Chapter 15
Marina
I stare blankly at Zach. It feels like there are a million words on the tip of my tongue, and I can’t voice a single one. Max has been found. In San Diego of all places. For the first time in what feels like forever, I have the ability to see my brother. Zach gets up from his seat across the table, comes to my side, kneels next to my chair, and takes my hands in his. His thumbs make lazy circles on the backs of my hands as every imaginable scenario runs through my head. But none of them matter. Not really. All I can think about is seeing my brother again, making sure he’s all right, and making amends. I close my eyes for a moment to gather my strength, then open them and nod at Zach.
“Tell me.”
His throat bobs. “He’s a student at San Diego State University on a baseball scholarship. He lives on campus and works part time at a local coffee house. He appears to be living a happy life and is a good student.”
Baseball. Instant tears fill my eyes. He always loved baseball so much. When I left, he was on a team, and Mr. Lewis was an assistant coach. I can still remember the glow on his face when he suited up in his uniform. Right now, at this moment, I feel like my heart might explode from happiness. He is chasing his dream.
“Is that it?” I ask, unable to control the ridiculous smile on my face. “Anything else?”
Zach hesitates just for a moment, then reaches over, grabs a napkin, and gently puts it in my hand as if he knows more tears are coming.
“He also volunteers on Sundays,” he says, his expression full of emotion. “As an assistant coach on a baseball team for foster kids. He’s giving back to them…just like you.”
I feel my face crumple and let the tears fall as Zach’s arms wrap around me, pulling me off my chair and into his lap. I drop my head to his shoulder and don’t even try to stop the happy sobs that shake my entire body. I don’t care what I sound like or look like, I’m not interested in holding anything in. I slide my arms around Zach’s neck and let out what feels like a thousand years of pent-up worry and hurt over how I left things with Max. I squeeze Zach as hard as I can.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” I whisper in a voice that’s so wobbly I don’t even recognize it.
His arms are like steel bands around me as he rocks me gently back and forth. I cling to the warm, solid wall of Zach’s body and breathe in his beachy scent. It’s a balm to my overwhelmed emotions, anchoring me while the pure emotion of what’s just happened hits me like a tidal wave. The warmth of his body gradually settles me until I can finally breathe normally.
I pull back to study his face and find the clear tracks of tears on his cheeks. My heart swells, and fresh tears threaten my eyes. I place my hands on his face and gently wipe them away. He smiles softly and places a gentle, sweet kiss on my lips. I press my cheek to his and take a deep breath. I am absolutely 100% going to fall in love with this man. There’s no denying it any longer. I’m already well on the way. My inner control freak is being loved right out of me.
“I am so happy for you, Marina,” he rasps as he rubs his strong hands up and down my back.
I laugh softly, joy overflowing. “All because of you. Thank you, Zach. I can’t believe it.”
He beams up at me. “I’m glad I could help.”
I nod. “Me too.”
His arms slacken a little, but he still holds me securely on his lap.
“What will you do now that you know where he is?”
I don’t even have to think about it.
“I want to see him,” I answer succinctly. “As soon as possible.”
With that, Zach gently nudges me off his lap, stands, and pulls me with him. He pulls my chair out for me, and I sit, then he takes a seat next to me.
“Right then, let’s make a plan.”
I shake my head at him, still unable to fathom how this incredible man came to be in my life. I grab a piece of bacon and take a bite, focusing on the logistics of getting myself down to San Diego.
“Well, this could be tricky,” I hedge. “San Diego is five hundred miles away. I know Ashley would let me borrow her car, but it takes too long to drive down there. The benefit concert is tomorrow. There’s no way we’d be back in time.”
His gaze rakes over my face as he considers what I’ve just said. The corners of his mouth tip up. I take another bite of bacon.
“So I’m coming along, then?”
I lean forward and press a kiss to his cheek, then pull back and regard him with pleading eyes.
“You don’t think I can do this without you, do you?” I ask quietly. “I don’t want to do this without you.”
He bows his head just slightly. “My honor, my lady.”
I point my remaining piece of bacon at him. “We still have to figure out if we have enough to time to get down there and back. We have the benefit concert tomorrow, then you hit the road for your media stuff in L.A. and I’ll be busy prepping for the Montclair meeting. Then we have the big Rebels concert that next weekend.”
He waves a hand at me like it’s no big deal. “Easy, Siren. I’ve got this all figured out.”
