Chapter Twenty Rupi
Twenty
Rupi
I’m going to put the girls down for a nap,” my sister says after we’ve spent two hours stuffing our faces with a house full of Guptas.
The baby Simi is carrying squeezes her cheeks with both hands and presses her sleepy face into Simi’s.
“I know, baby girl,” Simi says. “Almost time for ninni. You’ve been so good.
I’m so proud of you.” The words toss me back in time.
Only it’s a baby Simi in my arms. I’m not much more than a baby myself, but I feel just as old as I am right this minute.
I’ve only ever felt this old—at once stunted and ancient.
I can’t believe she’s actually thinking about giving up the girls because of that awful boss.
“You need help with them?” I ask and take a baby from John, who follows the rest of the family to the living room, where everyone is discussing which movie to watch.
The baby I’m carrying (I still can’t tell them apart) screams as though I’m murdering her.
Simi takes her from me, completely at ease with a baby in each arm. The ungrateful drama queen quiets instantly and squeezes into Simi and away from me.
“I’m guessing the Resignation-of-Submission hasn’t happened yet?” I say.
Simi and the two babies glare at me. It’s like having a Trimurti, a three-headed statue of the mythical gods, shoot eye lasers at me.
Ever since Simi found out about the wedding date being set, she’s been walking around as though the knife I slid into her back is stuck there.
I’ve tried to smooth out her feathers. I did her laundry and ironed her scrubs.
I deep cleaned her fridge, and I’ve made chai every morning.
The way she’s looking at me right now means the peace accord I’ve been proposing has been soundly rejected.
I take the third baby out of her high chair. This one also screams and reaches for Simi with both arms.
Fortunately, our mopey knight in shining armor hears the yelling and arrives to save the day.
I hand the baby over to Prem.
“I need to feed the babies before nap time,” Simi says to Prem and walks off as though my presence is unbearable. Prem, carrying the now magically silent baby, follows.
I hate that I follow them.
Have these two forgotten that they were on board with this scheme when we set off on it?
I’ve tried my best to make this comfortable for everyone.
Is it my fault that Prem’s family takes getting to know their future daughter-in-law seriously?
It’s not like I want to be here all the time.
It’s not like I have any road map for what to do with a family of veritable golden retrievers.
I’ve spent a lot of time trying to put Simi’s mind at rest. Well, telling her she’s being absurd by being jealous should have put her mind at rest.
I follow them into Preeti’s room.
“It’s a bit ridiculous that you won’t talk to me,” I say, pulling the door shut behind me.
“Don’t raise your voice around the girls,” Simi says.
“I’m practically whispering. Also, if raised voices were harmful to babies, you and I wouldn’t be standing here.”
She groans from the depth of her being. Prem and she start changing diapers with such deftness, they might as well be doing it one handed and blindfolded. Show-offs! I cleaned your bum when I was five! I want to say. But discretion is the better part of valor and all that.
When they’re done, they lay the girls down and hand them their bottles. All three exhausted babies drain the bottles in minutes and pass out.
“If you weren’t on board, you should never have agreed to this,” I whisper-hiss when the babies’ eyes are good and closed. “Now you’re having second thoughts? What do you think I’m supposed to do?”
“I don’t know, Rupi. Stop working so hard to deceive everybody,” my sister says.
“The whole damn point is to deceive everybody,” I say.
“This is my family,” Prem says.
“Really? I thought I had walked into some random house off the street and was hanging out with random people like Goldi-effing-locks.”
Simi narrows her eyes at me. “Stop it! Don’t act like you don’t always do this.”
“Do what?” But the answer is in her eyes. “You think I manipulate people into liking me to get my way.”
She shrugs.
“Of course I do that! I’ve had to do it. It’s called survival. Who doesn’t use charm to get what they want?”
“You were supposed to . . . never mind. Just forget it.”
“I was supposed to what? What was I supposed to do, Simi? Tell me, so I can do whatever it is I’m supposed to do to get you to stop trying to sabotage me.”
“You’re not supposed to hurt them.” This from Prem.
“Hurt them?” My heart clenches. “Did I do something to hurt them? Did they say that?” Do I sound needy? I absolutely do not. I don’t do needy.
