Chapter 34
THIRTY-FOUR
Gracie had barely taken off her jacket when Scott Princeton began his interrogation.
‘So how did the date go?’
She had chosen not to lie down today and sat in a chair across from him. She clearly felt strong enough not to have to shut her eyes. The old adage that time was a good healer was true.
‘It was OK. Great dinner, and Ed is good company. He makes me laugh.’
‘And how did the night progress?’
‘I went back to his, but I didn’t stay over.’
Scott sat back in his plush leather chair, visibly relieved.
‘Did you want to?’
‘Being honest, I did. And I felt so damn happy that I wanted sex, too.’
‘But you didn’t stay?’
‘I was going to, but then Ed was a bit strange and now I’m confused and not feeling very good about myself.’
‘Strange in what way?’
Gracie shuffled in her seat. ‘I feel weird telling you this.’
‘Gracie, it’s fine.’ Scott’s tone was soft and low.
‘Well, we were kissing and stuff, but then he jumped up and I could see… well, I could see that he was excited.’
‘Go on.’
‘And then, he was gone for ages. When he came back he just apologised for things not going as planned and said that it was really embarrassing.’
‘And how did that make you feel?’
‘Like shit, to be honest. I felt confused as to why he didn’t want me. Maybe he had felt my muffin top, which I know is getting smaller.’
Scott wished he could tell her that Ed might have been terrified of getting involved after being accused of rape, but it was not his place to. He hoped the lad would explain and then she could make her own decision.
‘Gracie, don’t be silly. He obviously likes you. And can I just tell you that if men know they are going to be getting sex, the last thing they will be thinking of is a muffin top.’ He grimaced. ‘Sorry for crossing the line there, but it’s true.’
‘Oh. Well, that’s good to hear from the horse’s mouth, so to speak.’
Scott nodded. ‘We are fickle creatures, us men. Just think of the three Fs. Feed us, fuck us and let us watch football and we are happy.’
Gracie laughed. ‘And you thought you’d crossed the line before.’
Scott coughed to centre himself. ‘Maybe Ed got a bit scared that things were going too fast. If he really likes you, it could be that.’
‘Really? I can’t see that myself.’
‘You’re a lovely and attractive woman, he’d be silly not to. You’ve got to start believing in yourself.’
‘Then, to make things even more confusing, I bumped into Lewis at the petrol station on the way home. I can’t hate him. In fact, it was nice to see his familiar face. I was mortified that he commented on my hair. He never comments on my hair.’ Gracie gave a sad smile.
‘That was nice, then.’
‘No, it wasn’t, Scott, he was commenting on how “special” it looked – I’d been rolling around on the sofa with another man.’
‘He couldn’t have known that, and anyway it’ll do him good to think you’re out having a life and not stuck in moping.’
Gracie stuck out her bottom lip. ‘I got home and he sent me a text saying that he loved me.’
‘And how did that make you feel?’
‘Sad. It made me feel sad. Ed sent one checking that I’d got home safely, which was sweet.’ She blew out a huge breath. ‘Maybe it is a bit early to be starting something fresh, even just for sex?’
Scott’s face showed palpable relief. ‘Only you can make that decision, Gracie, no one else.’
‘I’m seeing Lewis later, to tell him face to face about the loan being paid off. It’s a final goodbye.’
‘You could call and tell him, if that would be easier.’
‘No, I need to see him. I can’t leave it the way we did. It’s definitely over: he’s hurt me too much. But for some reason, I need to say goodbye to him properly.’
‘That’s good, Gracie. It’s good to finalise endings. Leave things hanging and you will never get over them. Like with the twins.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘It will take time to deal with getting over such a terrible loss. You must grieve for them. It was a terrible shock to both your mind and body. It’s something that changes a person.’
‘And you think I don’t know that?’ Gracie bit her lip. ‘Not everyone thinks like that. Lewis thinks I should move on. They’ve gone. I didn’t meet them.’ Gracie’s eyes filled with tears.
‘You shouldn’t dismiss the loss. I can’t imagine the gamut of emotions that you went through and still go through. Just because a life – two lives, in your case – isn’t visible to the rest of the world, doesn’t make it any less significant.’
Gracie had tears running down her cheeks. ‘I said that to Kate but thank you. Thank you so much for reiterating it.’ Her voice went childlike. ‘They were my babies.’
Scott cleared his throat again and handed her the tissue box.
‘You’re doing the right thing by talking to me.’
Gracie nodded, then blew her nose loudly. ‘I’m hoping setting up my own support group will help me, too.’
‘I’m sure it will. Be kind to yourself, though, Gracie. It’s all right being Mother Teresa, but you are important, too. Make sure you put your own life jacket on first, eh.’
Gracie took a sip of water. ‘It’s like letting go of a white heat inside me. It’s hard to explain. Knowing that I will never, ever be able to have a child of my own is a terrifying thought and I can’t change that, not ever. This is my lot. Just me: Gracie Davies.’
‘Gracie Davies looks all right to me, you know. And you will find love again. If you want to. You just need to build up that self-belief again. We are all stronger than we think.’
She sighed. ‘I’d better go. I want to look my best for Lewis, despite everything.’
‘That’s good. Feel confident, say what you’ve got to say, and leave as cleanly as you can with your head high. What happened wasn’t your fault. A dreadful case of circumstances led to him cheating. Emotions were all over the place for both of you.’
‘Are you saying that I should give him another chance?’
‘I’m not saying anything, Gracie. I’m not here to tell you what to do. Although I do apologise that I may have done that last week.’
Gracie stood up and handed over five ten-pound notes. ‘It’s OK. I know you have my best interests at heart. Thanks again.’ She paused. ‘You do help me see things more clearly.’
‘Thank you and, like I’ve said before, that’s my job.’ Scott smiled as he stood up and gently touched Gracie’s arm. ‘Grief is an insurmountable emotion. It sneaks up and bites you when you’re least expecting it. The sooner you get as much of the beast out in the open, the less chance it has to catch you unawares. Think of it as a big lion.’
‘I shall try and roar as much as I can’ – Gracie managed a smile – ‘right at Lewis.’ She laughed. ‘Actually, I meant to tell you something else about Ed.’
Scott checked his watch. ‘That’s fine, we’ve still got five minutes.’ They both sat down again.
Gracie cleared her throat. ‘Well, after the hard-on, leave-me-alone incident, he came into the event hut and gave me the most massive hug. It made me tingle all over. So now I’m totally confused.’
‘Maybe he isn’t right for you at the moment, if he’s confusing you.’
‘We’ll see.’ Gracie stood up. ‘Same time next week?’
‘I’ve left my diary at home so I’ll text you to confirm, but that should be fine.’
Scott Princeton ran his hands through his thinning hair and sat back in his chair. He wanted sex. He wanted Maya. He would block out the fact that she had said she loved him. His phone rang, making him jump.
‘Scott, it’s Cyn. I’ve got a meeting in Manchester tomorrow. I’m on the train now and I’m going to stay overnight. Emma’s staying at Josh’s so there’s no need to worry about her. I was thinking, shall we have dinner together tomorrow for a change?’
‘Yes, let’s. I’ll book the usual. Safe trip, old girl.’
Never one for procrastination and with an all-night free pass, Scott scrolled down to the M’s in his phone.
He didn’t want complication, but his ‘little bird’ knew just how to turn him on and while she was happy, too, who was he to complain?