Chapter 21 314 days before the breakup #2
I’d chalked it up to being busy. He’d just started that new job, and I was deep in prelaunch madness, but now I wonder if that was me just making excuses.
Was I pulling away without realizing it?
Was he? Were we both so wrapped up in our own stuff that we forgot to keep showing up for each other?
For our relationship? My parents always said relationships aren’t fifty-fifty all the time.
Sometimes someone only has twenty in their tank, and someone has to cover the rest for a little while.
But what if we were both stuck at forty, quietly hoping the other one would do the math?
Cole’s hand slid down my back. I leaned into it, let him kiss the top of my head, and decided not to overthink it.
At least not right now. This wasn’t the time to dissect anything.
It was my best friend’s engagement party.
On a boat. There were twinkling lights and my favorite people, and someone was passing around shots like we were at an all-inclusive resort.
If this was the beginning of a downward spiral, I figured I could at least delay it until I was sober and we were back on dry land.
* * *
Cole started snoring as soon as his head hit the pillow back in our room.
My mouth felt dry from all the champagne, so after changing into pajamas and doing my skin care, I decided to go on a search for water.
I gently tiptoed down the stairs, careful not to wake anyone, the house now quiet at almost 3 a.m. That was when I heard the creak of another door opening.
“Ains?” a voice called softly behind me, stopping me in my tracks. I turned to see Lucas stepping out of his room. He was shirtless, wearing only a pair of sweatpants, his relaxed grin spreading across his face. “Looks like we both had the same idea,” he chuckled.
“That depends. Is your idea a late-night snack run, or are you as desperate for a bottle of water as I am?” I admitted with a half smile, trying to hide my embarrassment. “I considered sticking my head under the faucet for a second there.”
Lucas confessed with a smirk, “Damn, you got me. I’m here for post-sex snacks.”
“Ew!” I swatted his arm playfully, my laughter echoing in the quiet house.
He retaliated with a gentle shove to my shoulder, just enough to make me stumble a step, both of us grinning like kids who knew exactly how far to push.
We walked together toward the kitchen, the air between us comfortable and familiar. As we entered, a soft buzz of the fridge filled the space, the only light coming from the dim glow of the overhead range hood.
“What do you want?” Lucas asked casually as he opened the fridge, his back partially turned to me.
“A water and a—”
“Ginger ale,” we said in unison, a smile creeping onto my face.
“You remember,” I noted, a hint of nostalgia in my voice as I leaned against the counter.
“College wasn’t that long ago,” he reminded me.
“But freshman year was,” I corrected him softly, memories of our late-night snack runs in the dorms flooding back.
Lucas grabbed the drinks from the fridge, handed me a bottle of water, and headed for the pantry. As he did, a sudden craving hit me.
“Will you grab me the Goldfish?” I asked.
“Only if you’ll stay and snack with me,” he proposed. “Margo is out like a light, and I am weirdly not tired yet.”
I nodded, and Lucas sat beside me. We opened our snacks in comfortable silence, the crinkle of wrappers and the quiet crunch of Goldfish filling the space between us.
I glanced over at him just as he tilted his head back to finish off his water.
His gray sweatpants were riding annoyingly low, and as he shifted, I caught a glimpse of his stomach.
And noticed abs. Since when did Lucas have abs?
I looked away immediately, like the sight had physically burned me, my face suddenly warm.
He’d always been attractive in that effortlessly charming, casually scruffy kind of way, but this was different.
It was giving I spend two hours a day at the gym now, and I didn’t appreciate being caught off guard by it.
How had I not noticed the glow-up? Had he always looked like this, and I’d just been too distracted by my own life to see it?
When I looked back up, Lucas was still sitting there, completely unbothered. No smirk. No side-eye. Nothing that might suggest he noticed the five-second crisis I just had about his abs. Thank god.
“So,” he said, chewing. “The proposal. That was…kind of a bomb drop.”
“No kidding,” I said. “Did you know?”
He shook his head. “Nah, you know those three don’t let anyone else in.”
“Are you mad you weren’t recruited?” I joked.
Lucas shrugged. “I’m offended but lazy. I didn’t need any added responsibility anyway.”
We sat in silence for a second.
“Are you okay though?” he asked eventually without looking at me. “You seemed a little lost in thought on the boat earlier.”
He noticed? Cole didn’t even pick up on it.
I shrugged, then nodded. “Yeah. I mean, I’m happy for them, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel kind of behind.”
He grunted in response. It was the kind of grunt that said: Yeah, I get it, but please don’t make me go full therapist here.