Chapter 16
A Baby Gay Never Tells
Sebastian
The letter sits on my desk like a fucking bomb.
Dear Mr. Moretti,
‘We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted for consideration for entrance-level studies in the CardioVascular Research Program at the University of Zurich…’
Switzerland. Fucking Switzerland.
I read it three more times because apparently I'm a masochist. They want to schedule a Zoom interview. They think I'm "an exceptional candidate." If I’m accepted it comes with a full scholarship plus stipend.
This is everything I've worked for. Everything I've killed myself studying for. The exact program that could set me up for the cardiac surgery specialization I've dreamed about since freshman year.
And all I can think about is my stupid smile when he asked me to be his Valentine's date.
"Fuck." I flop back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I need Gavin's tutoring more than ever if I'm going to make it through an interview without having a panic attack.
But if I get in...
My phone buzzes.
Gavin
so valentine's day is saturday
and i was thinking
would you be my date?
like officially?
I stare at the texts. My thumbs hover over the keyboard. Should I even be dating when everything might explode in a few months? When I might be moving to fucking Europe?
Gavin
unless you don't want to
shit did i read this wrong?
doc?
Me
No! You didn't read it wrong
Gavin
oh thank god
thought i was gonna have to throw myself into the campus pond
so you'll come?
the football team has a party and then Delta Psi has a party too
your friends can come too if they are willing
Me
The football team?
Gavin
yeah! want to show off my boyfriend
wait can i call you that?
boyfriend?
The word makes my chest tight. Boyfriend. While I'm sitting here with an acceptance letter to Switzerland.
Me
Yeah. You can call me that.
Gavin
pick you up at 7?
gonna do this right
Saturday comes too fast. I've changed shirts three times when there's a knock at the door.
"Sebastian!” Leo yells. "Your hunky boyfriend!”
I'm going to murder him. Slowly.
When I open the door, Gavin's standing there in dark jeans and a button-down that stretches across his chest in illegal ways. He's holding...
"Are those flowers?"
It's not really a bouquet. More like someone grabbed one of everything from the flower section and shoved them together. Roses mixed with daisies mixed with... sunflowers?
"I didn't know what kind you liked," he says, face lightly pink. "So I got... all of them?"
My chest cracks open. Of course he did.
"They're perfect," I say as my throat chokes up with emotions.
Luca appears out of nowhere, grabbing the chaos bouquet from my hands. "I'll put these in water! You, kids, have fun!"
"We're the same age!" I call after him, but he's already disappeared into the kitchen.
The other guys pile out of their rooms, clearly planning to come along. Gavin grins at them.
"Ready? It's just a short walk across campus to the athletes' dorms."
"Why don't you live there?" JP asks as we head out.
"Could if I wanted," Gavin shrugs. "But the frat's my home, you know?"
The dorms are... intense. Music thumping so loud I can feel it in my chest, men the size of small buildings everywhere. The guys huddle closer together.
“G!” Someone bellows. “Bout time!”
A guy who might be a running back based on his build appears, grinning wickedly. "And this must be the famous Doc! Damn, G, when you said he was small, I thought you were exaggerating."
My face heats. Gavin's hand finds my lower back.
"Devin, play nice," Gavin warns, but he's smiling.
"I'm always nice! Jamal! Omar! G brought his boyfriend!"
More giants appear. I'm surrounded by trees. Human trees who could bench press me without breaking a sweat. One of them, Jamal, the captain with the C embroidered on his shirt, looks between us with raised eyebrows.
"Wait, this is real? You actually..." He stops, studying me. "Huh. Wouldn't have called it, but I see it."
"Pay up!" Devin crows. "I told y'all something was different about G! That's twenty bucks each!"
My stomach drops. "You bet on—"
"On when Gavin would finally figure his shit out," Devin interrupts, already collecting bills. "Dude's been shy about the locker room for YEARS. I called it sophomore year."
"I wasn't shy about—" Gavin starts.
"Bro, you literally changed in the bathroom stalls," another player laughs. "We thought you had a weird birthmark or some-shit."
This is... not how I expected this to go. They're teasing him, but it's the same way they'd tease him about anything else. No disgust, no anger, just the usual guy shit.
Well. Mostly.
"Who the fuck let the queers in?" Some asshole sneers from across the room. "This a football party or a pride parade?"
His buddy snickers, loud and deliberate. "Careful, Brad. Might be contagious."
Jamal's already moving before I can even process it.
