Chapter 22
Sebastian
It's midterm week, and Gavin and I haven't seen each other in days. I'm kinda living for his texts.
Golden Retriever BF
[Photo of a completely destroyed textbook]
murdered my statistics book
it had it coming
Me
Organic Chemistry is murdering ME, Trade you?
I text back between formula reviews.
Golden Retriever BF
[Voice note] "Babe, you got this. You're literally the smartest person I know. That O.C. exam doesn't stand a chance. Also, I miss your face. And your butt. But mostly your face. Okay equally. Is that weird? Fuck, deleting this—"
The voice note cuts off. I replay it three times, grinning like an idiot while my study group judges me.
Me
Don't delete those. They're getting me through this hell week.
Thursday is the dreaded day that we have been working so hard for. I made it through the psychology exam thanks to Gavin's tutoring. I was able to give insights into the questions that I had been completely missing pre Gavin. But now it's presentation day, and I'm freaking out again.
"Breathe," Gavin's voice comes through my earbuds. "In for four, hold for four, out for four."
I'm pacing outside the presentation room, trying not to hyperventilate. My oral presentation is in five minutes.
"I'm breathing," I lie.
"No, you're not. I can hear you panic-wheezing from here." There's rustling on his end. "Remember what we practiced? You know this shit backwards. The professor's gonna be blown away by your massive brain."
"My massive brain is currently leaking out my ears."
"Hot. Tell me more about your leaking fluids."
"Gavin!”
"There we go. Now you're pissed instead of scared. You're welcome." His voice softens, and I can practically see that stupid grin through the phone. The one that makes his eyes crinkle at the corners.
"Seriously, though. You've got this, Doc. I know you thought I was just some dumb jock blowing sunshine up your ass, but I've watched you explain cellular respiration like it's poetry. You know this material better than the professor does."
I stop pacing, caught off guard by the sincerity in his tone. "Gavin—"
"Nah, let me finish. You're gonna walk in there, and you're gonna blow their minds with all that sexy brain power. And then afterward, we're gonna celebrate. Pizza, beer, maybe one of those terrible horror movies you pretend you don't love."
My anxiety doesn't disappear, but it shifts into a manageable level. Now it feels less like I'm drowning and more like nerves I can actually work with. "You're really confident about this."
"Damn right I am. You want to know why?"
"Why?"
"Because you're Sebastian-fucking-Moretti.
You survived organic chemistry. You memorized the entire circulatory system in one night just because you were bored.
You're gonna be a doctor. This presentation is just practice for explaining medical procedures to patients who are way dumber than these professors. "
I laugh despite myself. "That's... actually a good point."
"See? Golden retriever wisdom strikes again. So you gonna celebrate with me after, or what?"
"If I survive."
"When you survive. Text me after?"
"Yeah."
"Hey Doc. I’m proud of you."
My chest goes tight for entirely different reasons. "Thanks."
"Now go destroy that exam with your sexy brain."
I make it through the presentation without vomiting, and I'd swear the professor was impressed this time. Now, finally, it's Friday night, and my sexy boyfriend is coming over.
"Movie night," I announce when Gavin shows up at the geek house. "Just us. Couch. No studying."
"Fuck yes." He collapses on the sofa, pulling me onto his lap like I belong there. Which... I guess I do now.
We get twenty minutes into some terrible sci-fi movie before—
"Awwwww!”
The front door explodes open with the force of a small hurricane. My housemates pour in like a coordinated invasion of gay locusts descending on unsuspecting crops, each one more dramatic than the last.
"Look at you two!" Leo coos, pressing both hands to his chest like he's witnessing a miracle. Which I take offence to, we aren't that cute just sitting here. "Domestic as fuck! Sebastian's actually relaxing! On a Friday night! Without a textbook in sight!"
Max pushes past him, nearly tripping over the coffee table in his excitement. "Oh my god, you're cuddling. Like, actual cuddling. Not just sitting near each other while Seb goes over his past papers."
JP brings up the rear, phone already out and snapping pictures. "This is going straight to the group chat. Luca is gonna lose his shit when he sees you corrupting our little workaholic."
I groan and try to burrow deeper into Gavin's chest, but he's laughing, the vibrations rumbling through his ribs. "Hey guys," he says, like three hyperactive geeks didn't just interrupt our perfect night. "Good timing."
"We were alone for once," I groan against Gavin's chest.