I sit back in my chair and give him a curious look, tossing the last bit of bacon in my mouth. He shakes his head and slides a hand over his face, then runs it back through his hair.
“When I said I’d slay dragons for you, I didn’t think they’d be my own,” he mutters. “We’re gonna fly down there. Today.”
***
For more times than I can count over the past two weeks, I’m having one of those moments where I’m wondering how this is my life. This time, it’s because I’m looking out the window of a private jet, letting my hot rock star boyfriend squeeze my hand to death as the pilot lands us in San Diego just two hours after we got the phone call about Max. I’m not sure which part of it is the strangest, but I’m going to go with the whole having a boyfriend thing since I had previously sworn off all men for the foreseeable future until I met a rock star in the middle of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Yep. That definitely trumps the whole private jet thing.
Zach’s jaw muscle constricts a few times, and he swallows hard when the wheels touch down. I reach over and cup his cheek with my free hand, softly kissing him over and over again as the plane slows and comes to a halt. He looks at me with darkened eyes.
“I may get used to flying if we get to do that every time.”
I laugh softly and kiss him again, my heart full of every good feeling in the whole wide world. The pilot steps out of the cockpit as the steward lowers the plane’s stairs for us. We take our seatbelts off and stand. I wrap my arms around him and give him a huge hug.
“That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
He lets out a low growl and pulls me closer.
“At the risk of looking a coward in front of my brave, beautiful girlfriend, I’m going to decline to answer that.”
The steward clears his throat from the doorway and we reluctantly let each other go. I grab my bag, and we make our way to the exit. The pilot smiles kindly at us both and shakes Zach’s hand.
“Just send me a text when you know what time you’d like to head back, Mr. Adams,” he says coolly. “We’ll have everything ready.”
Zach nods as he shakes his hand, smacking him on the shoulder.
“Thanks so much, Jeff.”
“Thank you,” I say as we begin our descent down the plane’s stairs.
It’s a beautiful day in San Diego, but southern California weather is usually mild. They don’t have to deal with as much fog and murkiness as we do up north, and I feel a little jealous as I look up at the blue sky. White puffy clouds are dotted around, looking so perfect it’s almost as if they were placed there by an artist.
Zach is right on my heels as I step onto the tarmac, and we walk over to the terminal building at the small private airport. He holds the door for me, and I don’t miss how his eyes drag down my body and back up again. When I realized I’d be seeing Max today, I ran back into my room and changed into a favorite sundress that I rarely get to wear. The fabric is a very light pink with beautiful red and pink flowers sprayed across the hem line just above my knee. I opted for a pair of pink espadrilles to go with it.
“I love that dress on you,” Zach says as he laces our fingers together. “You look even more beautiful than usual.”
I smile my thanks as we walk over to greet the car service driver holding a sign that reads Walker . For obvious reasons, Zach uses a fake name for things like this. I find it completely adorable that he uses the name Brett Walker when he travels because it “sounds like a really cool American guy”.
After exchanging a few pleasantries, we follow our driver out to an SUV waiting at the curb. Zach lets me in first, then he scoots in behind me before the driver closes the door and gets in the front seat.
“Our destination is about twenty minutes away, folks,” our driver, Michelle, informs us. “Would you like the privacy screen up or down, Mr. Walker?”
“Up, please,” Zach replies. “Thank you, Michelle.”
The privacy screen slides into place, and I can see by the way she nods at Zach in the rear-view mirror she knows exactly who he is. Zach reaches over, covering my hand with his.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, his eyes roving over my face.
I take a big breath and let it out.
“Okay, I think. Excited. Nervous.” I squeeze his hand. “Unbelievably grateful.”
He pulls my hand up to his lips and kisses the back of my hand, his eyes lit up with excitement.
“I’m excited for you,” he says. “Are you sure you don’t want me to wait in the car, Marina? If I’m spotted, it could bring a level of attention to the situation that you really don’t want.”
I shake my head firmly. “I want you with me, Zach. Especially if it doesn’t go well. It’ll kill me if he’s angry, even though I deserve that from him. I need you to help keep me together.”
He squeezes my hand. “You deserve no one’s anger. I have all the faith in the world that he’ll be happy to see you. I just don’t want my presence to ruin things.”
I grin and reach into my bag, pulling out my Alcatraz Swim Club ball cap and handing it to him.
