Chapter 5. The Ideal Man Does Not Exist （or Does He?）
The Ideal Man Does Not Exist (or Does He?)
A few days later, I dragged my feet to what Rob had dubbed our first “strategic wedding meeting.” He was already sitting inside Ellie’s bakery, frowning at his laptop, when I stumbled in after lunch. I ordered an oat milk latte and low-carb banana bread, then walked over to his table.
“Give me one minute,” he said, as I pulled out a chair and sat down. “Just finalizing a proposal for a prospective client.”
“Sure. By the way,” I said, “I called your siblings. It felt weird calling literal strangers to ask for matchmaking references, but I figured if I was going to invest the next few months of my life doing this, I owed it to myself to do my due diligence. Make sure you really are the awesome matchmaker you claim to be.”
“I bet they told you that I’m super awesome.”
“I think your brother said, ‘Rob isn’t as amazing as he thinks he is.’”
He tore his attention away from his screen, looking pained. “How dare he.”
“But they did sing your praises and confirmed that you played a crucial role in introducing them to their partners. Your brother even got a bit sappy and repeatedly said he owed you his lifelong happiness or something like that. It was a bit hard to tell between his sobs.”
“See?” He gave me a smug smirk. “Feel better now? Confident you’re in safe hands?”
“The jury’s still out.” I sipped my latte. “Can we make this quick? We’re running a knitting club this afternoon, then I have to pick up my grandfather from dialysis.”
“This will take us less than an hour. I’ve got another meeting after this anyway. Okay, sent my proposal.” Rob glanced at me, looking curious. “What do you usually make in the knitting club?”
“The people in the club make things like scarves, beanies, blankets, even sweaters and dresses sometimes. I don’t make anything.”
“Why not?” He raised his eyebrows. “Wait, do you even know how to knit?”
“I run a yarn store, Carmichael. Do I not look like someone who could knit?”
“Now that I think about it, you don’t.” Rob pointed at my cartoon dinosaur T-shirt, faded jeans, and scuffed white Converse. “You don’t even look like someone who would wear what other people have knitted.”
“Insulting, but accurate.” I flashed him a grin. “My grandmother taught me how to knit from the tender age of nine, but to her dismay, it just wasn’t one of my God-given talents.”
“You’re very close with your grandparents, aren’t you?”
“They raised me. Since I was two.”
“I think your grandfather might have followed me on social media,” he said. “His profile picture had you in it. Is his name Thomas?”
“That’s him. He’s a budding social media influencer and content creator.”
“I’ve seen some of his reels. They’re pretty good. And you said he has dialysis?”
“On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I drive him to and from his sessions. He isn’t supposed to drive on dialysis days, because his blood pressure often drops very low after.”
“So you’re running a business, looking after your grandfather, and trying to find a partner in the meantime.” He let out a low whistle. “You’re one busy woman.”
“I am. That’s my talent. Juggling ten different things at once while being in twenty different places at the same time.”
He chuckled, before turning serious. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but what about your parents?”
“That’s a story for another time. Let’s get this strategic meeting on the road.”
He didn’t push and returned his attention to his laptop. “Before we get started, I’ve put together a questionnaire to better match you with your perfect partner. It’s the same questions I used with my siblings and cousins, to help us narrow down the type of person that would suit you best.”
I was secretly impressed. “I wasn’t expecting you to have an actual system and structure to all of this. You really are taking this seriously, aren’t you?”
“I take everything in life seriously.”
“How did you start doing this?” I tilted my head at him. “Did it start as a joke? Or a bet? Was it a side gig? Why matchmaking people, of all things?”
His eyes met mine. “I started doing it because of my sister. The one I told you about. After her partner cheated on her, she was in a very bad place for a really long time, and when she was finally ready to start dating again, I wanted to make sure the guys she was seeing were decent people. Not that she has terrible taste in men, but I felt like I had to do something to protect her, so she didn’t have to go through the same ordeal.
And it worked, because her current partner is one of the nicest men you’ll ever meet and worships the ground my sister walks on. ”
“Oh.” I didn’t know why his reply gave me a fluttery feeling in my stomach. “That’s not the answer I was expecting. I thought it’d be something … less serious.”
“My dad would probably say the same thing. Anyway, you ready?”
