Chapter 21
I can’t talk. Can’t think. Can’t breathe.
All I can do is stare at the black outline of a to-go cup tattooed on his skin. One that looks nearly identical to the one from our first date.
After a few seconds of trailing my finger along it, I force myself to look away from his ribs, finding his heated gaze fixed on me.
There’s only one word my lips can form. “When?”
His throat bobs as he swallows hard. I don’t think he planned on me seeing this today. Heck, I wouldn’t have seen it if my car had started. I suppose I should be thanking Linda for hating the cold.
“Around two and a half years ago.”
I can’t believe he chose this symbol to be forever inked on his skin. “Is this your only tattoo?” He nods. My brain is running a million miles a minute as it tries to process everything, but only one word comes out. “Why?” Apparently, I can only speak in single syllables now.
“Why, what?” Griffin reaches up, wrapping his fingers around mine.
I suck in a shaky breath. Words. I can form words. Clearing my throat, I slowly get them out. “Why did you choose a to-go cup of hot chocolate?”
“I thought it was obvious.” He pulls my hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to the inside of my wrist. Then my palm. “Because of you.” His blue eyes are crystal clear as they look into mine. Sincerity is all I find there. No humor. No teasing. No games.
“But, why?” There’s something he’s not saying. An explanation behind why he’d get a tattoo related to me after one date.
He’s quiet for so long that I’m convinced he’s not going to answer. I’m forever going to live in the land of unknowing, wondering why he got a tattoo…for me.
“I thought I’d lost you forever.” Griffin drops his hand from mine, running his fingers over the tattoo absentmindedly. “I got it as a reminder that sparks and all the things I thought were only in the movies truly do exist.” His gaze settles on mine, searching.
And I feel everything. Everything for him that I had shoved down and tried to forget after I never heard from him again.
The fire I used to feel inside for him stoked back to life from the embers that remained, holding onto hope that he was exactly who I thought after we first met.
A man worth holding onto. A man worth the risk, worth burning for.
I see many of the same emotions mirrored in his eyes before they glint with boldness as he says, “To never settle for less than what I feel for you.”
I wrap my arms around my middle, trying to hold in all the feelings bubbling up inside me. “You think our date was better than the movies?”
“I think everything about you is better than any fictional character in all of existence.” He brushes his knuckles along my cheekbone. “No one could ever write the perfection that is Veronica Mallory Porter.” Griffin tips my chin up, forcing me to look into his eyes. “There’s only you.”
I lean forward, running my fingers along his scruff.
“As scary as it is for me to admit, there’s only you, too.
” If I don’t pull back right now, something is going to happen between us—something I’m not sure I’m ready for yet.
The tattoo was enough revelation for one day.
Trying to cut the tension between us, I smirk.
“Which is good because I don’t think the world could handle two Griffin Bartholomew Razzle-Dazzle Reynolds. ”
He pulls back, laughing. “I should go shower. We can order dinner when I’m done, but feel free to raid my fridge or pantry if you need anything.
I’ll be quick.” He starts walking away, but stops when he reaches a hallway.
He turns back to face me. “I want to continue this conversation later, though.”
With that, he leaves to shower, and I plop down on the couch. I’m scrolling through the comments on the most recent photo I posted with Griffin and am immediately reminded why I never had social media.
Most of the comments are nice, but then there are the ones that I know are delusional or petty, but they hurt nonetheless.
@xogriffinsgirlxo: Can someone tell me what he sees in her? I mean, look at her hair. Does she own a mirror?
@futuremrsgriffinreynolds01: At least I know I have a chance with Griffin since he obviously doesn’t mind dating 6s when he’s a 10 *face with hand over mouth emoji*
@griffieforlifeee: Me waiting for the day he dumps her so I can shoot my shot: *stopwatch emoji*
“That was a terrible idea.” I exit the app with no plans to open it again for the foreseeable future. The best thing for my sanity moving forward is to post and ghost. No more reading comments from people who know nothing about me.
The only opinions I care about are from the people I love, and my girls are on the Team Griffin train.
Speaking of my friends, if I don’t tell them that I’m likely not coming home tonight, they’re going to worry. Or send a search party out for me. Probably both. I pull up the “Long Live Girlies” group text thread and start the conversation.
ME
Y’all can’t freak out, okay?
SHAYNA
Whenever someone says that, I immediately start freaking out *grinning face with sweat emoji*
ALYSSA
Same.
KELSEY
What happened?
Or should I say, what did Griffin do?
ALYSSA
*eyes emoji*
ME
Well, unless he caused the snowstorm that trapped me at his house for the night, I’m not sure I can blame him this time…
SHAYNA
Is that your way of telling us you’re having ANOTHER sleepover with him?!?!
ME
Maybe *woman shrugging emoji*
Did I mention he also has a secret tattoo of a to-go cup of hot chocolate?
Like the one from our first date.
ALYSSA
SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!
SHAYNA
I’M NOT SCREAMING, YOU ARE!!!
KELSEY
FOR THE LOVE OF BISCUITS (you’re welcome for not swearing for you, Shay).
SHAYNA
Thank you *sparkling heart emoji*
But seriously, that’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard *melting face emoji*
ALYSSA
He’s SO in love with you.
SHAYNA
A certified down bad man!
I hear the shower water turn off, and the last thing I want is for Griffin to accidentally see any of this conversation, so I shoot off another quick text.
ME
Okay, I gotta go. Wish me luck.
ALYSSA
Your lips should fall onto his tonight. Just saying!
KELSEY
Have fun!
SHAYNA
Imagine me as Sebastian screaming KISS THE GIRL at him. Love you!
ME
I asked for luck, not a kiss…
KELSEY
Yeah, because we want you to get lucky tonight!
ALYSSA
AYYYY!
