Chapter 38
THIRTY-EIGHT
Naomi was drinking hot chocolate and sewing sequins onto a pink bag when Gracie pushed open the kitchen door. She noticed her sister’s bandaged arm where the blood had started to seep through.
‘Blimey, Grace, what have you done?’
Gracie lifted her leg to reveal a further bandage. ‘Oh, Noms, what a night.’
‘You poor thing. What happened?’
‘I was running from Lewis. I fell.’
Noms furrowed her brow. ‘Running, why on earth? I was just going to text you. Thought you may have changed your mind and gone back with him, but obviously not!’
Gracie felt tears rushing to her eyes. ‘He proposed to me in the middle of the bloody high street!’
‘What the hell… No!’ Noms was wide-eyed.
Gracie sighed deeply. ‘I know, it was crazy. Can you believe it?’
‘Fuck. Oh my god! You obviously said “no”?’
‘I said nothing. I just ran away, like a madwoman, then I fell in the street and this really lovely woman picked me up. Then Ed turned up and… Noms, what am I doing? I feel so confused about everything and everything hurts.’ Gracie’s face contorted in anguish.
‘Ssh.’ Noms got up and held her sister to her. Gracie was shaking.
‘It was just so bizarre, like everything I’ve always wanted from Lewis but at so the wrong time. Ed was my knight in shining armour. He was so lovely.’
‘Ssh. It’s going to be OK, it’s all going to be OK, darling.’ Noms rocked her gently, as if she were Jack after a nightmare.
‘Ed kissed me. I told him about the babies and he still kissed me.’ Gracie began to cry. ‘How lovely is that.’
‘And why wouldn’t he.’ Noms soothed.
‘He seemed to really give a shit,’ Gracie cried.
‘I’m sure he does, darling.’
Gracie sniffed loudly. ‘And Lewis still loves me.’
Noms stroked her sister’s hair. ‘I know. I know, darling.’
‘And I still love him.’ Gracie took a big blubbery breath. ‘But I don’t want to be with him. I can’t even look at him without thinking about her. I can’t do it.’
‘You don’t have to do it, baby sister. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.’
‘But I really felt close to Ed, then, too. What’s wrong with me?’ Gracie let out another sob.
‘Nothing, nothing is wrong with you.’ Noms continued to soothe.
Gracie pulled away and sat down at the kitchen table. Noms put the kettle on. ‘Let’s have a cuppa, eh?’ Gracie nodded. ‘And let’s get some paracetamol in you, too. It will take the edge off the pain.’
Gracie’s face screwed in anguish. ‘If only there was something you could take to get rid of emotional pain.’
Noms smiled. ‘There is – it’s called gin.’
Gracie smiled weakly back as Noms searched her messy drawer for the painkillers. ‘We’ll get you through this, darling girl, we will.’ She handed over the tablets.
‘It’s as if I move a step forward then take two back.’ Gracie blew her nose noisily.
‘And these bloody men don’t help,’ Noms stated. ‘Maybe you should go on holiday. In fact, why don’t we go away somewhere hot? My treat. It’s half term next week.’
‘Noms, you can’t keep spending money on me.’
‘Who says I can’t?’
Gracie groaned. ‘But what about Miscarriage Matters?’
‘Gracie Davies matters more.’ Noms put two teabags in their favourite mugs, and poured on boiling water. ‘You’re just creating obstacles now.’
Gracie sighed. ‘I don’t want to let Kate down.’
‘Kate will understand,’ Noms replied gently. ‘You can start the marketing this week for dates when we get back. You need to put a distance between what has happened and a new start, I reckon. I don’t know why the both of you didn’t go away after the hysterectomy.’
‘Because we couldn’t afford it then, but I guess you’re right.’ Gracie felt tempted. The thought of some hot sun on her face. Escaping into a book, forgetting everything would be blissful.
Noms took the milk from the fridge. ‘I know I’m right, and Jack will love having you around. He gets a bit bored when it’s just the two of us.’
‘What am I going to do about Lewis?’
