Chapter Twenty-Two
Wednesday evening, November 23
Hernandez Home
Abilene, TX
Kami
F or the rest of Tuesday, and most of the day Wednesday, I contemplate what to do.
Because of my conversation with Sophie, I’ve been looking at things differently. Watching John and Mom interact, and I mean really watching them, is eye-opening. His affection and attention to her are genuine and put a smile on my face.
If Mom is happy, then I should be happy, too.
If I’ve been wrong about Mom’s decisions, could it be that I’ve been wrong about other things, too? I thought Aaron was some jerk who my sister rushed into elopement with. But hearing that he’s been a positive influence on her, I have a newfound respect for him.
Could Ian be that person for me?
All day Wednesday, I decide to clean around the house. I clean my room from top to bottom, take out the trash, and start a load of laundry. At half-past three, I look up and realize I don’t know where Ian is. Last time I saw him was at lunch over two hours ago.
“Hey, Mom,” I call out to her, “do you know where Ian is?”
“He’s outside with John working on the old Cadillac.” She points to the front door.
“Really?” Walking to one of the front windows, I look out to find Ian and John talking over the popped hood of the Cadillac. Huh, interesting.
He never said anything about working on cars before.
I continue to see Ian throughout the day, fixing things here and there. Since when is he a handyman? Each time I catch a glimpse of him, he’s doing something to help around the house. He knows he doesn’t have to, so why is he? Is he trying to prove something? Does he have something to hide?
He’s done, and continues to do, so much for me that I worry it’s too good to be true. I want to believe Ian, that I matter to him, yet I can’t let go of the memory of a man who once told me the same thing. A man that convinced me he loved me as his own kid. I thought that man to be perfect like I’m thinking Ian is now. There is nothing stopping Ian from walking out. It’s only a matter of time before the other shoe drops.
Panic rises within me. Why did I let him get inside my head and possibly my heart? This was never supposed to happen.
I need to get rid of him. I can’t go through that emotional turmoil again. But how?
“I’ll give him what he wants,” I mutter to myself.
I want you. I remember him telling me those words the day my mom called him, thinking he was my boyfriend. The very phone call that put our agreement in motion.
Over and over, he’s said his reasoning on helping me lie to my family was because he wanted me. Giving myself to him will help me get him out of my system and out of my life. Letting him go first will save me from the coming heartbreak.
Once I stop running and supposedly “give in,” he’ll no longer have any interest in me, and be out the door.
After dinner and we’ve all said our goodnights, Ian and I walk down the hallway together to the bedroom. My heart is pounding the whole way. Is the reason because I want him out of my life? Why do I have this nagging feeling that I’m making a mistake?
The sooner I do this, the less time I’ll have to change my mind.
“How was your day?” His voice pulls me back to reality.
“Oh. Um…good. Yours?”
“Great actually.” He smiles his warm smile. The one that makes me weak in the knees. God, I hope I can pull this off and find the strength to let him go for good.
Once we’re in my bedroom, I close the door behind me and lock it. My hands shake. I need to calm down.
Before I can change my mind, and as he turns away from me, searching through his suitcase, I start taking my clothes off, throwing them to the side.
“Hey, is it okay if I take a shower first? I was outside for most of the day, so I’m feeling grimy,” he asks.
When I’m done stripping and my everything is exposed, I slowly walk over to him. My nipples are peaked, and I feel my pussy is drenched.
If I don’t want him in my life anymore, then why do I feel this way? No. I’m just overthinking it. It’s the sex that my body is excited for, not him…right?
Each step I take toward him feels like an eternity. No turning back now.
His back still faces me as I wrap my arms around his waist. “Mind if I join you?”
Pressing my cheek against his warm back, I rest one hand on his abs and glide the other down to the waistband of his jeans.
I need to take control first and foremost. If I don’t, I’ll be right where I was when we met. Vulnerable and exposed.
I manage to shove my hand inside his pants, finding his long, hard length against my fingertips. Full staff and ready. Why is he hard? Is it involuntary, or is it because of me? I start to work his shaft slowly up and down, then he gently grabs hold of my hand. He’s about to get the easiest lay of his life, and he stops me…again?
He turns to face me; his eyes go wide at my naked form.
Yep, I caught him by surprise. Perfect. I feel the urge to lower my gaze from his but force myself to stand my ground.
Somehow, in a matter of seconds, those hazel eyes that were filled with surprise, turn into ones deep with desire. His stare on my body begins to burn a sweet heat all over.
I remember this feeling. The one that makes me feel hot all over. The one that tells me all the dirty things he wants to do to me. The one that makes me feel like the only girl in his world.
Long moments pass before he speaks. “What did I do to deserve this?”
