Chapter 8
Justine followed Xavier to his apartment, curious about what it looked like.
In her opinion, you could tell a lot about a man by the way he lived.
Was he neat or messy? Into color or black and white?
Organized? Chaotic? Did he have matching furniture or an eclectic mix of pieces? Function over fashion or both?
Not surprisingly, his apartment fit what she knew of his personality.
The furniture looked comfortable yet attractive and well-cared for.
The unit had a light, airy feel, nothing heavy or too large for the space.
Xavier knew how to decorate, or he had someone who’d helped him.
She felt immediately at ease and liked the fact he had a bevy of green plants around, adding to the natural colors all around.
The few pictures on the walls were of cities and landscapes.
She noticed a group of photographs on one wall, some of him and his sister, a few of his family when he was younger, and a bunch of men in fatigues.
He walked into the kitchen, so she followed him after toeing off her shoes and setting her bag on a hook by the door.
“I’m starving. I’m going to make a stir fry. Have you eaten?”
“Oh, no. I just got back from work.”
“Perfect. Are you allergic to anything?”
She sat at counter, where two stools hid under the overhang. “Not that I know of. And thank you. Stir fry sounds amazing.”
“Good. How about something to drink? I have wine, beer, and a few sodas.”
“Water would be good.” The kitchen was a spacious area shaped like a U, which gave him counters for food prep and enough room to cook with a friend and not be all over him. Or her.
A surge of curiosity struck that she hastily ignored. It wasn’t her business how many friends Xavier had. For all she knew, he was already dating someone else despite his recent breakup. A guy with his looks and easygoing personality had to have a line of potential lovers waiting around the block.
“Here you go.” He set a glass with ice along with a pitcher of water in front of her. “Hope filtered water is okay. Auggie gets all over me when I drink straight from the tap.” He sighed. “Girl’s a health nut.”
She smiled as she poured a glass and drank to sate her thirst. “Oh man. That hit the spot.”
“Good.” He smiled at her, and she felt herself drowning in the richness of his warm brown eyes.
An awkward pause settled, and she flushed, hoping she didn’t look like she’d been mooning over the man. She hurriedly dropped her gaze and focused on her water glass. “Sorry if I’m spacey. It’s been a long day.”
“Oh?”
Thankfully, he turned to the stove and moved pots and pans around as he started cooking.
“Well, my boss is a huge jerk. But that’s just one more thing I’m working through.”
“Right. We were supposed to talk about your Sunday night dinner.” He cracked some eggs and boiled water for rice. Then he took out some veggies and started chopping.
“Do you need any help? I feel guilty for sitting and watching while you work.”
He laughed and glanced at her. “I was just doing the same to Top in the courtyard. So I guess it’s only fair I be the one working while someone watches me.” He winked at her, and her face felt hot. “Just relax. Talk to me about your family night.”
“Oh man. I don’t know if I want to ruin your appetite.”
“Trust me. Unless your dinner involves vomit, I’ll be okay.” He paused. “It doesn’t involve throw-up, does it?” He looked a little green.
“What? Oh, no. Not at all. My dinner was a meal in frustration, actually. But the food was incredible.”
He turned back to the stove with a relieved sigh. “Good. I mean, not good. Talk to me.”
So Justine gave him her recollection of events, including her perceptions of intent, including Angela’s bitchiness.
“I mean, I had thought that maybe I was overthinking things. It’s my parents’ house, not mine.
They can invite any guests they want. The guys, Cal and Nick, were actually pretty nice.
No one hit on me or anything.” She still felt foolish.
“It’s pretty presumptive to think my parents invited my dad’s colleagues over just to set me up on a date. ”
“Which they did, though, right?” He was working magic on the stove, and she hoped he didn’t hear her stomach grumbling.
“Well, it felt like it to me. I’d made it all through dinner before stupid Angela brought up that both guys are single and rich.
” She grimaced. “Who cares what they make? I don’t want a guy for his money.
I want to be independent. I mean, I lived with Mitch, my ex, and look what happened.
We broke up and I had to move out. Well, technically it was his apartment. But you know what I mean.”
“Ouch, that hurts.” Xavier shot her a sympathetic glance.
Justine warmed to the topic, not feeling at all self-conscious about pouring her heart out. “Man, you’re good. I just keep talking.”
He grinned. “If I didn’t want to listen, I’d say so.”
“Well, you asked for it. It was Mitch’s apartment, so it’s not like I could ask him to move.
But I gave up my place to move in with him.
We dated for two years, lived together for one.
And by the end, I couldn’t leave fast enough.
But— God, sorry. I’m off track. My breakup with Mitch was just two weeks ago.
Well, really more like two months ago, but I kept trying to make it work.
I just got too tired of always trying to please him.
” She snorted. “It’s like, that’s my pattern.
Trying to make everyone else happy at the expense of my own happiness.
Something Aunt Rosie used to lecture me about. ”
“You’re aunt’s a smart woman.” He moved some plates down and continued jostling things at the stove.
“And that’s pretty insightful. Just what I told my mother last night.
Women do that a lot. Bend over backwards for everyone else, putting themselves last. But you never did say, what happened at the end of dinner? ”
“Oh, well, when we finished, the guys went in one room while the rest of us went to hang in Mom’s sitting room.
It’s kind of tradition. We sit and talk with an after-dinner drink.
” She liked the togetherness with family.
She just wished they’d get off her back about the way she lived her life.
“It was going well until bitchy Angela opened her mouth. Then my mom was on my case about dating and who I planned on bringing to Mallory’s wedding.
” She paused. “And I don’t like Ted, her fiancé.
He’s a huge jackass, but my parents like him, so of course Mallory will marry him. And be miserable.” She sighed.