"And now you're not," Max chirps. "Pause that disaster of a movie. We have important business."
"It's not a disaster," Gavin protests. "The aliens just—"
"Important business!” Leo's practically vibrating. "There's a Pride event tomorrow in San Clemente. A big one."
Gavin straightens up so fast I nearly fall off his lap. "Pride? Like... actual Pride?"
"Oh, honey," JP says. "You've never been?"
"Idaho wasn't exactly..." Gavin gestures vaguely. "You know."
"We're fixing this immediately," Max declares. "Leo, get the supplies."
"Supplies?" Gavin asks.
I pat his chest sympathetically. "Just go with it."
"Okay, but," Gavin stares at himself in our hallway mirror, "all of it?"
He's wearing a pink t-shirt so tight it might be painted on, with "I Rolled a Nat 20 in Charisma" stretched across his chest. Rainbow suspenders frame his pecs obscenely, and the shorts...
Jesus, those shorts should be illegal. The knee-high rainbow socks somehow make his legs look even longer, and he's covered in approximately seventeen temporary tattoos, rainbows on his biceps, unicorns on his forearms, ‘Love Wins’ across his knuckles.
And glitter. So. Much. Glitter. In his hair, on his skin, probably in places glitter should never go.
"You look like a Pride float gained sentience," I manage while trying so hard not to laugh at him. Gavin tried to put on as much of what Leo and Max thrifted for him as he could, because he didn't want the guys to think he didn't like what they bought for him.
"Is that good?" He turns, checking the back view. The shorts leave nothing to imagination.
My brain short-circuits. His ass is criminal. Now I'm not sure about taking him into a crowd of thirsty gays.
"That's very good," Luca confirms. "Seb.exe has stopped working."
"I wanted to wear it all,” Gavin says earnestly. "Didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings."
Leo clutches his chest. "We've created a monster. A beautiful, rainbow monster."
"The best kind," Max adds, shoving us toward the door. "Now let's go! The parade starts in an hour, and parking's gonna be a nightmare."
JP drives because he's the only one who knows where we're going without GPS. The closer we get to downtown San Clemente, the more rainbow flags appear. Gavin's practically pressed against the window like a kid at Christmas.
"Holy shit, look at all the people!"
The streets are already packed. We end up parking six blocks away and walking, Gavin's head swiveling, trying to see everything at once. Music drifts from the main stage, bass thumping through the ground.
"Overwhelmed yet?" I ask as we merge into the crowd.
"In the best way." His hand finds mine, squeezing tight. "This is..."
"I know," I remember my first Pride. Sensory overload doesn't begin to cover it; music pounding, rainbow everything, people being absolutely themselves. Gavin's eyes are enormous, trying to take it all in.
"They make rainbow everything,” he marvels, stopping dead in his tracks as we pass a booth displaying an impressive array of pride-themed adult toys. His voice carries that same wonder he had when he first discovered they made chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.
"Like, I knew there'd be flags and shirts, but this is..." He gestures helplessly at a particularly elaborate rainbow dildo that I'm pretty sure his innocent brain is still processing. "This is… comprehensive merchandising."
"That's not even the weirdest thing you'll see today," I promise.
"Gavin! Babe!”
We turn to see Sylas on stage in full drag regalia, electric blue sequins catching the afternoon sunlight like scattered stars across his costume.
His hair towers toward the sky in a marvel of teasing and hairspray that defies both gravity and common sense.
The whole effect is pure goddess of chaos energy, part divine, part disaster, and completely magnetic.
He struts to the edge of the stage with the kind of confidence that makes mere mortals question their life choices, platform heels clicking against the wooden boards in perfect rhythm. The crowd's already eating it up, cheering before he's even grabbed the microphone.
"Come here, you enormous rainbow disaster!"
Gavin bounds over like an excited puppy. Sylas leans down and pulls him into a hug, whispering something that makes Gavin's face serious.
"I will, I promise," Gavin says solemnly.
Sylas's dramatic finger point could kill a man. "You'd better. I have eyes everywhere."
"I will, Auntie Sylas. You can believe me." Gavin's eyes roll so hard, but he gives Sylas a tight hug anyway.
There’s this tight jealousy curling in my stomach. Which is ridiculous. It's Sylas.
Sylas waves at us. "My geek children! Looking gorgeous! Except you, Elliot… oh wait, he's not here. As usual."