“See!” Prem says to Simi, and they both look like they’ve caught me plotting murder.
“If they like you so much, they’re going to be heartbroken when we separate,” Prem says, but he doesn’t sound half as mean as my sister.
Oh, now I get it. This has nothing to do with Prem, so I turn to my sister.
“You don’t want them to like me. Not only do you not want them to like me, you’re surprised that they do.
You think if someone likes me, I’m going to use it to hurt them.
Nice, Simi. At least this guy gets to judge me because he doesn’t want his family to get hurt.
What about you? When do you start caring about me being hurt? ”
“Really?” Simi says. “You’re getting married to the man I love because I don’t want you to be hurt. You want to think about that for a moment?”
“All I’ve done for the past month is think about that, Simi.
What you’ve done for me is incredible. You’ve saved me.
” There, I’ve said it. “But I love how you keep forgetting that the reason I’m in this position in the first place is because of you.
I had to leave India because of something you did, and because I had to find a way to get you out of trouble. ” To hell with not saying words.
She gasps. Nice. Now she cares.
“Before you tell me again how I didn’t give you a choice, let me remind you that to me the only choice was not letting you get hurt. That’s all that was going through my head. It’s called love. So, no, I’m not sitting here looking for ways to hurt people.”
“That’s not what we meant,” Simi says, and I want to shake the guilt off her face.
That’s exactly what they meant. I don’t care anymore. If I can’t count on my own sister to give a shit about me except to make some sort of grand gesture and then rub it in my face, how can I expect these strangers to be any different? I don’t care about any of them.
“Never mind. You’re right. Everything I’m doing is calculated, and all I care about is getting through these two years.
It’s actually a shock they’re buying it.
” I look at Prem. “Then again, it’s not a shock.
They’re just like you. Not one of you has a spine or sense of self-preservation.
I’m screwing everyone over, and look at how they’re lapping it up. ”
They look at me with twin horrified expressions, and I can’t stand to be around them anymore. I can’t believe I let all this absurd normalcy lull me. What have I gotten myself into? The familiar sense of being cornered constricts my lungs.
“Don’t worry. I get the assignment now. I’m not allowed to like anyone—not my skill set anyway.
Most importantly, I’m not allowed to let anyone like me.
I’m supposed to be a rag doll, one that can’t ever possibly hurt anyone.
Also, Simi, if I’m a good enough actress to get them to like me enough to give you a stomachache, then I guess when I hand him back to you, I’ll be just as good at getting them to hate me. So, you can breathe easy, Chipku!”
I storm out of there.
I can’t go back down, because the lower floor is teeming with Guptas, and I can’t be around that anymore.
I make my way to the guest room, where I’ve spent a few nights when Simi had a night shift and Mamma insisted.
I’m livid at myself for thinking this could work.
For getting carried away. For something I can’t even put my finger on. I’m livid. Period.
“Hey,” a rumbly voice calls behind me, and I stop in my tracks. Saj is the absolute last person I want to see right now.
I feel like I’ve been following his instructions to a T, for all the good it’s done me.
“What do you want from me now?” I wipe my eyes on the cuffs of the stupid salwar kameez Mamma bought me and turn to him.
“Excuse me?” He’s in a black linen button-down that seems custom tailored to his lean body. For some reason, the image of him in his black Indian kurta from the party flashes in my mind. Black has always been my clothing preference, but it fits his assassin vibe so much better.
“I’m sorry. Ignore that. I guess you should consult with your bestie before you give me instructions on how to behave with his precious family.”
“Ah, trouble in paradise. Did you expect there not to be?”
I open the door to the guest room and go inside. “We can’t talk out here, someone might hear.”
He follows me. “Did you and your sister fight again?”
How can I not laugh at that? “I mean, can you find me sisters who wouldn’t be fighting in this situation? Actually, who else would ever get into this situation?”
“Actually, what’s going on here isn’t that uncommon. Which is why it’s hard to get away with.”
“So, what you’re saying is that you assist in committing immigration fraud on a regular basis.” I ignore the fact that he did not know when he took the case that Prem and I weren’t really together. Though once he found out, it’s not like he walked away from it.