Chapter Ten
Ten
M erle was in her most sacred place. This was where she let her hair down and didn’t have to keep her guard up. What had she been thinking? Pussy still spasming, she realized she’d just had the most jaw-dropping sex with him here. If she needed further proof that she was in the middle of a maelstrom, this was it.
She protected this back room as if...it was her heart. This was the one place that she owned—she rented her apartment and her mom’s house was her mom’s space. This little room at WiCKed Sisters had been curated to bring together all the parts of herself. Here, she could let herself be free, even if she was alone.
And as she lay naked against Merle, his arms wrapped around her and his exhalation moving down her back, it felt...well, different. Changed.
As much as she was driven by the phases of the moon and by the cards she pulled from her tarot deck each day, she liked to plan.
Since the moment that Nan had muttered the name of her birth father, nothing had gone to plan.
Abso-fucking-lutely nothing.
But this might be the most off-course she’d ever been in her life. And the most excited.
“Stop overthinking this.”
She tilted her head to the side and met his gaze. Those big chocolate eyes of his still seemed shielded to her.
She scrunched her face up and shook her head. “I’m not.”
Yeah, that’s it, Wakefield. Lie. Because that’s always served you so damn well.
“You’re digging your nails into my side,” he said dryly.
Fuck. She let go and shifted back on his thighs so she wasn’t crowding him. “Sorry.”
“It’s cool.”
Except it wasn’t. Merle was already making her behave differently, and this was one change she hadn’t expected. She liked sex and had a lot of it over the years. But she didn’t attach emotion to the act. It was like casting a spell or charging crystals. Just one more thing in her life that gave her pleasure.
So why was she sitting here trying to figure out what he was thinking? Why had she brought him in here? Why was she still sitting on his lap staring at him?
She put her hand on his shoulder and stood up. Time to take action. Merle rose next to her. The room smelled of sweat and patchouli. She was either going to have to burn sage and clear the energy from this room or confront the image of him sitting naked on her meditation pillow every time she came in here.
“The bathroom’s back there,” she said, pointing toward the corner that shared a wall with Poppy’s teashop and her back room. She’d just be cool, casual, chill.
Except when had she ever been chill about anything? She was used to emoting. To letting everything she felt come out and then dealing with the consequences.
Merle didn’t move, as if he wanted to say something but hadn’t worked up the courage. She almost felt more comfortable watching his awkwardness because that was the Merle she was used to dealing with.
She put her hands on her hips, her shoulders slightly back, and watched his eyes drop to her breasts.
Okay, it might not be the most feminist of ideas, but she could totally use her body to distract him until her mind figured out what to do next.
Merle shook his head. He stooped to pick up his T-shirt and handed it to her. “Put this on or I won’t be able to think or talk.”
“Is that a bad thing?” she asked, taking the T-shirt from him and pulling it over her head. It smelled of his cologne and wasn’t even baggy on her.
He groaned.
“You look way better in that shirt than I do,” he said. “Not sure this was a good idea.”
She smiled then, because he sounded the exact way she felt at this moment—wanting to be sensible and make a plan, but still tingling from sex and craving him again.
“Glad you like it. I’m keeping this shirt,” she said.
“What would you do if I said I’m keeping you?” he asked.
Blood rushed to her head, her pulse pounding loudly in her own ears. “You can’t keep a person.”
“I meant... I want to keep doing this.”
“Sex?”
“Sex. And lunch and pumpkins,” he said.
“You did ask me out on a date, and I said yes,” she pointed out. Most men would assume she was the one who wanted more dates, that her desire to connect with them was a forgone conclusion. But Merle wasn’t most men.
Clearly neither of them was good at dating. Somehow, she’d always assumed that, because he was Poppy’s cousin and they had a big, seemingly close family, Merle would be more experienced.
“That’s right, but how do I know you didn’t just say yes because you wanted to keep things even between us?” he asked.
“Oh.”
She’d forgotten she’d said that. Was that what this was? The moment he’d mentioned it, she’d felt vulnerable after the visit with Nan and the orgasm he’d given her. At this stage, maybe it would be better not to bring him in too deep.
“Nah, it’s not that,” she said. “I don’t know exactly what it is, but not that. I’m still going to go on the date with you and all the other stuff we’ve been talking about.”
He rubbed his hand over his chest. Drawing her eye to the light dusting of hair on his torso. Funny that she hadn’t noticed it before in the heat of the moment. There was going to be more things about Merle that she missed too.
Discovering them would be very exciting.
“What is it?”
“Do you know?” she countered.
“Nope. In fact, dating you is going to be a first for me.”
“I know you’ve had girlfriends before. You brought one to the Not-Valentine’s Party. But that’s not me. We aren’t official or anything yet.”
“Cool.”
His face didn’t agree with his mouth. If there was ever a man who looked less than cool with it, it was Merle. As if he was just as uncomfortable as she was with labels.
Or was she projecting?