"He's—" JP starts.
"Busy, I know." Sylas rolls his eyes. "That boy's gonna work himself to death. Gavin, darling, enjoy your first Pride! Make memories! Make mistakes! Make Sebastian buy you overpriced rainbow merchandise!"
Gavin blushes, and it's not difficult to think about what merch he is thinking about right now.
The crowd cheers as Sylas's music starts. His performance is magnetic, all sass and skill. Gavin claps and hollers so enthusiastically, I worry he'll sprain something.
"He's amazing," Gavin shouts over the music.
"Yeah." I try not to let their friendship bug me. Failing miserably.
Gavin must notice because his hand finds my back pocket, pulling me close. "Not as amazing as my boyfriend."
Boyfriend. In public. At Pride.
It's exactly what I said I didn't have time for, and now I need to eat those words because being here with Gavin feels amazing.
"Smooth talker." I lean into him. My cheeks are actually sore from smiling.
His hand squeezes my butt. "Learned from the best."
We wander the festival, Gavin marveling at everything. He stops at every booth, asks genuine questions about different pride flags, and gets into three separate conversations about pronoun pins.
"This is incredible," he keeps saying. "Like, everyone's just... themselves."
A couple of guys are leaning against a nearby concrete column, making out with a dirty intensity. One has his boyfriend pressed against the pillar, hands tangled in his hair, while the other grips his partner's festival t-shirt like he's afraid he might disappear.
Gavin watches them with obvious fascination, his eyes tracking their movements with the same focus he usually saves for watching game film.
"They look like they're trying to crawl inside each other," he murmurs, not looking away.
"Taking notes?" I tease.
"Maybe." His hand tightens in my pocket. "That allowed here? With you… And me?"
"Public displays of affection? Yeah, I think it's allowed."
"Good to know."
But he doesn't kiss me. Just stays close, hand possessively in my back pocket, thumb tracing patterns that are definitely not public-appropriate.
The Switzerland thoughts keep intruding. Tell him. You have to tell him.
But he's having such a perfect first Pride...
The ride home is Max and Gavin comparing notes like excited puppies. "Did you see the guy on stilts?"
"What about the leather pride booth?"
"Those drag queens doing Gaga!"
They're both talking over each other, hands flying, trying to describe everything at once. Leo's driving now, shooting me amused looks in the rearview mirror as the guys bond over their first Prides.
"The glitter cannons, though," Max sighs dreamily.
"I'm still finding glitter in places," Gavin agrees, scratching at his neck. "Worth it."
I lean against the window, watching Gavin's animated face as he describes seeing Sylas perform. The jealousy from earlier has faded. He's so genuinely happy, so amazed by everything he saw today.
By the time we pull up to the house, Max has convinced Gavin they need to go to San Francisco Pride next year. "I hear it's like this but BIGGER!"
"Doc, we're going," Gavin announces as we climb out. "Clear your calendar for next June."
"Already cleared," I say, and mean it. Even if I'm in Switzerland… fuck, stop thinking about that.
Inside, Gavin starts shedding rainbow layers immediately.
"That was fucking incredible." Off come the suspenders. "Like, I knew Pride existed, but experiencing it?"
The socks go next. He's down to those criminal shorts and the tight pink shirt.
"Doc, I—" He turns, eyes bright. "Thank you. For today. For everything."
Tell him about Switzerland.
"Gavin, I need to—"
"Can I ask you something?" He's fidgeting now, that nervous energy I recognize. "It's... um."
"What?"
"Teach me how to give a blowjob?"
My brain flatlines. "What?"
His face goes red. "I mean, I want to. Give you one. But I don't know how and—"
"Are you trying to get me to give you a blowjob?" I manage.
"No! I mean, yes? I do want one anytime you'd be willing to— I mean—" He runs a hand through his glitter-filled hair. "First I want to give you one. But I don't know what to do, and I want to be good at it…"
"Gavin."
He looks down at me, some of his confidence returns when he widens those gorgeous brown eyes and says. "Teach me, Doc?"
He starts to kneel, and holy fuck, that's an image, but—
"Bed," I manage. "Sit on the bed."
"But—"
"I'm a hands-on teacher." I guide him to sit on the edge. "Very hands-on."
I drop to my knees between his spread thighs. His mouth falls open.
"Holy shit."
"First lesson," I say, hands sliding up his thighs. "It's all about enthusiasm..."