Chapter 7
LAUREN, NEW YORK
New York night-time passer-by:
Stretchy red minidress
Ankle-length classic trench coat
Quilted Chanel bag
Chunky white trainers
Lauren had been walking and walking. Not ready to go back to the flat, but not wanting to go anywhere else yet either, she had found the walking soothing.
Walking helped her to keep going, to not cry, and it did feel good to have this cool, crisp breeze against her face.
Oh, just everything about this evening had been upsetting.
That stupid boy! So selfish, so inconsiderate.
And how stupid of her to think she meant much to him.
Stupid, stupid. She was on the very edge of Manhattan Island now, the Hudson River was in front of her, dark and cool, gleaming with the lights of the city at night.
She crossed the lanes of traffic so she could go right up to the railings on the edge. The wind properly in her face now.
Without Noah, or maybe that should be without her imagined version of Noah – she felt very alone.
Yes, she had Elena, Gracie and the handful of other friends she’d made in New York so far, but it wasn’t much to show for all her time here.
This was a superficial place, you breezed into people, you hung out with them for a while, then you or they moved on.
Looking at the river in front of her and the tall buildings behind, feeling the endless roar of the city on the move 24/7, Lauren felt small and insignificant, just a speck on the map of this vast place.
Everyone was always so excited about the fact that she lived here and worked in fashion.
But really, life in New York was mainly lonely and so expensive and at times like this, she felt one million miles away from the people who knew and loved her best. It would be lovely to call her mum now and tell her about Noah and listen to her mum’s cheerful and no-nonsense advice.
But as it was approaching 10 p.m. here in New York, it was the small hours of the morning in London and this wasn’t enough of an emergency to wake her mum and Ed up.
And… there was something else about Noah’s big move that had stirred Lauren.
Yes, him finding his purpose and following his path had sounded a little bit much, but she had also been impressed by it.
And now, standing here, alone in this huge city, looking out over the river, Lauren wondered if she’d ever really thought about finding her purpose and following her path.
She had thought she loved working in fashion, but lately, it had all seemed frivolous and pointless.
Did the world need another Perfect Dress?
Not really. The world needed people like Noah, who were prepared to take a pay cut, move to Cleveland and work to save endangered animals.
Whatever she might have thought of him, or said to him, she knew she was still going to miss him.
Miss thinking about him… miss planning their next meeting, even if he had been all unreliable and mercurial and had made her feel she didn’t really know who she was to him.
She was still going to miss him being her ‘sort of’ guy in this town.
What to do next? What to change? What to aim for?
These questions churned over in her mind as she turned and walked the blocks to her cramped flatshare.
As soon as she walked into her room and flicked on the light switch, she saw her freshly made bed, with the little glass of flowers, all set for the romantic evening that had never happened.
And she fell onto the bed and burst into tears.
* * *
The next morning, it was tempting when Lauren opened her puffy eyes to replay the tragic events of the night before and feel oh-so sorry for herself.
It was also tempting to get her mum on the line and have a great long moan about it all.
Yes, she was longing to wallow, because she did feel a lot of angst. Was she ever going to meet someone who cared for her as much as she cared for him?
And what about finding her purpose? Following her path?
Was she ever going to be able to do that?
And… another big question… did she want to stay in New York?
Yes, it was almost impossible not to call her mum and download all this worry onto her and listen to her cheering advice.
But… Lauren held the phone in her hand and thought about it.
Did she need another pep talk? It would be lovely.
She would hear all about the twins and Owen and whatever was going on with her.
But her mum would probably tell her how lucky she was to have this job and to be in New York and promise her there were so many more lovely guys out there…
and it would be good to hear. Cheering and loving and kind – that was her mum.
But it wouldn’t help Lauren move on one inch from where she was right now.
Instead, she had a strong feeling that she really had to get on with her life now.
She had to channel all the good advice and words of wisdom her mum and Ed had given her over the years.
She had to get on with things and work this out for herself.
Yes, she told herself again, I have to take things into my own hands.
She was the one who had to work out what she really wanted from here on and make it happen.
She went to the tiny bathroom and gave her face a careful wash, holding handfuls of cold water against her eyes until they looked brighter and clearer. She decided that she couldn’t possibly start such an important morning looking all scrubbed bare, she had to put on her game face.
She rubbed in tinted moisturiser and dotted a little pink blush over her cheeks, then she stroked her favourite tawny grey shadow over her eyelids, before outlining them with a darker grey pencil. Mascara and a swoop of lip stain completed the look.
‘Nice,’ she told her reflection and began to brush through her hair to try and restore it to the tumbling loveliness she’d achieved pre-date yesterday evening.
A bolstering squirt of the favourite perfume followed.
Then she went back to her room and picked out a sober navy day dress that hadn’t had much action but was perfect for the seriousness of today.
And hearing her mother’s words in her mind, she told herself that ‘no dress can go out of the door without accessories’, so on went slim silver necklaces, her favourite silver hoop earrings, a long, silky scarf, then her baseball boots and trusty denim jacket.
She shook her hair till it was more rumpled about her shoulders.
‘Nice,’ she said to her reflection again.
‘Better than nice. Pretty damn hot,’ she told herself.
She drank down the glass of water she’d poured and then packed up her big-city-girl tote bag.
In went her wallet and phone obviously. Next came her hard-working laptop.
Later today, Lauren was meeting Gracie for brunch at their favourite little brunch spot.
But before that, Lauren was going to get to the café early.
She was going to choose a quiet corner, load up with coffee and get to work.
If she rolled up her sleeves and took a good look out there on the internet, she was going to find the answers to all the questions that were rattling round her head.
She would find out what kind of path she wanted to be on and how she could get onto it.
She would work out if she wanted to stay here in NYC, or if she wanted to get back to London.
She would create a sparkling resumé, she would fire off enquiries, ask to speak to people.
She was a smart girl with plenty of abilities who wanted to do good and useful things.
Someone, somewhere, would be able to make use of her.
She too could work with the kind of purpose that had sent Noah off to Cleveland.
The right path was out there waiting for her.
She just had to get on the case and track it down.
Lauren reached into her make up bag and chose a brighter lipstick.
Yes, this was a day for a much bolder shade of lipstick.