“You totally don’t sound sincere,” she said. “Lying Cat would be calling you out.”
He shrugged. “You’re not wrong. I’ve never dated someone who knew my family.”
“And that’s a problem?”
“Poppy will be hurt if we hurt each other,” he said.
“Yes, she will. But think of how happy she’ll be if we don’t,” Liberty said. She wasn’t a pessimistic person by nature. She considered herself a realist, but she secretly leaned toward optimism. As her mom always said, why start something you assume is going to fail?
As usual, Liberty kept him off balance, and there was a part of him that wasn’t sure he could trust it. He had used Poppy as an excuse. The truth was, his cousin was the easiest piece of this puzzle. She had her own issues with relationships and would never hold it against him or Liberty if they dated and it went nowhere.
So why was he over here giving Liberty half-truths?
Because he could be a fucking wuss when it came to people who mattered to him. He didn’t want to lose. Ironic.
Her friendship was something he was coming to count on. Liberty gave him space to be himself. Never judging.
If things didn’t work out, they’d probably get over it. He was doing her a favor, and she’d be in his life forever regardless because she and Poppy weren’t going to fall out over anything.
Really, he was evasive just for himself. Because if they got together and didn’t work out, he’d be devastated. Another failure when he never had a steady relationship unlike his brothers.
That was it.
If he meant what he said earlier, he had to man the fuck up.
Dammit, he’d never sounded more like Coach.
“It’s not Poppy,” he said.
“Then what is it?”
“My family. I like you, and if we date, Poppy will mention it to her mom, and then my mom will know.”
She shook her head as she walked over to him and punched him in the shoulder. A solid punch. Was there anything she couldn’t do? “Are you embarrassed by me?”
“No. I’m embarrassed by me,” he said, rubbing his shoulder and then looking around for his underwear, because this conversation was hard enough without being stark naked.
He found them, then realized he was still wearing the condom and shook his head. “Give me a minute.”
Merle stalked to the bathroom, got rid of the condom and washed himself before putting on his boxer briefs and going back out to Liberty. She’d pulled on her jeans, still wearing his Vox Machina T-shirt.
He slowly pulled up the fly of his jeans, as if by drawing it out Liberty was going to pretend she hadn’t heard what he said and stop waiting for him to explain.
Of course, since this was the real world, that’s not what happened.
“Merle.”
Just the sound of his name and he felt a grin tug at the corner of his mouth, despite the fact that this was one of the hardest things he was ever going to have to say. She just wasn’t budging.
“Okay. Well the thing is, I’m not like this with my family.”
“Is this the haircut thing again?” she asked.
He shook his head. “It’s an everything-about-me thing. I have to be a certain way when I’m home. So normally when I date, it’s local girls, and it’s not serious. I never talk about it with my family.”
“Okay. So...that’s a couple of things to unpack, but firstly, you’re serious about me?”
Of course she’d go for that.
“Yeah. You have to know I’ve wanted you since the first moment I met you. And you push and tease me and keep me completely off balance...so yeah, I think this is serious. That’s exactly why I don’t want to move too fast. If I share you with my family, then I have to share who I really am and...things could get rough. I don’t want you to be a part of that blowup,” he said.
That was the thing about being vulnerable. He didn’t want to be alone in this. If she wasn’t serious, then he’d still hook up with her when she wanted—their connection was too good to deny it—but he’d have to try to stop himself from caring any deeper for her.
Easier thought than done.
But there it was.
She tipped her head to the side and he noticed some stubble burn on her neck. He hardened a little bit at the thought of kissing her again. Even though he’d been preaching about going slow, that might not be possible. He’d left a temporary mark on her, and he wanted to do more than that. To claim her. To tell the world that this vibrant, charming, strong woman was his.
“I’m not sure,” she said. “I mean you’re probably right, but at this moment, everything I’ve ever known or believed about myself seems to be in flux. My magic is wonky, I’m lying to my mom and afraid for Nan. I’ve always said I never wanted to know the cocksucker who was her sperm donor, but at the same time, I have his name and I’m anxious for you to find him...and then there’s you.”
Then there was him.
“And?”
He searched for a calm he wasn’t feeling. He had a lifetime of hiding his emotions from his parents, and he hoped that he was able to do that here with Liberty. That she’d think he was going to be okay whatever her answer was.
But it was obvious she wasn’t buying it.
Because—and this was more comforting than he’d expected—Liberty was actually looking at him and saw him.
Could that be answer enough for right now?
“And... I don’t know. I like you. I brought you back here into the one place that’s most me ,” Liberty said, gesturing around. “Of course my explanation is all about me too, right?”
Shaking her head, she closed her eyes. Why was it always easier to admit to the vulnerable stuff that way? “I’m scared, Merle. So much is happening in my life and I don’t handle change well. I can’t be anything other than who I am, but I’m not always nice and the situation with Nan and now my dad is really testing my limits.
“I don’t want you to see the real me and decide I’m not what you expected,” she admitted.