“What’s wrong with Ted?”
“He flirts with anything with breasts.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” She still hated the thought of her sister anywhere near the guy.
“But I can’t say anything, because in my family I’m the outsider, the one who didn’t go into finance and has no intention of doing anything my parents like.
I want to make them happy, but a big part of me likes that they disapprove.
” She looked at him, saw him nodding. “Should I be paying you for this therapy?”
“Nah. I’m on a break from work.”
She blinked. “Wait. You’re an actual therapist?”
He turned to watch her. “I am. An LMFT—Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a Masters, so technically I’m also an MA.” He shrugged. “I’m a good listener.”
“Now it all makes sense.”
“What?”
“That you’re so easy to talk to.”
He gave a small grin that made her belly do flipflops. “My gift of gab is on account of Auggie. We’re twins. She got all the headstrong, aggressive tendencies. I’m the good guy who’s charming. Just ask my mom.”
Justine laughed. “Okay.”
“Good. Now relax and finish your story.”
“Right. So where we left off... I was arguing with my sisters and mom about having to bring a plus-one to the wedding. Why can’t I go by myself?
Then I had to explain, yet again, that I was the one who broke it off with my ex—they all think he dumped me.
Fortunately, my dad and the guys joined us, talking about investing in tech companies, one of which was a gaming company.
And I went off about how much I love Arrow Sins & Siege to throw off any attempt at matchmaking. Gamer girls aren’t cool, you know.”
“They aren’t? Who says?”
“Something I read in a magazine. Utter crap, but I figured the type of people who work with my dad likely aren’t into video games. Too sophisticated for that kind of nonsense.” She frowned.
“What?”
“Cal didn’t seem to mind. I could just feel him getting ready to make a move. It was cowardly, but I took off.” She sighed. “Mom’s been leaving me texts I’m pretending I haven’t seen.”
“You can’t avoid her forever.”
“I know.” She sipped her water, feeling glum. “But that was my dinner. Now what about yours?”
He laughed as he plated their food, and Justine helped him bring it to the small kitchen table, where they fell upon the meal like starving dogs.
“I’m sorry. But this is so good, and I was so hungry,” she said between mouthfuls.
“Me too. Benji’s burgers were killing me, they smelled so good.” After a few more bites, he said, “Dinner with Mom and Auggie was fun. Great food, and I love my family. We’re a lot more easygoing than your folks, it sounds like.”
“Congressional debates are a lot more easygoing than my parents,” she grumbled.
He laughed. “Yeah, well, even though we had a great meal, that didn’t stop my mom from giving me and Auggie ‘The Lecture.’ It’s basically her talk about how it’s just fine if we never want to get married.
.. except it’s not really fine, and she finds all these soft, kind ways to tell us we’re disappointing her if we don’t get married and give her grandkids. ”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah, but it’s also fun, because my mom uses the word ‘fine’ every five seconds to try to reassure us that our lifestyles are our own business. Last night, we counted twenty-two.”
She chuckled. “That’s terrible. Hmm. I wonder which word my mom uses that I could start counting. ‘Disappointed’ might work.”
They snickered over disapproving parents and teased each other about being single forever.
“But not my mom,” Xavier said. “She’s going to be dating if I have to drag her into a singles bar myself.” He frowned.
“Do you want your mom to date and get out and have a life? Or to be so busy so that she’s not bugging you?”
He pushed his plate away and sat back. “That’s a good question. The part of me that’s a good son just wants her happy. I love my mom. I want her to find someone special, to treat her the way she deserves to be treated. But the little boy in me wants her all to myself.”
Justine softened. “I think that’s sweet.” Hadn’t she often wanted to be Daddy’s little girl? To feel loved and protected, cherished by the man she still saw as larger than life? Instead, she was the outcast who didn’t care enough about his feelings that she had to do everything her own way.
“Sweet but silly.” He rubbed his jaw, and she thought again how handsome he appeared despite not seeming to realize it. “I’m a grown man. And now she expects me to date because she’s putting herself out there.” He groaned. “After Christine, I’m just not ready.”
“I get you. After Mitch, I just want a chance to breathe without anyone telling me what to do or how to live.”
They sighed together, looked at each other’s pitiful faces, and burst out laughing.
“You are so pathetic,” he said.
“Almost as bad as you are, loser.”
That sent him into more gales of laugher. And as they cleaned up together, still teasing, Justine realized she’d never felt more at ease with a man she’d just met than she did with Xavier.
So it was only natural before she left to give him a friendly hug. “Thanks so much, Xavier. This was just what I needed.”
His arms tightened around her, a wall of solid muscle and warm man.
Suddenly, her platonic, friendly hug had her lusting after Xavier with every breath in her body.
He tensed for a moment. But when he pulled back, he wore nothing but an affable smile. “This was exactly what I needed too.”
“Next time, my place,” she managed to respond, relieved she sounded normal.
He walked her out into the hall and waited until she entered the stairwell and waved goodbye before turning to close himself back inside the apartment.
She staggered up the stairs, beyond confused. What the heck was that all about?
He was just a friend.
So quit imagining him with his clothes off while you give him mouth to mouth!
Poor Xavier. Trying to be a nice guy only to have his needy upstairs neighbor fantasizing about him.
Swearing at herself all the way, she made it back into her apartment and treated herself to a nice warm bath and a book about female empowerment.
Because no. She did not want or need a man in her life. Not even one who felt like the answer to all her sexual prayers and cooked like a dream.
She’d learned the hard way that dreams often turned into nightmares, and she couldn’t afford to screw up living in this place. If she had to leave the TCA, she had nowhere else to go but home to her parents.
And that was enough to scare her straight.
Until she slept. Because her subconscious had a mind of its own.