SHAYNA
Whoop! There it is.
While I’m in the messages app, I click on my thread with Griffin. Before I can second-guess myself, I change his contact name from ‘Mr. Too Late’ to ‘Griff.’ If we’re going to move forward together, I may as well start here.
“How’s it going?” I jump as Griffin walks into the room wearing a Knoxville Fireflies sweatshirt. I can forgive his choice of baseball team because of how deliciously good he looks in his light-gray joggers.
Everyone always talks about the attractiveness level of baseball pants, but I think joggers are severely underrated—especially when Griffin is wearing them.
I lock my phone screen and toss it on the couch like it will burn me if I hold it too long. “Great.”
He smiles before settling on the couch beside me. The fresh scent of soap and eucalyptus wafts my way and has me thinking about my friends’ texts. My gaze drops to his lips. When I meet his eyes again, I find mirth mixed with desire.
“If you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to kiss you.”
My heart pounds in my chest at the thought.
I bite my bottom lip to keep from gasping or telling him to go right ahead.
That doesn’t seem like the smartest idea right now.
Because if I give him the go-ahead, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to stop kissing him.
And I feel like there are conversations we need to have about what’s next before that happens.
“I’m not sure I’m ready for that.” The words come out raspy and breathless like I’m laying my cards on the table for him to see.
“I’m here whenever you are.” He presses his lips to the crown of my head.
I hum at his touch. “You weren’t exaggerating before, were you? When you said that you always looked for me.”
Griffin shakes his head. “I told you a long time ago that I don’t promise things I can’t deliver on.
We were talking about endless amounts of snickerdoodle hot chocolate then.
” He holds up a finger and jogs into his kitchen.
When he returns, he has a canister in his hands that, upon closer inspection, is a snickerdoodle hot chocolate mix.
“I’ve bought this from that little café every year, hoping that I would be able to find you and fulfill that promise I made to you.
” He sets it on the coffee table and turns his body sideways on the couch, taking my hands in his. “I never gave up hope.”
Griffin lets go of one of my hands, reaching up and swiping his thumb under my eye. It’s only then that I realize I’m crying. I’m not sure when I started, but it’s like his words released a dam of pent-up emotions and feelings.
“I hate seeing you cry.” He wipes away another tear. “Is it something I said?”
I shake my head. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I was hurt by you back then, and I’ve held this resentment toward you inside for so long.” I release a shaky sigh. “It feels good to let it go.”
Griffin sits with me in the silence, rubbing small circles on my back. Giving me space to process things on my own. Not forcing me to say where this leaves us or what this means for our relationship. It makes me appreciate him all the more.
“I’m still figuring out what this is and what a possible future could look like between us,” I say. “But please know that I am thinking about it.”
He smiles. “That’s all I could ask for. Like I said, take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
Without giving myself a chance to second-guess my actions, I lean forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
Griffin’s whole body tenses as if one small move will ruin the moment or make me run away.
His scruff tickles my lips, sending a tingling awareness throughout my body.
I need to figure out my feelings soon, otherwise my body is going to choose for me.
I pull back and clear my throat. “So, did you have any shirtless scenes in any of your movies?”
Griffin laughs. “Yes. What made you think to ask that?”
“The tattoo.”
“Ah, they have people on set to cover them up. Sometimes it requires digital manipulation or actual prosthetics, but because mine is small, I only had to work with a makeup artist on set to cover it up any day we shot a shirtless scene.”
I nod slowly. “You learn something new every day.”
He smiles. “Do you want dinner? We can order in or see what I have in my fridge.”
I look out the window at the heavily falling snow. It’s coating the roads enough that I can’t see any evidence of the pavement. “I would feel bad ordering in, so we could just whip something up?”
“Sure.” Griffin grabs the canister of hot chocolate mix and moves into the kitchen.
After a few minutes of hearing cabinet doors open and close, he sighs.
“I was supposed to go to the grocery store today before Karina set up that call with us, and I forgot. I’m down to bare essentials here.
But I do have hot chocolate and popcorn. ”
“Movie food it is,” I call back. “Can I help?”
“I’ve got this. Just give me a few minutes.”
When Griffin returns to the living room, he sets a bowl of buttered popcorn on the table and heads back to the kitchen, returning with two mugs.
I gladly take one of the cups from his hands, bringing it under my nose and inhaling the scent of warm chocolate mixed with cinnamon. My heart flutters in my chest.
Griffin winces. “I forgot you haven’t had it after our whole…situation. I can get you some water if you prefer.”
“No.” I pull the mug closer to my chest. “It smells great. I want it.” If this isn’t my whole healing process coming full circle, I don’t know what is.
Griffin looks at me for a long moment, his eyes turning glossy as his lips slowly tilt up at the corners.
The way he’s staring at me makes me feel emotionally naked, like he can see everything I’m feeling inside just because I told him I’d drink the hot chocolate.
Although I suppose we both know that my willingness to drink it again means a lot more than that.
Sticking true to his promise to give me more time to think things over, Griffin sits beside me and pops a handful of popcorn into his mouth. “What do you want to watch?”
“Only the greatest winter movie of all time.” I grab the navy blanket from the back of his couch with my free hand, pulling it onto my lap.
“We’ll say it together?”
I nod. “Three. Two. One.”
“Home Alone,” we say in unison, and both smile.
“I’m really glad you said that because I don’t know if I could date someone who doesn’t think that’s the best winter movie.” I grab the remote from his coffee table, turning on the television.
Griffin scoots closer to share the blanket, causing my body to lean into his. “So, you admit we’re for real dating now?”
I pull the blanket up to my chin, trying to hide my blushing face. “If that’s what you want.”
He wraps his arm around my shoulder, tucking me into his side. “It’s all I’ve wanted.”