Chapter 18
Kiss – not the way to avoid temptation
Jett
“W hat are you doing?”
Aurora startles at my question. The mug in her hands tips over and the contents spill onto the counter.
“Damn it.” She grabs a towel to mop up the mess.
“I got it.” I snatch the towel from her and shoo her to the dining room table. She heads for the sink instead and sticks her hand under cold water.
“Are you hurt?” I don’t give her a chance to answer before shackling her wrist to study her hand. It’s red but there aren’t any blisters forming.
“It’s fine. The water wasn’t boiling.”
I place her hand under the water again. “Is this one of those pregnancy things? You prefer cold tea?”
She snorts. “No, this is one of those ‘I fell asleep while making tea’ things.”
“Why aren’t you in bed if you’re tired and falling asleep?”
She taps her chin. “Let me think about this. Why oh why would I be awake in the middle of the night if I don’t need to be? What could possibly be the reason? It couldn’t be because I have a boss who doesn’t understand the concept of office hours, could it?”
I growl. “You put up with too much crap from him.”
“Have you forgotten how it feels to be an employee? How you have to listen to your boss? How he can order you around?”
“But he should appreciate you and how much work you do.”
“I am pretty awesome.”
I chuckle. I don’t know how she does it, but Aurora always makes me smile.
“I am going to speak to him about your workload. I already spoke to the band. They agreed with me.”
She narrows her eyes until they’re tiny slits of anger. “Are you trying to get me fired?”
“No. I’m trying to ensure your workload isn’t too much for you.”
She pokes me. “And you know what’s too much for me, do you?”
I capture her hand before she can poke me again. “You’re pregnant. You shouldn’t be running yourself ragged.”
She growls. “What do you know about it?”
I feel my cheeks heat, but I keep hold of her hand. She’s vibrating with anger now. I’m not letting her go.
“I’ve been doing a bit of research. Stress isn’t good for the baby.”
She yanks her hand away from me. “What do you care about the baby? You won’t claim Little Bean anyway. You’ve made it perfectly obvious you want nothing to do with us.”
“Wrong.”
I don’t give her a chance to respond before I slam my lips down on hers. Her flowery taste mixed with a bit of mint hits me and I groan. This is what I’ve been missing. This is why I’ve been antsy and couldn’t settle. I needed this. I need her.
She sighs and I slip my tongue into her mouth. I thread my hands through her hair and tilt her head until I can dive in deep. I need to memorize every single inch of her. I need to embed my taste in her until she craves me. Only me and no one else.
I can’t have her – not forever – but I want my taste imprinted on her. It’s an asshole move but I can’t help myself.
She wraps her leg around my waist and rubs herself against me. There’s my feisty girl. I hitch her leg over my arm to open her up and punch my hips. My hard length hits her core and she moans.
Damn. I’ve missed the sound of her little moans and growls and sighs when we were together. I want to hear them all. I want to memorize them.
She leans back against the counter and something thuds to the floor.
She jerks away from me and glances down at the floor where her tea mug is shattered near our feet.
“Stay here,” I order as I lift her up onto the counter. “I’ll clean it up.”
She crosses her arms over her chest and huffs. “I’m pregnant. I’m not helpless.”
I kiss her nose. “Let me do this for you.”
I find a broom in the closet and quickly sweep up the shards of ceramic. I throw them away before prowling toward Aurora.
“Now, where were we?”
She holds up a hand. “You were explaining how I was wrong to think you don’t care about this baby.” Her hands move to protect her stomach. The defensive move has me growling.
“I’m not an asshole. I care about the baby.”
“But you don’t want him.”
I freeze. “Him? You know it’s a him?”
“No. It’s too early. But I can’t call a baby it.”
“No, you call him Little Bean.”
“Because he’s about the size of a coffee bean.”
“You do love your coffee.”
“It’s an essential ingredient to the happiness of life.” She hops off the counter. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”
I stop her. “Are you running away from me?”
Her brow furrows. “Running away? What would I be running away from?”
“A discussion about our baby.”
“ Our baby? Since when is Little Bean our baby?”
I crowd her until she’s trapped against the kitchen counter. I slam my hands on the surface on each side of her to keep her right where I want her.
“Little Bean has been our baby from the first moment he was conceived. From the first moment I sunk my cock into you and felt your heat surround me.”
Her eyes dilate until the green is no longer visible. She swallows and I inch forward until there isn’t any room between the two of us. Until her breasts press against my chest. Until I can feel her taut nipples poking me.
She clears her throat and her eyes fill with challenge. “He’s not, though. You don’t want to claim him. You want to pretend he’s not yours.”
“I can’t be the father this baby needs.”
“Why not? Why can’t you be the baby’s father? What are you afraid of?”
Too many things to enumerate. But I’m not telling her my sad story.
“I will never abandon him. He’ll want for nothing. I’ll support him in all the other ways that matter.”
She shakes her head. “You don’t get it. The only way that matters is being his parent. Money doesn’t matter. Kids don’t care about money. They care about a loving, stable environment to grow up in.”
I squeeze her hip. “I don’t have anything to give.”
“Liar,” she lashes out. “You have a ton of love to give. I see how you are with Isla. How sweet you are with her. How protective you are of her. You’re worth more than your money.”
I falter for a moment. Is she right? Isla and I are good friends. But therein lies the problem. We’re friends. I’m not her parent. She has Leia and Fender to help her grow up.
“I’m not the parenting kind.”
“Said by every coward who ever lived.” She pushes against my chest. “Move. I want to get down.”
I don’t want her to go anywhere. I want her here in my arms where she belongs. But I will never trap Aurora. Never force her to stay somewhere she doesn’t want to.
I step back and she hops down. “I understand my pregnancy was a surprise. I wasn’t exactly expecting to get pregnant from a rockstar who doesn’t want children. But I will not allow you to pick and choose the parts of parenthood you want. You’re either all in or you’re out.”
Pain lashes through me. “I can’t be all in. I’m sorry. I can’t.”
I wasn’t built to be a dad.
Her shoulders slump and I want to reach for her. To pull her into my arms and tell her I lied. But I can’t. I didn’t lie. I can’t be all in with this child.
Aurora isn’t down for long, though. She inhales a deep breath and straightens her back. My feisty girl can’t be defeated. Even by me.
“Thanks for your honesty.” She shuffles away from me. “I’m going to bed.”
“What about you?” I holler after her. “Do you want this baby?”
She glances over her shoulder at me with a soft smile on her face. “More than anything in this world. Me and Little Bean will be a family.”
Considering she lost her family when she was a teenager, I can understand her desire for one. She knows how it feels to be part of a loving family and wants to recreate it with the baby.
I don’t know what a loving family is. I’ve never had one. I’m not in a hurry to try and create something I don’t know how to be a part of.
But no matter what Aurora says, I will never let the baby suffer. I might not be his dad but he will have everything his little heart desires.
I watch Aurora walk up the stairs. Too bad I can’t have everything my heart desires. But it’s better this way.