I’m saving myself. “I can’t thank you enough for being incredibly convincing to my family over the past few days.”
He wraps his arms around my waist. His touch. I’ve forgotten what that does to me.
“All in a day’s work, but I didn’t think you’d reward me like this. What changed?”
Shit, is he suspicious? I need to get him distracted. I shush him, placing my finger against his lips. “Don’t talk. Be quiet and just relax.” I slide down to my knees, bringing down his pants along with his boxers. His cock springs free.
I hear a hiss of relief escape his lips. My mouth waters as I stare at his dick, then back up to his shocked and flushed face.
Regardless of the reason I’m doing this, I can’t deny how much I want to put my mouth on him. On all of him.
I place my tongue on his fat, purple crest, making tight circles along it. Salt and his masculine musk are all I can smell and taste.
“Fuck, Kami,” he lets out as I put as much of him as I can in my mouth.
Something about him saying my name makes me wetter than before.
I lick every ridge and vein of his cock. He holds onto my head, guiding me up and down his shaft. His breathing quickens.
I never do this, yet with him it’s so easy.
It’s true; I don’t. Even during hookups, I’ve refused to orally pleasure a guy. Not just because I never know where their dicks have been in the past, but because I always saw it as too personal. Too intimate. But Ian? Something about being with him, intimately or otherwise, assures me he is a safe space to be in. To explore anything and everything without judgment.
No. That’s just wishful thinking.
I need to focus on the task at hand. Any moment of weakness and he’ll spot it, taking back control.
I continue bobbing my head up and down as I pick up the pace. With the part of his length I can’t fit into my mouth, I use one hand to stroke down to the base, while I have the other cup and massage his balls. His grip on my head tightens even more, telling me he likes it.
His heavy breathing begins to turn into moans. At this rate, he’ll reach climax soon. The faster I work, the more he gyrates his hips.
“Fuck, baby, your mouth feels… Oh, god. I’m close,” he groans.
This must be what it feels like for him to have control over me. His pleasure is in my hands. I can give it to him just as quickly as I can take it away. Though this particular moment is a must for what needs to happen, I can’t help but want his mouth on me, too. The urge to pleasure myself at the same time becomes tempting.
I feel his balls beginning to tighten in my grasp when all of a sudden, he pulls me from his cock, up to my feet, and into his arms.
“What are you doing?” I protest. I swear, this man must be crazy.
“Darlin’, as much as I’d love to fuck your mouth, there’s still so many things I want to do to you first.” Before I can respond, he throws me to the middle of the bed. I gasp at the sudden freefall. I’m frozen in the middle of the mattress. Did that really just happen?
Recovering from the initial shock, I start to sit up when he climbs on top of me, forcing me to lay my head back down. Both his hands are on either side of my head. He’s nestled himself between my legs.
Yet in this moment, as I stare into his hazel eyes, all the reasons why I shouldn’t let him have the upper hand seem to melt away.
Ian
She wraps her sinful mouth around my cock. Every push, pull, and glide of her tongue against my most sensitive skin feels like utter bliss as it threatens to push me over the edge into oblivion. Fuck, I want this so bad. But somehow in my euphoric fog, the head up north kicks in.
Something isn’t right.
I want to enjoy this, but the nagging thought about Kami’s come-on won’t leave me alone. How can a woman, who has expressed her need for independence in anything and everything she does, be willing to bare herself to me in this moment without any snide retort or resistance? As great as this is, why is she all of a sudden so willing? Is she rewarding me for something? No, that doesn’t sound right.
Pleasure spikes again, obliterating my thoughts, along with my brain, as she continues to suck me deep and hard.
Whatever the reason she has for tonight, this is happening now, and I have every intention of taking advantage. She knows as well as I do that she likes it when I’m on top.
Pulling her off her knees, I throw her onto the bed and climb on top of her. With my hands on either side of her head and her legs spread and draped over my thighs, she has nowhere to go.
Suddenly, her feminine musk fills my nostrils. She wants this. She wants me.
The view I have of her is even more beautiful. Her curly hair splayed over the pillows. Her berry nipples greeting me in a stiff salute. Her lips swollen.
Whatever her goal is, mine is about connection, telling her I’m not going anywhere. That I mean every word and action. I want to be hers, and I think she wants to be mine.
“Ian,” she pleads in a whisper to me. Our faces inches from each other, there’s that stare again. She’s debating with herself. She wants this to happen just as much as I do. The question is, what’s holding her back? If it’s not physical, could it be emotional? If she didn’t want to be emotionally compromised, then what are we doing?
I have said everything I could to convince her I want her for her. Maybe it’s time I let our bodies do the talking. Tell her, in my own way, I want her for life.
