much as I felt I had got one up on your philandering father, I wasn’t proud of myself and didn’t want you to suffer for that, either.’
‘But you could have told me when I became an adult, at eighteen?’ Vic shook her head in disbelief. Why hadn’t she seen the resemblance? Thinking on it, it all began to make sense. How much Jake had looked out for them all. How he had never moved from his Windsor mooring. How much he had cared for her recently in her hour of need. He was clearly a good man. And how sad, Vic thought, that her mum had kept this huge secret all to herself.
Kath sniffed. ‘I felt it had gone on too long and I was scared you’d be angry with me and maybe not want me in your life. I’m so sorry.’
‘Oh, Mum, that would never happen. It’s OK, really. I get it.’ Vic squeezed her mum’s hand lovingly. ‘But what I don’t understand is why you never got together with Jake?’
‘He was still in love with Malini. I wasn’t ever going to be his second best; I’d had enough of that with your father. We’ve stayed the best of friends. And well, now I am sober, I intend to spend a lot more time with him, and him me. So why are you asking now if Albie is Jake’s son? Is it something to do with your diagnosis?’
‘No, Mum,’ Vic replied patiently. ‘Has Jake told you anything recently about Malini? ’
Kath’s face dropped. ‘No. I’ve been busy, but what about her? She’s not bloody well turned up, has she, Vic?’
‘No, quite the opposite. Jake found out that she died many years ago and, well… the reason it was important to know about Albie… is that Joti is his daughter, too – and she is sleeping with your son.’
‘Heavens alive!’ Kath’s mouth fell open. ‘And lodger, my arse!’ She started to laugh.
‘Yeah. Joti told me something that Jake had said which made me think Albie might be his son, and as my bloody battery had gone on my phone, I was racing across the road to get back to the gallery to call you… and then my lights went out.’
‘Oh, love, but thank God he’s not. And Vic, that means you have a half-sister, too, in Joti!’
Vic swallowed. ‘This is just too much!’ She shook her head and sighed loudly. ‘I may need another whack on the head to get my head around the fact that my father is not who I thought he was, and I now also have another sibling. I’ve always wanted a sister. How crazy is that?’
‘And you promise me that you’re not angry, Vic? For not telling you, I mean.’
Vic’s face softened. ‘No, Mum. More shocked than angry, but we all do what we must do when the time is right, I guess. I haven’t missed out on Jake, really. He’s been more of a father to me…’ She hesitated. ‘… than Dad ever was.’
‘Yes, he has.’ Kath sniffed.
‘How long has he known I’m his?’ Vic reached for the water cup on the cabinet next to her and took a small sip.
‘From the minute I did.’
‘I can’t believe you stayed with Dad, then.’
‘Like I said, I wanted stability and Jake was still so full of loss and yearning.’
‘But Jake is rich – surely he would have helped you financially too?’
‘I directly refused, darling. I’d made my bed. I chose to stay with your father.’
Vic nodded. ‘Did you tell Jake about my HIV?’
Kath wriggled in her seat. ‘I was scared, darling.’
‘It’s fine. I think we know he can keep a big secret already, don’t we, Mum?’
Kath put her hand on top of her daughter’s. ‘I love you and Albie with all my heart. You know that, don’t you? I always have and I always will.’ Tears pricked her eyes.
‘Mum, it’s OK.’
‘It’s not, though, really, is it? I’ve been a terrible mother a lot of the time. And for that, I am truly sorry.’
Vic felt suddenly awash with contentment and love. ‘What’s important is that you are here now.’ She smiled. ‘All present and correct…’
Kath’s bottom lip wobbled. ‘Does Albie know?’ Vic said quietly.
‘Now I know he’s with Joti, I need to speak with Jake and do this in the right order.’
Vic began to well up. ‘Oh, Mum, it’s so good to have you back.’
Kath kissed her daughter on the forehead.
Albie poked his head around the curtain. ‘You ready, Mum? We’d better get going. Is that OK, sis?’
‘Get in here, you.’ Kath reached for the magazine that Joti had left on Vic’s side cupboard, rolled it up and jumped up to hit Albie on the bottom with it. ‘You little sod, you could have just told me about your antics, you know.’
Albie grinned the grin that had allowed him to get away with everything and anything whilst he was growing up and beyond. ‘And what fun would there have been in that, Mother?’