Chapter 16 The Blame Game
Josh
We stand in the hallway outside Elias’s office. It’s awkward. Neither of us quite knows how to break the silence.
“So, um. That was something.”
Bane nods. Doubtful he even really hears me, considering I clear my throat and search for something to say and he nods again, still lost in thought.
After spending so long disliking and distrusting each other for various reasons that were never even real, what happens now? No clue.
Whatever we talk about and decide on, all I know is that standing around outside of Elias’s office isn’t the place to discuss anything.
“Do you live here?” I ask.
“What?” The youngest Blackwood looks very lost and confused, but I doubt my question trips him up.
“Is there somewhere we can talk? Do you have a bedroom?” Oh my god. I sound like an idiot. “Of course you have a bedroom if you live here. Could we go there? Or anywhere other than here, really. To talk?”
Bane stares at me for several seconds like what I asked really was incomprehensible. “Uh, follow me.”
He leads me back the way we came from, toward the front door. Now we stand in the entryway, which is marginally better than standing right outside Elias’s office. But still not a private place to sort things out.
I state the obvious. “This doesn’t look like a bedroom.”
“Do you need a ride home?” he asks me while staring down at his shoes.
“What, that’s all?”
“You could always run back home.”
“Isn’t there anything you need to say?” I step closer, forcing him to look at me. He needs to hear me. “Bane, I never rejected you.”
Something on his face changes, but he’s turning his back and moving to open the door for me before I can register what he’s feeling. “I know.”
After today, I thought there were a thousand new things we needed to talk about. Yet maybe it all depends on one question: has anything changed?
“Does this change anything for you?” I force out the words. “Or are you still… You still don’t want me?”
How is this happening? Is my mate rejecting me again?
Ever since I learned he was my mate, I’ve been discovering him and falling for him little by little. Nothing has changed for me. Knowing where his distance and coldness comes from has only made it easier to give into my affections.
But what if it’s too late? Has my mate moved on?
Before the despair can truly consume me, Bane’s moving.
“Hey, no. Don’t think that. Josh…” He gently reaches out, touching my cheek.
He looks at me so softly, but I don’t like the guilt all over his face.
“Can’t believe you’re asking me that question.
How can you want me? For years, I despised you.
Hated you. I thought you were the worst person in the world and made that perfectly clear whenever our paths crossed. ”
It seems like he couldn’t help himself when he reached out for me, but then he scowls at himself and pulls away like I burned him—or maybe like he burned me.
“Turns out you aren’t terrible,” he continues bitterly. “I am.”
“What?”
“You did nothing wrong. I’ve been the asshole all this time.” He laughs, though it sounds wrong. “Not very shocking, is it? Not to you. I’ve always been the asshole to you.”
“You were tricked,” I remind, reaching out for him. “Bane, I get it. I really do.” If the roles were reversed, I’d have hated him too. I doubt I would have gotten over it.
“That’s not even the worst part,” he argues before I can keep trying to comfort him. “Then we started sleeping together, and I was still a jackass.”
“You were suspicious. You thought I was trying to seduce you.”
“But you weren’t.” He stops pacing, eyes wide as he sorts through everything from a new perspective.
“You were being sweet because you actually liked me, even after I was a dick. And you invited me to spend time with your pack, and I said no.” Bane’s shoulders slump, all his usual bravado and confidence crumbling.
“God, you got me a watch—you made it for me—and you just wanted to help, and I, I broke it. Oh my god.”
Bane seems on the verge of panic, so unlike the cocky alpha I once thought I had all figured out.
He looks so defeated that it hurts my heart.
When I reach out for him this time, he doesn’t back away.
He lets me catch him and wrap my arms around his shoulders, collapsing against me and burying his face in my neck like he can’t resist.
I hold him close, wishing I could do more to help him. I don’t know if how he treated me before he knew the truth was wrong or right, but I don’t blame him. I’d have been just as angry and devastated in his shoes.
“I’m sorry, Josh, for everything,” he whispers, sucking in a sharp breath and forcing himself to pull away.
“Bane, will you let me forgive you?” I reach out for his wrist and hold on tightly, afraid he’s going to disappear at any moment.
He stares down at where we’re touching, not seeming to hear me.
“What did you ask me? Does this change anything for me? Do I want you? Of course I do.” He looks up, those gold eyes full of pain and longing.
“No matter how hard I’ve tried, I don’t think I’ve ever stopped wanting you. But I don’t deserve you, not anymore.”
Gently, he untangles us and leaves me in the entryway alone.
~
Bane
Smack. Smack. Smack.
My fist connects with the bag in front of me again and again. No matter how many times I pummel the bag, I don’t feel better.
My father lied to me for years. He kept me from my fated mate. No, not just kept me from. He made me hate the one person in this world meant for me.
“Son of a bitch!” I slam my fist into the punching bag, letting out a guttural growl.
When I was eighteen, the concept of destined mates seemed so sappy.
My parents always told me to mate smart not just with my heart, but at the time, I cared more about who I was spending the weekend with, not the rest of my life.
True mates sounded like some perfect little fairy tale that only girls and greeting card companies cared about.
Then I saw Josh.
Seeing him and understanding his connection to me was incredible. And when he fed the dragon a carrot and looked so delighted, all I could think was that he was adorable. Beautiful. And maybe even... mine?
Walking away from him without saying anything was the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life. And I grew up with a cross between an Alpha werewolf and a strict drill sergeant as my father, so that’s saying something.
