Chapter 25
TWENTY-FIVE
Noms opened the door to a shattered Gracie.
‘Baby sis, what on earth’s the matter? I had a gut feeling he might be a wrong’un.’
‘It’s not him, it’s me. I like him. He’s cute and funny and seems kind but…’ She let out a massive sigh.
Noms sat her down at the kitchen table and put the kettle on. She took her sister’s hand and squeezed it.
‘Maybe it was a bit too early?’
‘Maybe.’ Gracie sighed again. ‘He said he wasn’t sure but I know he wants kids. How am I ever going to find anybody who wants me, Noms? I’m not a proper woman anymore.’ Gracie’s eyes filled with tears.
‘Oh, darling. You’ll be surprised how many men out there don’t want kids, or have kids already…’ The kettle bubbled furiously. ‘So you told him, then – that you can’t, I mean?’
‘Of course not.’ Gracie tutted. ‘He’d have run a mile, I expect.’
Noms looked pained. ‘Oh, sis, I guarantee someone will fall in love with you, for you.’
Gracie rolled her eyes. ‘Miss Naomi Davies, ever the optimist.’
‘I mean, Lewis accepted it, didn’t he?’
Gracie threw her hands up in the air. ‘And then went and slept with someone else. Bad example, Noms.’
‘That had nothing to do with the fact you can’t have kids. He was more than ready to adopt when you were.’
Gracie whined. ‘I don’t want to talk about Lewis.’
Naomi stood up to make the tea. ‘Are you sure you don’t? I’m quite surprised how little you’ve said about him.’
‘It makes me burn inside.’ Her voice became a whisper. ‘I hate him.’ Gracie sighed deeply.
Noms looked pained. ‘Oh, Grace.’
‘It’s fine. I’ll get over everything; it’ll just take a bit of time.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘I may have mucked things up with Ed, but, you’re right – I’m sure there’s someone else out there who’ll show me attention.’
‘You need to concentrate on yourself first.’ Noms placed two mugs of steaming tea down in front of them.
Gracie shook her head. ‘You sound like bloody Professor Princeton.’
‘Maybe you should see him again? He helped you, didn’t he?’
‘Yes, I guess so, but I really can’t afford him at the moment. We’re still paying off the IVF, remember, and I want to get that over with. Until I’ve cleared it, it keeps me bonded to Lewis.’
‘How much do you owe?’
‘A thousandish each now, I think. We put it on a loan. All that bloody money and for what? Heartache and a broken relationship.’
‘You got to feel how it was to be pregnant, Gracie. Some women don’t even get that far.’
Gracie put her hand to her stomach. ‘Always a silver lining,’ Gracie spat sarcastically.
‘Sorry, sorry, that was a silly thing to say.’ Noms looked pained.
‘Yes, it was – that is no comfort to me yet. And if I’m honest, I didn’t actually enjoy feeling so bloody sick all of the time.’
Naomi took a sip of her tea. ‘Have you thought any more about what you are going to do workwise?’
‘With Rob agreeing for me to work flexible hours, I would be silly not to hang in there for a bit. Especially as she ’s not there anymore.’
‘Yeah, that was a blessing in disguise, her leaving. Or, from what you’ve said about Rob, I bet he fired her. He’s got a soft spot for you, I reckon.’
‘Don’t be silly, Noms, and anyway he’s been happily married for years.’ Gracie laughed it off.
‘Anyway, dear sister. You’ve got to do what makes you happy.’
‘You say that but we don’t all have the luxury of a sugar daddy, sadly.’
Noms stuck her tongue out childishly.
Gracie’s phone beeped in her bag. Hoping it was Ed she reached for it quickly. Her face soon fell.
‘What’s wrong, Grace?’
Grace turned the screen round to show her sister.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height. My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight. Please talk to me, Gracie. I miss you. Lewis xxx
‘It’s from the Elizabeth Barrett Browning poem. The one I always said I’d like him to read out when we got married.’
Noms stuck out her bottom lip. ‘Aw, bless him.’
Gracie huffed. ‘Noms! You can’t say that.’
‘I know. I know. But he is sorry, and he did genuinely make a mistake, and you do fit together so bloody well.’
‘Not that bloody well or I’d have been able to have kids with him. I really do think that. I think that if a couple are compatible then they can have children easily.’
‘I think that’s just your skewed opinion at the moment, Gracie.’
Gracie huffed. ‘You were slagging off Lewis the other day. Why the change of heart all of a sudden?’
‘I just want what’s best for you, sis, that’s all.’
‘But he’s not the best for me. I don’t want Lewis. Not now, not ever. He cheated on me. It makes me feel sick every time I think of him with her . And her sitting opposite me the next day, and touching my face when she put my make-up on. It makes my skin crawl.’ Her voice cracked. ‘But most of all it makes me so, so sad, Noms. I can’t cope with all this. I thought losing the babies was hard – but this hurts, it really hurts.’ Gracie’s face screwed up in anguish. ‘I loved him so much.’
Jack appeared weary-eyed at the kitchen door.
Noms gently put her hand on the top of his head. ‘What are you doing out of bed, matey? Come on, back up those stairs, you’ve got school tomorrow.’
‘I heard your voices.’ He ran and put his face in Gracie’s lap, then looked up at her.
‘Auntie Grace. You can be my mummy whenever you like, if you want to, that is.’
Gracie bit her lip, stroked his hair and smiled through her tears. Even the ever-strong Noms had to turn away and sniff at this expression of love in its purest form.