“You’re always more than I’m anticipating, and I have never been disappointed by that. I get it though. Life would be easier if this was just about hot hookups.”
That sweetness that was at Merle’s core made her smile, his words wrapping around her like a warm breeze in summer.
She took another deep breath, not allowing herself to delve too deeply into that comfort. He said he wanted the truth and could handle it. “I like you, but I’m not sure if I’m using you like the rituals I usually do to keep normal. Instead of drawing a card, I’m texting you. Instead of thinking about the next moon phase and asking for guidance, I’m falling into your arms. What if I’m just using you?”
Her words sounded harsher than she’d intended, but there was no use in lying. The fact was, as much as she wanted to own her feelings and live in the moment, right now she couldn’t.
The past was dominating every action and inaction. And that really pissed her off. Why should a man who had abandoned her and her mom get any of her thoughts? He’d changed her behaviors and her belief in herself.
It was hard for her to face, but there was no way to hide from it.
Merle nodded in that contemplative way of his and then stepped closer to her, pulling her into his arms against his bare chest. Her cheek rested on his skin. The scent of his cologne was much stronger here, subtly mixing with his natural smell, and she closed her eyes, trying to identify the individual notes to distract her body.
She wanted him again.
Wanted to push him back down on the meditation pillow, maybe light a sensual candle that she sold in the shop and get naked. Except more sex would be a distraction from what they needed to say to each other.
“I can handle that. Thanks for the honesty,” he said.
“Yeah, I’m not ever going to lie to you,” she replied. She stopped herself from saying that she didn’t lie at all, knowing that she was keeping the truth from her mom at this moment. “I do want to date you, but take things slow.”
“Good. Me too,” he said.
“So about your family...”
Yeah, change the subject, Wakefield. That’s the way to get out of her own head. Put the ball back into his court.
“My family.” He sighed. “Well, I guess I’m not one hundred percent sure it will be an issue.”
“Why not? Birch Lake is a small town and Poppy will notice we’re dating. Unless you were suggesting we keep this from her?”
He stepped back. “No. I’m just pumping the brakes. My immediate family is complicated. Poppy can keep a secret. And until you know if I’m just a fun distraction from your problems or something more, I’m going to let things ride with them.”
She wrapped her arms around her waist to keep from punching him again. “Are you that wishy-washy about me?”
“No, I’m not. But if you’re not sure, then I just want to wait until you are,” he said.
“What if I never am? This thing with your family shouldn’t be a change you make for me or any other woman,” she said. “If you’re someone else around your family and you don’t like it, then you need to change for you, dude.”
Dude. Goddess knew that wasn’t what she normally would have said to him, but he was right. Until she could determine if this was real or just a distraction, it would be wise to be cautious.
She heard faint laughter in her mind and shook her head. Even the goddess couldn’t let her live that one down.
Yeah, cautious and her didn’t really go together.
But this was Merle.
She truly liked him and cared about him. She didn’t want to hurt him just because she needed someone to make her forget her problems.
“You’re right, but I don’t know how to do it,” he said, lifting his hand and scrubbing it through his hair.
“Break it down for me,” she said.
“It’s going to take longer than you have,” he said.
“You’re running away,” she pointed out. Though he was right. In about ten minutes, her assistant was going to knock on the door. Liberty needed to prep for her next tarot reading and she had two regulars who were coming by for their autumn rituals box later that afternoon.
“Maybe I am,” he said.
“Okay, for now. I’m not going to drop it,” she warned him.
“As if I don’t know you at all,” he said back. “What the hell am I going to wear out of here anyway?”
“Hold on,” she said with a giggle, then went over to the boxes of new merchandise that she’d ordered for the shop. There were some tees and she found a purple one in his size. She tossed it to him.
He looked down at the WiCKed Sisters logo and slogan emblazoned on the front of it.
It’s Time To Be WiCKed.
“Nice,” he said. “I was hoping for one that said I’ve been confluenced.”
She flushed as he pulled it over his head. “Why?”
“Oh, I know you keep saying you want to confluence with me.” He paused, a mischievous look on his face. “Was it everything you thought it would be?”
And more.
“I thought for a dungeon master there’d be more kink, but otherwise yeah, it was good.”
“You want kink?” he asked. “My dungeon does have a few tricks and toys in it.”
She couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. Or if she even wanted him to be joking. But she was already thinking about Merle putting her in handcuffs and ordering her around in his dungeon. She kind of liked it.
Her nipples hardened against the T-shirt. She had to get her head back into work before they started this cycle all over again. Soon.
Walking over to him, she went on tiptoe and bit the lobe of his left ear. “Maybe I’ll let you take me there.”
She kissed the side of his neck and then stepped back. “But for now I have to get back to work. Later, Merle.”
He leaned in close, the heat of his breath sending shivers through her, and whispered, “When I get you in my dungeon, you’re not going to want to leave.”
He dropped a quick kiss on her lips and then winked at her before he stepped out the back door of her shop.