In this moment, we are the only ones who can save each other from the fiery oblivion that we’re about to experience together. She is my lifeline, and I am hers.
I crash my lips to her pillowy soft ones as I nudge her feminine flesh with my erection. She gasps as I swallow her moans and cries. Fuck, this feels so good as electricity sizzles in my veins. The contact is just as I remember. Better even.
All day, I kept thinking about what would happen if I gave her what she thought she wanted. That I walk out of her life. But then I realized I have more reasons to stay than I do to go. She thinks she has to be alone when she doesn’t. Walking out on her is not only too painful to contemplate, but it’s also the last thing she needs, whether she admits it or not.
Pulling myself from her irresistible kiss, I tear my T-shirt off and throw it onto the floor. She sits up, meeting me halfway and pulling me back to her embrace. My cock nestles between her folds again, hitting her clit as I thrust. We gasp and moan together. Shit, how I’ve missed the hold of her pussy.
She wraps her legs around my waist. She wants me inside her but not yet.
Pulling away again, I kiss a path from her lips, past her collarbone, to her beckoning breasts.
I sweep one of the sensitive crests with my thumb while putting the other hard peak in my mouth. Her stiff nipple engorges against my tongue as I lave more and more. Little moans coming from the back of Kami’s throat keep encouraging me. Her skin has gone flush. Her back arches. I feel her hand gliding over my hair before she tries to pull me in tighter.
“Yes.” She lets out an even louder moan.
Then I remember we’re not the only ones in the house. I take my mouth off her and cease thumbing her nipple. “Baby, I love your sweet cries, but we’ll wake up the whole house if you scream.”
“Right,” she breathes. “Sorry.”
Moving back to eye-level with her, I capture her lips again, opening the seam of her mouth with my tongue and delving deep. We twine our tongues together into a fiery kiss. Fuck, I’m not even inside her yet, and already I’m struggling to hold onto my self-control.
I went into this agreement with her wanting to know more about her. To confirm to myself whether I’m crazy to think she could be the one for me. But since then, I could never be surer that I’ve fallen in love with her. Life would not be complete for me if I didn’t find some way to have this woman in my life. If freedom means not having her by my side, I don’t want it.
“Ian,” she whispers my name. “I need…please.”
“Don’t worry, darlin’. I’ll take care of that ache for you.”
I travel farther down her body with my kisses until I drop my stare to her oh-so-sweet pussy. Soft and pink and so fucking wet. My mouth waters as I put my head between her legs. It’s been too damn long since I’ve had a taste.
Instantly, I fill my mouth with her succulent flesh. The tartness of her flavor teases my tongue as I explore her folds and valleys. Kami muffles her cries with one hand, thrusting the other into my hair and scratching my scalp.
Pushing her legs wider, I take her engorged clit between my lips.
She lets out a muffled scream as the orgasm hits her instantly. I feel her gush her sweet cream onto my tongue. I lick every crevice of her, taking in all her juices. Fuck, she still tastes like candy.
I then climb back up her body. Her lashes flutter as she struggles to keep her eyes open. Just one look, and I stagger. She takes my breath away with her stare.
“You good?” I manage to breathe out.
“I want more,” she whispers.
“You got it, baby.”
I slide two digits inside her. The walls of her pussy clutch them instantly. I then stimulate her clit with my free hand, making small, tight circles.
She writhes under my torturous fingers. Pleads with me and tries to buck her hips so she could get to that sweet spot.
“I like it when you beg.” My whisper in her ear is sultry.
I pick up my pace when her body jolts and her back arches. She’s close.
“Oh, god. Yes. Yes. Yes,” she whimpers.
“Baby, we have to keep quiet,” I remind her.
“I know, it just feels so good. Oh, god, I’m right there.” Her voice goes down to a whisper.
“Let go. Come for me,” I tell her.
She explodes, tossing her head back. I immediately cover her mouth with mine, muffling her screams. After her screams turn into breathy moans, I pull away from her luscious mouth and move my fingers from her soaked pussy, licking up more of her sweet nectar.
This is what I want. Her. Every day, I want the chance to pleasure this woman both in and out of the bedroom. I want to wake up beside her every morning and fill her with not just my tongue, fingers, and cock, but also promises of forever.
Her eyes are dazed and dilated. She’s breathing rapidly while a small, sated smile forms across her face.
“You still okay, darlin’?” I ask as I kiss up and down her neck.
“Yes,” she breathes between moans, wrapping her arms around my biceps. “But I need more. I need you. Now.”
No more waiting.
I capture her lips with mine, and our tongues dance together again as I take my cock in hand and fit it against her small opening. Now. This is happening now.