“I brought you a disguise. ”
He laughs out loud when he sees it, and he slips it on as my phone starts vibrating like crazy in my purse. I pull it out and swipe it open.
Ashley: Sending you all the love and happy vibes, Marina! So happy for you!
Merry: Send us an update as soon as you can…I’m so excited!
Scarlet: Extra points for selfies. You got this!!!
My heart is so full right now. I sent a message to the girls via our group chat when Zach and I were on the way to the airport. The amount of joy, love, and support I get from these women is something I will never take for granted. While I’m still worried about Max’s reaction when he sees me, I feel more than equipped to bear the weight of whatever happens because I have them in my inner circle—and now Zach as well. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.
Marina: Thanks, guys. I’m nervous, excited, scared, and about a hundred other emotions right now. I promise not to leave you hanging.
I slip my phone back into my bag and lean into Zach’s solid warmth. Hard muscle and that lovely beachy scent is the perfect place to cuddle against right now. He wraps an arm around me and kisses the top of my head as the car winds its way through the city streets, bringing us closer and closer to my brother. I’ve dreamed of this moment for so many years. I can barely believe it’s happening now. There are so many things to say. I have so many questions. I’ve tried to picture the adult version of the boy in my memory, but I can’t quite get there. The image of him cemented in my heart all these years is of him in his baseball jammies, tucked into bed with his big blue eyes watching me as I sang him to sleep each night. That memory has both tortured me and kept me going all these years.
“You have no idea what it means to me that you’re coming with me,” I murmur against Zach’s shoulder.
He pulls me closer. “As if I could ever refuse you anything, Siren. ”
I smile. “I’m glad you’re here.”
I feel his lips press a sweet kiss on my temple.
“Zach?” I say softly.
“Yes, my darling Marina?” I can hear the smile in his voice.
“You make me feel safe.”
He reaches up a hand and gently cups my face, turning my head so I can look into his eyes. I see such warmth every time he looks at me. And longing. Joy. Love? There are times when I could almost swear I see that too.
“That is probably the greatest compliment you could ever give me,” he says quietly. “I want you to know you’re safe. I want you to know deep down that you can reach any goal, any dream you want. And you will never fall simply because I will not allow it to happen.”
Tears threaten my eyes again as I get lost in the pure emotion lighting his face. Gratitude fills my heart.
“How did I ever want to run from you?”
He lets out a growl and rubs our noses together.
“I’m about three seconds from ruining your lipstick, gorgeous.”
I let out a little laugh and kiss the tip of his nose just as the car slows, then turns into a small parking lot along Ocean Front Blvd. I look out the window, my heart instantly pounding. We’re in a quaint little shopping center. The buildings are all covered in gray, blue, or light yellow siding with cheerful white trim and shutters. There’s a definite beach vibe going on. I can see a surf shop, a small convenience store, an art gallery, and…there it is. The Bean & Biscuit, the coffee house where Max works. According to the report from the private investigator, he works every Saturday before heading over to coach his baseball kids in the afternoon. Michelle pulls the car into a parking space, stops the car, then gets out and opens the door for us.
Zach gets out, then waits for me to follow. I scoot across the back seat and step out of the car. The warmth of the late morning sun hits my shoulders, and I tilt my face up to the sky. Such a gorgeous day. Surely nothing bad could happen on a day like this.
Right?
I feel my confidence waver just a little as Michelle shuts the car door behind us.
“I’ll be right here when you’re ready to go,” she says with a smile.
We both nod at her, and I think Zach says thank you, but I’m suddenly not able to focus on anything happening around me right now. Zach reaches out and places his hands on my shoulders. My gaze flicks up to meet his. The warmth of his hands on my bare skin is hypnotic, and he gives me a little squeeze.
“All right?”
I take a deep breath and nod. “It’s finally hitting me. He’s right there in that coffee house, working. He has no idea I’m here, getting ready to walk in and…”
I feel a tightness in my throat as the raw emotion of this moment overcomes me. My eyes fill up, and I look away for a moment, shaking my head.
“What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if he won’t even let me apologize?”
Zach gently nudges me under the chin with a single finger until I’m looking up at him. His eyes are full of concern for me as he brushes a stray bit of hair away from my face.
“I don’t believe for one minute that you have anything to apologize for, Marina,” he says gently. “You were a kid. I think he’ll be overjoyed to see you, but it’s completely your call. Say the word, and we’ll go back to the airport right now. You don’t have to do anything today.”