The impact of my fist against the bag reverberates through my entire body. Each hit does nothing to quiet the anger still coursing through my veins.
A throat clears behind me. I don’t need to turn around to know who it is.
“Are you aiming or just swinging wildly?” my father wonders as he steps inside our home gym.
I grit my teeth, keeping my eyes focused on the punching bag in front of me. “Go away.”
“The power comes from planning an attack and seeing it through.”
I whirl around, eyes narrowing. “The last thing I need right now is your advice.”
“We need to discuss this, Bane.”
I put my focus back on the punching bag and ignore my father. That way I won’t punch him instead. I settle for imagining the bag is his face.
“Son, please. I was only looking out for you.”
“Looking out for me?” I snarl. “You lied to me! You kept me from Josh all these years!”
“As the future Alpha, you need a strong mate by your side. Your true mate couldn’t measure up. The Clover Pack have lost their way. They lack purpose and discipline. I was trying to protect you.”
I lash out, my fist slamming into the punching bag with such force that it tears through the leather. The bag splits and sand flies everywhere. The tiny grains scatter across the floor and a small pile forms at my feet.
Fucking hell, this is a mess. Not just the bag, but my life. Josh and me. My father and me. It’s all a giant mess.
“Fine,” he says after a moment. “Beat things up, be disrespectful. Just get it out of your system. Then snap out of it.”
I clench my jaw, my fingers curling uselessly into tight fists at my sides now that there’s nothing to hit. “It’s not that easy.”
“Don’t lose focus now. No matter what else is going on, your twenty-third birthday gets nearer. You must be prepared for the fight.”
The fight. As if I could possibly focus on that with everything that’s just been revealed.
Moving to the nearest machine, I yank the barbell off the stand where it rests. The bar connecting the weights groans as I apply pressure and then snaps as I bend the metal in half. The weights clatter loudly as they tumble down, crashing heavily against the hard floor.
Elias raises an eyebrow. “Are you finished?”
“I could do this all night,” I fire off, but it’s a lie. Ripping apart the barbell—and being in the same room with my father without decking him—is draining me. The anger is still there, but destroying things suddenly seems like more effort than it’s worth.
I sink down onto the weight bench and let out a weary sigh, running a hand through my sweat-dampened hair.
“Can’t believe everything you did,” I say as I think back. “You tracked Josh down, destroyed his bike, and framed me. It was diabolical.”
“You’re being dramatic.” He makes a face. “What self-respecting werewolf rides a bike anyway?”
Some of my friends felt the same way. I remember them pointing him out and laughing at him one day. “Pathetic, any werewolf who trusts a bike more than their own four legs must be totally useless.”
Once I figured out that the bike guy was my mate, I didn’t think he was pathetic at all.
I was actually impressed. There’s only one reasonable explanation for why a werewolf rides around on a bike in a supernatural city: because he wants to.
My potential mate liked biking and didn’t care when other wolves thought he was strange. Strong and stubborn, just like me.
My mom and dad aren’t true mates, but they’re proud to lead a pack together. Wynn’s parents were destined for each other and they, they’re happy. My parents are serious, focused… and cold. It suits them. But it’s also the reason I can see the benefit of love.
“Bane.” My father’s voice draws me out of my thoughts. “Talk to me.”
“Don’t wanna talk. Will you just leave me alone?”
“Fine. Then I’ll talk. There’s one more thing you should know.
” Elias’s voice is uncharacteristically soft, lacking the commanding tone I’m used to.
When I glance up, he’s there in front of me.
If I didn’t know better, I’d say he looks unsure.
“It’s possible I… made mistakes. Perhaps there were different ways to handle the situation. ”
I stare at him in shock. “You don’t mean that.”
“I don’t say what I don’t mean.”
“You’d do the same thing again.”
“In a heartbeat,” he agrees instantly. “If I thought it was best for you or the pack. But I’m not just Alpha. I am your father, and I hurt you. That matters to me, even if it doesn’t always seem like it. I… I do have regrets.”
“Are you… are you apologizing?” I ask. “You never apologize.”
“The Alpha is never wrong,” he fires back automatically.
Then, he winces as he continues. “This… this is an exception. Maybe in this situation, I should have been thinking less like an Alpha and more like a father.” He shakes his head, seemingly musing to himself.
“If I had, who knows what could have changed? Now it’s too late, things are in motion… ”
“What are you talking about?”
“What—what else? The fight. You’re almost twenty-three,” he says, shaking himself out of whatever fog he fell into. “You’ll fight soon and there isn’t much time left.”
I nod stiffly to show I heard him and stare down at my own hands between my knees.
Love was bullshit. That’s what I’d decided back when I thought Josh rejected me. If I couldn’t have love, then fuck it. I was gonna get power and be the Alpha. Nobody would ever know I’d been the loser who got rejected by his mate as a pup. Maybe I could forget too.
It seems so stupid now. I told myself I wouldn’t grovel or let Josh see the pain he caused me. If I’d just swallowed my pride and didn’t give up until we’d had a proper conversation, we could have figured this whole thing out.
Instead, I hated him from afar. Hated him when he hadn’t done anything wrong. I’m an idiot, a jackass, and a terrible mate.
“Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” I wonder when I realize my father is still here.
“Thought I’d stay for a bit.” Elias sits on the leg press across from me. He doesn’t make demands or try to get me to understand. He just sits with me. Making sure I’m not alone.
Obviously, it doesn’t fix anything. And there’s still a long way to go until I can get past this.
However, I appreciate not being alone.