My entire body buzzes with need as I plunge inside her hard and fast. I hold back a groan as her sex immediately clamps all around me. She gasps in my mouth.
Fuck, she’s tight. I feel every ridge of her sex around me. Her heat is so hot, this woman is going to burn me alive.
Condom. I’m not wearing a condom.
“Wait.” I whisper and stop moving. “I forgot a condom.”
I start to pull out from her snug opening when she holds me in place with her legs. “It’s okay. I’m on the Pill.”
Is she saying what I think she’s saying? “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” she whispers, thrusting her hips to meet my cock and pulling me back into her slick opening. “I need you. Please.”
I move my hips with hers. We breathe together. As though we’ve become one person.
I tumble inside until I’m balls deep. I want this. I want to fall into the flames with her. I want her.
Breaking from the kiss, I rest on my knees, dragging her closer by the hips, and thrust deeper inside her. I watch her as she watches me. Sweat forms on my brow while her eyelids grow heavier and she bites her lip.
The more I thrust into her, the harder it is to hold on. Kami’s sex clamps me tighter. She’s close. We both are.
“Ian,” she whispers.
“Hold on, baby. I want to come with you.” I thrust even harder, stroking her deeper and hitting that sweet spot inside her. Our bodies clap together with each thrust. Her hands clasp tightly against her mouth as she holds in her moans.
What’s going to happen once we both come undone? Will she open herself up to me or retreat? Is this real, or is she so desperate to feel good that she’ll use me? Please don’t let this mean nothing to her. It meant something then, and it certainly does now.
She needs to know how much I’m willing to do to make her happy. Make her feel whole.
“Come closer,” she breathes.
Letting go of her legs, I press my chest against hers. Our eyes lock as I maintain our rhythm. With each thrust, I hit her clit with my pelvis. Pressure builds between us as she curls her hands around my back. Her fingernails dig deep. Her walls tighten around my cock. The mixture of pain and pleasure sizzles over my body, creating an exhilarating rush.
“Oh, god, I’m going to…” she pants.
“Do it. I’ll be right there with you,” I manage to get out.
Giving one last thrust inside her, I crash my lips to hers, swallowing her moans and cries. Within seconds, I spill my seed, my energy, and my heart inside her, letting out a muffled groan.
We continue thrusting together, milking each other. I feel her juices coating me.
I pull out of her sweet pussy and lie beside her sated and gasping, staring at the ceiling and waiting for what happens next.
“You came inside me,” she states, seemingly stunned.
I pause. “Is that an issue?” I’m not really sorry, yet I don’t know what else to say.
She shakes her head. “I’ve never had sex without one.”
I look over at her. “You haven’t?”
“Is that weird?”
“No. That was my first time without one, too,” I confess.
She chuckles. “That’s a relief.”
It sucks that she and I didn’t make a baby together, but maybe it’s for the best. If being alone is what she wants, who am I to hold her hostage?
“How do you feel about me not using one?” I ask timidly.
“Strange, but for some reason…I trust you.”
Those are three of the best words I’ve heard in my life.
Turning over to her, I cup her face in my hand. “I trust you, too. I love you.”
She stares into my eyes, shocked and searching. As though she were looking for some sense of proof.
“I loved someone once.” She tears her gaze from me as tears flow from her eyes. “Not sexually, but platonically. I trusted him like I would my father when I was a kid. I thought he loved me like his own, and trusted him completely. Without question. But one day he packed his bag, told me he never considered me as his kid, and left.”
“I was in love once, too,” I tell her.
She looks surprised to hear my confession.
“I planned to marry her when my mom was diagnosed. We chose to wait, but five years went by and she got tired of waiting. Putting my life on hold put our relationship on hold, and it wasn’t fair to her.”
“What did you do?”
“I let her go.”
“Why?”
“Because I had to. At the time, I was tired of making promises to her that I couldn’t keep. The rest of the world kept moving forward when I was standing still. I let her go because I knew nothing would change.”
“But things have changed.”
“Exactly. And I don’t intend on wasting that.” I wrap a hand around her waist, bringing her closer to me.
She shakes her head. “What is it about me that you want so badly? What makes me different from her?”
“You’re not afraid to tell things how they are, you’re honest with the ones you care about, and you don’t take crap from anyone.”
She looks at me seemingly in disbelief. “So you’re pursuing me because I’m eccentric?”
“I’m pursuing you because you’re unapologetically you. That’s why I want you. And that’s what I love about you.” Kami may want me to lay it on thick and propose with a grand gesture, but nothing about my proposal will be fake.
She stiffens as though stunned by my declaration. Almost defeated. She remains silent for a long time, perhaps processing my words and maybe figuring out what to do or say next. “I need to think about this.”