‘Lewis is a grown up, Gracie. If he does love you and you him, love will win. Let him wait. Let him worry. He’s all you’ve known for the past seven years and a lot of that time has been tainted with sadness. It will do him good, too, to take stock and think about what he’s done.’
Gracie blew her nose loudly again. ‘Do you think that maybe he doesn’t really want to spend the rest of his life with me, then? Just feels sorry for what happened.’
‘I don’t know, Gracie. And right now you’re not ready to take him back, whatever the situation. As time goes on you’ll either get over him or realise you want to forgive him, but not yet. I know you so well. You’ve lost trust.’
Noms placed their drinks down on the table and sat down.
‘Yes, I have.’ Gracie sighed again. ‘Not so long ago, I felt our relationship was so… so clean, in a way. It was so comforting to have to know one hundred per cent that neither of us had ever been unfaithful.’ Gracie adjusted the bandage on her arm. ‘I do really like Ed, though, you know.’
‘Well, that’s great. But don’t jump into anything just because he’s showing you attention. Maybe get to know him a little better first.’
‘When did you become so wise?’ Gracie became animated. ‘I want to see him before we go away.’
Noms laughed. ‘So we are going, then?’
‘Looks that way.’ Gracie grinned and took a drink of tea.
‘And yes, give Ed a chance. From what you’ve said tonight, he does seem like a decent bloke, but just be mindful, OK?’
Gracie took a deep, more measured breath. ‘Yes, I saw him differently tonight. He’s a charmer but he has a good heart. He was so kind after me telling him I couldn’t have kids.’
‘I think you need to stop making that such a big deal, Grace. You’ve just met the bloke. Start playing it a bit cool. If Lewis isn’t the one, then there will be plenty more Eds, I expect.’
‘Don’t say that. I don’t want to be constantly on the search for men.’
‘You know what I mean.’
‘I don’t, actually, Noms. Not everyone is going to be buried in a Y-shaped coffin like you.’
Noms laughed. ‘Uncalled for, but very true. Saying that, when’s the last time I had sex? Bloody ages ago. I’m off men. Properly off men. I actually felt quite attracted to one of the women at the WI meeting the other day.’
Gracie’s eyes widened. ‘No!’
‘I did. I sat there while she was fingering one of my bags, and looked at her lips, full and pouty, and imagined what it would be like to kiss them.’
‘You never fail to amaze me, dear sister.’ Gracie shook her head.
Noms laughed. ‘And don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, I say.’
A now grinning Gracie drained her mug, then yawned loudly. ‘I’m so tired.’
‘I bet you are. You’ve probably got a bit of shock after that fall. You obviously went down with quite a force.’
‘I’m a tough cookie, me.’ Gracie looked down to her leg to check the wound. Blood had stopped oozing through the bandage.
‘That’s what you want the world to believe, Gracie Mae, but you can’t kid a kidder.’
Gracie’s voice lilted. ‘So, where shall we go on holiday, then? I’m quite excited at the thought of it now.’
Noms grinned. ‘So am I! I actually got an email from Jack’s dad last week. He said I could take Jack to his house in St Lucia whenever I wanted to. He’s filming in Barcelona at the moment so only his staff would be there.’
Gracie’s eyes widened. ‘That would be amazing. He’s not usually so forthcoming, is he?’
‘I know, I haven’t even heard from him for ages. I’m not sure, though. What if there are photos in the house and Jack realises who it belongs to and tells his school friends or something?’
‘Who’s the one creating obstacles now?’
Noms stuck her tongue out at her sister. ‘Smart arse.’
‘Just tell him to get everything taken down that might shout “film star”. I think you worry too much. If anything were to get out, you can always say that you’re a friend of his. And Jack won’t realise anything, he’s too young.’
‘Yes, I’m being too paranoid, I guess.’
Gracie became animated. ‘And imagine how amazing his place will be, Noms. And wow, St Lucia. I’ve always wanted to go there.’
‘OK, OK. I’ll sleep on it. Now, get to bed, you. Hope you’re not too sore in the morning.’
‘Thanks and sweet dreams about your new fancy woman.’ Gracie giggled childishly as she ran up the stairs.
With a shake of her head, Noms washed up the tea mugs.