This was the second time he’d made an offhand remark about his father. “Do I really have a choice?”
“No. Number one. What are you most passionate about?”
I knew the questions were supposed to help him find a suitable match for me. But even though I’d known him for a while, and he was Alec’s best friend, I didn’t know yet whether he could be trusted or not, so why should I open up and share my innermost thoughts with him?
I bit into my banana bread, trying to buy time. “I have a lot of interests. Don’t know if I could pick just one.”
“Don’t think too hard about it. Tell me the first thing that pops into your mind.”
“What about important things like my favorite color, my celebrity crush, or my go-to ice-cream flavor?”
“We’ll get to that later. Just answer the damn question.” But he was smiling.
“The environment.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the truth, either, because I wasn’t going to tell him that the only thing that mattered to me right now was looking after Opa and continuing Oma’s business.
Rob raised his eyebrows, like he knew it wasn’t a truthful answer, but typed it into his laptop anyway. “Any hobbies? Favorite sports? What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?”
“Fighting injustice and helping the oppressed.” Again, important things, but not exactly what I did in my spare time, either.
“Nope.” He shook his head. “Let’s try again. If you went through the trouble of calling my siblings because you didn’t want to waste the next few months with a subpar matchmaker, then the least you can do is give me a serious answer. Don’t you want this to work?”
He had a point. I needed this to work, which meant I had to start trusting him, even if just a little.
It wasn’t like I was handing over my heart and soul to him or to anyone else—that was something I would never do, ever again—I was only sharing tiny bits of information about myself, right?
Plus, he got a bit personal with the story about his sister, so it was only right that I returned the favor.
“Fine. I like watching movies in my spare time, especially classics, in any genre. I also read a lot of fantasy. It gives me the chance to escape to a completely different world for a while. My favorite series is The Lord of the Rings, and I’ve probably read them at least ten times, cover to cover.
My favorite sport is swimming, and I used to do it competitively when I was younger. ”
“You used to compete in swimming?” Rob paused his typing. “That’s incredible. How old were you?”
“Started when I was eleven. I loved it, although it was a lot on my poor grandfather, because he was the one who had to drive me to the pool every morning at six for practice.” I gave him a wistful smile.
“Then the training hours got a bit too much, because I was helping my grandmother after school at the store, too, and I wasn’t really winning a lot of events anyway.
So I slowly lost interest in it and quit when I was fourteen. ”
“Still an amazing achievement for a teenager,” he said. “The only thing I did competitively at that age was probably racing video games with my brother.”
I chuckled. “Anyway, what else do you need to know? Oh, I have probably more funny coffee mugs than I’ll ever need. I’m a huge fan of ramen, sushi, and bubble teas. There. Is my answer good enough?”
“Great.” He kept typing. “What are the most important things you’re looking for in a partner? Describe your ideal man, or woman, for me.”
“The ideal man doesn’t exist.”
“Humor me. If you were to custom-build a partner, what qualities would you give him?”
“How long do you have? Because we might be here for a while.” At the exasperated look on his face, I grinned.
“Okay. He needs to have confidence, kindness, and a great sense of humor. Hardworking. Trustworthy. Someone I could feel safe with, who’d have my back in all kinds of situations.
Someone who understands that I come as a package with my grandfather, and if I had to choose between my grandfather and whoever my partner is, I wouldn’t hesitate to kick my partner to the curb without a second thought. ”
He looked up at me, and I thought I saw something closely resembling approval in his eyes. “He’s very lucky to have you as a granddaughter.”
And because I’d given him a bigger glimpse into my life than I probably should, I decided to mess with him a little.
“He must also be a good cook, since I’m not, and I want to be served breakfast in bed every morning.
Must be fit, with a six-pack, just as long as he’s not a gym rat, because I couldn’t tolerate another one after Leo. ”
Rob had gone back to typing notes on his laptop. “Mm-hmm.”
“Being smoking hot wouldn’t hurt. Fantastic in bed, because there’s nothing worse than bad sex.
Debt-free, asset-rich, has a sizable investment portfolio.
” I thought of other ridiculous requirements I could throw at him.
“Finally, must be exceptionally intelligent. I prefer him to have, or at least be working toward, a doctorate.”
“Is that all?”