Chapter 20
Sebbie
It’s weird, the things that get us off.
I thought about that as I lay in bed, wrapped up in Corbin’s arms. Neither of us were sleeping yet, but we were both on our way there.
I’d never had an ex or anyone I’d been with make fun of my size, but I’d had a guy or two comment on how “cute” my dick was.
Even if I was just hooking up, I seemed to luck out and choose pretty nice guys, so they’d never meant it meanly.
Sometimes I knew a guy was thinking about it, but they were afraid to say anything because they didn’t want to hurt my feelings or something.
It was often this unspoken elephant in the room.
Or maybe I just felt like it was the elephant in the room? I wasn’t really sure.
The fact that Corbin talked about it and actually seemed to love the size of my dick was… Well, it definitely got me off. I didn’t know I’d find it so hot. Corbin was bigger than me in every way—taller, bulkier, and he had a bigger dick (which I was really looking forward to sucking, by the way).
I loved getting fucked. I’d always been on the receiving end when anal sex was involved, as I’d told Corbin.
Guys just kind of assumed, and I didn’t mind, since I enjoyed it.
But the idea of fucking Corbin? That was hot.
Like, really hot. I didn’t know if I’d actually have the guts to do it, but it was definitely a sexy thought.
Corbin was, like, basically perfect. I was so fucking lucky. I wasn’t sure how I’d happened to have the luck of getting him into my life, but I was not letting him go, that was for sure. He was stuck with me; he just didn’t know it yet.
I smiled and gave a contented sigh, and Corbin hugged me a little closer. I closed my eyes, letting sleep claim me as I thought about how I could get him to stay over every night.
I was dreaming of the river again.
Only, that wasn’t quite right. I wasn’t in my boat; I was on the dock again, and I was staring out across the river. I knew without having to turn around that there were people behind me. Not a lot, but a few. And I knew I didn’t want to see all of them.
“Corbin?” I asked, and suddenly a hand slipped into mine.
I looked over, and Corbin was standing next to me, looking at me.
I heard a caw from behind me, and I knew that Crow was here, too.
I didn’t really want to look behind me, and I felt like I should worry about that.
Having your back to something you didn’t like was always a bad idea.
I’d seen horror movies. There were probably zombies back there or something.
Crow cawed reassuringly, and it was almost like she was saying, “It’s okay. I’ve got your back.”
Corbin squeezed my hand.
“What is this place?” I asked him.
Which was, duh, kinda stupid. It was my dream, and if anyone knew what it was, it ought to be me.
Corbin answered, though, looking back across the water. “I’m guessing Acheron or Styx. As for the land behind us? I’m not sure. Maybe a pocket dimension? Or maybe a part of the underworld? I’m not sure if it’s your creation or if it’s always been here.”
Well, that was about as clear as mud. I sighed in frustration, and Corbin pulled me into his arms, his front against my back so that we were both looking out over the river.
My boat was docked, just waiting for people.
I still didn’t turn around, though. I basked in the warmth of Corbin.
He was always so freaking warm. I hadn’t even realized how chilly it was by the river until he came along.
“I suppose we have to face them sometime,” I finally commented.
Corbin shrugged behind me. “This is your place. You decide.”
“I don’t like change,” I murmured.
“Yeah, but some change is good. I came into your life, and that was, hopefully, a good change,” he answered.
I snorted. “Of course it was a good change. The best kind of change ever. I’m keeping you now, too, because I decided that.”
Corbin kissed the top of my head. “Good.”
I smiled, feeling a little better. Yeah, I supposed some change was good. But I didn’t like change here, and I didn’t know how to explain it.
“I’ve always come here,” I said. “For as long as I can remember, it’s always been a happy place for me.
I don’t want to deal with unhappy things here.
There are enough unhappy things in life.
I’m a nurse—I’ve seen my fair share of tragedies.
And this place, it was like it made some of those tragedies better. But now…”
“Now there are bad people here,” Corbin finished.
I nodded against him. I could feel it, this subtle sensation of things being off behind me. It made my head hurt a little, and I got a swoopy feeling in my stomach. It was like I was nervous, but I wasn’t nervous about the people. This was my place, and no one could hurt me here.
“Why am I scared of seeing them?” I asked Corbin.
“I mean, I’m not scared of them, and I know you or the hellhound or whatever will deal with bad people.
Yeah, it sucks to have to make decisions like that, and I really don’t wanna do it, but this feeling…
It’s worse than that. It’s like there’s a locked room and I don’t want to know what’s behind the door. ”
Corbin hummed thoughtfully, and I heard Crow coo and ruffle her feathers behind me. I kind of felt like crying, and I had no idea why. I was in my happy place with Corbin and Crow. Why was I sad?
“I can deal with them without you having to turn around,” Corbin reassured me. “You don’t have to make the decision. I can already tell that there’s someone I’ll need to take care of. And then it will be back to normal for you.”
“I don’t know if it can ever go back to normal,” I whispered.
Corbin squeezed me. “You can’t close a box once it’s been opened.”
I shivered a little at his words. “What if I don’t like what’s in the box, Corbin?”
Corbin came around to stand in front of me. He gripped my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “This is your place, and you’re safe here. You will always be safe here. I’ll protect you, even though you don’t need me to, because you can protect yourself.”
I looked at him and felt tears spring to my eyes, and I didn’t know why. “I don’t want to protect myself,” I muttered, which sounded sort of stupid even as I said it. Then I said, “I don’t want to open the box.”