He pulls me into his arms, and I’m enveloped in his warm, comforting, beachy scent. I wrap my arms around him and breathe him in, working through the possibilities in my mind. He’s right. I don’t have to do anything today. I could get back in the car right now, and Zach would follow. We would fly back home, and I could save this, and all the emotion that comes with it, for another day. But I don’t want to. I know in my heart I want to do the brave thing.
I am tired of the guilt. Tired of punishing myself. I’m tired of wondering whether Max is angry at me or even cares what happened to me. My need for closure is pressing me forward. I need to know he’s okay and to see it with my own eyes, even if he wants nothing to do with me. I need to see my brother.
I feel the decision settle in my gut and I know it’s what I need to do. I pull back slightly and look up into Zach’s eyes.
“I want to see my brother,” I say almost hoarsely.
Zach brings our foreheads together. “Then let’s go see your brother, Siren.”
I nod, and we pull apart. Zach laces our fingers together as we turn toward the coffee house and start walking. My legs feel almost wooden as we get closer and closer to Max.
The Bean & Biscuit looks charming from the outside. There’s a large wood sign with their logo hanging above the door and a spacious and inviting patio area on the side of the building. Customers are seated on white wood chairs at tables covered in blue and white checked tablecloths, enjoying coffee and pastries on this gorgeous morning. So many people just going about their day while I walk toward my reunion with Max.
A waiter steps out onto the patio with a loaded tray, and I freeze dead in my tracks. He’s tall, with short blond hair. The same shade as Max. I squint, trying to get a better look as my heart threatens to pound its way right out of my rib cage. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Zach looking from me to the waiter on the patio and back again.
“I don’t know,” I whisper, shaking my head. “I don’t know if that’s him.”
Zach squeezes my hand. “Shall we move a bit closer? ”
The waiter goes back inside, and I come back to my senses. Yes. Closer. I step forward again, and we get to the sidewalk that leads up to the coffee house. I pause again. The large windows are tinted with something, making it hard to see through. What if he looks through the window and sees me? Would he recognize me? I’m kind of hard to miss with my long red hair. If he doesn’t want to see me, he could be out the back door before I’m even inside. Zach pauses with me, giving me the space to do this how I need to. Or change my mind.
I look up at him. “Time to do the brave thing,” I say breathlessly.
He nods, and the pride shining in his eyes fortifies my courage. He’s proud of me, I can see it clear as day.
“The very brave thing,” he says, planting a soft kiss on my mouth. “Ready?”
I squeeze his hand and nod, stepping forward again and closing the distance between us and the front door. Zach pulls the visor of the ball cap down over his eyes a bit more and reaches for the front door, opening it for me. I summon all the bravery I can and step inside.
The door closes behind us, and I take a look around. The inside of the Bean & Biscuit is just as charming as the outside. Walls covered in white shiplap contrast with charcoal gray concrete floors and natural dark wood tables and chairs. Quirky, brightly colored pots are filled with various plants and flowers around the space. Straight ahead, a large bakery case displays a tempting array of pastries and cakes. Coffee house staff rush around behind the case, filling orders for coffee, tea, and food. The smell of coffee and pastries is intoxicating.
Zach nudges me, and I look over to find him pointing at a chalkboard sign halfway down the counter.
Barista of the week: Max
It is written in brightly colored chalk. I give Zach a wobbly smile as I search the coffee house for any sign of my brother. I don’t see anyone who looks like him, and the blond waiter I saw outside is nowhere to be seen. The edges of doubt begin to creep in, and I wonder if he did see me and left abruptly. I have to face the reality that this visit might not have a happy outcome.
I nearly jump out of my skin when the bell on the door dings, signaling the arrival of more customers coming in behind us. Zach keeps his head slightly lowered to avoid recognition, and he leans close.
“Perhaps we should get a table so we’re not standing out in the open?”
I nod. Good idea. But my feet are firmly planted in the entryway, and I can’t seem to move. I feel Zach’s large hand wrap gently around my elbow. I look at him, and he smiles encouragingly. My heart is racing as I let him lead me to a table in the corner by the windows that overlook the beach. He pulls my chair out for me just as movement out of the corner of my eye pulls my attention away. The blond waiter pushes his way through the door that leads inside from the patio area.
Except that’s not a blond waiter. It’s my brother.
It’s Max .