Chapter 29
Lightbulb moment – the moment you realize how badly you screwed up
Jett
A s soon as I’m outside the house, I want to go back inside. I want to explain to Aurora why I didn’t respond to her declaration of love.
But I can’t go back.
I don’t know how to explain. I don’t know how to tell her I don’t feel the same way without hurting her. Hurting Aurora is the last thing I want to do.
I walk around town until I find myself in front of Gibson and Mercy’s house. I debate walking past it but I could use a friend.
“What are you doing here?” Gibson asks when he opens the door.
“Do I need a reason to visit my best friend?”
“Your best friend? You haven’t been treating me like a best friend for a while now.”
I scowl. “You weren’t supposed to fall in love.”
He claps me on the back and ushers me inside. “The same way you weren’t supposed to fall in love?”
No way. There’s no way I love Aurora. I can’t love her. Hell, I’m not sure I know what love is.
“I haven’t fallen for Aurora. We’re dating and having a baby together but I’m not in love.”
He barks out a laugh. “Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“You didn’t change your entire stand on relationships and children because of her?”
He doesn’t give me a chance to respond before continuing.
“She isn’t the only woman you’ve ever let sleep in the bed with you? You don’t want to give her everything? Like a puppy for Christmas? You’re not worried you’re not good enough for her?”
“I’m not good enough for her.”
He smiles. “What you’re feeling is called love.”
“I don’t love her.”
“Okay. Maybe you don’t love her. But the seeds of love are there. Give them a bit of attention and soon enough – Bam! – love will be in your heart.”
Is he right? Is this the start of love? I did change my entire stance on relationships and children for Aurora. And I do want to give her everything. I never want to hurt her or see her cry. I rub a hand over my chest where it aches from watching how hurt she was this morning.
“What did you do?”
I drop my hand. “What do you mean?”
“Come on.” He motions me through the house and out the backyard to the tiny home they built for Mercy’s great uncle.
“Mercury isn’t living here yet,” Gibson explains as he opens the door. “Mercy insists we add panic buttons and guardrails everywhere before she’ll let him live here on his own.”
He opens the refrigerator and pulls out two bottles. When he hands me one and I see it’s water, I blow out a breath in relief.
“Don’t worry,” he says as he motions for me to take a seat on the sofa. “I’m still sober. It helps that my parents haven’t contacted me since I filed a restraining order against them.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Get what?”
“How could a dad ever treat his son the way yours treats you?”
His shoulders sag in relief. “You’re not going to bug me anymore to give my parents another chance?”
Guilt swamps me at how relieved he is. Shit. I’ve been an asshole. I’ve been pushing him for the past decade to reconcile with his parents. I couldn’t understand how he didn’t want anything to do with them since I’d give anything to have parents in my life.
But now I’m going to be a father myself, my feelings have changed.
“Fuck no. They don’t deserve you. I sure as hell won’t treat my daughter the way your parents treat you.”
He smiles. “A daughter? Aurora is having a girl?”
I nod.
He lifts his bottle and touches it to mine. “Congrats, bro.”
“Thanks.” I smile at the idea of a little girl who looks like Aurora. Assuming Aurora ever lets me see our child after last night.
“What did you do?”
I frown. “Why do you think I did anything?”
“Because you’re at my house instead of hovering over your woman.”
“I don’t hover over Aurora.”
He snorts. “And Dylan didn’t try to get Virginia to quit her job because being a librarian is too strenuous a job for a pregnant woman.”
“Dylan’s an overprotective idiot. Virginia is going to stab him in the eye one of these days.”
“Nah,” Gibson disagrees. “She’s gaga over his blue eyes. She’s more likely to hide his guitars away.”
“Glad I don’t play guitar.”
He cocks an eyebrow. “Because you think Aurora would hide your guitars?”
I blow out a breath. “You’re like a dog with a bone.”
“Woof. Woof.”
“Fine. Aurora told me she loves me and I didn’t respond.”
He studies me. “Not at all?”
I shake my head.
“You didn’t say, I don’t know, thank you or I care for you, too?”
“Nothing at all.”
“What did you do?”
“I may have run out of the house when Leia brought back the dog this morning.”
He laughs. “You are in so much trouble.”
I throw my water bottle at him. “Don’t be an asshole. I seem to remember Mercy telling you she loves you and you not even remembering because you were drunk off your ass.”
He sobers. “I fucked up. But I got my shit together now and I’m not doing anything to put my relationship with Mercy in jeopardy.”
“Good. I like Mercy. I don’t know what she sees in your ugly ass, but I don’t want her hurt.”
He picks my bottle up from the floor and hands it back to me. “What are you going to do about Aurora?”
I shrug. “Apologize?”
He groans. “Please don’t tell me you’re going to apologize for not loving her.”
Even I know better than that. “What do you think? I’m an idiot?”
“Dude, I’ve been on tour with you. I’ve watched you run around the tour bus convinced there were snakes all over your body. I’ve rushed to the hospital because you fell while climbing Mount Etna and fractured your leg.”
“What’s your point?”
“I know you’re an idiot.”
This time I make sure the cap on the water is off before I throw the bottle at him. He laughs as water sprays his sweatshirt.
“I haven’t done any adventure sports for a while,” I say in my defense. Once the words are out, I realize I haven’t felt the need for an adrenaline rush in a while. Not since I let Aurora into my life.
I groan as I bury my face in my hands. Shit. I am falling in love. I’m falling for my feisty girl. It’s not love yet but the seeds are there the way Gibson described it.
“What am I going to do?”
He digs his phone out of his pocket. “Let me call the guys. We’ll figure out a plan.”
I slap the phone out of his hands before he can dial. “I don’t need the entire band to know what happened.”
“Didn’t you say Leia was at your house when you left?” I nod. “Dude, they already know.”
I refuse to believe him. Aurora wouldn’t betray me by telling everyone our business. She knows how private a person I am despite the entire band living and working together. Besides, I doubt she wants everyone knowing what happened.
“Hey. Hey.” He squeezes my shoulder. “We can fix this. Does Aurora know about your past?”
“She knows everything.”
“Everything? You told her about Cindy?”
“I did.”
“If she knows about your past, she’ll understand how hard love and relationships are for you. This is totally fixable. You’ll win her back.”
The fear threatening to overtake me eases a bit at his words. “But I can’t tell her I love her.”
“Maybe not. But you can show her.” He grins.
“You have a plan?”
“Of course, I have a plan. I’ll always have your back.”
I hope so. Because if I irrevocably fucked things up with Aurora and lose her, I’ll be the one living in this tiny house instead of Mercy’s uncle Mercury.
Oh, who am I kidding? I’ll fuck things up plenty. I should probably build a tiny home of my own.
But first, I need to win Aurora back. I can’t lose her. I can’t live without her.