Corbin tilted my chin up and gave me a soft kiss. He leaned his forehead against mine. “I think that whatever is in the box is a part of you, and I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Maybe it isn’t something you’re ready to deal with, but when you are, I’ll be here to help you.”
“What if you don’t like what’s in the box?” I whispered.
Corbin pulled me into a hug, squeezing me tightly. “I love everything about you, Sebbie, including what’s in the box. I can promise you that nothing you can tell me will ever change that. Do you understand? Nothing. You are my mate, and I love and support you. You’re safe with me.”
My eyes overflowed with tears at those words, but they didn’t feel sad, exactly.
Maybe relieved? I didn’t know. I felt like I was carrying around this weight, and I didn’t know what it even was, and most of the time I didn’t even know it was there, but sometimes it just sort of snuck up on me and I felt heavy. Burdened. Weary.
I felt that way when…
My mind skittered away from the thought, but I could still place it. It had to do with the basement and the cult that had kidnapped me. There was something…
“Corbin?” I asked. He hummed against me. “Corbin, I think there are things I’m not remembering about being kidnapped.”
He nodded his head against me, giving me a kiss on the forehead. “You’ll remember when you’re ready.”
Something eased in me at that. He wasn’t going to ask me to remember right now. I’d remember when I was ready. That was okay, wasn’t it?
We cuddled for a bit longer, but eventually I pulled back, sighing. There were things that had to be dealt with.
“Are you sure?” Corbin asked, like he knew I was about to turn around and face the people there. “I can handle the not nice people.”
I looked at him, then across the river. “I think I need to do this. I know you’ll handle them, but I think I need to… I don’t know, bear witness? Something like that. They’re…” I tried to put it into words, finally settling on, “They’re my responsibility.”
Corbin nodded his head, and then we turned together to face whatever was waiting for us.
Luckily, it really wasn’t that bad. There were three not-nice people (ones from the ER, coincidentally, and the cardiac wing guy), and Corbin turned into the hellhound thing and made them just sort of go poof.
They were gone in a rush of flames with little worry.
I didn’t even need to talk to them—I could feel how awful they were.
Hellhound Corbin must have been able to, as well, because he went straight for them and with my nod took care of them.
One person was sort of not nice, and Hellhound Corbin went over and sat down beside her, like he knew it was my decision. I talked to her, and I saw enough good in her to give her a boat ride. I made her promise to make amends, and I thought she would, so I let her on.
We were standing on the dock, and the boat was full—most of the people had been the usual crew of very nice people that I’d met at one time or another in my life.
Crow was resting on Hellhound Corbin’s back, and my hand was resting on his shoulder (Hellhound Corbin was really freaking tall).
We were both looking at the boat, but I felt kind of bad about leaving them both behind.
Maybe they could come with me?
“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” the man in black stated.
Oh, more company! I turned around to look at him, smiling. Hellhound Corbin gave a little growl, and I gave him a light smack on the shoulder.
“He’s a friend!” I murmured. “He’s practically like a second dad or something.”
The man in black laughed, even though he shouldn’t have heard that. “Yes, I suppose I am something of a father to you.”
He walked over, nodding his head at both Hellhound Corbin and Crow.
“Why can’t they come with me?” I asked. “I like their company.”
The man in black hummed thoughtfully. “I’m not sure what the repercussions would be.
I have to admit, you’ve surprised even me as of late.
I would have said that bringing them with you was not possible, but after the woman and child, I’m not sure exactly what you’re capable of.
Perhaps you could transport them there and safely back, or perhaps you could only give them passage there and not bring them back. ”
Huh. “Yeah, I guess I never brought anyone back before.”
The man in black chuckled. “Oh, but you have, my old friend. You have. And that should not be within your capabilities. But then, you yourself should not have been within my capabilities.”
I looked at him, raising my eyebrows in question.
“I am not known for creation. My job is something of an opposite to that, although I have to confess to dabbling a bit as of late. Not that you are my creation, as it were. You are… an amalgamation.”
“Huh?” I said, because what the heck was he talking about?
The man in black chuckled again, and then he reached over to ruffle my hair. He didn’t even flinch when Crow fluffed her feathers out and Hellhound Corbin growled.
“I see you have found two worthy companions, and I hope they make what is to come a little bit easier.”
“Why? What’s to come?” I asked.
“Memories, Sebbie. Memories and knowledge. But for now, go and ferry your boat and find joy where you may. I hope that joy continues to stay with you no matter what happens.”
With those ominous words, the man in black was gone.
“You know,” I muttered, “I’m getting pretty darn sick of people being all cryptic and stuff.”
Crow cawed and Hellhound Corbin gave a little chuff.
I pointed my staff at them. “You two are no better,” I huffed.
I started walking to my boat, muttering to myself.
“Things to come, boxes not able to be closed, amalgamations, creepy not nice people... I’m not in a horror movie, for goodness sake.
And really, if a box could be opened, then it has a lid, so surely you can close it again?
Maybe it just needs a little duct tape, that’s all. ”
I swore that Hellhound Corbin and Crow both made sounds of laughter behind me, but I ignored them until I got to my boat.
I hopped on and turned to face them. Then, because I couldn’t very well leave mad, I blew them both kisses, called out, “See you later!” and pushed my staff into the water, steering the boat out into the river.
“Hey, guys!” I called out, turning to face my audience. “Welcome aboard! Anyone want some snacks? Or some punch?”
I could deal with all the other nonsense later. For now, I was going to enjoy hanging out with my passengers.