"Bradley, shut the fuck up and get out." His voice could cut glass. "You too, Chris. Out."
"Oh come on, it was a joke—"
"Do I look like I'm laughing?" Jamal steps into his space. "Out. We'll deal with your bullshit tomorrow.
The two assholes storm off. Jamal turns back to us as if nothing had happened.
"Sorry about that. Some people are stuck in the Stone Age." He looks at me with genuine interest. "Gavin says you're pre-med?"
"Yeah, hoping for cardiac surgery eventually." The Switzerland letter flashes through my mind. I push it down.
"No shit? That's incredible. My mom's a surgeon, says it's brutal but worth it." He seems genuinely impressed. "You must be scary smart."
"He is," Gavin says proudly, and damn, that does things to me. I can feel a flush of heat going up my neck. Damn, don't start blushing now!
More players drift over, most friendly, some curious. Devin makes about twelve jokes about our size difference, each more ridiculous than the last.
"So do you just like, pick him up for everything?" Devin waggles his eyebrows suggestively.
My face feels like it's gone nuclear. Gavin laughs, pulling me closer.
"A baby gay never tells," he says primly, and Devin loses it.
"Baby gay! Oh fuck, that's perfect. G, you've been studying!"
The party continues, loud and chaotic. I can see my friends getting overwhelmed, slowly migrating toward the door. We end up on the back porch, where it's quieter, the guys huddled together like survivors.
"We need to make a pact," JP announces suddenly.
"What?" Max looks confused.
"Look at Seb! He put himself out there and got..." He gestures at where Gavin's talking to Wyatt just inside. "That… We're in college! We need to stop hiding in our house playing video games!"
"I want what Seb has," Luca admits quietly.
"We all deserve what Seb has," a voice says from behind us.
We all jump. Elliot's just... there. How does he do that?
"So we make a plan," he continues in his quiet way. "Strategic dating approaches."
I can hear Gavin chuckling from the doorway. "I know a whiteboard at the frat you can commandeer. James won't mind if you erase his cryptocurrency tracking."
"He tracks crypto on a whiteboard?" Leo asks.
"He tracks everything on whiteboards. It's a problem."
My friends look at each other, and some kind of silent communication passes between them.
"I think we're gonna head out," Max says finally. "This was... a lot."
"But good!" JP adds quickly. "Just... a lot."
Gavin immediately looks concerned. "Did something happen? Besides Bradley being a dick?"
"No, just... volume. And people. And volume," Luca explains.
"I'll walk you guys back," I offer, but they wave me off.
"Stay with your man," Leo says with a knowing grin. "We're good."
They file out, leaving Gavin and me on the porch. He looks worried, probably thinking he fucked up somehow. The Switzerland letter burns in the side of my mind.
I'm watching my friends walk away when he softly steps closer to me. "You good?"
He doesn't wait for my answer.
"Should've known this would be too much," he says, running his free hand through his hair. His expression is all wrong, tight, worried, those brown eyes darker than usual.
"The frat house is way calmer most nights. I should've warned you better about what these dorms are like. All the noise, the shit-talking, Bradley being—"
"Gavin." I reach out and grab his hand, cutting off his spiral before it can really take hold.
His fingers are warm, slightly calloused from weights and sports.
"It's fine. Really. They're just not used to.
.. any of this." I wave my hand between us, at the house, trying to capture everything about tonight.
"The volume, the crowds, the football player energy. Neither am I, honestly."
His thumb brushes over my knuckles. My stomach flips.
"You sure?"
"Positive. They had a good time, they're just peopled out."
"Okay. Good. That's—" He exhales. "Want to get out of here? Just us?"
"Please."
The smile that breaks across his face is worth every awkward minute of this party.
Our walk back to my house is quiet, Gavin's hand warm in mine. Every step, I'm aware of the letter waiting in my room. Should I tell him? It's too early, right? We just started dating. But if I get in...
"You've been distracted all night," Gavin says softly. "Was it really that bad? I know Bradley was an asshole, but most of the guys—"
"It wasn't that." I squeeze his hand. "Your teammates were great. Mostly."
"Then what?"
I might be moving to Switzerland, and that sticks in my throat.
"Just nervous," I say instead. "First official date and all."
He stops walking, turning to face me under a streetlight. "Doc, we can take this as slow as you want. No pressure for anything."
God, he's so fucking earnest. So good. And I'm already planning my exit strategy.
"I know," I whisper.
We start walking again, and somehow we're at my house in the blink of an eye. The porch light is on, but the windows are dark; the guys must be in their rooms.
"Want to come up?" The words tumble out before I can stop them.
Gavin's eyes widen slightly. "Yeah?"
"Just to hang out," I clarify quickly. "The night's still young and all."
That's a lie. I want his mouth on mine. Want to forget about Switzerland, interviews, and everything that isn't his hands on me.
My room feels smaller with him in it. He looks around, taking in my meticulously organized desk, the color-coded study schedule on my wall, and the anatomy posters.
"Very you," he says with a smile.
"Shut up." But I'm smiling too.
He sits on my chair, and my brain immediately shorts out because of Gavin. Sitting right beside my bed and looking at me with those brown eyes.
"Come here," he says softly.
I move between his spread knees, his hands finding my waist. Even sitting, he's almost eye level with me.
"Been wanting to kiss you all night," he admits.
"So kiss me."
He does.
It's nothing like the careful kisses I've had before with other guys. Those were tentative, testing. This is... damn. His mouth is hot and sure, one hand sliding up to cup the back of my neck. I make a noise that would be embarrassing if I could think.
He pulls me closer, and I go willingly, straddling his lap because it's the only way this works. The angle's better like this; it lets me thread my fingers through his hair, and hear the way he groans when I tug slightly.
This is fine, I tell myself. I've kissed guys before. I've been in laps before. This is—
He nips at my bottom lip, and my brain whites out.
Fuck. Okay. Not fine. Very not fine in the best way.
"Still good?" he murmurs against my mouth.
"So good," I breathe. "So fucking—"
He cuts me off with another kiss, deeper this time. His tongue slides against mine, and I swear to GodI see stars. Every nerve ending is firing at once. He tastes like beer and sweet… Did he have candy earlier? Why is that hot?
I shift in his lap, and we both groan at the friction. I can feel him hard against me, and Jesus Christ, he's proportional everywhere. My dick is so interested it hurts.
"Sorry," he gasps. "Should I—"
"Don't you dare move."
He laughs, breathless. "Bossy."
"You have no idea."
Brain, shut up. Stop thinking. Just feel.
But I can't stop cataloging everything. The way his hands span my entire waist. How he touches me like I'm special, but also like he wants to devour me. The little catches in his breathing when I rock against him just right.
"Fuck," he groans. "Doc, you're killing me."
"Good." I kiss down his jaw to his neck, find that spot where it meets his shoulder, and bite gently.
The sound he makes is obscene. His hands tighten on my waist, and suddenly I'm moving; he's standing, lifting me like I weigh nothing.
"Shit, sorry—" He starts to put me down, but I wrap my legs around him.
"Don't apologize, this is fucking hot."
He groans again, walking us backward until my back hits the wall. The position puts us at the perfect height, his mouth finding mine again. I'm completely suspended between him and the wall, held up by his stupid muscles.
Fuck fuck fuck—
"Unless you've got a box," he pants between kisses, "I'm gonna have to keep picking you up."
"I'll build a fucking ladder," I gasp, then his mouth is on my throat, and thinking becomes impossible.
How is this my life? How is this massive, sweet, gorgeous man pressed against me like he'll die if he stops touching me?
We make out against the wall until my legs start to shake from being wrapped around him so tight. He carries me to the bed… Carries me, and sets me down gently, crawling over me and—
"Wait," I breathe, putting a hand on his chest. "I'm not... I can't do more than this tonight."
He immediately backs off, sitting up. "Of course. Shit, I'm sorry if—"
"You didn't do anything wrong." I sit up too, trying to catch my breath. "I just... need to go slow."
"Whatever you need," he says immediately. "I'm just happy to be here."
My chest does that complicated thing again. The whoop like I've missed a step and am about to fall. He means it. He'd be perfectly happy just kissing me fully clothed for hours.
"You should probably go," I say regretfully. "Before I change my mind about the slow thing."
He stands, adjusting himself in his jeans with a wince that makes me equal parts smug and horny.
"Can I see you tomorrow?" he asks.
"Yeah. Yes. Obviously."
He leans down for one more kiss, soft and sweet. "Night, Doc."
"Night."
He heads for the door, pausing to look back with a smile that makes my knees weak. Then he's gone, and I'm left sitting on my bed trying to remember how to breathe.
My phone buzzes.
Gavin
thank you for tonight
best valentine's day ever
I fall back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. The Switzerland letter catches my eye from my desk.
Fuck. I'm so screwed.